Jace wasn't quite sure what to make of his conversation with Clary while he'd been sick. There was a distinct possibility he'd imagined the whole thing via flu hallucination. Then again if she hadn't actually been present who had taken care of him? Jace hadn't expected her to be there when he'd gotten home, and he'd been even more surprised when she'd started looking after him. Jace's dreams that day had been filled with blurry memories of years ago when she'd been sick and he'd cared for her. It felt somehow like coming back to the beginning, though he knew that wasn't possible. Too much had changed for them to return to the people they'd once been.

Apart from strange flu illusions, his life had become quite boring of late. Now that Jon had officially moved out, Jace was starting to notice how stupidly empty his apartment was and how expensive. It was really time he moved. The problem was deciding where he wanted to go.

Until Clary Jace had never imagined a world in which he might settle down, and yet now - even without Clary when he looked around his empty apartment - Jace couldn't help but feel as hollow as his surroundings. Being a bachelor without roommates felt somehow very different than being a bachelor with roommates. It didn't make any sense, and he really couldn't explain it, but it was true nonetheless. His friends were moving out, moving on in their lives and leaving him behind.

Okay maybe he was being a bit melodramatic there. Jace knew if he called Alec his friend would make time for him. Jon hadn't said goodbye forever or anything; he'd just moved in with his girlfriend. Jordan too, and Jace was honestly happy for them. Jace just didn't know where he fit anymore. Was he gonna be the lonely bachelor forever? What had all that maybe hallucinated stuff with Clary meant anyway? She hadn't mentioned anything about her actions meaning she wanted to get back together, but then why'd she do it? Even if it wasn't Clary, could Jace maybe find happiness with someone else? He had to admit the image got stuck in his head. Even when he managed to conjure up something the woman's face was always blurry, and she would turn out to be a redhead. The trouble there was that no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get the future he wanted, and the future she wanted to fit together.

Shaking his head to clear it, Jace decided not to think about Clary for the rest of the day. It was his day off and he even had plans. This was no time to wallow. Annika would be arriving any minute now, and he had promised video games.

Jace liked the friends part of his relationship with Annika more and more these days. Jon, Alec and even Jordan were all coupled up and Jace didn't see them as often as he had before. With Annika he didn't feel like a third wheel.

Just then the intercom binged and Jace got up to let Annika in. He was still feeling a little weak after getting over his flu, but not sick anymore.

"Ready to get your butt kicked at Mario Kart?" Annika said by way of greeting.

"Um yes?" Jace replied with a laugh.

"And in this corner Mr. Indecisive Answer," Annika said in her best announcer impression.

"Keep that up and I won't make popcorn," Jace laughed.

"Totally worth it," Annika chuckled.

"You say that now, but wait till you can smell the popcorn," Jace replied, evilly.

"You'll share," she grinned at him.

Despite Jace's mental resolution to deny her popcorn at all costs, no more than twenty minutes into the game somehow she had the popcorn.

"Like a thief in the night," Annika mocked him. Jace used the opportunity while she was distracted to take the lead.

"Hey no fair!" Annika objected as she managed to get a bonus orb and retake her lead.

They'd been playing for well over an hour and eaten their way through two big bowls of popcorn when suddenly the atmosphere changed.

"Hey," Annika said all of a sudden, pausing the game.

Jace could sense some nervousness in her voice as he turned to listen.

"I was kinda hoping we could talk," she continued.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Jace chuckled.

"Well yeah, no, kinda," Annika replied in a way that felt totally unlike an answer to his question. "It's not that I don't want to be friends, it's just that's it. I wanna get back to dating."

Jace couldn't help but laugh. "Relax," he told her. "You started this. It seems fitting that you end it." She seemed to relax a bit then as he added, "I just want to make sure we stay friends. It feels like I'm losing friends by the barrel here, and I don't want to add to it."

Annika chucked. "I like hanging out with you too," she said with a laugh. "Oh and beating you at Mario Kart."

"You haven't beaten me every time!" Jace protested. "Revenge shall be mine."

"Doubtful," Annika chuckled. "Still though it's really okay?" Jace nodded but she kept going anyway. "I know I used you for my own needs these last few months, and I feel like I owe you some explanation," Annika began, but before Jace could reply that she didn't owe him anything and in fact it was likely the other way around, she continued. "A couple years ago I was in a relationship I shouldn't have been in. He made me feel unwanted, and rejected me whenever I tried to start anything. He never said it in so many words but I can't help but assume he didn't like how athletic I am, how strong. He wanted to be the big strong man to my feminie weakness, and a muscular volleyball player didn't fit into his world. We should never have been together in the first place... so naturally we broke up, but not before he gave me a bit of a complex about being undesirable."

"I'm sorry that happened to you," Jace told her kindly. "You are far too beautiful to believe such things."

"Thanks," Annika smiled at him. "That is what being with you has taught me once again, so thank you for making me feel like myself again."

"Right back at you," Jace smiled. "After everything with Clary I almost fell apart. Having you around helped keep all the shattered parts of my heart together until they could heal."

"And how is the healing going?" Annika asked. "Are you ever going to take my advice and make up with your mom?"

Jace couldn't help but smile. "Actually Clary took that choice out of my hands. She got my mom to visit over Christmas, and we are on the road to recovery."

"That was a really nice thing she did for you," Annika smiled then said with some pep, "I always liked her! Why aren't you guys together again?"

"It's complicated," Jace replied with a sigh.

Annika blew air through her closed lips to make a sound that displayed how very unimpressed she was with his answer. "Sure, or you are just a stubborn fool who is gonna die alone if he isn't careful."

"Oh hush," Jace grumbled at her.

"Anyone who can make you that miserable by their absence had to have made you truly happy with their presence," Annika replied in that annoying superior voice she used when she knew she was right.

"What's with all the wisdom?" Jace countered. "I thought you were busy kicking my ass at Mario Kart?"

"Oh right," Annika chuckled as she unpaused her game. "Still, I say you should get back together with Clary."

"Noted," Jace grumbled. "Now I believe we have karts to drive."

They played for another half hour, but once Jace had lost eight out of the next ten races he decided it was time for a change of game.

"You just don't like losing," Annika mocked.

"Of course I don't," Jace laughed. "Who likes losing?"

"You probably," she chuckled. "Otherwise there's no way you'd be losing this badly."

"Okay new rule!" Jace proclaimed. "Never again shall I play Mario Kart against you or Jon."

"So I take it Jon beats you at this game too?" she grinned.

"Mario Party is a much better game," Jace stated, choosing to ignore her obvious dig at him.

"Before we start though, what do you have by way of dinner?" she asked.

"Ah yes cooking…" Jace began. "Well I have my famous call to the Chinese place."

"Sold," Annika replied.

About an hour later they were eating dinner out of chinese fast food containers and half way through a Mario Party game in which the computers were beating both of them.

"I almost forgot to ask," Annika added as the minigame player was spinning. "How's the apartment hunting going?"

"It's not," Jace sighed. "I really should get out of this two bedroom place with just me, but I keep putting it off."

"As someone with far too many roommates I have to admit this place is super private," she reminded him. "Can't really put a price on that."

"Yes you can," Jace laughed. "And it's high. I wouldn't mind so much if there was a reason, but I could be saving so much more money right now if I wasn't living here."

Annika's attention shifted then to the television screen where the minigame for the turn had been chosen. "Looks like one of those don't die ones," Annika explained. "Move side to side with the joystick and avoid the flying monkeys. Seems simple enough."

"Okay let's beat these computers!" Jace exclaimed as he hit start.

In the end they failed to beat the computer, though Jace was at least happy that Annika's character got killed by a flying monkey before his character.

It was getting late and in accordance with their new 'friends only' status, they both agreed she should go home rather than sleep over.

"Even if we only slept," Annika explained.

"Fair enough," Jace smiled. "Though I think we should do this again next week. This time we should put the computers on easy so we can actually win."

"That's cheating," Annika laughed.

"Well there is always the gym," Jace countered. "If you are bored with video games."

"We could flip a coin," she laughed as she waved goodbye and closed the door behind her.

And then Jace was alone again.

He hadn't lied to Annika; he really was happy with their relationship just being friends. With or without benefits she was his friend. Jace couldn't imagine ever feeling romantic about someone else. In all his life he had only ever felt romantic affection towards one woman, and though he could imagine meeting a nice girl, marrying her and having children, he couldn't imagine loving her the way he loved Clary. It would be an echo of the life he wanted, but still what choice did he have?

It was so stupid. Why did he have to choose between his soul's other half and being a father? Still at least his possible flu hallucination conversion with Clary had taught him to stop hoping she'd change her mind.

Then again why was he thinking about it like this. He'd told Annika that it was complicated, but from the way he was thinking about it didn't seem that complicated. He wanted kids and she didn't. Was that really it? Had her betrayal really healed so well that he wasn't concerned with it anymore? She'd forgotten about him in Paris. She'd flirted and fantasized about someone else. Even if it had ended up being nothing that hardly mattered. She'd still given up on them while he'd been home thinking of nothing but her. Wasn't that the problem? Hadn't that been why they'd broken up?

The thoughts kept going round and round in his head until Jace couldn't take it any longer. Jace got out his phone and then froze. Who did he want to talk to?

Updates seem to be once a month-ish on this story these days... sorry but my motivation is very much lacking for R&S. It's just been SO long I've been writing it. I want to wrap things up but I've dug myself quite the complicated conflict hole that I now need to dig my way out of. No conflict that hasn't already been set in motion/foreshadowed/planned will be added to this story from here on out. I am in serious tying up loose ends mode here. My brain is all like "What is the fastest way to fix everything and put a bow on it" but even so I don't want to force it as that feels like a betrayal of all the time and energy I've already invested, not to mention all the time and energy you wonderful readers have put in. It deserves a good ending, but that may take a while at this one chapter a month kinda speed.

Sneak Peek Chapter

"Anyway," Simon said, still smiling at his girlfriend's drama. "We still on for tonight?"

"Of course," Izzy grinned at him. "You know I keep a standing reservation tonight every year since we made things official." She smiled at him. "There really isn't any other way to get a table at North 54 on Valentine's day."

"Right yeah," Simon smiled.

And suddenly he wasn't looking forward to dinner at all. Between knowing Izzy would be paying since he couldn't, and listening to her gush about that actor guy, Simon was feeling quite insecure. Rationally he knew he had no reason to be, but still he couldn't quite silence the feeling.

What he wanted to do was go sulk in his room, but that didn't seem like a very good idea either. Izzy gave him a kiss then turned her music back up and went off to her laptop.

Deciding he needed some time alone to get a decent poker face in place before dinner, Simon followed suit and headed off to his own computer. Maybe video games would clear his stupid over analyzing brain. He was making mountains out of molehills and he knew it, but even so he couldn't stop the emotions.