Chapter 227 – Father Mark Checks in with Elizabeth
Gran looked at Abigail as they started to get lunch ready.
"Good idea inviting Caitlin." Gran said. "Looks like they hit it off. Hopefully she is good for Elizabeth. I know she said she was fine being the only girl, but we both know she needs other girl friends. I still pray Rosemary wakes up and can apologize, but I honestly don't hold out much hope."
"I have been praying for Rosemary as well." Abigail said. "I just hope that whoever can get through to her. I am sure that it is hard on Elizabeth, but she looks to be doing okay."
"I think so as well." Gran said. "I know that she talked to Father Mark and he told me that he plans to check in with both her and Jack today."
"Good." Trish said. "I know that Doug and Lee are worried about Jack. I know they aren't asking him to share whatever it was that Devin told you until he is ready, but they also realize that something is bothering him."
"Thank you for not prying." Gran said. "Yes, the news was hard and Jack has been struggling even if he pretends that he is okay. Let's get lunch going and we can talk more later. I doubt that I will be getting on a horse today."
"Me either." Abigail said.
"Let me guess." Caitlin said. "You are struggling with the 'no birth control' thing."
"How did you know?" Elizabeth asked.
"The scar on your arm was a hint." Caitlin said. "But also because I have non-Catholic friends who don't understand."
Elizabeth instinctively covered her arm. She forgot that her tank top would show the scar. She had worn a tank top under her button up for church, but had shed the button up when they came home.
"I just want to feel like I have a choice." Elizabeth said. "My mother put me on birth control right around my thirteenth birthday and told me that she didn't want to be a grandmother and having the implant was a rule for living in their house. I just had it removed after my last birthday. I just want the option. Sometimes it is like all my choices have been taken from me and I have to listen to whatever because of someone else."
"I hear you." Caitlin said. "Take religion out of this conversation for a moment, have you looked and I mean really looked at the side effects of birth control?"
Elizabeth just shook her head.
"Birth control was never meant to be a long term solution, no matter the improvements that they have made over the years." Caitlin said. "I know many studies out there tell you it is safe, but you also need to realize those studies are paid for by the big pharmaceutical companies so of course they are going to say their products are relatively safe. You need to look beyond the money and to real world experience.
I am not a conspiracy theorist, but I have talked to girls in my group that have been on birth control for years and their stories are very different from the quote, unquote 'studies' that people cite. Reading studies from overseas where the laws are different about disclosure, you see that taking birth control for years, especially starting as a young teen can stunt development and future fertility. It can lead to higher rates of cancer later and in some cases birth defects because of stunted development. That is on top of the risk of blood clots and other quote, unquote normal side effects.
Let me ask you this, again religion aside, do you want to be on birth control? Just from a medical or scientific point of view. Don't even think about the religious component."
"Not really." Elizabeth said. "Which is why I had my implant removed. I have noticed that since I had it removed, that my emotions have been all over the place and my periods have been anything but regular."
"I am sorry." Caitlin said. "But unfortunately that is what happens when a girl is not allowed to go through some or all of puberty without external hormones. Your body is having to regulate hormones it would have done years ago, but by going to birth control at the first signs of puberty, your body never had a chance to learn how to regulate the hormones naturally.
I get you may be worried about getting pregnant. But there are two options for that – abstain from sexual relations or trust that if it happens it was meant to be. There is something called Natural Family Planning with you and Jack can take it. It involves classes to learn, but it boils down to not having sex during certain times and limiting sex at others. Not ideal for young newlyweds."
"I didn't know about the side effects." Elizabeth said. "I was told it was safe."
"Again." Caitlin said. "Doctors get bonuses and incentives from big pharmaceutical companies, so of course they are going to say they are safe. However in my experience, side effects, even deadly ones, are a lot more common. Doctors will find other reasons something happened then admit that the drugs they gave out were the problem."
"Never thought about it like that." Elizabeth said.
"Read once there is no money in a cure." Caitlin said. "But there is big money in mostly effective treatments. Don't get me wrong, I think that there is a place for doctors and medical care, but throwing a pill at every problem is not the answer. When it comes to most things, food companies, drugs, and most other issues, the best thing to do is some independent research and most of all follow the money and see who is behind whatever."
Elizabeth nodded. She had still been struggling with birth control, even after reading a little more about what Nathan had talked about in Toronto, but now. Now Caitlin was making sense and she had taken religion out of the equation.
"I am sorry." Caitlin said. "I didn't mean to upset you."
"You didn't." Elizabeth said. "I was just thinking. You were able to give me a logical argument without it being about religion."
"I don't always agree with everything the Catholic Church does or says." Caitlin said. "But when it comes to certain issues, especially when people are so far apart, it is easier to take religion out of the equation and then argue the issue on its own points or merits. If you can get them to see it outside of religion, they are more likely to consider the issue your way when related to religion."
"I never thought about it that way." Elizabeth said.
"Most people don't." Caitlin said. "One of the girls that I met in the foster care group taught me that. She struggled being Muslim and living in a Christian foster home. She didn't understand why her foster parents did certain things. She was told to look at it from a different angle, not including religion. It helped both of them see things in different ways."
"Good advice." Elizabeth said.
"Most of the time." Caitlin said. "It has never been about controlling other people, but things usually have a deeper meaning. For the Catholic Church and birth control is more about the what God intended sex for. It wasn't until man started abusing that purpose that there were problems.
I heard a speaker say one time that the marital relationship made visible the invisible – two become one. He went on to say that look at any other system in the human body and it is fully complete and doesn't need anything else to function. The reproductive system needs the other opposite half. God's plan for sex was stamped into our bodies from the moment he formed us. I might not have explained it all that great, but I can recommend some videos on YouTube for you to watch. These speakers explain things in a simple, but meaningful manner."
"I would like that." Elizabeth said. "I did order some books, but sometimes I just want a simple answer."
"I will text you the links if you give me your number." Caitlin said.
"I would love that." Elizabeth said. "Maybe we could even keep in touch when I go back to the city."
"When will that be?" Caitlin asked.
"We start school at the end of August." Elizabeth said. "So before that. It depends on if the guys want to jump in August or not."
The girls exchanged phone numbers and continued to visit.
Finally, at one point Jack came over.
"Nice to see you again Caitlin." Jack said. "Sorry, I was busy when you got here."
"No problem." Caitlin said. "Elizabeth and I have been visiting."
"Good." Jack said.
He leaned over and kissed Elizabeth on the temple.
"Father Mark will be here any minute." Jack said. "I got a text saying he was about a mile away."
"Good." Elizabeth said.
Jack left to greet Father Mark.
"Maybe we should go see if they need help in the kitchen." Elizabeth said. "If Father Mark is here, I am going to assume that we are eating soon. If we go by the schedule that we kept last weekend. Granted it was pretty flexible."
"Sure." Caitlin said. "I am not that handy in the kitchen, but I can do simple things."
"Well." Elizabeth said. "I am sure that the table will need to be set and kool-aid made and stuff like that."
"That I can handle." Caitlin said with a laugh.
The girls went over to the kitchen just as Jack was coming back in with Father Mark.
"Glad you made it." Gran said.
"Sorry." Father Mark said. "Everyone wanted to talk. The cops needed a statement about the whole Lacy/Jenna thing. I was hoping that you didn't hold lunch for me."
"No." Gran said. "We just need to put the pork chops on and cook the corn."
"I can do that." Father Mark said.
"Bill offered to help." Abigail said. "The grill should be hot at this point."
"I will go get Bill." Jack said.
The rest got busy doing the last bit to get ready for lunch.
"Elizabeth, can you help me carry the pork chops out?" Father Mark asked.
"Sure." Elizabeth said.
The two grabbed the two platters of pork chops and headed out the back door. Father Mark put the chops on the grill and closed the lid again.
"How are you doing?" Father Mark asked.
"Better." Elizabeth said. "Still upset about everything that happened with Rosemary, but realizing that wasn't a healthy relationship and she needs to change in order for us to have a real relationship."
"I know that it wasn't easy." Father Mark said. "But you did the right thing. You put yourself first and demanded better. I don't want you to feel guilty. She made her choice not to support you. Yes, putting yourself first can be seen as selfish. However, I firmly believe that when someone is hurting you or not particularly good for you when they are around, it is never selfish to put yourself first. Does that make sense?"
"Yes." Elizabeth said. "I got a message from her father last night. He let me know that he was going to make Rosie write an apology, but he was also keeping her with him at his condo in the city. He is afraid that her mother won't enforce his punishments for her behavior."
"At least he is trying to make her take responsibility." Father Mark said.
"I hope it works." Elizabeth said. "Her mother has always wanted to be more of a friend and not so much a parent. Her mother and father have a huge age difference. They are married, but don't live together anymore. He still loves her, but Marie never seemed to grow up."
"How big of an age difference?" Father Mark asked.
"Rosemary's father, Christian is close to fifteen years older than her mother, Marie." Elizabeth said. "They met when Marie was about nineteen. Marie was working as a waitress at some high end party. Christian was looking for some company after the party and Marie was willing. When Christian learned that Marie was pregnant and he was proven the father, he offered to marry her and try to make things work. It was hard because Christian was trying to prove himself and move up in business and Marie was young and wanted to party. Christian tried to do right by Rosemary, but it was hard when he worked long hours. Marie mostly left Rosemary with the nanny and when she was there, she spoiled Rosie.
I guess I have always known Rosie was spoiled, but I honestly hoped that she would grow out of it. But in reality it only got worse as she got older. It was hard because her mother put her in theater early, just like I was in dance early. The thing was Rosie was always jealous and angry when I had other friends that I wanted to do things with. But it was fine for her to leave me for her theater friends. I never really thought about it until this weekend. I didn't like it, but never really thought about it much. If I wasn't with Rosie, I would just hang out with my sisters.
I don't know if it was Frank or Nathan who asked me if I was only friends with Rosie because she was there. As I looked back in my journals, it realized that I was probably only friends with Rosie because she was there. She was never really there for me, but she didn't mind hanging on and enjoying when I got things or did things. Her family definitely had more money than my parents, but Rosie was always including on things my father did. If we were going somewhere, Rosie was included. Whether it was to the beach or shopping, my mother always made sure that Rosie knew that she was welcome.
Rarely did Rosie remember to include me on her things. She would go on trips and then come back and talk about it for weeks, not realizing how much it hurt that I didn't get to go with. I remember wanting to go to this concert, but my father couldn't get tickets. Rosie knew that I wanted to go, but when she told her dad, she said that she wanted to go, so he got her one ticket. Christian told me that if he would have known, he would have gotten me a ticket. He even said he had asked Rosie if she wanted to bring a friend and she had told him no."
"I am sorry that you went through that." Father Mark said. "But you have learned the difference between a true friend and someone who is just around. Hopefully, you can apply that moving forward. I know that Jack will never stop you from making friends. He might have them checked out and ask you to have security close for a while, but he will let you have friends."
"I am learning that." Elizabeth said. "It is still hard at times because of the things that my father used to tell me all the time."
"I suspect that it might be a lifelong struggle in some areas." Father Mark said. "Some parents don't realize that the things they say to their children stick and a lot of the time shape how the child sees themselves."
"I am glad that Abigail brought her niece." Elizabeth said. "She seems really nice and we had a great conversation this morning."
"That is good." Father Mark said. "You need your own friendships if you know what I mean? It will be great that you and Jack have friends together, couples friends. But just as his relationship with Lee and Doug will always be closer than any friendship you have with them. You need friendships that are for you."
"I need my girlfriends and Jack needs his guy friendships." Elizabeth said.
"Exactly." Father Mark said. "It sometimes takes a couple years to realize that."
"Gran talked to me about that." Elizabeth said.
Father Mark smiled as he knew that was something Gran would do. She was always looking out for others.
Jack came out with a few foil packets. He handed the platter with the foil packets on it to Father Mark and then Jack took the other two platters back in the house. It was about then that Bill came out.
"Trish said those were veggies." Bill said. "She said they need about ten minutes or so, but not direct heat."
"I will put them on the top shelf." Father Mark said. "The pork chops are probably almost ready to flip."
Bill lifted the lid and looked at them.
"Five more minutes before you can probably turn them." Bill said.
"How do you know that?" Elizabeth asked.
"Experience." Bill said.
Father Mark just shook his head. It wasn't long and almost all the guys were outside setting up the long tables and putting the chairs around it. Jack was working on bringing down the instruments. Missy, Maddie and Becky were busy helping to get the table set.