"You're a bag of fermented dinosaur jizz!"
"That's rich, coming from an under-ripe cum dumpling!"
"Always going for the low-hanging fruit! You toasted spaghetti fuck!"
"Your secret identity is Surfer Smurf! You blue-haired, blue-balled, blue brained, bucket of ice!"
"Ooooh, that's cold! So cold, only a corpse could've come up with it!"
Ruby watched Sun and Neptune roast each other like a tennis match, head rocking back and forth, empty tumbler long forgotten in hand.
Surrounding Sun and Neptune, the crew roared with laughter, cheering and jeering like opposing football fans at the height of the season.
"You wanna fly in the sky, fuck face? 'Cause we can settle this right here." Sun challenged, jerking his head at the pool table.
"Let's dance."
"I'm gonna wreck Uranus on my way to Neptune." Sun shot, punching in the code for the cue sticks on the wall. The lock clicked open.
"You've seen one Sun set, you've seen em all." Neptune retorted, setting up the balls on the table.
"Hello." Weiss greeted from Ruby's shoulder.
Ruby jumped.
"Dang Weiss, don't scare me!" Ruby hissed, voice lost in the din of the crew's whooping.
"Sorry." Weiss said.
"It's okay." Ruby looked at Weiss. "I thought you left."
"I wouldn't leave. Not without saying goodbye." Weiss said, blushing. "Just had a smoke." She jutted her chin. "I see they're playing pool."
"Yeah, they're being super-"
"Name the stakes." Sun said, voice cutting over the din.
"Winner chooses loser's first song." Neptune grinned.
"Ooooooh." Sun chalked the tip of his cue. "I know what you're gonna sing."
"Break it, blondie." Neptune gestured at the table, taking the chalk from Sun.
Sun did, cue stick slamming the ball, and three were sunk in the corner pockets. Sun was stripes, and he went again.
"It's a show." Weiss said, shaking her head. "The crew loves it." Her smile twitched.
"It is entertaining. . ." Ruby leaned closer to Weiss. She smelled like peppermint. Ruby suppressed a shiver. "Are you sure they're not angry?" Ruby asked.
"Ha!" Weiss' laugh pealed like pearl bells. "I've seen those two cuddle each other to sleep watching Mulan."
Ruby snorted, bringing her elbow up to muffle the sound. No one paid any mind, their attention fully on the show unfolding at the pool table.
"Want another?" Weiss asked, gesturing to the bar, bracelets clinking. "I'm buying." She smiled.
Ruby blinked, and held her glass up. Empty.
"It's not another Sandfire, is it?" Ruby asked.
"No." Weiss shook her head. "I'm buying. You're choosing. I might recommend."
"Then yes please!" Ruby answered giddily, and followed Weiss to the bar.
"I'd like another Crooked Blue, and whatever she wants please." Weiss greeted Ozpin, jerking her thumb at Ruby.
"Staying for the revelry, Weiss?" Ozpin asked, raising one brow.
"Don't get the wrong idea." Weiss said, crossing her arms. "It's not like I'm enjoying this."
"Really?" Ruby asked, cocking her head. "Then why are you staying?"
"B-because!" Weiss stuttered, face red.
"That's not an answer." Ruby piped up.
"It's the best you'll get from her, I assure you." Ozpin said gently. He ignored Weiss' jaw drop. "Are you getting something, Miss Rose?"
"Call me Ruby. And, am I allowed to?" Ruby asked, grinning nervously.
"Why are you asking?" Weiss demanded. She looked to Ozpin. "Why is she asking you?"
"Miss Rose partook in a Mistrali Trainwreck some time before." Ozpin said casually.
"The fuck is a Mistrali Trainwreck?" Weiss asked.
"Please call me Ruby." Ruby insisted.
"A Mistrali Trainwreck is like a Long Island Bailey's Car Bomb." Ozpin explained.
Weiss' eyes shot up.
"I will sell you another drink. You seem to be handling yourself quite well." Ozpin continued.
"Well, thanks." Ruby grinned. She tapped her chin. "What's something unique to this place?"
"I have a few experimental drinks I'm working on. Would you care to try one?" Ozpin asked.
"Please!" Ruby beamed, clapping her hands together.
"Then I will make you a Medley." Ozpin bowed, and pulled a mortar and pestle from a shelf. He set it on the counter and walked into the back.
Ruby turned to look at Weiss. Weiss sat there, eyes wide, trying to imagine a Mistrali Trainwreck from words alone.
"Why are you staying anyway?" Ruby prodded.
Jerked from her thoughts, Weiss glanced at Ruby. Her lips pressed into a flat line.
"I'm staying because I feel like it." Weiss answered.
"Right." Ruby glanced at the pool table. "From what I heard, you never feel like it."
"People change their minds." Weiss said off-handedly, crossing her arms.
"Suuuuuuure." Ruby grinned, glancing at Weiss from the corner of her eye. "What made you change your mind?" She pressed.
"N-nobody!" Weiss denied.
"I didn't ask 'who.'" Ruby grinned. Gotcha.
"NOTH-ING, made me change my mind." Weiss insisted, face a brilliant beet red.
"It's okay Weiss. I'll keep your secret."
"I don't have any secrets."
"I think you have one~" Ruby sang. "If I guess it, can I have a cookie?"
"Go right ahead." Weiss gestured.
"Here is your drink." Ozpin interrupted, sliding an iced tumbler filled with muddled herbs to Ruby. "The Medley."
"Looks nice." Ruby said, picking up the glass. She swirled, and sniffed. "Smells nice too."
"It is fresh thyme, rosemary, and sage, muddled with a teaspoon of turbinado sugar, poured with two fingers of vodka and one finger of Irish whisky."
"Thank you." Ruby said, taking a sip. Her face lit up. It was like standing in her backyard garden at sunset, smelling the wood of the forest and the slight sweetness of gourds.
"How does it find you?" Ozpin asked.
Ruby didn't answer. Instead, she took another long sip, nodding and giving Ozpin the thumbs up.
"Wonderful." Ozpin folded his hands behind his back. "Let me know if you want to try any other experiments. I would greatly value your feedback."
"I'm not sure what I could offer. This should be on the menu." Ruby said, taking another sip. "It's delicious."
"Perhaps. The trouble is selling it." Ozpin pushed his glasses up his nose. "It doesn't sound terribly appealing on paper."
"You've already tried, I guess?" Ruby asked.
"No sales." Ozpin replied.
"Hm." Ruby swirled the glass. "Maybe you need to pair it with a special. Something that brings it out."
"I'm listening." Ozpin said, leaning forward.
Weiss leaned in as well.
"W-well," Ruby stuttered. "This is sweet and aromatic. So I'd pair it with a roasted dish. Potatoes, beets, celery, carrots, and use the same herbs, with a pinch of cayenne to keep the palette from getting tired out. The sweetness of roasted beets and carrots would tie in well with the Medley, and the savory flavor brought by roasting would contrast with the bright sharp of vodka." Ruby shrugged. "At least, that's what I'd try. Pair it with a cheap special like that, and enough people will at least try it."
"I like how you think Miss Rose." Ozpin smiled.
"Call me Ruby, geeeez." Ruby insisted, thrusting her glass at Ozpin in annoyance. "Or should I call you Ozzy?"
"No, no." Ozpin relented, holding his palms in surrender. "Forgive me, Ruby. Some have called me rather formal." He looked down the bar. "Excuse me, please."
"You got it Ozzy!" Ruby smirked, waving him goodbye.
"Please don't." Ozpin said over his shoulder.
Weiss giggled, holding a hand to her mouth. She glanced over at Ruby. Ruby was grinning at her like an idiot.
"What?" Weiss asked.
"Your secret is-"
"You're still on this?" Weiss interjected.
"You want to get to know me." Ruby sang smugly.
"Nonsense."
"Come ooooooon!" Ruby lolled her head to the side, grinning like a madwoman. "You have to admit, I'm pretty cool."
"You are not cool." Weiss retorted. "You're childish, and immature, and annoying."
"Hmmph." Ruby caught Weiss' eye, then pointedly looked over at Sun and Neptune, who were comparing their dicks using the pool cues.
"Fucking-" Weiss palmed her face. "Aaaaargh!"
"Seems like I'm right up your alley." Ruby smirked. She finished her drink, the tang of herbs lifting her spirit.
Weiss huffed. She looked around. Ozpin just served the regular at the end of the bar his drink.
"Excuse me sir?" Weiss said, holding a finger up. "May I ask what you're drinking tonight?"
"Arrogant Bastard Ale." The regular said, approaching. He held up his glass. It was filled with something that reminded Ruby of an oil slick.
"Interesting, I've never tried it." Weiss held her hand out. "May I have a sip?"
The regular shrugged, and handed Weiss his glass.
Weiss took a sip, and immediately started gagging.
"Whoa, what?" Ruby leaned forward, patting Weiss' shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"Good fuck, it tastes like liquid hate!" Weiss declared. "Do you actually enjoy this?"
"I do." The regular nodded, smirking at Weiss' reaction.
"I wanna try!" Ruby declared.
"You do?" Weiss asked, a glint in her eye.
"A good cook always tastes." Ruby declared, fist to her chest.
Weiss glanced at the regular, who gestured, smiling wide. Weiss turned and, with a flourish, splashed the whole drink into Ruby's face, soaking her shirt.
"Ozpin, another Arrogant Bastard for this gentlemen, plus one of anything he actually likes!" She declared, finger to the sky.
"Will you also need a towel?" Ozpin said, casually polishing a glass.
"Post-haste!"
The regular started guffawing, and moved to the end of the bar to get a refill.
Ruby, wet and stunned, flicked her tongue to her lips.
It was like licking a battery, if the battery was powered by rancid goat heads. Her tongue almost jumped down her throat, trying to recoil from the taste, but the smell was in her nose, in her clothes. She regarded Weiss in horror.
"You!" She pointed.
"Moi?" Weiss asked innocently, a hand to her chest.
"You have disgraced the tank top!" Ruby declared, pulling out one strap.
"Damn chef, I didn't realize you could get someone that wet!" Neptune drunkenly howled. The rest of the crew joined in, hooting and hollering and laughing.
"Horny idiots." Weiss grumbled, palming her face.
"I have been tainted." Ruby said, voice quivering.
"Don't be so dramatic." Weiss sighed. "It's just beer."
"It is not just beer!" Ruby pointed at the second glass getting filled at the counter. "That is a product of pure evil!"
"Here's a towel." Ozpin said, handing one to Ruby. "Oscar will get the floor." He said, handing another to Weiss. "I trust you'll be good to get the rest?"
"I'll need more than a towel." Ruby declared, standing from her seat. "Where's the bathroom?"
"Just past there." Ozpin gestured to the back.
"Thank you!" Ruby, towel in hand, marched down to the bathroom hall. Before she turned the corner, she saw Neptune break away from the crew and approach Weiss.
She shook her head. The smell of the beer was so gross. She wrenched the bathroom door open and stepped in front of the sink.
Gah. Her hair, her tank top and - yup, even her bra was soaked. She quickly shucked both, leaving her torso naked.
She looked at herself in the mirror, snorted, and shook her head.
First, her hair. She ran the faucet and cupped water into her hair, soaking it, combing it with her fingers, the water flicking out into the sink. She gave it a once-over with the towel. She'd dry it later. She ran her tank under water until it was completely wet, then wrung it out over the sink. She did
that twice more, then hung it on a hook in one of the stalls to dry. She ran the bar towel under hot water and started scrubbing herself, trying to get as much beer off as possible.
"Ruby?" The restroom door opened. "Are you-"
Ruby glanced in the mirror. Weiss stood in the restroom door, like a deer in headlights, face red as Rudolph's nose.
"Well, in or out?" Ruby asked, wringing the towel out. "This isn't a free show."
Weiss quickly went behind the door and slammed it shut with both hands.
"Wh-wh-why are you naked!?" Weiss hissed, staring at the back of the door intently.
"How do you clean yourself?" Ruby asked, casually lifting one arm to wash her pit. She paused. "Are you one of those weirdos who wears socks in the shower?"
"N-none of your business what I do in the shower!" Weiss yelled at the door, still holding it firmly shut.
"Are you embarrassed?" Ruby asked. She set the towel on the counter, then grabbed her tank top. "They're just tits." She said, pushing the button for the dryer. She held it from the inside, letting the dryer work one layer.
"Whatever." Weiss said gruffly. She straightened up. "I see you're fine, I'll leave you to it."
"Wait." Ruby said, pulling the tank on.
"What?" Weiss asked, hand on the door.
Ruby walked forward, until she was paces away from Weiss, staring right into her eyes.
"Did you come in here to check up on me?" Ruby asked, smirking.
"N-no!" Weiss denied.
Her left brow, with a thin white scar running straight down through her eye, twitched.
Hmmmm.
"Were you worried I was mad?" Ruby asked, cocking her head.
"W-well," Weiss pursed her lips, pressing her fingertips together lightly. "After you left I wondered if you. . . Deserved that."
"Deserved?" Ruby arched her brow. "What did I do to deserve that?" She asked, tapping her chin.
Weiss blinked.
"Oooh, I remember." Ruby pointed at Weiss. "I think I said you wanted to get to know me. You denied it, badly. I called it out. And you threw satan's piss in my face."
"So?" Weiss said. "You're annoying."
"You're so obvious." Ruby grinned, stepping closer.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Weiss said.
"Were you the kind of kid to pull someone's pigtails?" Ruby breathed.
"No. And even if I was, I'd never pull yours." Weiss said sharply.
That's a shame." Ruby frowned. She placed her forearm on the wall above Weiss' head, looking down into her eyes. "I kinda like it when my hair's pulled."
Weiss gulped, eyes wide. She licked her lips, knees quivering, and she slowly, softly, reached up into the tangles of Ruby's hair. Her fingers meshed with Ruby's locks and then, pulled.
Ruby gasped, mouth popping open.
"Get into the stall." Weiss growled, emboldened with drink and lust.
"Yes Chef~" Ruby answered, pulling Weiss along.