If there were only two words to describe Dr. Wright as he strolled into the clinic, they would be cautiously ebullient.

Ebullient, in that the stack of small papers in his hands were yet another indication that everything in the kitchen was going smoothly. There was nothing quite as reassuring as good feedback, he always believed. (That, and the word optimistic didn't quite feel right.)

Cautiously, in that for as much feedback as the chefs had received, they were not out of the woods just yet. There was, after all, still dinner to take care of. And who knew how long Chef Kawasaki would be bedridden?

That caution was what made Dr. Wright put on an extra burst of speed, his strides a little longer, his shoes clack-clack-clacking against the sheet vinyl as he opened the door.

Chef Kawasaki groggily opened his eyes as Dr. Wright stepped into the room. Evidently, he must have been resting. His heart gave a painful twist.

"Is lunch over already?" asked the chef.

Dr. Wright nodded. "Hylian meat and rice bowl with roasted beets, and tiramisu for dessert. See, look." He took out one of the papers from the stack. "The boar was beyond heavenly. I need that recipe since yesterday."

"Since… yesterday?" Kawasaki blinked. "What… how does that even work?"

"It's… it's, uh, it's a colloquialism that the youth uses to… never mind." A slightly nervy Dr. Wright put away the reviews. "The important part is that we're almost through the day! Only dinner is left now."

"Dinner…" Kawasaki lay his head flat on the pillow and stared impassively at the ceiling.

…

…

"You're still worried, aren't you?"

Kawasaki turned his head to face Dr. Wright. "How can I not be? It's dinner! It's the most important meal of the day!"

"Isn't that breakfast?"

"It's the other most important meal of the day! Dinner is where all the memories are made! It's the big recap of the day! It's the last thing you eat before you go to bed! Of course it's important! I'm not sure—"

"I'm sure," interrupted Dr. Wright, "that you're underestimating them again. I've recruited four of our finest to make dinner this evening."

Kawasaki only looked partially convinced. "Mmm."

"And I—ah, excuse me one moment." The buzzing of Dr. Wright's phone caught his attention, and he pulled it out to frown at it. The cold white glow of the device reflected off his glasses, and his mustache twitched in displeasure as he tapped at the screen.

"What?" asked Kawasaki, catching the twitch of his eye. "What is it?"

"Hmm? Oh, ah, it's nothing." Dr. Wright's face smoothed over into calm geniality. "Just that one of those four is running a bit late." He sighed with soft, wistful exasperation. "But as I said, these are four of the finest. How could this possibly go wrong?"

It only occurred to Yuri Kozukata when she was halfway to the kitchen that her culinary expertise was rather lacking.

Not that she was necessarily a bad chef, no. Quite the opposite, actually! She could make tossed salad, fried rice, rice balls, and tea. The only thing was… well, those were the only things she could really make.

But, she supposed, that was okay. Kawasaki left a menu, so there was bound to be something she could cook. There was that nice fish dish she'd had the other day, the one with the lemon garlic herb sauce. The buttery flesh that practically fell off the bone, the slight tang hidden underneath… Ooh! Or those honey glazed carrots from Hyrule! Their inherent sweetness, brought to the fore by the honey… And the cinnamon…!

…Well, if Yuri wasn't hungry before, she certainly was now. Good thing she'd finally reached the kitchen.

As Dr. Wright had told her, the Sablé Prince and Alucard were waiting for her. It appeared she had been keeping them waiting for quite some time, as the prince was in the middle of regaling Alucard with an impressive tale of his exploits. From the looks of it, Alucard was unimpressed as usual. Or… maybe he was? It was hard to tell with him.

The Sablé Prince smiled warmly upon hearing Yuri's footsteps, not noticing Alucard breathing a small sigh of relief. "Well met, Miss Kozukata," he greeted, bowing deeply.

Yuri, who was twice the Sablé Prince's height, and roughly twice his age, she couldn't quite tell, had to wrestle her lips shut with all of her willpower to hide her smile, and the tiny giggle that threatened to burst forth. Heaven only knew how he'd react to that. "Good evening, Your Highness," she replied, managing a passable curtsy.

The Sablé Prince nodded, then turned to Alucard with a clap of his hands. "Alright!" he announced. "That's three of us accounted for. All that's left is our substitute, yes?"

Yuri blinked. "The—the what? Substitute?"

Whatever instruction the Sablé Prince was about to give died on his lips as he turned back to face Yuri, brows drawn together. "The… the substitute," he repeated. "Did Dr. Wright not tell you?"

"Riki had a… family emergency to attend to," explained Alucard. "Someone else will be assisting us in his stead."

Frowning, Yuri dug around in her pocket for her phone. Sure enough, a little envelope glowed in the corner of the screen.

Dr. Wright % today at 3:34 PM

Family emergency came up with regards to Riki. Currently looking for a substitute. Will keep you posted.

Yours,

Dr. Wright

And then, just below:

Dr. Wright % today at 5:25 PM

Found a substitute, even if it was fairly last-second and less than ideal, to be frank. Luckily, I managed to pry her out of her room. She's currently enroute as I write.

Yours,

Dr. Wright

Yuri made a mental note to remind him that texts were not the same thing as letters. "Who is—"

"We don't know," replied Alucard. "Your guess is as good as ours, I'm afraid."

All three of them paused to compile a list of the assistants they knew. Dr. Wright had said that she was coming, and that she was reluctant. Perhaps it was Phosphora, dragged away from whatever she had planned and tempted by the promise of a greater pay. Or maybe it was Nikki? It'd be a miracle if he'd managed to pry her away from the mailroom for that long.

…One of the Squid Sisters? Better hope seafood wasn't on the menu. Perhaps—

Once again, fate decided to play a joke on the assistants. The door swung open, letting in a cold, dry gust of wind that sent shivers down the spines of everyone currently present. Comforting warm light spilled in from the hallways, juxtaposed by the decidedly disquieting silhouette that stood in the doorway.

"Oh," croaked the Sablé Prince, tugging at his collar. "Oh, dear."

The short stature narrowed the list of suspects down a great deal, but the twin pigtails were a dead giveaway. Really, they should have known from the moment they read Dr. Wright's message.

Last-second. Prying her out of her room.

It was Ashley.

The Sablé Prince broke the silence first. "H-hail and well met, Miss Ashley," he stammered delicately.

Ashley stared stolidly back at the prince. It was quite impressive, the speed at which his face drained of color.

Alucard, who was now only a shade or two paler than the Sablé Prince, stepped forward. "I'm glad to see that you made it in time," he said.

Again, Ashley spared no response to the dhampir. "What are we making today?" she asked, marching straight past him.

"Aw, come on, Ashley!" came a voice. The scepter in the girl's hand rattled and shook, and Red appeared in a puff of red smoke. "Don'tcha want to at least say hi to your fellow cooks?"

"No," said Ashley.

The Sablé Prince's eyes briefly flicked to Yuri in a silent plea for help. In turn, she glanced at Alucard for any sort of support. All she got from him was a silent raise of his eyebrows and a tilt of his head towards the little witch: Your turn.

Yuri swallowed. This was going to be crucial. Taking a deep breath, she began, "We were just about to decide, actually. Does pan-fried Basculin sound good to everybody?"

"I dunno what Basculin is, but it sounds great!" Red had already flitted to the counter and snatched up a cookbook. His eyes grew wider as he scanned down the list, Ashley reading along over his shoulder. "Ohoho! Crumb-stuffed Super Mushrooms and…" He flipped through a couple more pages. "...Sunshroom salad! Anyone?"

A general murmur of agreement spread through the kitchen. They had heard both Mario and Princess Peach sing praises for the dish on multiple occasions.

Red nodded and shut the book with a thud, rubbing his hands in delight. "Alright! Where do they keep 'em?"

"Well, they, um…" The Sablé Prince cleared his throat. "According to Chef Kawasaki, they should be in the produce fridge, on the… on the left."

Ashley had started walking towards said fridge from the word produce. The door swung open, and Ashley disappeared inside.

Silence, awkward and heavy like snow boots two sizes too big, filled the room. Yuri coughed.

Red slowly turned to the rest of the group, wringing his trident in his hand. "Listen, uh… don't take it too personally when it comes to her. Ashley's kind of… reserved around other people. She's really not so bad when you get to know her!"

"If I recall correctly," said the Sablé Prince, "didn't she turn Pit into an eggplant for misremembering her name?"

"Uh." Red tapped his fingers together. "That was… that was only one time, though."

"Wasn't she the one that released the Rathalos that same day?" asked Yuri.

"Yes," said Alucard. "The eastern tower nearly collapsed. They only recently finished repairs on it."

All eyes turned to Red, who stammered as his tongue tripped over his words. "O-one time!"

The fridge door swung back open, and Ashley stomped back out, bundles of red mushrooms, bell peppers, and onions in her hands. The Sablé Prince cleared his throat and straightened up like he hadn't been talking about her behind her back.

Alucard, known master of timing, took the opportunity to announce, "I'm going to get the Parmesan." He disappeared into the dairy fridge, his cape fluttering behind him.

Yuri and the Sablé Prince shared a glance, neither of them willing to look directly at Ashley. Yuri did consider that it was a bit silly to be intimidated by someone half her size and probably a third of her age, but… there was something so intense in her eyes. Ashley was what, six? She was pretty sure she was six. It was just so unnerving.

Mercifully, Alucard was not gone long, returning with canisters of Parmesan in each hand. "I assume that would be everything we need?"

Red scanned over the list again. "Sure looks like it! A mouthwatering mushroom medley's on the menu tonight!"

"Never say that again," said Ashley.

Red ignored her. "Let's get cooking!"

"Very well," announced the Sablé Prince, clearing his throat. "Alucard and I shall prepare the peppers, onions, and salad. Yuri and Ashley can begin sautéing the mushrooms."

"Um, uh, Your Highness, may I speak to you for a moment?" When the Sablé Prince beckoned Yuri closer, her voice changed to a sweet, barely-patient whisper. "Why am I working with Ashley?"

"Because I am positive she detests me," responded the prince in kind. Years of finishing school had prepared him to handle conversations like these with nothing less than the utmost grace and decorum. "She'd sooner hex me or turn me into a frog. Besides, the two of you share certain…" He gestured at the witch staring into a pot, then back at Yuri, "…themes with each other!"

"'Themes'? What themes? And can't you already do that?"

"A worm, then!" An impatient stamp of his foot, and years of finishing school went out the window. "Make it work!" The prince stormed off in a decidedly huffy tone one takes when they've just escaped danger by the seat of one's pants.

Yuri could only sigh as she watched the prince go. She'd heard that he had an impetuous streak, but it was still agitating to see it in person, especially now. Once again, Yuri turned to Alucard in an appeal for help. If she interpreted what the Sablé Prince said correctly, then Alucard would surely share the same themes as Ashley, right?

Alucard did not help. In fact, Alucard did not even notice, for he was too busy chopping peppers. Wonderful. Well, she might as well give it the old college try, as it were. What could go wrong?

Slowly, with all the caution of a mouse carrying a hunk of cheese on its back as it tread past a sleeping cat's tail, Yuri sidled over to Ashley, who was busying herself wiping down the mushrooms.

"Ashley," began Yuri neutrally, placatingly. The young witch glared up at her from under her eyebrows, an act that didn't quite make Yuri jump out of her skin, but was still enough to sting, somehow. "Do you… do you need any help with those mushrooms?"

"No," Ashley said.

"Oh, okay." Silence reigned, and with nothing else to do, Yuri picked up a mushroom and began wiping it down with a cloth of her own. She glanced over at the cookbook to read the instructions.

Carefully clean the mushrooms with a wet paper towel and remove the stems, leaving the caps whole.

Finely chop the mushroom stems. Saute caps in three tablespoons of the melted butter until tender. Transfer to a plate and set aside.

Yuri stared at the Super Mushroom in her hands. The Super Mushroom stared right back. Yuri allowed herself to wonder, for a brief moment, if the mushrooms found in their eponymous kingdom were sentient. They had eyes, didn't they? But then, so did everything in the Mushroom Kingdom—even the hills. And then Toad…

"Y'know," said Red, bringing Yuri back to reality, "I wonder if these mushrooms can think."

Yuri glanced at the demon. He was floating there, trident in one hand, and Super Mushroom in the other, examining at arms' length, like any true thespian. "Welp, I've used weirder ingredients!" Red brought the knife down with all the force he could muster, getting the knife stuck and failing to actually separate the stem from the cap.

Ashley took the partially-split mushroom and removed the stem with a sigh, picking up the knife and chopping the stem. Yuri, who had nearly forgotten where she was, opted instead to twist and pull the stem off. (Eyes facing away, of course. Heaven help her if this thing could feel pain.)

The mushroom preparation continued in silence… at least, between the two girls. Behind them, the Sablé Prince and Alucard were chatting animatedly between themselves. Or, to be more accurate, the Sablé Prince was chatting animatedly with Alucard, and Alucard was patiently listening.

The only thing Ashley was listening to was the quick, sharp sound of the knife chop, chop, chopping against the board, and Red's occasional inquiries on which spice to sprinkle on next. It was unbearable.

'Certain themes', eh? Well, it was worth a shot.

"So, um, Ashley," began Yuri. Ashley leveled her usual detached stare at her, which was a good start. "So, you're a witch, huh?"

"...Yeah." Ashley turned back to her mushrooms.

"You, um… do a lot of spells?"

This time, Ashley's glare was hard with exasperation. "I don't do spells, I cast them. And yes, I cast a lot of spells."

"What kinds of spells?"

"Oh, you know: changing the size of people's pants, teleporting into books, growing giant man-eating plants, summoning demons… y'know, kid stuff."

Yuri did not consider summoning demons to be 'kid stuff'. "I can talk to ghosts," she said.

Ashley stopped chopping mushrooms. She turned to Yuri, her attention captured and her eyes wide. "Really?" she whispered.

"Really?" parroted Red behind her.

Yuri nodded. So far, so good. This clearly raised her in Ashley's estimates a great deal. "I can see the memories of ghosts when they were alive."

Ashley's eyes sparkled (itself a rare occurrence), with Red's practically becoming bioluminescent (itself frighteningly plausible). "How?!" asked Red. "How do you do it? I wanna learn!"

And down Yuri came. It was time for the explanation. She looked down at Ashley's expectant, eager (for once) face. If this dinner was to go well, she thought with a sigh, she may as well. And seeing Ashley so enthused, finally… the young witch deserved this, she supposed. "When I was young," she began, haltingly, "I was in a traffic accident with my family. I was… I was the only survivor."

The lights in Red's eyes went out with an abrupt, audible click. "Oh," he said at last. "I, um… I see."

Yuri suppressed the frown that came to her. The sympathetic looks people gave her got really tiring after a while. At least here, there were no hushed whispers behind her back when they thought she couldn't hear them.

Ashley, for her part, gave her no such sympathies, only staring at her with childlike curiosity. "Is that why you can talk to ghosts? A near-death experience?"

Yuri swallowed as she stared back into Ashley's eyes. It was certainly a direct way to describe it. "Yeah, pretty much," she said simply.

"Cool…" Ashley turned back to the mushroom caps, turning them over in the pan. She poked at them idly, eyes clouded over in thought.

Red caught on almost immediately. "Absolutely not!" he said, bopping the young witch on the head with a ladle. "It was bad enough with the Rathalos! We are not doing that again!"

"Fine. Whatever," said Ashley, but there was no annoyance behind her words. In fact, it might have been a trick of the light, but Yuri thought she saw the flicker of something resembling amusement in Ashley's eyes.

"You guys done with the stuffing?" called out Red to the cooks behind him, reminding both Yuri and Ashley that they existed.

"Almost there!" called the Sablé Prince. "Do you have any cayenne pepper left?"

"Hold on, I gotcha." Red fluttered over to them, a canister of pepper in hand. The two girls were left alone.

Ashley took out a canister of her own and began to pour its grainy contents into the empty mushroom caps. Yuri gave a quiet sigh. Behind them, the chatter of Red and the Sablé Prince blended with the hissing of their pans.

When Yuri looked back down, Ashley was staring right at her.

"…What is it?"

"I didn't know you could talk to ghosts," Ashley almost whispered. What little light reflected in her dark red eyes sparkled. "With that camera, I mean. That's so cool."

Yuri blinked. "Oh, um, thanks, I guess." She fiddled with her hands a bit before saying, "It's cool that you can… summon demons."

"You know," said Ashley, sliding the mushrooms onto a plate, "if you want, I could teach you magic. But you have to teach me how to talk to ghosts."

"Teach you?" The way Yuri had "learned" to speak to ghosts had been less than ideal. Besides… "Don't you have a spell for that?"

Ashley shook her head. "There are spells, but they're… higher level." The air quotes were very audible. "I can't get them to work, no matter how hard I try." She turned sharply back to the mushrooms, quiet frustration rolling off her tiny frame.

Yuri's mouth drew into a straight, awkward line, her eyes falling on the vice grip Ashley currently had on the knife. She quickly cast a glance at Red and the others behind her, still engrossed in the mushroom stuffing. She sighed mentally. There was one obvious way through this, and it was a very delicate way indeed. Yuri only hoped she wouldn't come to regret this.

"...I could let you use my camera."

"Really?" The stars in Ashley's eyes got just a bit bigger. "I could do that?"

"I—I mean—" Yuri scrambled to clarify. "The Camera Obscura is mostly for, like, hunting and exorcizing ghosts. But you can still see them, at least. Maybe… maybe even talk to them."

Yuri hazarded a glance at Ashley. The witch had been looking up at her, and had quickly turned away, a pink tinge on her face fading just as fast.

"That… would be nice. Thanks," Yuri thought she heard Ashley say. It was hard to tell the way she coughed and simultaneously clattered several spoons together for seemingly no reason.

"We're done!" Red announced, flying back to the two girls. "You got the mushrooms?"

Each mushroom was filled and placed into the preheated oven, and fifteen to twenty minutes later the mushrooms had turned a rather fetching brown, the cheese inside melting and crunchy. At last, finally done!

"I think," said the Sablé Prince as he watched the food get loaded onto the cart, "that this was a great success."

Alucard and the other nodded in agreement. "Time to clean up," he announced.

"Do we have to?" asked Ashley, her shoulders slumping.

"But of course!" The Sablé Prince had already dropped a pan into the sink. "It's common courtesy to leave anywhere cleaner than one found it! And we owe it to Chef Kawasaki to take some of that burden off him."

…

…

…

"You've never washed a plate in your life, have you," asked Alucard.

"Oh, don't look at me!" the prince whined. "I never had to! I had people for that!"

It took more effort than Yuri thought to roll her eyes. She managed it, only sighing and dropping the cutting board into a separate sink. She turned, and nearly tripped on something small and cylindrical on the floor—a canister, the same canister that she had seen Ashley sprinkle on the mushrooms earlier.

The canister had a silhouette of a mushroom on it.

For some reason, the sight sent a jolt through Yuri's core. She was probably jumping to conclusions, but it was better to be safe than sorry. "Ashley," she asked slowly, "what is this?"

"Hmm?" Ashley blinked. "Oh, that's where I put that." She plucked it out of Yuri's trying-not-to-shake hands.

"Ashley," repeated Yuri, "did you mislabel this or something? The recipe called for Parmesan—"

"I know that," interrupted Ashley. "Is that not Parmesan?" She stared at the canister in her hands. "Oh," said the witch, and it was an oh that made Yuri's stomach drop. "I guess it wasn't."

"I'm sorry, it wasn't what?" asked the Sablé Prince, whose head had popped up at the word mislabel. "What did you put on those mushrooms?"

Ashley stared, untroubled, at the prince. "More mushrooms, apparently," she said simply.

"More mushrooms—?!" Alucard snatched the canister out of Ashley's hand. His eyes narrowed into slits as he turned it over. "What exactly was in this container?"

Seeing the commotion, Red flitted over. "Alright, alright, lemme take a look at this." He plucked it from Alucard's palm and began to leisurely scan over the label.

Everyone watched as the leisurely scan became a slightly more active inspection. Everyone watched as the active inspection turned into vigorous analysis, then into frantic poring over, turning the canister over and over in his hands, eyes wide as dinner plates, sweat beading at his temples, until at last, Red's ears and wings drooped as one, himself falling to the ground like an autumn leaf, the canister falling forgotten and rolling forlornly over to Yuri's shoes.

"Oh, no," whispered Red, in a voice even smaller than he was.

"Oh, no?" parroted the Sablé Prince, himself turning a concerning shade of white. "Oh, no, what?"

Red tried to get up, steadying himself on his trident. "It was muscarine," he breathed.

"Muscarine?" said Yuri, already piecing together what was about to happen. "What is that?"

"It's a substance found in Amanita muscaria!" A snap of his fingers, and a little book appeared in Red's hands, with little reading glasses to match. "Symptoms of muscarine poisoning include headache, nausea, vomiting, constriction of the pharynx, excessive salivation, excessive lacrimation, blurred vision, and extremely painful polyuria." He shut the book, which disappeared in a puff of smoke. "Basically, any orifice you have that can leak, will!"

Everyone stared, slack-jawed, as they processed the exact ramifications of what had just transpired. Those same dumbfounded stares turned towards Ashley, who regarded everyone with the same dispassion she did everything else.

The Sablé Prince, ever in tune with the emotions of others, took the opportunity to voice what everyone was thinking.

"Why on earth would you do such a thing?!" he practically shrieked.

Ashley blinked once, twice, three times at the slowly-turning-hysterical prince. "Honest mistake," she said.

"An honest mista—" said the Sablé Prince, jumping five feet into the air, and hitting his head on an overhead lamp. He flopped back to the ground in a heap, but recovered fairly quickly, quick enough to ask, "When does the food—?"

Everyone turned towards the kitchen's entrance, just in time to see the back of the cart disappear behind the door as it shut.

Rumbling echoed through the halls of the mansion as the five chefs stormed after the cart, determined to stop it from reaching the dining area. Well, perhaps they wouldn't be calling themselves chefs for much longer if anyone found out about this, but that was beside the point. And it was all the more reason for them to hurry up and—

"Stop!" cried the Sablé Prince. "Stop that cart!"

The cart did not stop, heedless to the prince's command. It kept rolling, as if pulled along by an invisible force.

Kzzzt! A blast of red-colored energy flew forth and struck the cart. It was to no avail, only succeeding in making it wobble on its wheels.

"Augh! This isn't working!" said Red, transforming back into his imp form. "We'll never catch up!"

Alucard charged to the front of the pack. "I wouldn't give up so soon," he growled, reaching within his frock coat. As he did so, purple mist surrounded his form, fully enveloping him. The mist dispersed mere moments later, revealing a massive bat.

Before anyone had a chance to react, the bat took off after the cart, seemingly leaving afterimages in its wake. It closed the distance in the blink of an eye, latching onto the cart with its wings. Another flash of purple light, and Alucard was back in his familiar form, still clinging onto the cart.

"Now!" he called to the others. "Hurry!"

Yuri grabbed on to the left, Ashley and Red seized the right, and the Sablé Prince, not wishing to be outdone, had transformed into a snake to latch on to the bottom. A small cover on the back clattered under the unexpected weight. The cart creaked under the effort of five eclectic would-be cooks pulling it in the opposite direction. The Sablé Prince had to be careful not to be crushed by its wheels.

Just as the cart was slowing to a stop, Red's fingers slipped, sending him flying directly into Ashley's face, who in turn stumbled backwards, nearly trampling over the prince, who dove out of the way to avoid such a fate. Even the combined strength of Yuri and Alucard wasn't enough to hold it for long, and the cart broke free from their grasp, wheels squealing as it sped away.

"No!"

The quintet were back on their feet in an instant, racing after the cart with renewed vigor. They barely registered nearly crashing into Palutena, or her shout of protest that followed them. (The Sablé Prince was decent enough to slow down and apologize. To do otherwise was an affront to good manners.)

The cart turned a corner just as Alucard's fingers barely grazed it. They, too, turned a corner, and—

"Bwauugh!"

"What in blazes!?"

This time, the collision was unavoidable. Alucard had managed to stop mere inches before disaster, but the combination of Yuri, the Sablé Prince, and Ashley riding on her broom had provided enough force to create a six-man pileup. At least whoever they'd crashed into was oddly soft to the touch, cushioning both their falls.

Red, who had popped back into his imp form, staggered to his feet. Once he had regained his bearings, he pointed his trident at the perpetrator. "Hey, you! What's the big ideuuhhhhhh…"

His accusation went unsaid, as his countenance morphed into one of horrified recognition. As the other assistants reoriented themselves, they, too, beheld what Red saw, and felt a sudden coldness strike at their core. Even the normally unflappable Alucard and Ashley seemed distressed, knowing that the evening was going to get that much worse.

It was not Dr. Wright that they had crashed into. It was not Master Hand. It was not Crazy Hand. It was not Ridley, or Bowser, or Ganondorf, or even King K. Rool.

It was Chef Kawasaki, looking a little woozy but otherwise no worse for wear, and freshly discharged from the clinic.

Yuri felt her blood turn to ice.

Once again, the Sablé Prince broke the silence. "Well… well met, Chef Kawasaki," he greeted haltingly.

"Hmmm… Oh! Hello, Your Highness!" greeted Chef Kawasaki, oblivious to everyone's fearful faces. "I take it dinner's all done, eh?"

Red suppressed a shiver (not very well). "Uh, yeah, um! Yep! That's right! A mou—a mouthwatering mushroom medley! Mmm-mmm!"

"Oh, that's great," said the chef, unaware of Ashley elbowing Red. "You know, it's a real weight off my shoulders to hear that."

Alucard, who felt like a weight had been placed directly on his shoulders, nodded politely.

"See, I had my doubts when I heard Ashley was gonna be a substitute," he continued, again unaware of how Ashley bristled, "but one look on your faces tells me you guys went above and beyond!"

To anyone else, the look on the dinner crew's faces inspired anything but confidence. But clearly, either Chef Kawasaki was trying to spare their feelings, or he really was that clueless. Probably, he was still shaking off the last of the fatigue. And something did come to mind just then…

"So, um…" began Yuri. "What are you doing outside the clinic… so soon?"

"Oh, that! Well, after some physicals with Doc Luigi, turns out the injuries were actually mostly superficial! Thing about us Dream Landers is, we heal up pretty quickly!" A chuckle and a small tap to the side of his head punctuated his sentence.

"That's… that's grand! Yes, that's… that's truly marvelous. Smashing, as it were," said the Sablé Prince, fake smile wide and eyes flickering towards the cart that was worryingly no longer in sight.

"Oh, but look at me, standing here and talking your ears off!" said Chef Kawasaki. "You all should be serving the food and relaxing after a hard day's work. And I should be out there chowing down! Ahahaha!"

His words made everyone's spines pull taut. Alucard suppressed a shiver (better than Red did). "About that," the dhampir said, his voice dull. "Did you… happen to see the cart come this way, by any chance?"

"Uh… yeah." Kawasaki jabbed a stubby hand behind him. "Just saw it rolling towards the dining area before you guys came along. Should be almost there. Why, what about it?"

The five cooks held their breath as one. Alucard swallowed hard and audibly, his eyes darting to and fro; Yuri's mouth drew into a straight line. The Sablé Prince suddenly found the hem of his tunic very interesting, tugging and fiddling with it, and Red wrung his trident in his hands. Nobody seemed willing to make eye contact with Kawasaki.

This, sadly, was one thing of which Kawasaki was decidedly observant. "Ummm… did you forget the spice? Did something happen to the food?"

Another shiver went across them. Yuri plucked up the courage to meet his eyes, and immediately regretted it. His big dark eyes nearly ripped her heart into pieces. Even Ashley, who had remained silent through the whole encounter, had the sense to look abashed.

"Well… er…"

Chef Kawasaki's eyes went wide. "Something happened to the food," he gasped.

"No! No, nothing happened. …Okay, something happened, but…"

"What? What happened?!"

"Uh…"

"Okay, so what happened was…"

"I, um…"

"That is to say, we…"

"Ashley put muscarine on the mushrooms and now everyone's gonna pee themselves to death!"

The group was dead silent. The force of the shout had echoed through the corridors, and possibly to the floors above. A passing Mii paused in their work to gawk at the scene. Everyone present turned, slowly, to stare at the source of the admission.

Red, his tiny chest heaving, slapped both hands over his mouth.

Chef Kawasaki's eyes shrunk to pinpricks.

…

…

"…Kawasaki?"

The cook was off like a shot, leaving the rest coughing on the tangible clouds of dust he'd left behind.

Now, despite his egg shaped physique, and rather lethargic movements on the battlefield, one thing became painfully clear to the dinner crew: Chef Kawasaki was much more athletic than he let on.

So when the five of them finally caught up to the cook (but not the dinner cart, troublingly), even Alucard, a technically-ageless dhampir, found himself absolutely winded.

"Where's the… where's the cart?" he wheezed.

"I know this cart's route," answered Chef Kawasaki. "It should be coming down this way any minute now.

"Oh, man, that's a relief." Red mopped little beads of sweat from his brow. "We should've just come to you first."

Now Chef Kawasaki fixed Red with a stony leer. It was a striking contrast with his ovoid build and placid, beady eyes, which only served to unsettle the imp twice as much. "We wouldn't be here," said the chef, "if you hadn't put muscarine in the dish."

Red fidgeted on the spot. "Hey, that was Ashley's fault, not mine."

"Leave me out of this," said Ashley.

"Shhh!" The Sablé Prince put a finger to his lips. "It's coming this way!"

Sure enough, the low rumbling of the cart's wheels heralded the arrival of the cart itself, dark and tall further down the hallway like an approaching storm cloud out to ruin a picnic (And, in their cases, possibly their livelihoods.)

The six of them crouched down behind the corner, waiting to strike. The cart drew nearer and nearer.

"Ready…"

Yuri shifted and tapped her foot. Alucard's golden eyes were fixed on the cart's looming shadow. Chef Kawasaki was tense all over.

No sooner had the cart drifted into view than Chef Kawasaki had shouted, "Now!"

Alucard was the first to pounce, leaping out in front of the cart and holding it back with all his might. Kawasaki popped up beside him, two stubby arms trying to push it back, and only slowing it down.

The Sablé Prince, still in human form, took the back, Yuri and Ashley flanking him on either side. Red took to the top, pulling with might and main, his little wings flapping to gain some extra force.

And still, the cart continued onwards.

"It's not slowing down!" exclaimed Yuri. "What do we do?"

"Keep at it!" said Alucard, redoubling his own efforts. "We can still…" He turned and saw, to his shock, that the doors to the dining area were not only in sight, but coming ever closer. He pivoted and slammed his shoulder into the cart. It did not yield an inch. "We can still…!"

…Could they still?

"I've got it!"

In one swift movement, Chef Kawasaki had squatted down and sprung up to the top of the door, clambering up to the top of the cart. He wobbled as the cart swerved to avoid running down Robin, his toque fluttering in the breeze.

"Chef!" Red's eyes were wide. "What are you—?"

Kawasaki swung down and clung to the back of the cart, ignoring the surprised shouts of Yuri and the Sablé Prince. There wasn't much time left. He had to get it right now.

A small compartment was pulled open, revealing a small keypad with a seven-segment display. Kawasaki punched in a few numbers before pressing a green button just below the keypad. The display glowed green for a moment. A chime rang out, followed by a voice, declaring:

"Emergency stop activated."

The cart began to slow, until Yuri and the others were able to hold it back without straining themselves. Slowly, gradually, relievingly, the cart slowed to a complete stop, mere inches from the doors to the dining area, and mere moments from utter disaster.

One by one, each of the chefs remembered how to breathe, slumping down and taking massive gulps of air. Crisis averted. Tonight, at least, no one would pee themselves to death.

Footsteps, soft but heavy with exhaustion, made the five would-be blink, their eyes drawn to its source. Chef Kawasaki loomed over them, still staring at them with that same stony leer from earlier, but his eyes bagged and weary, his movements sluggish.

"Call Mona Pizza."

"Alright, that's… one thousand, nine hundred and ninety-three dollars and twenty three cents, sir!"

"One thousand—!?" The color drained from Dr. Wright's face. He turned back to the five, pulling out his wallet. "This is coming out of your check, you know."

"Like, our normal paychecks, or the paycheck we were getting for this?" asked Red. "Cause I'm pretty sure we weren't getting paid for this."

"Well, most of it is delivery fees," said the delivery girl, a young-looking girl with long, thick orange hair and a mink coat. "Once you factor in interdimensional travel, the fares just skyrocket!"

Dr. Wright shook his head. "What isn't going up these days?

"Our paychecks, that's what!" The girl pointed finger guns at him.

Dr. Wright laughed, half out of politeness, half out of genuine mirth. The girl did not laugh. "I have… I have four other jobs."

"Ah." Dr. Wright coughed. "I… I see."

A quick scan of a debit card, and the pizzas were placed in the hands of waiting Miis, a receipt with a barcode at the bottom circle placed into Dr. Wright's. "And don't forget to let us know how we're doing!" The girl waved excitedly at Ashley and Red, sitting morosely at the back of the room. "Bye, guys! It was nice catching up with you!"

Red waved excitedly, while Ashley just raised her hand. "Byeeee, Mona! Catch you later!"

The door closed behind her, and Dr. Wright turned to the group. Red's smile faded.

"So," he began, pacing back and forth. His voice was low and even, like ice on the surface of the water. "Mushrooms, then? Muscarine?"

No one spoke for a moment. No one dared to.

"It's bad enough," he went on, "that I have to deal with a PR nightmare, and now I find that everyone nearly got poisoned? Possibly to death?"

Red cleared his throat. "It was an honest mistake."

"An honest—"

"Okay, that's enough," said Chef Kawasaki, rising from where he sat with a grunt. "We've all had a long day. Why don't I handle this, and you can handle the rest of the week."

"Really? You're positive?" Dr. Wright raised an eyebrow. "Well, if you're sure…" He took his leave rather quickly, muttering about schedules and guidelines and similar things.

Everyone took a breath. Spared a lecture from Dr. Wright that would have lasted into the early morning. What a relief!

Then Chef Kawasaki turned to them, arms folded behind his back, and their hopes were dashed. No, this would be much worse. Out of the frying pan and into the fire, as it were.

"What were you thinking?!" cried the chef.

Even Alucard jumped at the sound of his outburst. For such a meek, non-confrontational fellow, it was amazing and more than a little intimidating, to see him nearly burst a blood vessel about this.

"Actual muscarine—why did you even have that—I've never seen such a—if I hadn't been there—could've rendered half the roster bedridden—coughing up blood for weeks—"

"I mean," cut in Red in a small voice, "they wouldn't be coughing up blood, per se…"

Chef Kawasaki, who had often been described as "looking like Kirby, but after a couple hours in a stretching rack", fixed Red, and by extension everyone else, with a glare that could only be described as forbidding. It worked beautifully, shutting up Red immediately, and even making Alucard and Ashley nervously avert their gaze.

But when they deemed it safe to make eye contact again, they noticed the deep bags under Kawasaki's eyes, and the way his body slouched when he had a moment of rest, and the wild gesticulation that was followed by a wince and a hand at the base of his back.

The gravity of Ashley's mistake—of their mistake—hit them as though they'd been crushed by a Thwomp.

"Chef," began the Sablé Prince, timidly. "I-I'm sorry for… everything that transpired this evening." His words were heavy with guilt. "And I believe I speak for everyone when I say that."

Chef Kawasaki just stared exhaustedly at the prince. He rubbed at his face and let out a loud sigh. "Yeah, I know." He sighed again and turned to face the rest of them. "Okay, okay. If… if you were in my position, what would you do?"

Everyone was silent for a moment. "I would… have us make it up to you," said Yuri. "In whatever way would seem fair."

Kawasaki thought on her words for a bit. Then, his feline smile widened in a decidedly devilish manner that sent a shiver of apprehension down everyone's spines. "I'll be right back," he said, and he disappeared through the door, leaving stifling silence in his wake.

The Sablé Prince reached for his wallet. "No," said Alucard.

"I-In whatever way would seem fair! Were those not her exact words?"

"That is not what I meant, and you know it," Yuri sighed.

Red announced, "He's going to kill us."

Alucard turned a skeptical eye on the imp. "What?"

"He's going to kill us," repeated Red.

The dhampir's eyes narrowed. "How on earth did you come to that conclusion?"

"This is exactly how it happens," explained Red. "He's gonna talk with Dr. Wright, and he's gonna bring Kirby in here, and he's gonna eat us, and we're just going to be stuck inside of him until he spits us out, or until we all go insane. Whichever comes last."

"...Don't you mean whichever comes first?"

"That's just it! I don't!"

"If we have to run from Kirby," said Ashley, "I'm tripping you."

"Tripping who?"

"Him." Ashley lazily pointed a finger at the Sablé Prince."

"What did I do?!"

The door opened, and Chef Kawasaki strolled in, hands folded behind his back, his smile wide and roguish. The five of them immediately snapped to attention. "So, I had a little chinwag with Dr. Wright…"

"Oh, my God," whispered Red.

"…And the two of us decided that the best way to make up for tonight is to make your positions… permanent."

The quintet blinked. This was not at all what they had expected, least of all Red.

Chef Kawasaki clapped his hands, and threw five packages into theirs at once (the faces of Red and the Sablé Prince, in their cases).

"Welcome aboard, new commis!"

Everyone simply stared at the chef, then down at the packages, something made of white cloth (an apron, they realized after the fact), and then back at the chef. And then the penny dropped.

"R-Really?" asked the Sablé Prince.

Chef Kawasaki nodded. "It's better than having, like, Kirby come in and do whatever, am I right?"

"Uhhhh… Yeah! Yeah!" agreed Red, wringing his trident. "I mean, who would even think of that? Not me, that's for sure! Ahahaha! Ha ha haaaaa…"

"Now, this is technically still a punishment," continued Chef Kawasaki, "so this is mostly to make sure you can make your way around a kitchen without killing someone. And I'll be there—" he tapped on his chest for emphasis— "to make sure you don't!"

The five of them shared a glance. It did sound nice, they had to admit.

"I should warn you," he went on, "that in culinary circles, I've got quite the reputation, especially as a teacher. Iron Chef of Peanut Plains, they call me. So…" And here he turned to them, his smile just a bit too wide, hiding a will of iron. Unless their eyes were playing tricks on them, the lighting around him dimmed a bit. "When we're through, nothing like this is ever gonna happen again! Am I clear?"

Everyone's spine went straight as an arrow. "Yes, chef."

And just like that, the chef snapped back to normal. "Great! Well, you all better get a good night's sleep! Busy day tomorrow!" The door closed behind him with a soft click.

The five of them stood there, in seemingly-endless silence. It was only then they noticed that Chef Kawasaki always seemed to smell like basil, the last traces of the scent wafting away as he departed.

"So," coughed Yuri. "This has been… a day."

"You're tellin' me," nodded Red. "Feels like we've been at this for, like, half a year."

"Yes, yes, indeed," murmured the Sablé Prince, still staring at the apron in his hand. Evidently, he was still a little shaken by the chef's fit of temper. "I, for one, believe it would be prudent to retire now if we're to make breakfast for… for over one hundred people…" His face paled as he seemed to realize the magnitude of the task ahead of them. Clearly, the memories of the night had been blotted out by the events of the past fifteen minutes, and were only now starting to be recalled.

"Hey, you know, it's gonna be fine," said Yuri with a clap of her hands. "I mean, Kawasaki's gonna be there! It shouldn't be too bad, right?"

"Uh, yeah!" chirped Red. "Welp, I dunno about you guys, but I'm about ready to hit the hay." He cast a nervous glance at Alucard. "Wait, do you sleep? …Can you?"

Alucard simply stared at him. "It's a hobby of mine. You should get some rest as well." A swish of his cape, and he was gone.

As Alucard left, so did everyone else, giving well wishes to each other as they went, in much higher spirits than at the start of the night.

Such high spirits, that nobody even noticed that they'd forgotten to prepare dessert.

Author's Notes: At last, dinner time. You know what they say; dinner is better when we make mistakes together!

But now, I think it's time to put this little arc to rest... for now. Maybe Chef Kawasaki will host a cooking show in the Smash universe! Check your local listings!

Now it's time to answer a question maybe six or seven people have asked: Whatever happened to that purple guy?