CHAPTER 38: United in Grief (Part 1)

Hogwarts Corridor

January 29th, 1993

5:45 p.m.

The hallway was empty as he made his way across the second floor. He had just finished his second period with the Gryffindors, his least favourite classes as they involved a lot of Malfoy posturing against Longbottom, and the hyperactive buffoon that was their Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. As if tolerating his… peers wasn't enough, Dumbledore had to hire the most pompous man-child in all of Britain to teach them their most important class.

It had been almost fourteen months since he had begun taking the subject of DADA seriously, it had been shit luck that he had been burdened with the two worst teachers he'd ever encountered being the ones in charge of that subject. Most of his spare time he spent it at the library, going over books filled with jinxes and hexes, duelling strategies and defensive measures. And he'd shown himself to be pretty good at it.

He'd taken learning new spells every other week, managing to master them quickly and noticing his castings were much more powerful than the rest of his peers. It wasn't something knew, ever since he had started practical lessons in his classes near the end of October, he could tell that the few times he'd managed in succeeding at casting a spell, the results had always felt too strong, specially compared to the others. However, practising with spells that were meant to be implemented for an offensive use made him realise just how truly powerful his casting was. He had to train himself to cast without pushing so much energy into the spell, and by now, it was almost second nature to him.

Still, there was a practical element he was missing. There was only so much he could do with target practice and learning more advanced spells. He needed to work on practising real duels, under real pressure. There was so much he had been missing; training his reflexes, keeping calm in a dangerous situation, learning how to evade and block spells. He'd thought about joining Lockhart's stupid duelling club from last month. It had taken a break with the winter holidays, but they reinstated it as soon as the others came back for school.

It had been an idea he immediately pushed out of his mind. He was training for himself, it wasn't something he was doing to flaunt or overuse to impress people. He had no issues defending himself without the use of his new skills, something Nott learned two weeks back after Harry placed one of Zonko's slimebombs he'd altered with a powerful stinging jinx that burned half of his arm after he and Malfoy had mocked him for not having a family to come back home to - or Greengrass who had cast a tripping hex on him during one Charm's class, and he'd returned the favour in kindly by sneaking in almost a dozen small, heavily charged bits of nauseous nougat in her piece of cake, causing her to spew all over herself in front of her big crush of the year - Gilderoy Bloody Lockhart.

No, his training was left for the real shit. A reserve in case Montague or any other one of his thugs ever tried even looking at him the wrong way ever again. It had been months since he had even interacted with the boy, but that hadn't diminished that wrath he held for the boy. There were so many times when Montague was alone, none of his friends to have his back, how much he'd wanted to grab his wand and curse him to oblivion, force him to feel the slightest hint of the agony he left him.

But every time he tried… he had always chickened out. The thought of it failing, how Montague would return an attack like that, the mere thought made the scar on his back burn once more.

So, he spent his days alone, not finding refuge in the Slytherin common room, the library had become his new home. He wasn't there for the same reason know-it-alls like Granger or a teacher arse-kisser like Macmillan. For as large and grandiose the library was, it was largely abandoned during non-exam times. The perfect place to keep to himself and keep practising.

Turning left, he was almost knocked onto the ground by a quick, sobbing red blur. Harry scowled, shaking off his shoulder without looking back at whatever Weasley had decided to target the solitary, meandering snake.

During his first months at Hogwarts, he had assumed it was only Ronald that had a grudge against the Slytherins. But he had been wrong, the twins pranked the Slytherins ten times more than any other house, and using much more dangerous stunts. It had been them who taught him pranking people was just as efficient as cursing them, and much less risky of being punished for it, and it took a small prank war between him and them for them to realise he was off limits. Ron was foul-mouthed and nasty in general, but much more hostile towards any Slytherin. Even Percy showed more prejudice with his prefect duty towards the Slytherins, taking points off for things he would sometimes ignore if it came from students in other houses. The newest of the brood, Ginny, hadn't shown any outwards aggression towards any Slytherin in general, but that wasn't saying much. The girl kept to herself to an almost unnatural extent. He hadn't even seen her looking at anybody's general direction, even walking with her face stuck to her book.

He continued walking, passing the girl's loo just as he was about to take the right turn-over to the Grand Staircase, before he suddenly stopped.

Why did he stop? There was no reason for him to stop, and yet, his feet were firmly planted in the ground. Something was wrong. Like he remembered something he had long forgotten, something he needed to do. His eyes landed on the entrance to the girl's loo, the door getting closer and closer before it was suddenly gone.

The room was filled with dirt and muck, the lavatory's on the centre of the room broken with its respective mirror cracked. The dreary sunlight that barely lit up the room contrasted with the heavily lit castle - it felt as if he had left Hogwarts and entered Holloway Sanatorium. There was a row of grimy toilets, filled with dried up shit and piss stains. And at the far end of the hallway, was a small, innocuous, black notebook.

Every voice inside of Harry's mind was yelling at him to leave, to run away and never enter this place ever again. There was something about the notebook that rang each one of his warning bells. But instead of leaving, he kept moving towards it, his legs kept moving towards it against his own will. It was as if the damn thing were pulling him towards it.

Getting on his knees, he picked that book up, and immediately the surge to write it in began compelling him. He needed to write in it. Needed to find a quill. Needed to find some ink. Needed to write in it, anything, everything. It was suffocating, he couldn't breathe anymore. Throwing his book bag to the floor, he fumbled inside, pulling out a quill and some ink.

He opened the notebook, it was completely empty, not a single stain of ink visible in it. Immediately, he pressed his quill against the page and wrote a single word. The ink gradually vanished, leaving the page blank again, but Harry felt free from whatever constraints were stopping him from breathing. More than that, he felt alive, a rush in his body.

But it didn't last, he could feel his air being cut off once more, and the rush it brought him was gone now.

Without thinking, Harry once again pressed his quill against the page and began writing.

Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Ministry of Magic

November 18th, 1995

12:45 p.m.

It had been a week since the Massacre at the Three Broomsticks, as it had been dubbed by the Daily Prophet. Theo and Pansy had been forced out of Harry's room since the first night, and ever since he had been kept there in recovery. Making sure there was no lasting damage from the attack, no irregularities with his magical core, and a heavy discussion about his ability to apparate.

He had various interviews with Scrimgeour and Amelia Bones respectively. The former focused more on him and his abilities. The way he questioned him, there was a near hostile tone to it. Not that Harry cared much about it, he wasn't in the mood to keep up with a dick measuring contest. He answered all of his questions in a curt and ill-tempered manner, but he didn't try evading or lying about anything. It took a while for the Head Auror to believe he was telling the truth when he claimed he had self-taught himself how to apparate. In the end, he was given an apparition licence, one that would be valid once he came of age. However, he was also informed that apparition had been added to the restrictions tracked by the trace. He was allowed to be apparated by a licensed adult, but wouldn't be able to use the skill unless he was in a dangerous situation where the use of it would save his life or someone else's.

His interviews with Amelia, however… they were harder than he had ever anticipated them. Meeting Susan's aunt right after he had been the cause of her death… Harry wasn't able to ever look her in the eyes. Guilt and shame smothered him every time he was in the same room as her, forcing polite answers and constant sincere, if blustered, apologies about what had happened to her niece. She focused her questions more on the attack, something he had no trouble answering, but when she asked about Susan and him, and how things were going at Hogwarts. While interrogative, she wasn't as hostile as Scrimgeour, a silver lining in what still were unbearable interviews.

But as the week passed and the Aurors had no new developments of the situation, and there had been no more attempts on his life or any other Hogwarts student or even Hogsmeade villager, the DMLE finally decided to release him.

The Three Broomsticks was still closed off. The building was under heavy repairs after the damage it withstood during the attack, however that wasn't as much of a deciding factor for the business not reopening sooner than Rosmerta's death. The old witch had been a pillar of the Hogsmeade community for over thirty years, beloved by the entire population of the village as well as hundreds, if not thousands, of ex-alumni that knew her well from their years at Hogwarts.

There was a funeral held for her in the village two days ago, one that was attended by many people, including some of the most important in Magical Britain like Cornelius Fudge, Albus Dumbledore, Amelia Bones, Lucius Malfoy, and even Bedivere Parkinson.

It was because of her tragic passing and the uncertainty of who would take over the inn since she didn't have any living family of her own. And since this was the only building in all of Hogsmeade with a public fireplace connected to the floo network, Harry was forced to use the floo network connected to Hogwarts. After a curt thank you to Shacklebolt and Dawlish, who escorted him to the DMLE's private floo network, he grabbed some powder and stepped inside the fireplace.

"Severus Snape's Office, Hogwarts Castle."

Green fires swirled around him, consuming his vision before they suddenly dissipated, leaving him staring at a bright pink wall filled with small, round, cat portraits.

"Ah, Mister Potter," Umbridge's sweet voice hit him before he could even see her. She was sitting at her desk, her chair turned towards him, as if she had already been waiting for him.

"Professor Snape?" Harry deadpanned. "You look different in pink."

"It seems you haven't been paying attention to the most recent news. Due to last week's attack, one which targeted a Hogwarts student specifically, I've shut the floo network in the common rooms and staff offices, barring myself and the Headmaster's office."

"There were floo connections in the common rooms?"

"It's not something that's common knowledge, more of a loophole taken advantage by student's who had parents or other relatives previously at Hogwarts who knew about that secret. Something I would've fixed quicker if I had known about it earlier, Dumbledore only informed me of it recently."

"Well," Harry clapped his hands with faux cheer. "As fascinating as this is, I really should get going."

"I actually was hoping to speak with you. Please," with a wave of her wand, she moved the chair backwards. "Take a seat."

Harry gave an internal growl and a mutiny of curses in his head, but took the offered seat.

"First, I'd like to commend you for your actions last Saturday," she said with a sincerity he had never heard coming from her. "Not only did you manage to stop those thugs from targeting any of your classmates, but you also actively saved those who had been taken hostage or were in the middle of a dangerous situation."

"Don't," Harry said harshly. "Just… what do you want from me?"

Umbridge heaved a sigh. "I didn't ask for this position, you know. I don't really like children, if I'm honest. They're too noisy… messy… insubordinated - the future of the Wizarding World, a breed of chaos and degeneracy. But after four years of non-stop incidents and situations that proved Hogwarts had become exceedingly dangerous for children, someone had to take the job. I was the unfortunate one tasked with it by Cornelius himself.

"Then I get here and realise it's not just the outside dangers that are plaguing the school. It's the curriculum, that includes much more unnecessarily violent spells being taught to eleven-year-olds. It's the lack of control over the students, who have taken to bullying and oppressing other students with the magic their own teachers have taught them with. House rivalries, ego, power plays, legacy enmity - a horrible combination in it of itself, but the lack of rules and order enforced by the staff members have exploded this into a chaotic nightmare of a school.

"Things weren't like this before, it was only after Dumbledore took over as Headmaster, and he selected the staff that this tendency began appearing. And Dumbledore, while a great man in his own regard, has done irreparable damage to the school that will take at least a generation to partially fix. The attack at the Three Broomsticks is a mere symptom of everything that's rotten to the core in this school. We can't allow this to continue."

"What do you want me to do?" Harry scoffed. "Or are you just telling me this to reprimand me for using that violent magic during the attack?"

"You don't understand," Umbridge said tiredly. "None of you understand. You all think of me as a monster, while I'm doing everything I can to keep you children safe. I am not reprimanding you for using the spells you did to defend yourself and your classmates, it was not only warranted, but smart as well. If you hadn't used them, I doubt we would be here talking. But you can't possibly agree with those types of spells being taught to everyone. A whole curriculum reserved for Aurors, Hit Wizards, and the sort is now being taught to children. Why do you think such violent and destructive curses are now widespread across Magical Britain? Why do you think many Death Eaters have access to such magic? Most of the most vile and heinous Death Eaters came from Hogwarts! The curses they learnt, they learnt here, in the Hogwarts library without even requiring to go into the restricted session. None of the Ministry schools have access to them, who do you think taught them to the Death Eaters from outside Hogwarts? These spells should have never been near the vicinity of anyone outside the DMLE, much less children!"

"If I hadn't learnt what I did, I would be dead-"

"If those curses had never been taught to the public, you wouldn't have needed to defend yourself in the first place!" Umbridge thundered. "Think, Potter. Everything that has happened in the past forty years has been because of the lack of order in the Wizarding World. Kids being able to run rampant without anyone to educate them on how to behave like an adult, teachers promoting violent and hostile social systems - ask yourself what would have happened if someone had enforced the rules' society needs for a peaceful cohabitation."

Harry shook his head, shaking away the images of Montague that flashed through his mind. "You act like you care about the kids, like you abhor violence, and yet, you torture those same children you claim you want to protect. First-years, running out of here in tears with their hands bloodied and scarred."

"Torture," Umbridge snorted an ugly laugh. "It's called punishment. Punishment for breaking the rules, for causing chaos, for disrupting the peace. Punishing kids who bully, sneak in contraband, promote hostility. A world without consequences is one where you allow mayhem to fester, one very similar to the one we are living in now, even over after a decade after the most brutal and terrorizing war in all wizarding history."

"It's still torture!" Harry screamed, raising his hand and showing his scar, reading I must not disrespect my betters. "The only thing the magical body can't heal is dark magic."

"I didn't call it torture when my father made me write for full days. Neither did your grandparents, your great-grandparents, your great-great-grandparents. You think Black Quills are something new? They were used for three centuries at Hogwarts before they were banned by Dumbledore when he became Headmaster. They are still used now by many pure-blood and even selected half-blood families." Umbridge raised her arm and showed him the back of her hand - completely empty of any scar. "The magic in my quills stays within your body for three months, it's different within each household. Yours is already mostly faded, it should be completely gone by December."

"Is that supposed to make it better?"

"No, I'm telling you this to prove I'm not a monster. I'm not using dark magic or any methods of torture you kids are claiming I'm using. I know you lost a friend in the attack, I'm sorry for your loss."

"As if you cared."

"I do," she said fiercely. "I may not like being with children, but that doesn't mean I relish in seeing them killed. Especially not when I'm supposed to be making this school safer for all of you. I went to the funerals… you would know if you had done the dignifying thing and had attended as well."

Harry felt the air being sucked out of him, as if he had been sucker punched in the stomach, but did nothing but glare.

"I'm not willing to let any other student die, but I can't do everything on my own. I've been in talks with the Minister and the DMLE all week in order to afford heavy Auror details during our Hogsmeade weekends. That way, I'm not forced to cancel them and have outside help, even if Dumbledore is still stubborn enough not to allow Aurors inside the castle. However, until I can secure an Auror detail inside the castle, I'm in need of help with keeping order. Originally, I had thought of using the prefects, but I've changed my mind. I want to create a group of students of my choosing to help me keep order.

"Acting in my stead when I'm indisposed or busy. This does not allow you to break the same rules you are meant to enforce. You'll have the same privileges as the prefects, however, unlike them, you'll be allowed to set detentions with me, walk along the halls without the need of a teacher or member of staff, and you'll be able to use your wand in cases of emergency. If you do, you'll have to write a twelve-inch-long essay in which you explain the situation and justify the use of your wand. Whatever spells you cast will have to be to incapacitate only," she specified with an intense look into his eyes. "While I understand your use of violent spells during last week's attack, anything above a stunning charm will be completely unacceptable."

"Wait…" Harry trailed off, momentarily befuddled. "You mean to say I'm one of those hand-picked students for your new… group?"

"Yes, the Inquisitorial Squad."

Harry went silent. There was something that put him on edge about the offer, he did not share Umbridge's views nor did they have an amiable relationship. Sure, he hadn't been stupid enough to stand up to Umbridge again after he defended Granger, but he wasn't exactly nice to Umbridge either. There had to be an alternative reason for this, what that was, he had no clue. But what he did know, is that he could benefit heavily from it. He hated Umbridge, still wanted her out of the school as fast as possible, even if he had been dealing with more life-threatening shit in the past month. But that didn't change the fact that this was a good deal all around for him, and as he could not think of a good reason why he should decline, he nodded.

And Umbridge smiled.

Room of Requirement

5:00 p.m.

Walking within the halls of Hogwarts left him with a strange feeling. It felt wrong, to be walking around as if nothing had happened. For a week, it had felt as if the world had stopped. The attack, Susan's death… taking a stroll around Hogwarts just felt disrespectful to the whole thing. As if he had suddenly moved on and forgotten about everything.

He was crammed into an invisibility cloak with Pansy, with Theo following behind them under his own cloak. It didn't feel right, having a DA meeting without Susan. None of this felt right. Ever since he had returned to the castle, he had been overtaken with a punishing sensation from deep inside him, feeling as his organs twisted into themselves.

He could still smell her. The damn perfume she used during their date - a vague smell. As if it were hundreds of miles away, yet he could still pick up on it. But the worst was the memories it brought with it. Memories he used to cherish, look back with fondness as he used them to escape his shitty reality. Those were the ones torturing him now.

A poetic tragedy, how the things we love end up killing us eventually.

Harry did everything he could to focus on anything other than the massive hole he felt in his chest. Over the past five hours, he had taken to advancing his homework of the following week and walking around the halls to clear his mind. It didn't work, but there was nothing else he could do. Even just the attempt to think of anything other than Susan would keep his mind off her, if only for a second.

When they reached the entrance to the Room of Requirement, Harry summoned the room and the trio entered, removing the cloaks once the door had fully closed.

He took the room in, it was exactly as it had been the last time, and yet, it felt different. As if the colour had been dimmed or the light had been removed. Suddenly, he stopped as he saw a blur of blond hair from the corner of his eye. Quickly turning, he saw her. She was standing there, alone, looking at him nervously.

"Are you doing something tomorrow, Harry Potter?"

No. Harry quickly turned to look away, but there she was again. She was staring at him pleadingly, tears swelling in her eyes.

"Tell me," she blurted out. "Please, tell me it was them or you. Tell me you had to do it. Tell me you had nothing to do with Tracey getting framed for this."

"Harry?" A far away voice called out to him, but his mind became flooded with her voice.

"Well, fine, you can teach me how to do it better later. But right now, you need to worry about Montague."

"You have too big of an ego to praise someone like that. There would've at least been a little jealousy in your tone or something."

"Is Professor Potter disappointed?"

"Harry!" Theo's voice drove snapped the voices away as someone shook his shoulder.

"I'm fine." He said dismissively, walking backwards.

Theo and Pansy were staring at him cautiously. He hated it, hated how everyone had been acting like he would break if the slightest thing went wrong. Hated the pity in their faces. He needed a distraction from it, needed a distraction from her, needed an escape.

"Did you know Umbridge is planning on creating her own group of prefects?" Harry asked abruptly, shaking everything off him.

"What?" The two exclaimed confusedly.

"Oh, fuck," Pansy muttered angrily, and Harry was glad she lost the pity from her face. "With everything going on, I've forgotten about Umbridge. We need to do something to get her out. What do you know about this group? Fuck, this can make this difficult."

"The written contracts everyone signed should keep the DA safe, at least." Theo reasoned, though he still kept an eye on Harry. "They won't be able to sell us out."

"Those contracts have countless fucking holes. Fuck, given how we let people in, it's almost too easy to infiltrate the Room of Requirement. Polyjuice potion, invisibility cloaks, disillusionment charms - fuck, Umbridge could just decide to say fuck it and use the imperius curse on anyone."

"You think she'd go that far?" Harry asked.

"No idea, maybe not, but we have to be prepared for this type of shit. Well, what did she say to you?"

"She said she wanted me to join…" Harry trailed off and Pansy punched him in the shoulder.

"Well?"

"And I said yes."

"You said…" She stopped her tirade, suddenly looking like a deer caught in headlights. "You said yes?"

"Yes."

"You?"

"Well, who fucking else?" Harry snapped.

"I don't know, I'm just used to you making stupid decisions. You said yes," she quickly reiterated. "I for sure thought you would say no out of pure spite."

"Same," Theo agreed.

"What?" Harry said, looking at Theo as if he had just betrayed him. "Why the fuck would I have said no?"

"Because you're you," Theo said simply. "You know, Hogwarts' resident loner arsehole?"

"I… that's not me." Harry defended himself. "Besides, Pansy is just me in girl form. She's as much on a loner and arsehole as me."

"Nope," Pansy said cheerfully. "I'm the eccentric outsider that is smarter than everyone else, you're the supreme edge loner that snarls at anyone that breathes."

"Can we just fucking stop talking about this?" Harry retorted. "What even is the fucking point?"

"The point is you made a smart decision, for once in your life." Pansy said proudly. "Which means you aren't totally useless and are learning."

"Ha-ha." Harry deadpanned.

"I don't think you should celebrate just yet," Theo warned. "Sure, I agree that Harry joining was the right decision, but you just gave a lot more support to Umbridge by doing that."

"Support?"

"I don't know if you've noticed, but ever since the… the attack, you've become a bit of a celebrity here. People calling you a hero, even comparing you to Neville - some even bashing Neville for not doing anything even though he's the Boy Who Lived"

Harry's expression darkened. "I'm not a hero."

"It doesn't really matter what you think," Theo said evasively. "The point is that some people are starting to look up to you, some - though very few - even agreeing with Umbridge pushing for Aurors within Hogwarts and more security all around. When Umbridge announces this group, and names you as one of the individuals in it, the people who support you and can't think for themselves will suddenly change their tune and side with Umbridge."

"Still, as Theo said, some people were siding with her already." Pansy reasoned. "She'd have made the group with or without you and now we at least have someone on the inside. That's gonna help more than you think."

"Why are people such sheep," Harry said morosely. "So what, is the whole castle now just going to support Umbridge?"

"Well… not the whole castle."

"What Theo isn't telling you is that, while some people are now forming a line to lick the dirt off your shoes… that's only half of the school. The other half thinks you are a psychotic murderer who needs to be taken to the maximum security wing of Azkaban for… defending yourself against those poor, baby attackers who murdered our classmates, I guess."

"Perfect," Harry laughed. "Fucking perfect. So half the school is now gonna suck up to me while the other is plotting to murder me in my sleep?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Brilliant. Look, as much as this sucks, and as much as I want to get Umbridge out of here this instant, I have other priorities." He turned to Pansy. "I need you to call a meeting with your grandfather for next Saturday."

Theo and Pansy exchanged a quick glance, the concern in their faces returning. "Oh."

"Just do it." Harry said, not wanting an argument.

"I don't even know if I can do that. My grandfather usually sets meetings, he doesn't go to them."

"He'll go to this one if he wants me to work with me."

Theo suddenly looked paler than usual. "Does this mean you've changed your mind? Because mate, and I say it as your friend, you're really not Boy Who Lived material. You don't really buy that shit, do you?"

"Of course not," Harry exclaimed. "I don't believe that bullshit, but some fucker sent Dolohov and whoever those arseholes were to kill me. I need to find out who, and I need to make sure he's too dead to try that bullshit again."

"You don't have any idea who hired them?" Pansy asked.

"I'm the Slytherin son of two ex-Aurors who stood against Voldemort - oh you pussies."

"It's self-preservation, not cowardice," Theo defended himself.

"And I just refused some random Death Eater's proposition for me to join Voldemort and killed the messenger sent to inform me of it, injuring many other Slytherins with powerful families, and framed a girl who also comes from a rich family. For all I know, three fourths of the castle would want me dead."

"I'd say half, but who's counting." Theo shrugged.

"I need this." Harry said, his voice turning serious. "That… he killed Susan. How am I supposed to sleep if I just sit by and don't do shit about it when it's my fault she's dead? How am I supposed to move on with my life if there's a possibility whoever hired those fuckers will just hire more and kill you two or anyone else?"

"You can let the Aurors do their job," Theo suggested. "As cynical as this sounds, they killed Susan, the niece of the Head of the DMLE. If they're going to put someone behind bars in the next five years, it's gonna be this guy."

"Even that wouldn't fix the issue. Someone wants me dead, and in the unlikely situation that this attack wasn't orchestrated by Vol- the Dark Lord or any other Death Eater, then that means I have another fucker after me because I'm already in the Death Eater's crosshairs. As much as I would want to stay out of this war, I can't keep that up forever. Eventually, I'm going to be forced to pick a side, and I can't join Voldemort. I just… can't. I'm no Boy Who Lived, I'm not some stupid Gryffindor who's dreaming of going on the front lines of the war. But that doesn't mean I can keep myself out of it forever. "

"I'll talk to grandfather, then." Pansy told him before rushing towards the door, preparing to let the rest of the students inside.

"I get it," Theo told him sincerely. "I really do, and I'll be right there by your side when this thing turns into the eventual shit show it will. Just… don't let this consume you. I've seen how you are, in your darkest moments, I've witnessed the rage you carry. Even now, I can feel it - vibrating, always there. I… I lost my mum when I was eight. It was an accident, one night she was just going downstairs, and she fell. Cracked her neck." Theo let out a deep breath, he had never seen the boy look so exposed. "I could tell you I know how you feel, but that's a lie. Everyone feels differently, and every passing is unique and will affect you in ways unlike the others. But I know how it can be, to be consumed by all the anger, the desperation… the helplessness. What you want to do, it's going to take you to a dark place, and if you let it, it will change you. Turn you into something you can't even recognise, can't even look in the mirror without being ashamed of what's staring back. Don't let it."

"I won't." Harry said quickly.

"We all think that at first," Theo replied. "Just remember, you're not alone anymore, Harry." He turned towards Pansy. "You have friends here."

Harry swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled at Theo. "Thanks man."

Hearing the door open behind him, Harry quickly turned and watched as the Gryffindors entered. Feeling the need to escape, he immediately walked towards them, trying to fish out Longbottom or Granger from within the crowd.

"Oi," he yelled at them when he finally found them, ignoring the weird looks the others were giving him.

"What do you want, Potter?" Longbottom asked, the usual hostility replaced by an edge of apprehension. Weasley by his side, unusually silent - keeping his distance - while Granger analysed him with her mere eyes.

"We've got a problem." He said seriously.

"What?" Granger spoke up.

"Umbridge intends to become even stricter when enforcing the Educational Decrees."

"How is that even possible at this point?" Weasley muttered.

"She's building her own group of prefects, one which will have authority over everyone else in the school, excluding staff-"

"Including prefects?"

"Yes. Which means we need to make sure no one finds out about this shit, or we're fucked."

"We already signed the contracts-"

"Those contracts have plenty of loopholes," Harry snapped, interrupting Longbottom. "You might not like it, but an imperius would easily bypass it."

"Umbridge wouldn't go that far!" Weasley cried.

"Maybe, maybe not, it's still something we need to prepare for, bellend. Besides, given how we're letting people into the room without even checking their identity, there are easier ways of infiltrating the room. Polyjuice potion, invisibility cloaks, stuff like that."

"What do you care if Umbridge catches you?" Ron asked darkly. "You can just kill her and move on, can't you?"

"Do I have to remind you how I saved your sorry arse, all your sorry arses." He said, looking back and forth between the trio.

"And we saved you back in second-year," Weasley hissed right into his ear before backing up. "You don't find us constantly reminding you of that, do you?"

"No, because of the oaths you two and Ginny were forced to undergo by Snape's insistence." Harry snarled. "She doesn't even know, does she?"

"Know what?" Granger asked, confused.

"Besides, you two wouldn't have gone, it was your sister who forced you two into coming down into the chamber. Or have you forgotten that."

Longbottom had the decency to look ashamed, but Weasley only turned redder.

"Which is the only reason why I risked my neck for you two idiots, as well as your sister. As far as I'm concerned, we're even."

"Such a gentleman," Ginny, who had just been walking beside them, stopped and glared at him.

"Stick it up your arse, you're the reason I got stuck with the diary in the first place. Don't act as if you saving me was anything other than the guilt acting."

"Fuck you too," she gave him the finger before leaving.

"Always so nice to chat with you."

"Look, stop looking at me like that," he snapped at Granger. "Longbottom, just, you three plan on how to deal with that shit because the moment I figure someone on Umbridge's camp has gotten hold of the situation, I'll turn you over myself."

"You signed the contract," Granger said matter-of-factly. "Even if you wanted to, you couldn't."

"Yeah, but I told someone outside Hogwarts all about this shit before I signed it. You idiots really are stupid, leaving so many holes in your contract, why even make it in the first place?"

"Harry! Harry!" A loud squeak sounded off before he was almost thrown to the floor by a black-haired bullet. "You're back!"

"Michael? What are you doing here?"

"Pansy and Theo let me join last week! I told them not to tell you, I wanted to keep it a surprise for when you got here!"

"Did he sign a contract?" Granger asked.

Harry laughed at Michael, ignoring her. "Well, I'm surprised, for sure."

"My brother, Flint, he just got out of Auror training and is a rookie! I wanted to learn some cool offensive magic so that I could join him as well after Hogwarts! Oh, Harry. You've got to meet her. Where- here!" The boy rushed off towards the Slytherin crowd - which had grown a lot compared to the last time, even though it was clear Theo and Pansy limited it to people who could be trusted… to some extent - before coming back, pulling a red-haired girl with him.

"I've told you not to pull me like that," the girl snapped at the sheepish looking Michael.

"Sorry…"

"And why did you," she looked around before her eyes landed on Weasley. "Oh, hey cousin."

"Mafalda," Weasley replied darkly.

Harry raised an eyebrow before his eyes settled on the girl's robes, her green robes. He laughed, despite himself. "Cousins, huh? Real nice family you got there, I'm-"

"Harry Potter, Michael doesn't shut up about you," she rolled her eyes. "A pleasure, yadda yadda, whatever, can I just go to the other corner of the room to not be near this pathetic excuse for a cousin?"

"Oi!" Weasley snarled, looking as furious as Harry had ever seen him. For a moment, he was sure he was going to hit her. "Your family is the pathetic excuse, rotten slimy traitors!"

"Kiss my arse, Retard Weasley. You and your halfwitted friends"

"Go play around with the other three-year-olds, Mafalda," One of the Weasley twins, who had suddenly appeared behind the three Gryffindors along with his brother, said with a menacing cheer.

"Or we'll be forced to break our promise to mum and prank you until you can't even recognise your own reflection."

"I'm thirteen you two-headed freak, and I'd love for you to try any of your bullshit on me, someone has to put you dunderheads in your pitiful place."

"Oookay," Theo shouted, suddenly joining in from behind him. "We really need to start, so how about we start separating the groups, huh?"

Harry shot a disgruntled look at Theo for a moment before ushering the two kids away from the Gryffindors. "Just fix this shit, or we're all fucked," he told the trio before he too left them and began walking across the room.

His eyes drifted towards the Hufflepuffs, who had all remained together on the furthest corner away from the door. His heart tore into itself as he didn't see Susan among the crowd. It was illogical, and yet, it seemed a part of him had been waiting to see her there. For her to tell him it had all been a bad dream, that she had played dead so that the attackers wouldn't pay attention to him.

She had always been there, in front of the crowd. Sometimes she'd be waiting for him, a teasing smile already on her face before he could even say anything. Other times she'd just look at him the way she had during their whole date, with those eyes that made him feel as if he were the last person in the world. It didn't matter the day, she was always there, and was always the first Hufflepuff to rush towards him as soon as he divided the groups.

And now she wasn't there.

Harry smiled, it felt weird in his face at the moment. But he kept it there, forced to grin as he looked at the group of Hufflepuffs. "Come on, you lot. Let's get started. Anyone else who wants to join me is more than welcome." He called out to the rest.

Macmillan was the first of the group to step forward. He gave him a glare, one that blamed him for the death of Susan, before going towards the Gryffindor side of the room. It wasn't rage that filled him but a foreign desolating feeling as he watched all the Hufflepuffs, barring four older-years and Hannah, make their way behind Macmillan.

Fuck them.

Harry was about to turn when he saw Hannah walking towards him, with the other four Hufflepuffs following her. As she reached him, she gave him a large hug - causing him to flinch.

"I'm so sorry, Harry," she said tearfully.

He forced himself to hug her back. "Yeah… I'm sorry too."

She pulled back before joining the Slytherins that had gathered behind him.

Suddenly, various students from Ravenclaw and Gryffindor left their ranks and made their way towards him. He only recognised Terry Boot from the crowd, the rest were sixth and seventh-years. Murderous glares came from the other students at the traitors who had joined him, but Harry just glared at them before turning.

He didn't have the energy to deal with them. Not today.

The start of a new arc! Thank you all for reading!

It's going to be a heavy arc, and there'll definitely be some heavy character scenes in it, especially concerning Harry. But it'll be fun! Maybe? Probably not ;) Grief is in the title after all. Anyhow, it's gonna be a fun arc as it's the transition point between the last month at Hogwarts and the beginning of the Winter Break, so various things I've been setting up will begin happening at a faster pace. Be excited!

By the time I'm posting this, I'm three chapters ahead. I'll post a new chapter every 7 - 10 days in FFN and AO3, if you want to learn how to get early access to them, join my discord server using the following link: discord . gg / jyPfbGqhJT

I'm also working on two fanfiction related surprises that should be revealed fairly soon! More info on that on discord as well!

As always, thank you for reading, favouriting, and commenting! I appreciate all of you! :)