The figure approached holding something in his hand. Izzy wanted to accept it, wanted to move forward, but no matter how she tried she couldn't bridge the gap between them. Why? How could she be running this hard without getting even an inch closer? Her heart sank as she realized it was worse than that. He was getting farther away. Fading away before her eyes. 'No, not again,' she thought, running even more frantically now. Can't lose it all again. More now than before to lose. Fading... fading...

Izzy woke with a start, panting as she took in her surroundings. It took her a solid thirty seconds to really take in that she was home and everything was fine. Simon was asleep beside her, his gentle breathing just audible over the other household background noise.

Slowly, Izzy tried to relax. It was just a dream. It had been a very long time since she'd had that dream. Even so she knew exactly what it was about. The memories took her back to all those years ago when she'd been that awkward shy little girl gazing longingly at the boy she loved, too scared to walk over and speak to him. She remembered how it had all changed when Kris had finally noticed her at that party they'd both been drunk at. Even if he'd only seen for once and ignored her there after, Izzy could recall the pain perfectly even if the bit of it had been erased by time. It had been a week after that party when Izzy had first had the dream and she'd woken that day to learn that Kris had taken his own life. Despite her love for him, Kris hadn't valued his own life enough to stick around. It had taken Izzy many years to come to terms with the fact that there was nothing she could have done to help him even if he'd let her.

Isabelle didn't quite recognize the person in her memories. She knew she was indeed the one who had done those things, but her reality now compared to then made the past seem farther away somehow.

Being with Simon was in ever way different from her short lived and disastrous love of Kris. The biggest difference of course was that Simon loved her in return. So easily stated it seems a small thing, but it wasn't. To have the person you want, want you too is the difference between happiness and despair.

Loving Simon was like being half of a whole while loving Kris had been like being left behind. Still both versions of love held the same power to create fear in her heart. The fear of losing the one she loved. Even if she'd never actually had Kris, still it had been horrible when he'd died. She had so much more to lose now, so much more love and hope for the future with Simon than she ever had before. With more to lose comes more fear of loss. Izzy's mind told her she was being irrational, but still her heart needed comforting. Moving slowly so as not to wake him, Izzy cuddled up next to Simon. Without waking up, Simon wrapped an arm around her. Right away being held by him, being able to feel his presence beside her helped calmed her down. Izzy's mind felt silent as she focused on the even breathing of the man beside her. He was the love of her life, Izzy felt sure of that. And so long as he was by her side her world would keep spinning. Slowly and eveningly the rhythmic sounds of his breathing lulled her to sleep.

When she woke Simon was still there, though now he was conscious. Feeling so very grateful for his presence last night, Izzy leaned over and kissed him.

"What was that for?" Simon asked.

"Loves you," Izzy grinned at him.

"Yeah, I love you too crazy girl," Simon laughed. "But usually in the morning I get a growl of why did you wake me, not kisses."

"Would you prefer the growl?" Izzy giggled.

"Of course not," Simon laughed before pouncing on her. "Captured." She was pinned down with both of Simon's arms wrapped firmly around her.

"Oh no," Izzy said in mock distress. "How ever will I escape?" Simon laughed and squeezed her a little tighter before kissing her neck and letting her go.

"Hold on just one minute," Izzy teased. "Where are you off to so early in the morning? If I am not mistaken you are unemployed, and therefore have all the time in the world to indulge your girlfriend in the morning."

"I made plans," Simon shrugged.

"I see," Izzy continued to tease him. "So who is it that I have to fight for your attention today?"

"Jace," Simon stated blankly.

"Well that kinda ruins the whole vibe I had going," Izzy laughed.

"I know," Simon giggled. "But you look so adorable when things don't go your way."

"Spoil sport," Izzy grumbled, knowing it was this exact expression Simon had wanted to see.

"And all yours," Simon smiled at her.

"Darn right!" Izzy chirped, moving quickly to kiss him again. Simon accepted the embrace, though he was laughing through most of it.

"And how am I supposed to get dressed with you hanging off me like that?" Simon chuckled.

"Not my problem," Izzy replied calmly.

"Nothing you haven't seen before," Simon reminded her as he attempted to look through his dresser for a shirt.

"I know," Izzy grinned, moving aside a little to allow him to get ready, but still following his actions with her eyes.

"Don't you work today?" Simon asked her.

"Nope," Izzy said. "I'm a part timer and today isn't my part of the time." Simon chuckled as he found what he was looking for and finished getting dressed.

"So what are you gonna do today then?" Simon asked.

"Lunch with Clary," Izzy said. "Then probably homework which is less fun. What are you and Jace gonna do today?"

"Not much I think," Simon said. "Just mostly playing video games at his place. Plus, I think Jordan is joining us after his shift."

"Don't you think it's odd sometimes that you are actually proper friends with your ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend?" Izzy chuckled at him.

"I mean wasn't it just as strange that I was proper friends with my ex-girlfriends current boyfriend back before they broke up?" Simon countered.

"My point exactly," Izzy replied, but Simon just shrugged.

"Doesn't feel weird," Simon shrugged. "I think being with you has taught me just how 'not-a-real-relationship' my relationship with Clary really was," Simon continued casually. "I was young and confused, and she was too easy going to tell me to get lost. Not really something worth holding a grudge about if you ask me." Simon paused to turn around and look at her before heading to the bedroom door. "Besides, Jace is a pretty cool guy."

"Still though, doesn't it put a strain on your relationship with Clary, hanging out with him too?" Izzy asked.

"Quite the opposite," Simon countered. "Clary is always asking me how Jace is doing, and Jace is always asking me how Clary is doing." He chuckled. "They are like clockwork! If I had to bet I'd say they won't be broken up forever."

Simon left their bedroom and Izzy followed thinking he was gonna make breakfast before leaving and maybe she'd just have whatever that was.

"How do you figure that?" Izzy asked.

"Oh please!" Simon scoffed. "They are still totally in love with each other. It's written on their foreheads in big bold black letters."

Simon wasn't heading to the kitchen. Instead he walked right to the door. He kissed Izzy goodbye and explained that he and Jace were gonna pick up breakfast before their video game marathon began.

"Well have fun then," Izzy told him with one last kiss before letting him walk out the door. This did leave her on her own for breakfast though. Some toast with peanut butter and a yogurt cup would have to do. She didn't feel like cooking.

While the bread was in the toaster, her mind wondered. Despite the reappearance of such a dream, Izzy didn't feel insecure about Simon's comings and goings. In fact, for the first time in her life, Izzy couldn't help but think about the future.

And it wasn't like she was alone. Everyone had a guilty pleasure, so as long as she kept it to herself surely it wouldn't hurt, right?

Suddenly giddy, Izzy ran to her hiding spot before running to the kitchen table to sit and read while she ate. Her eyes moved over the page. White lace she wasn't so sure about. Maybe it would be itchy? Then again guilty pleasures meant imagination, and in one's own imagination such small things hardly mattered. Still, a smoother fabric maybe. Like silk. Oh - or maybe lace over silk! The best of both worlds. And she hadn't even looked at the flowers yet. This one had light pinks, though she wasn't so keen on those. Maybe the blues were better. Greedily she turned the pages, unable to keep a smile off her face.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Her bubble burst. Izzy's gaze moved sharply, checking the clock on the wall. Was it really noon already? Hastily hiding her guilty pleasure under a pillow, Izzy got up to answer the door.

"Ready for lunch?" Clary asked. Then she took in Izzy's appearance. "I guess not. Still in your pjs at noon? This is a rare sight."

"Yeah yeah," Izzy said, waving her hand as Clary entered the apartment. "Don't get used to it. I kinda lost track of time. I'll go change."

"I'll be here," Clary replied, sitting herself down to wait.

Izzy turned away to go into her bedroom and began getting ready. Not taking quite her usual time - forgetting all but the most basic makeup and barely doing her hair - getting ready still took ten minutes. Last but not least, she found her purse under the shirt she'd worn yesterday.

"All set!" Izzy called down the hall to Clary.

As she was leaving she thought maybe she'd bring a sweater. The October air wasn't as forgiving as summer had been, and it wasn't like she was going with Simon and could take his coat.

As she returned to the living room, Izzy saw something that made her eyes go wide. Clary was sitting on the couch holding in her hands the very thing Izzy had been trying to hide.

"Is there something you aren't telling me?" Clary giggled, holding it up.

"It's nothing!" Izzy replied sharply, moving forward quickly to snatch it out of her friend's hands.

Clary's face fell, glaze falling down to fixate on her hands. "You know I can be happy for you, right?" she said softly. "I mean just because I'm alone doesn't mean you have to keep good news from me."

"That isn't it," Izzy said, shaking her head feeling responsible for the sad look on her friend's face.

"Why else would you be reading a bridal magazine?" Clary asked, as she looked up and made eye contact with Izzy.

"Simon didn't propose or anything," Izzy said quickly, holding the magazine to her chest and wishing she'd hid it better before opening the door. "I just like looking at wedding dresses, okay."

"Okay," Clary said with her hands in the air, as if in surrender. "That's cool too."

Breathing a little hard from embarrassment, Izzy tried to calm herself down. Re-hiding the magazine - this time under the table - gave her time to control her expression before looking at Clary again.

"Nevermind that, let's go for lunch," Izzy smiled like nothing happened.

"Izzy," Clary said with concern. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah of course it is," Izzy said. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"Well you seem really frazzled," Clary said. She moved closer and before Izzy knew what she was in for, Clary had pulled her into a hug. "You know if you ever want to you can talk to me."

"I'm just being silly," Izzy sniffed. "I mean nothing's wrong, but somehow it doesn't feel like it used to." She paused to think more about how to phrase it. "I mean everything kinda just is now. We used to be so bright and exciting and now…"

"And now you are just a couple?" Clary said, pulling out of the hug and smiling at her.

"I guess," Izzy mumbled.

"Congratulations on leaving the honeymoon phase," Clary chuckled.

"The what?" Izzy asked, not sure of what Clary was talking about.

"The honeymoon phase," Clary explained. "When everything is new and wonderful, and you can't get enough of each other. It's great, but it doesn't last forever. How can it?"

"It doesn't?" Izzy asked. Clary shook her head. "But then what comes after the honeymoon phase?"

"Hopefully a real relationship," Clary explained. "And if not usually a break up, but I very much doubt that is where you are headed."

Izzy smiled back, feeling a little better. "Thanks."

"Still doesn't explain Brides Weekly," Clary added with a raised eyebrow.

"Just me being a sap, I guess," Izzy grinned.

"Have you guys talked about getting married?" Clary asked.

"Not in so many words," Izzy replied. "But it's okay. Let's go to lunch and worry about something else for a while."

"If you want," Clary quickly agreed.

"I really appreciate the offer though," Izzy smiled at her. Clary smiled back and the two of them headed off.

As they waited for the bus Izzy wondered again why she didn't have a car. "I wonder if I asked them if my parents would get me a car after graduation like they did for Alec," Izzy mused.

"They might," Clary replied. "Though I guess that means you haven't heard."

"Heard what?"

"Alec doesn't have the car anymore," Clary explained.

"When did that happen?" Izzy asked.

"At the party remember when Magnus started yelling and then Alec ran after him?" Izzy nodded. "Well it seems that all happened because of something to do with the car and John though I don't know much more than that. Magnus didn't want to talk about it."

"John as in Magnus's father?" Izzy asked, confused.

Just then the bus pulled up and they both got on. "Yeah," Clary continued. "Actually Magnus seemed pretty shaken up about it. Not that he really explained anything to me. I just hope he's talking to Alec."

"I'm sure they are okay," Izzy said optimistically. "Those two are set in stone."

"Yeah," Clary smiled, though she still looked a little worried.

It was beautiful to Izzy how much this red head could care about her friends. Before Clary, Izzy hadn't ever really had a female friend before. With only brothers, and her hope of a sister-in-law dashed by Alec's need for boys, Izzy had never really expected to find such a friendship. Especially not with her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. The thought made her laugh.

"What's so funny?" Clary asked.

"Oh, just life," Izzy said. "I was giving Simon heck this morning for being friends with his ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend and here I am being friends with my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend."

Clary seemed to take a moment to process before replying. "Okay wait you are talking about me and Jace, right?" Clary finally said. "Cause man when you lay it out like that it's just plain confusing."

"Tell me about it," Izzy laughed. Then she noticed the street name passing by and added, "This is our stop." Izzy pulled the lever; they got off and began walking to the restaurant.

It was nice to get out and about and spend time with Clary. Izzy was really enjoying her company more and more these days. Sometimes when Clary didn't know Izzy was looking it almost seemed like her face went blank which made Izzy wonder how much she was just putting on the appearance of being okay. Izzy decided not to bring it up today since Clary clearly didn't want to talk about it, but in the back of her mind she couldn't help but worry.

I seem to be making a habit of this only updating once a month thing... I'd say sorry but like really if I was sorry maybe I would have spelt a little more time writing and a little less time binge reading manga LOL. What I really should be sorry about was all the binge reading manga when I should have been studying...

Also who here had forgotten about Kris? If you raised your hand then you aren't alone. I always totally forgot Izzy's backstory because this fic is JUST TOO FREAKING LONG TO KEEP TRACK OF! This chapter involved quite a bit of re-reading old chapters to make sure I didn't totally contradict myself.

(UPDATE: Back edited by CoffeeandLiterature) Significant additions to beginning of chapter.

Guest Reviewer of Chapter 11:
I am a nurse and I just wanted u to know that iron infusions are used to treat low iron like anemia, haemochromatosis is usually treated by the person regularly having blood removed from them like every few months. Iron transfusions increase the iron.

My Reply:
Wow nice catch. I wrote that ages go! And reading it back now yes I realized it's wrong. At the time I wrote this, I had a friend who worked in the medical field and helped me with Jem's storyline to make it feel more authentic though she did quit the fanfic scene quite a while ago now. Even so, not sure how that little mistake managed to survive her edits. Thanks though. I have fixed it across all three sites I upload on.

Sneak Peek Chapter 177

Simon gave her a solid thirty minutes before getting up from his computer and walking down the hall. He knocked on the door and instantly got the reply 'occupied', but he ignored this and opened the door anyway.

"Hey!" Izzy's shrill voice explained. Then she saw who it was. "Oh it's just you." Simon rolled his eyes.

"We have roommates you know," Izzy reminded him. "You could at least announce your presence if you are gonna join me here."

"And miss that adorable startled expression on your face," Simon replied.

"This bath isn't big enough for the both of us you know," Izzy reminded him.

"I know," Simon said, moving over to sit on the edge of the tub near her feet. "Lift," he added pointing. Izzy obliged him, though she looked confused.