Sweat poured off Kazuma's brow as his aching arms worked the wok in front of him. The back of house was in perpetual chaos as ticket after ticket came in.
"Sir Kazuma!" His two helpers were engaged in a bare knuckle brawl with a particularly ornery cabbage and it looked like it was getting the best of them. With a frustrated groan he marched over to the produce pugilist and extended his hand.
"Kindle."
The vegetable turned a beautiful golden brown color and collapsed to the floor with a muted splat. One of the staffers rushed it over to the prep table and quickly began slicing it into strips.
"Hey! Rinse that damn thing first!" He barked out.
"Yes Chef!" The cook hustled over to the basin.
A head poked into the kitchen. "Guys, table 10 is still waiting!"
He ignored the server and grabbed more bits of cabbage from his quickly depleting stockpiles.
"Sir Kazuma! We're running low on oil!"
Almost in tears from the stress, the adventurer turned chef rummaged through his apron to pull out a handful of coins without taking so much as a break from his wok tossing.
"Here, go grab whatever you can. Hurry!" Kazuma turned towards the front of house. "Order 42 ready!"
A set of yakisoba noodles was placed at the window. Another ticket was added to the clothesline not even seconds later.
"New order, two sets of chicken fried rice, one takoyaki platter - sweet sauce!"
Kazuma's body moved on autopilot. Oil, meat, leftover rice, soy sauce, aromatics, plate, next dish.
Oh no...
He pointed to his remaining assistant. "Forget the prep, I need clean dishes!"
"Yes Chef!" The young man shouted back and got to scrubbing.
Kazuma flagged down a server. "Mei, how many outside?"
"Hundreds, Sir Kazuma!" She answered before jumping back into the fray.
Another server popped by the window with a partially eaten takoyaki platter.
"Sir Kazuma, the customer for order 32 wanted theirs non-spicy. Can we get a remake?" He pointed to the ticket.
Tears flowed from his face as he accepted his fate.
Six hours later, they'd managed to clear the rush and began prepping for the next day. His arms hurt, his feet hurt, his clothes stank, and dozens of nicks and cuts coated his hands. A quick heal spell got rid of the worst of them, but it only further drained his stamina.
This wasn't like the dreams he had about running a quaint diner and feeding his closest friends…
Though a chef of no renown, the news that the slayer of the Demon King and most of his generals was starting a diner managed to pull in visitors from all across Belzerg. Even now, hopeful visitors were queued near the shop, hoping to get a look at the legendary adventurer himself.
Screw this, we're staying closed until I get more staff.
He let the new hires handle prep and cleaning while he reviewed receipts and tallied up the day's earnings. All in all, they'd made 35,000 eris in net profit. Considering that he'd risked life and limb for a fraction of that he was pretty damn grateful. With a bit more help he'd be able to manage the crowds and probably enjoy this work a hell of a lot more.
Once finished with their duties he had his five staff members meet him in his office.
"Alright guys, I know. Today sucked. I'm tired, you're tired. We gotta get some more help before opening again. You're all on break for the next couple of days while I get things sorted."
A twinge of concern showed on their faces at that.
Oh right. I'm responsible for their livelihood now...
"Paid break. I'll give you full wages until we get going again," he corrected.
The employees dropped to their knees collectively. "Thank you, Sir Kazuma!"
"Woah, no need for all that!"
He lied. This was the ego boost he'd been looking for all his life...
"And, uh, if you guys happen to know people with experience please send them my way."
"Yes, Sir Kazuma!" They said in unison, bowing their heads.
With that, he paid out the workers for the day and put the prepped food in cold storage. Feet aching and soul crushed, the walk back home had never seemed so difficult.
Kazuma arrived at the mansion, ragged and looking like he'd drop dead at any moment.
"Welcome ba-, good heavens! What happened to you? Is that your blood?"
To his surprise their crusader had returned. She appeared to be alone.
"Oh, this? Nah, it's probably chicken," he said, looking down at his once pristine chef's coat.
"Hey, Darkness, this might sound weird, but... could you carry me to the bath? I don't think my legs have any strength left…"
The adventurer was leaning against the sofa, barely able to support himself.
"You dare ask a noblewoman to carry a commoner covered in filth an-"
He waved her off. "Forget it, I don't have the energy for this right now. Can you get Megumin to come down and help, then?"
"N-No, it's okay. Here, let's get you up…"
With practically no effort, the crusader lifted him up like a newlywed bride and marched him to the bath. She set him down in the changing area and waited.
"Thanks."
"..."
"..."
"Are you waiting for me to ask you to strip me and wash the grime off my body?"
The crusader blushed and looked away. "I would never! But, if you were to pass out and drown, then I could never live with the guilt!"
Fair enough, I suppose. I probably would start snoozing the second I got in there…
"Good idea, can you go get Megumin then?"
Darkness avoided his gaze.
"She's probably asleep…"
The adventurer raised a suspicious eyebrow. "No way, I know her. She's probably waiting in my room to congratulate me for my successful opening day."
"Hrk! You two must have been plotting to do something so indecent specifically on the day that I returned…"
"Wuh? I didn't even know you'd be here!"
"You ignored the letters I sent!? Hah…Hah… Kazuma, I must say you've been particularly venomous towards me tonight…"
Oh god, she's just getting turned on by this.
She took a few steps forward. "Here, let's get this done quickly so you can get some rest."
A quick look at the woman's revealing nightgown briefly made him doubt his life choices. Had things turned out a little differently he could have this gorgeous, powerful noblewoman at his beck and call…
But the noblewoman in question is Darkness. What a shame.
His willpower still in good standing, he did the only thing that came to mind.
"HELP! DARKNESS WANTS TO UND-mmphf!" The crusader's hand quickly covered his mouth.
"K-Kazuma!? Have you lost your mind!? The others might misunderstand!"
He tried struggling to no avail. Even in tip top shape he stood no chance against the musclebound noble in a bout of physical strength. However…
Kazuma continued thrashing and waited for just the prime opportunity-
"MMMPF! MMMMPF!" After one particularly rough motion, he held his finger in mock agony and screamed his lungs out.
The crusader let go immediately after his immaculate performance. He continued writhing in pain, sobbing and nursing his index finger that was bent at a pretty convincing angle.
Darkness knelt down to take a look. "Kazuma! I'm so sorry, I never- I'll go get Aqua!"
Moments later, the entire party was in the bath. The goddess jogged over and cast a quick heal spell over his writhing form.
"Ah, th… thank you Aqua."
Megumin helped him sit back up and gently caressed him around the faux injury he'd received.
"Just how weak are you!? How'd you even manage to break a finger in here?" Aqua complained.
Megumin snapped at her, "Cut that out! How'd you like it if we laughed at you after breaking a bone?"
The mage paused to take a look around the room.
"Though I can't say I'm not curious as to how you managed such an injury…"
Darkness was on the verge of tears as she began to speak, "I-It's all my fau-"
"I didn't break anything."
Three heads snapped at the smug looking adventurer.
"What!? I wasted my godly magic on you for nothing!?"
The arch-priest began strangling him while Darkness was patiently waiting next in line. Megumin watched on, unsure whether to intervene or let him suffer.
"Ack! Let go you bimbo!" He cried out, far too weak to even loosen her grip. Once convinced that he'd suffered enough, the goddess unhanded him.
"I, agh, my neck… I only did it because this pervert here wanted to prey on me while I was too tired to fight back!" Kazuma said, pointing a finger at the pervert in question.
"Prey on you!? I merely offered to watch over you in case you fell asleep during your bath…"
Megumin glared at the woman. "Would that responsibility not be more fitting for his bride to be?"
She walked behind Kazuma and massaged his neck, pleased with his explanation. "Come now, let's get you cleaned up."
Aqua's eyes widened in realization. "Kazuma! I called you Lolima as a joke but you've actually gone and done it…"
The wizard glared at her. "Loli!? Refer to me like that again and I'll send you back to heaven myself!"
"You know, we've hugged and flirted countless times in your presence but you're only just now realizing!?" Kazuma cried out in disbelief.
The goddess looked deep in thought.
"I guess I just subconsciously couldn't accept that such an unlikeable sex crazed pervert with no redeeming qualiti-"
Before the adventurer could even begin to think of something witty to clap back with, his very own mage had already grabbed the goddess by the bangs.
"I'll have you refrain from taring the name of my lover so hone- so brazenly!"
After a few more threats from the Crimson Demon, Aqua and Darkness excused themselves. The exhausted adventurer and his mage were finally alone as they'd planned.
"Sorry Kazuma, I should've been there to greet you when you came back. I just thought I'd try to surprise you…"
"Heh heh, I figured as much. Um, I'd hug you but…" He motioned to himself. A fine film of sweat, cooking oil, soot, and other filth coated his skin.
"You carried me when I was coated in frog slime, the least I could do is embrace you after a hard day's work."
She gave him a tight hug that seemed to wash away the day's stress. He weakly reciprocated the embrace, taking in her... lovely scent?
"Woah… you got perfume!? I thought such womanly things were beneath the new Demon King?"
She blushed and took a step back. "I-I can be both a proper, womanly maiden AND the new Demon King, can I not!?"
"H-Here, take a seat by the basin and undress yourself. I'll get the heater going," she said, changing the subject.
He gestured to her usual outfit. "What, you gonna keep the robe on then?"
She looked at him seductively. "Hm? Would it please you if I-"
"Yes."
"Ah… one should be bashful in these situations, don't you think?"
"No."
"W-Well, as you wish then."
To his shock the mage complied and bared herself before him. The powers that came with being both a pervert AND in a relationship only now began to dawn on him.
He worked to undress himself as well. His previous trepidations from months past, while not entirely gone, were no longer as paralyzing as the first time around. Filthy clothes now tossed in the hamper, he sat himself down on one of the mini-stools and waited nervously.
Megumin knelt down next to him, bucket and towel at the ready.
"Relax, ease your shoulders. I'll be taking care of everything tonight," she whispered.
Aroused as he was, he still didn't really have the energy to stand, let alone perform. As the mage began to scrub away at his back, he reached for her hand to stop her.
"Hey, believe me, I love, and I do mean love where this is going, but…" He trailed.
"I uh- I don't think I have it in me today," he said meekly.
She smiled and continued scrubbing dutifully. "We'll just get you cleaned and go get some sleep, then."
When'd she get so sweet?
The arousal quickly faded into a different warm fuzzy feeling in his chest. They weren't two lovers doing lewd things together late at night, no, they were a couple taking care of each other…
My bride to be, huh…? I think that wouldn't be so bad, would it?