Lava erupted from the ground as the castle shook with rage. Several paratroopas flew away on sight the second they heard the infamous growl come from the furious Koopa King's wrath.

"She WHAT?!" Bowser roared, sitting atop his majestic throne.

Kamek anxiously adjusted his robes, standing across from him. "Princess Peach and the human successfully recruited the Kong army. Also er- um..."

Bowser clenched his fist. "What did she say about my proposal?"

"Well, I overheard her say...that..." He muttered something under his breath.

"Speak up, fool!"

"...that she would rather marry a moldy dry bones carcass than you?"

Don't freak out. Don't freak out. Keep it cool. Keep it cool. Keep it cool.

He blasted Kamek with his fire breath. "THAT DOES IT! I'm done playing games! I want the princess and I want her NOW!" He ignored Kamek slowly recovering from being burnt to a crisp and climbed off his throne. "I've been nothing but a gentleman to her! I even have the damn super star! What else could she possibly want? We were supposed to rule the entire galaxy together!"

He stormed away and beckoned Kamek to his feet. "And worse, she's obviously smitten with that annoying human with the mustache. What does he have that I don't?" He hoisted Kamek by his robes and shouted in his face.

"Well, uh, I don't know. You're perfect the way you are, your evilness." Kamek trembled in his grasp.

"I'm handsome, I'm smart, I'm charming..."

"And so modest too!"

"Exactly!" Bowser sighed, using his free claw to run through his flaming red hair. "I just don't get it."

Kamek hummed sympathetically. "Oh sire, you know how fickle humans can be. They say they want one thing, but they mean another."

Bowser frowned. "Maybe that's the problem. I need a human perspective. Perhaps then, I'll be able to court Peach properly. I can figure out what exactly I'm missing. You're a dear friend Kamek, but I'm afraid your opinions are biased."

"In that case, what do you think is your next course of action?"

Bowser pondered on the question. Truly, aside from conquering the world, all he wanted was a suitable partner. Peach had all the qualities he wanted in one, and more, and yet she still denied his affections. Now, surely that was her issue, but if he had someone else, someone human to confide in and figure out what the problem was, then he could-

"That's it!" He exclaimed, dropping Kamek to the floor. "I just thought of something brilliant!"

"Uuugh..." Kamek groaned and rubbed his head. He snapped his broom into existence and floated towards the king. "What is it, your wickedness?"

Bowser turned and sat on his pedestal with a grin. "Bring the human prisoner to me."

"The green one, sire?" Kamek could only look on at his superior with disbelief.

"Yes, the green one. He's the only human prisoner we have, idiot!"

Kamek glanced wearily back and forth. "Are you certain that is wise?"

"Of course it is!" He snapped. "Do as I say, or I will feed you to the Piranha Plants."

The magikoopa squeaked and flew off.

Initially the puny human was only to be used as bait for his brother. But now...there was a chance he could provide information that Bowser so desperately desired.

He just had to swallow his pride.

The doors swung open. With Kamek at the lead upon returning, he bowed.

"The human, Lord Bowser." He announced.

A group of koopa guards came storming through the doors. Behind them was the small green clad plumber, his wrists bound with rope. He was shaking in fear, pale as a Boo, and was currently staring at his shoes.

"Come closer, human." Bowser drawled.

The human gulped, still shaking as he took two steps forward. One of the koopas pushed him to his knees, causing the man to yelp.

"Kneel to the king, weakling!" The koopa jeered, earning a few cruel laughs from his fellow comrades. "And look at him when he's speaking to you!"

"Yeah, show some respect!" Another hissed. Surprisingly the human did not fight back. He only let out a pathetic whimper as the guards continued to mock him.

"Hey Greenie! Are ya gonna cry?"

Bowser found himself scowling. Normally any act of violence, particularly bullying caused him to guffaw. But this? This was just sad. Something twinged inside him, a sense of pity perhaps.

"Enough! Leave him to me." He ordered. The koopas obediently marched off, although not without snickering. The only one who remained was Kamek. "You too."

"Sire?"

"I will handle it."

"As you wish."

Once Kamek left them alone, Bowser gazed at his captive. The clear tension between them was unmatched-especially without Bowser's troopas hanging around.

He cleared his throat. "I understand you know why I brought you here."

"Y-You want to use me as bait to get to my brother." He glared defiantly, showing a rare spark of bravery behind his bright blue eyes. "He won't fall for your tricks, and nor will I. Mario will come and save me and-"

Bowser rolled his eyes. "Yes yes I know, you have full confidence in him or whatever." He waved his hand off. "Listen...what was your name?"

"Um, erm, Lu- Luigi."

Luigi. How strangely charming human names are. Bowser chuckled to himself. "Luigi. You already know me. Bowser, King of the Koopas. Soon to be ruler of the World. Hold your applause."

Luigi glared at him, gesturing towards his bound wrists.

He ignored him. "Now that we're acquainted, I might as well be frank with you. My initial plan was indeed to use you to lure your brother to me, and that hasn't changed. I know very well his weakness is you."

Luigi shivered. "I already told you everything I know."

"That's not what I want. You are fully aware of my other plan. I don't plan on ruling the world on my own. I need a partner. Someone to stay by my side as we slaughter innocents and commit heinous crimes!"

"Er..."

"What I'm trying to say is, I have spent many moons trying to court my future bride, and she hasn't budged!" Bowser slammed his fist against his throne. Luigi flinched. "This is painful to ask, but I need to know what humans like in order for her to accept my proposal. Which is why I reluctantly called you into my chambers."

Luigi blinked. "Y- You want me to help you impress the Princess?"

"When you say it like that, it makes me sound pathetic!" Bowser snarled. "Look, I just need pointers. You're the only choice I have, as mortifying as it is to admit."

"What if I say no?"

Bowser felt his temper flare up. "I order you to help me or-or, I'll drop you into my lava pit. Simple as that. Do we have a deal?"

Luigi glanced reluctantly at the ropes tied to his wrists, then back at Bowser. "We do. I- I'll help you."

"Excellent. Take a seat then." Bowser snapped his fingers, and a trio of goombas appeared, pushing in a velvet stool. Luigi hesitantly took a seat.

"I have tried everything in my power to get Peach to like me. Bribery, hostages, a super star. I even once tried stealing an entire galaxy for her! And yet, I'm left with nothing. I'm at a loss.

But then your brother swoops in, and suddenly she's all over him!" He fumed, repeating the same question he asked Kamek. "What does your brother have that I don't? I mean, I'm handsome, strong and powerful! I have an army of koopas! Is it something I'm doing?"

"I, well, I-"

He didn't let him finish. "No, she must like Mario-" Bowser spat his name like it was a curse. ``because he's human and I'm some horrifying monster! Is that it?" He demanded.

"No!" Luigi shook his head. "No you're very han- handsome. And not at all a monster. I think, and this is a personal gripe of mine, but your yelling hurts my ears."

"My...yelling?" That was not answer he had been expecting.

"And if I were Peach, that would definitely turn me off."

He scoffed. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever- oh." Bowser's features softened upon seeing Luigi flinch again, and made an effort to lower his voice. "I see. I was trying to be intimidating."

"It is intimidating but-" Luigi meekly bowed his head. "Most humans don't like being shouted at. It isn't an attractive quality."

"Peach does seem to be on the quieter side..." Bowser thought for a moment. "I guess I'm so used to yelling at my useless army that I didn't even realize that she might not even like it. I don't want her to see me as weak or a pushover."

He exhaled through his nose. "So, what you are suggesting is I don't yell."

"Um, yes?" Luigi couldn't stop trembling.

"Very well. You can stop shaking, Luigi, I'm not going to kill you."

"You aren't?"

"No, you've provided me with valuable information," He paused. "Wait, how many humans have you even seduced?"

Immediately he turned scarlet. "I, um, I don't know?" He squeaked. "not many..."

"No matter." Bowser dismissed, oblivious to how flustered he made the man. "What else do you suggest I do?"

"You really shouldn't ask me. I'ma just a plumber. I don't know anything about Princesses or what they like."

"But if, hypothetically, you were..."

"Then, I dunno..." He seemed to be intently focused on his ropes for a reason Bowser could not understand. "I would want to be treated kindly and with respect."

"And?"

"An- and?" Luigi swallowed, awkwardly shoving his hands behind his back. "Well. What do you like most about the Princess?"

"That's easy. She's beautiful, she's fierce and yet so delicate. Her hair is as yellow as gold. Her eyes, like shimmering sapphires. Her lips, as pretty as the fruit she's named after. She commands true leadership all while remaining so utterly calm and collected. She's an enigma."

"I see. Well, might I suggest you find some way to show your appreciation for her? A poem or ...or maybe-"

"A song?" He suggested. "I've been dabbling in my musical talents."

"What do you play?"

"Piano. I've been told I'm awesome at it."

"That sounds lovely. Uh, tell me more!"

"Oh, absolutely I-wait."

For some reason, Luigi would not stop wiggling about. And in that moment, Bowser realized what he was doing. His ropes were loose.

"You're trying to distract me."

Luigi didn't move.

"Are you trying to escape your bounds?"

His eyes widened and he shook his head. "No! I would never-" He clumsily tried to explain.

Bowser rolled his eyes at his terribly lying skills. "Ugh, Kamek!"

Immediately Kamek flew back in. "Yes, your disgustingness?"

"Untie him."

"What?" Luigi and Kamek exclaimed in unison. The latter couldn't help but squawk.

"Untie him." He repeated.

Kamek waved his scepter and obliged, still looking perplexed.

"Why did you do that?" asked Luigi. "I'm your prisoner."

"I didn't expect you to have the guts to do that." Bowser chuckled, fondness dancing in his eyes. "I admire that. And I...appreciate your help. Truly." Although he was thanking him, Bowser honestly looked as though he was ready to vomit.

"I'm happy to help." He laughed nervously.

He grunted in response. "You're finished here. Kamek-"

"Yes sir, I'll take him back to his cage with the others right away!" The magikoopa chirped, already pushing Luigi back to the doorway. "Come along then, watch your step, ya don't wanna fall in the lava!"

"No, not to his cage."

"Oh..." Kamek deflated, tilting his head. "The dungeons then?"

Bowser hesitated. Something about the panic in Luigi's eyes, his helpless state, the way that he surprisingly still kept his composure left him intrigued. Bowser was not familiar for those brave and scared at the same time.

He didn't want to imagine Luigi shivering in fright any longer.

"Escort him to one of the guest rooms. In the tower."

"Eh?"

"You heard me." He growled.

He knew Kamek would obey him, and that he did. He didn't dare to pay attention to Luigi's hopeful stare as he was led away from the throne room.

This might be the strangest day of Luigi's life. Which was seriously saying something, since he spent the last few days teleporting through green pipes, wandering around a spooky forest with skeleton turtles, and eventually being abducted by weird guys in masks.

He never in his life expected he would serve as not only a hostage, but a wing-man for a giant dragon turtle...thing.

And said dragon turtle was letting him stay in a guest room. As if he was a guest, and not a prisoner. What a strange turn of events that was.

And to top it off, he had actually taken Luigi's advice seriously.

The wizard koopa leading him to his room was silent, except for the occasional mutter under his breath. There were a few flights of stairs that Luigi had to climb-to which the magikoopa Kamek had no issue with, seeing as he could fly with his broom.

Finally they made it to the top, and Kamek at last spoke. "This way then." He promptly opened the door to one of the hall's many rooms. "You will stay here for the time being."

"Okay..."

He was pleasantly surprised with how [nice] it actually looked. It wasn't dreary, dark or scary in any way. It was quite lovely, in fact, and fitting for a royal. The walls were a soft shade of cream, and in the middle was a massive king sized bed with mint green sheets and matching curtains. There was even a walk-in closet and an en suite bathroom.

If this was the King's attempt at being hospitable, then Luigi was impressed. Still, he had to remain on guard.

"Enjoy your stay, I guess." Kamek said, before slamming the door. He checked to see if it was locked behind him, and sure enough, it was.

The room was so big, yet Luigi had never felt so claustrophobic.

"Don't worry Lu, nothing can hurt us so long as we're together." Mario had assured him, giving him a playful pat on the shoulder. "I'll always be by your side. Don't forget that, little bro."

"Always?" Luigi raised an eyebrow.

Mario laughed. "You're not getting rid of me that easily."

His heart sank.

He really was all alone.

He curled into the bed, whimpering into his pillow until he finally fell asleep.

"You gave him a guest room?" Kammy swirled around in a frenzy on her broom. "Why would you do that?"

"I...have no idea." Bowser admitted, pacing back and forth. "Leave me be, I need to think."

Kamek burst through the doors. "Sire!"

"Oh, what now?"

"The human prisoner-"

"Luigi." He corrected automatically. He didn't know why he bothered remembering it.

"Luigi is in the guest room now."

"And? Is he comfortable?"

Kamek glanced at Kammy, then back at Bowser. "Yes. But he wouldn't stop crying."

"Crying? Tears of joy or-"

"He said he misses his brother."

"Ohh..." Kammy sighed. "That's understandable."

"No it isn't! Mario's the worst!" Kamek exclaimed.

Bowser hummed. "I see. I'll have to work through this somehow. Make it up to him." He cleared his throat. "Not because I care for him, but so that we don't have to listen to him crying. Obviously."

Somehow he wasn't sure if he was trying to convince the hovering Magikoopas, or himself.