5

So this is what dying feels like.

The divinium shards shredding her skin burned like flame set to gasoline.

It's much more painful when you're conscious. When you're aware of what's happening to your body and how it's failing. Sure, I've died before—twice, actually—but this is different. This is slow and agonizing.

Ava Silva lay on the cold, barren ground, too weak to move. Her blood dripped onto the obsidian rock, and with it, more of her life. If the divinium didn't burn through to her heart, she'd die of blood loss in a few minutes.

With a groan, she rolled over onto her forearms and began pulling herself by her elbows across the sharp ground. Every movement of her muscles, every bit of exertion she utilized, left her exhausted and panting for breath.

Ava paused, resting her forehead on her hands.

This shit sucks. Dying, that is.

After a moment to breathe, she lifted her head in front of her to where a soft gray light glowed in the distant fog. She'd entered the portal only a few minutes after Reya, but with the way time worked here, the deity could be long gone by a few days. Reya was her only hope if she was to survive.

With a grunt, Ava pulled her knees under her body until she was bent over herself, sitting back on her heels. She closed her eyes and willed the halo to awaken, to heal her so she could last long enough to find this Other World deity. She took a breath, then another, but she felt no different.

Damn it, Ava grunted, slamming a fist against the ground. She hissed when the impact shot pain up her arm. Shit, she thought, shaking out her hand. God damn.

I have to move because if I don't, I'm royally screwed.

And yeah, I sort of know what to expect from death, but I just got my life back. I don't want to lose it again any time soon.

Ava struggled to her feet, one arm pressed against her torso over the worst of the wounds, and stumbled forward toward the light. She pulsed the halo as she walked, hoping to attract some Tarasks, because if they showed up, then she could at least try and call out to Reya.

Her boot scraped on a rock which sent Ava to her knees, her torn torso screaming as the divinium burned through more of her flesh. She ground her teeth, swallowing back her cries, and fought to stand once more.

I only ever wanted a normal life.

A life where I could walk in the sunshine, swim in the ocean, dance under the stars, and just be…content.

But things change once you realize not everything is about you.

This isn't the outcome I had wanted, but I'd do it all over again if it means the world—my world—is safe from Adriel, demons, and wraiths.

At least for now.

Her friend's faces flashed before her, and the sorrow she had pushed aside to face Adriel and do what needed to be done, threatened to bring her to her knees again. She hadn't told anyone her plan because she couldn't stand the thought of anyone dying on her behalf. Perhaps that made her reckless and stupid, but Ava felt assured in her decision. She'd kept anyone else from being hurt; it had only taken giving up herself.

"No," she muttered, staring ahead from beneath her brows. "No, this isn't how it ends." She planted one weak leg in front of the other and slowly made her way across the rocky desert to the gray light.

"Reya, you Goddamn useless being. Show yourself!"

Okay. Perhaps insulting the person I need to save my life isn't a great idea.

"Reya!" Ava stumbled forward, teeth gritted as the divinium sliced deeper. "Where the hell are you!"

Here's the thing: I'm an idiot.

But I'm an idiot who's not dying today.

Because I don't plan on dying for a very long time.

The dark obsidian wasteland glowed gold for a moment as the halo pulsed; a last-ditch effort to attract anything to her in this god-forsaken space.

Ava collapsed as the last of the halo's light flickered out.

I didn't plan on dying for a long time, but not everything in life always goes to plan.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. To whom she didn't know. Everyone, perhaps—her family, Beatrice, all the people she had left to live.

But she would end up dying all the same.

If she had stayed, then she could have at least died in Beatrice's arms instead of on the cold, hard ground in an unfamiliar world.

Not everything in life always goes to plan.

In my short-sighted view of life and what I wanted to do and experience, Beatrice was someone unforeseen, and she certainly wasn't someone I had planned on altering my reality.

And while not everything worked out in my grand scheme of things, I can die happy knowing that loving Beatrice was a wonderful, unexpected wrench in my plans.

Even if it was for only a few moments.

Even if I'll only see her again in the next life.

"I love you, Bea," Ava whispered as the icy darkness wrapped its talons around her consciousness.

When I died the first time, I didn't see an afterlife. I didn't see anything; it was just…nothing. So it was strange to hear a voice as I crossed from life to death.

You can't give up.

The words rang in her head, jerking Ava from the depths.

You are. You can't give up. Not now. Not ever.

Somehow, these words, this voice, was in her head, echoing in her mind, and spurring her to fight.

It was right. She'd just laid down to die when she was in Reya's realm—the realm meant to heal her. She hadn't known exactly how this realm would save her life—she'd assumed Reya would heal her since she'd done the same for Michael, but Lilith had gained healing abilities another way. Perhaps this realm would heal her, but it couldn't while she still had poison ravaging her body. Ava lifted her head to see the divinium in her torso. Shit, this would hurt.

Jaw clenched, Ava grasped the first bit of blood-smeared divinium, scorching her fingers in the process, and wrestled it out. When the piece hit the ground, its milky blue glow faded to gray. Only three more to go.

"Come on," Ava muttered through her teeth. "You can do this shit."

Once she'd gotten two more large chunks of the metal out of her torso, she wrenched the last from her left thigh, and with its clatter against the rock, slumped back, panting.

She gave herself a weak high five, a half-grin picking at her lips. "Nice."

After laying there for a minute, listening to the silence of the vast wasteland around her, Ava finally got to her feet. She inhaled deeply once. Again. Then she closed her eyes and threw her will into the halo.

At first, nothing happened. Then, the atmosphere around her began to shift. The darkness seemed to evaporate and the gray light in the distance turned golden. Everything around her was flooded with the power of the halo, and Ava's body felt the full effects of its power.

She held her arms out to the side, soaking it all in.

When she opened her eyes again, she felt alive. She felt like she did when the halo had first given her life.

Ava released a laugh, a smile blossoming upon her mouth. Then she threw two middle fingers to the sky and bellowed, "Suck on that!"

The triumph was short lived, though.

The ground rumbled, and from breaks in the dimension's veil, six Tarasks morphed into tangibility before Ava.

Oh, shit.

Ava blinked and retreated a step, her hand reaching to retrieve her sword strapped at her back—

Shit.

Her fingers curled around air.

Shit, shit, shit.

The Warrior Nun leveled a stare at the Tarasks and sized up her odds. Even at full health and power, without her sword and her sisters, she didn't stand a chance.

Ava took another step back, hands raised. "Come on, guys," she said, "I thought we came to an understanding. You don't melt the halo out of my back, and I don't kill you." She glanced beyond the approaching warriors. "Where's your…goddess, huh? Is she sitting at home on her throne?"

The Tarasks gave no indication they understood her and instead continued their stalk in her direction.

Mustering all the power she could, Ava glared at each Tarask as the halo glowed brighter, its gold rays illuminating the dark wasteland. If she had to fight her way out, then so be it. She raised her fists, planted her feet, and whispered, "Let's go."

Those two words seemed to trigger something in the creatures because they released their arm-length claws and roared.

Right before the first one could swipe at Ava's head, a voice rang out.

"Enough."

Ava's eyes sliced to where the white-clad deity stood, chin raised like a queen overlooking her subjects. Ava sneered at her.

Reya's gaze met hers and they were ancient and terrible, but not wholly unkind. She turned and said from over her shoulder, "Come, Ava Silva."

At her words, the Tarasks stood to the side, creating a walkway for Ava to follow their master.

Ava stared wide-eyed, at the scene unfolding before her, at the uncertainty that would come with following Reya, and breathed, "Shit."