A part time job at Alicante Attire really wasn't going to cut it much longer. In the New Year, Clary would be done with her last few courses to make up for the credits she could only get locally, and missed while in the exchange program. Just one more final exam left and that was it. University would be over. The big wide world was out there, and honestly the whole thing scared her.
What was she gonna do with a bachelor's in Graphic Design? Originally she'd figured she'd design logos or do graphic art projects freelance for big companies and such, but she hadn't the faintest idea how to go about doing that!
Then she remembered that Simon had had this same problem. Sure he was unemployed now, but that was only because of Izzy covering their costs. If not for Izzy Clary felt sure Simon would be in the exact same boat as her. Maybe he could help or at least empathize.
"Well I agree it sucks," Simon said when she brought up the topic. "But that doesn't mean I have an answer."
"What can I say?" Clary chuckled. "Misery loves company. Thanks for understanding."
"Anytime," Simon replied with a shrug. They were sitting together in a corner of the university cafetiera. Text books and papers were spread out in front of Clary while Simon was simply keeping her company while reading a book.
"So how was the wedding?" Clary asked. Though she hadn't been invited to Helen and Aline's wedding she knew it had taken place yesterday. It had been a long time since she'd been roommates with Helen, and Clary hadn't exactly been great at keeping in touch. She had never expected an invitation, still she was happy for them.
"It was extravagant," Simon answered after a moment. "The Lightwoods don't know how to do anything halfway. We had a limo and we weren't even part of the wedding party." He paused then added. "Something seemed off with Magnus though. Has he talked to you at all?"
"No," Clary sighed, knowing exactly what Simon was referring to. "When I ask he says he's fine and well- I mean like he seems fine but there's just something- I don't know- something under the surface that isn't fine."
"Kinda like someone else I know?" Simon replied, raising his eyebrow.
"Huh?" Clary said. Simon lifted his finger and pointed right at her.
"You've been kinda the same lately," Simon told her. "Mostly alright with something sad just below the surface."
"Yeah but like I make sense," Clary grumbled. "Magnus doesn't."
"What do you mean?" Simon asked.
"I thought it was obvious why I'm a mess," Clary explained easily. "But Magnus has no reason to be like this. At least none that I can think of."
"Forget about Magnus for a moment," Simon said, placing his bookmark on the page he'd been holding open and properly putting his book down to give her his undivided attention. "Just because pain is easily understood doesn't make it any less painful."
Clary laid her head down on the table, right on her art history notes. She could feel the paper crumbling under her forehead. She really didn't want to talk about this. She never wanted to talk about this. Thinking about it was bad enough and she even avoided that when at all possible. "I thought we were talking about Magnus," Clary groaned.
"Until Magnus opens up to someone and explains what's wrong, no one can help him," Simon said. "But with you… I know you miss him."
Clary snorted. "Or I wouldn't ask about him so much, right?"
"Well yes that did give you away," Simon chuckled. "But still I'd have known."
"I've actually been thinking lately," Clary began slowly lifting her head slightly up, but still looking down at her notes rather than at her friend. "When school ends, when I graduate, I've been thinking-"
"Of going home," Simon finished for her.
"Wh- how'd you know?" Clary exclaimed, turning to face him in a flash.
"Because I've been where you are, remember?" Simon smiled at her.
"This is different," Clary disagreed with a shake of her head.
"I agree that in the end my loss was much less than yours," Simon confirmed. "But at the time I didn't know that. All I thought I wanted was to run back to the life I remembered making sense, but I quickly learned that that life I remembered no longer existed and I came back."
"You think that same thing will happen to me?" Clary asked.
"No," Simon said easily. "You aren't like me. I could never have lived alone in Europe for a year. I would have been quite overwhelmed by the whole thing, but you were happy there."
"I thought I was," Clary replied. "I mean I was learning and seeing new things everyday! Which was amazing. It kept me busy enough that I couldn't tell if something was missing."
"Something like Jace?" Simon asked. Clary nodded.
"But then I started spending so much time with Julia and the way she acted confused me, but somehow it almost seemed to fill the gap I'd felt all that time and I got so confused," Clary said, tears in her eyes now. "In trying to make sense of it I built everything up in my head to be something when it was actually nothing, and in doing so I ruined something that was everything."
"Life's a bitch, ain't it?" Simon laughed.
"You're no help," Clary growled, punching her friend in the arm.
"Ow," Simon complained. Clary had her face turned away, but she could hear his sigh. "Have you thought about trying to win him back?"
"What right do I have to do that!" Clary exclaimed.
"Every right," Simon answered as if she'd asked a question rather than made a point. "You love him, and unless I'm very much mistaken, he loves you."
"You don't break up with people you love," Clary explained.
"I did," Simon reminded her.
"Oh shut up," Clary said. She went to swing at him again, but Simon ducked out of the way this time.
"I'm just saying it happens," Simon continued. "Just because he broke up with you doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore."
"If he loved me he wouldn't have broken up with me," Clary stated firmly as if it were indisputable fact.
"Are you dense?" Simon chuckled. "That's exactly the opposite of what I just said." Clary only glared at him. She didn't want to talk about this. "You hurt him and he pulled away from you. It happens."
"Okay oh wise one," Clary gave in since she knew the only way she'd be able to avoid this topic was to physically leave the table. "How do you suggest I try and win him back?"
"It's the little things that matter most," Simon replied. "Try to think of what you can do to help him without being too intrusive. Earn his trust back little by little with actions, not words."
"I'll think about it," Clary said. "Now can we please go back to studying?"
"What do you mean we?" Simon laughed. "I'm reading 'An Absolutely Remarkable Thing' by Hank Green thank you very much!"
"Slacker," Clary replied.
"You, my friend, shall join the slacker ranks just as soon as your last pesky exam is over," Simon laughed, as he reopened his book.
Clary tried to focus on her notes after that, but couldn't keep herself from mulling over what Simon had said. Could she win Jace back? Up till now she'd just tried to focus on school and pretending to be okay, but how long could she keep that up? And when that ended what was left? If she was really honest with herself there were only two ways it could go if they never got back together again. Either she'd be alone or she'd be with someone else. Was that really what she wanted for her life in three, five, or even ten years? To be with someone else… or be alone for the rest of her life?
Then there was the question of what small important, and meaningful things she could do to win his trust. Come to think of it, Clary wasn't even sure how she'd gained it in the first place so how was she supposed to build it from scratch now? Maybe her brother would have some ideas. Or Alec? Jace's best friend and roommate had to know what he needed most right now, right? If she could get him something he needed, help him even if it was in some small way...
Clary blinked at the page in front of her. She'd read the same line of her art history text book three times, but she hadn't a clue what it said. Maybe this was best thought of after her exam was over.
Yes, good plan. No more thinking about Jace until after her exam tomorrow. All she needed to do was take control of her thoughts. She might not be able to control her emotions, but her focus she did have power over. It was only a day.
"One thing at a time," Clary said firmly.
"Eh?"
"Oh sorry," Clary chuckled. "Thinking out loud again, am I?" From the look on his face she could tell he understood so she added. "I am hereby tabling the Jace talk until after my exam."
"That's fair," Simon replied.
"Thanks," Clary sighed in relief. Now to focus on art history.
Clary was true to her resolve. With occasional breaks of youtube videos or movies that could in no way be defined as romantic, Clary threw herself into studying. The results were good. Her mind was clear when she took her exam the following afternoon, and she felt confident about her answers.
It wasn't until she walked out of the exam that everything hit her all at once.
Jace. Graduation. Moving back home. Leaving her friends. Jace. Simon's advice. Was trying to win him back even remotely a good idea? Wouldn't she just make a fool of herself? But then again hadn't Jace done just the same for her when they'd first met? And really how did she feel about no longer being a student anyway? University was over. She could hardly wrap her head around it.
What should she do now? What ties did she have to this city? She was sleeping in someone else's bed. She was done with school. Her job was that of a part time retailer, hardly worth sticking around for. Her friends. Well yes it was true that she had friends here that she valued, but was that enough to start her career here? Clary wanted to travel, to see the world. Friends she could always keep in touch with even if she went away for a while.
So was that it. Would she go back to live with her mother now before launching herself into the adult working world?
The simple answer was no. The reason, however, was a bit more complicated. Clary knew that if she moved back home now, she'd lose any hope of making Jace an everyday part of her life ever again.
And just like that she decided. Before she even thought seriously about moving back to her hometown, Clary had to at least try to get him back. Even if she failed, she knew it would be better than moving away without trying.
But what was it that Jace needed more than anything else?
This would require some research. On the bus ride back to her place aka Magnus's, Clary texted her brother, asking for advice on what Jace needed and swearing him to secrecy at the same time. When she walked into the apartment she did the same thing to Alec.
"Whoa whoa there don't go telling me I can't tell anyone then start spilling your guts before I agree to keep your secret," Alec said as Clary paused for breath.
"It's an easy secret," Clary tried to convince him. "I just want some information, and you can't tell the person involved I asked for it."
Alec seemed to think that over. He was sitting on the couch, with a video game controller in his hand. The television in front of him was paused on what looked like a menu screen.
"Alright," Alec sighed. "The curiosity will kill me otherwise."
Eagerly, Clary dumped her purse, and coat near the door before sitting down on the couch with him. "Okay so I've decided I need to earn Jace's trust back," she began. "And as I haven't seen him much lately I've been asking people if they have any ideas about what it is that he really needs?"
"Yikes. That's a tough one," Alec sighed. He leaned back on the couch, looking up at the ceiling. "I mean honestly he's seemed pretty okay to me, though I doubt you want to hear that." Alec's calm disappeared as he added, "Of course as I still can't figure out what's going on in my husband's head after almost three months of trying to figure it out, I might not be the best person to ask."
"Where is Magnus's anyway?" Clary asked.
"At work," Alec responded as if automatically. "Oh, and did I tell you he bought me a car?"
"Is that what's parked outside?" Clary asked with an air of understanding. "I was wondering whose that was. It's been there since the day before yesterday."
"Yeah. He gave it to me after the wedding, or rather the next morning, via note," Alec sighed, running a hand down his face. "Even if I found some time to talk to him, I'm not sure how to tell him that I'd rather spend time with him than drive around."
"Sometimes Magnus can be very silly," Clary smiled at him. "I'm sure once he manages to communicate you two can work it out."
"Thanks," Alec smiled at her, though still seemed stressed. "Still, I miss him."
"Missing someone you live with is a rather impressive feat," Clary chuckled. "I thought most married couples got sick of each other before that happened."
"Ha ha," Alec rolled his eyes.
"Sorry too good an opportunity to pass up there," Clary smiled at him. "But seriously I don't think you should worry so much. I know how much Magnus loves you. Marriage is about the long haul right? Give him time and he'll come round. If you do get a chance to talk to him, maybe let him know in a general way that you're here if he wants to talk."
"Thanks," Alec smiled at her. "Anyway as far as Jace is concerned the only thing I can think of is not likely something that will help you."
"Oh, what is it?"
"Well as far as I know Jace hasn't talked to his mother since last Christmas when he found out she'd been helping Sebastian," Alec admitted.
"What? Really?!" Clary exclaimed. "I mean, I remember my brother texting me a little about that last year, but I had no idea it was so serious."
"Yeah he super can't forgive her, not that he talks about it, but she's his only real family and I think he misses her, and again not that he'd admit to missing her or anything," Alec concluded.
"I remember him being really close with Celine," Clary said, genuinely saddened by the news.
"I can't imagine what it would be like to not talk to my family," Alec continued looking serious. "But if one of them did something to hurt Magnus I-"
"That's it though!" Clary said when it was clear Alec intended to leave the thought hanging. "Celine never hurt me. We got along great. Jace doesn't need to put himself through this."
"But Sebastian hurt you," Alec explained. "And she's taken him in."
"Correction," Clary interjected. "Sebastian almost hurt me. Jace stopped him. It was so long ago, and it isn't enough of a reason for him to never speak to his mother again."
"Try telling him that," Alec grumbled.
"There's no way he'd listen to me," Clary replied easily. "But maybe- just maybe…" She jumped up, an idea forming in her mind. "Thanks! I think I have a plan."
"Just don't tell me what it is," Alec said as he turned back to his game. "I don't need more secrets stressing me out."
"No problem," Clary laughed as she kissed the top of his head and ran off to her/Paige's room.
Guest reviewer G1U2E3S4T5:
Found this story again after months and finally caught up on all the missed chapters. It's as good as ever, that is to say, amazing!
My Reply:
Aww thanks! Sometimes it does amaze me that people bother to binge read this and catch up. It's SO long I can't even believe I wrote it sometimes.
So guess who is back guys! *SO EXCITED*
CoffeeandLiterature has returned from her long hiatus of not editing for me because she was working like a mad woman! But things have slowed down for her to the point where she has time to edit again which is very good because man did I start to slack off without someone telling me when I mess up. She's actually gone through and edited all the chapters she missed and I ended up adding so much to them that I actually re-uploaded most of them. Any chapters that have been re-uploaded with have (Back edited by CoffeeandLiterature) or something similar at the bottom of the chapter with the author's notes. She did everything from Jordan's Novelty to this Clary chapter you just read.
There were lots of parts where she pointed out that I missed opportunities to mention what a character is thinking, or show how a character reactions to dialogue and all kinds of stuff! Connie Brown is still gonna be fixing typos and spelling in my future chapters but CoffeeandLiterature will be looking them over first for major plot fails or me totally dropping the ball and slacking off. She's good at giving me telling me when I fail which helps so much in keeping this story remotely coherent. Keeping the continuity on a story THIS long is intense, trust me.
*Special thanks to SkyBell1272 for her helpful review pointing out the time travel I hadn't intended to include in this chapter. :)*
Sneak Peek Chapter 180
"Life is endlessly unpredictable isn't it," Jace replied back, trying to ignore the stab of pain Jon's words caused in his heart.
"That is so true!" Jon exclaimed with a chuckle.
"Now get the hell out of here before you miss your flight," Jace said, shoving his friend towards the door.
"Okay, okay, I'm going," Jon laughed.
"Say hi to Paige for me," Jace added as he waved Jon out the door.
And then he was alone.
No shifts at work, no classes, no Jon, no Alec and no Clary. Jace felt sure Will would be busy with his family at the holidays and wasn't about to bother him with his neediness. Alec, Izzy and Simon had flown out yesterday and Paige and Jon would be on their flight in the next few hours.