BPOV
"You're being ridiculous," he said, "Why can't you make up your mind? Why are you thinking about your potential life in the US? That's never going to happen because you've chosen this path! It's not going to bring you anything but pain and frustration! You need to stay firm on your decision. I'm getting fed up with you!"
"You're getting fed up with me?" I said with disbelief, "Do you even realize what I'm going through right now? I'm trying so hard, but... This is too much for me! You need to understand that this is not my life! I talked to my friends today, and... they're living the best of their lives! And what am I doing here?"
I had a group call with them today. They had called me to congratulate on my engagement, but talking to them made me question myself about what the fuck was I doing with my life!
Jessica was on a world tour.
Angela was about to start her PhD.
Lauren's career was progressing at an amazing pace, and she was having a blast!
Irina had just started a new company.
And look at me!
I had no chill!
I was trying to follow everyone's advice - My fiancée, his family, his friends, his staff, everyone!
They all had something to tell me!
I was doing everything they were suggesting me to do, and still, I was failing terribly!
And the people didn't seem to be liking me despite all my efforts!
"I had warned you about this. I had asked you plenty of times before proposing to you if you're really ready for this, and you said you were! How many times have we discussed if you seriously want to be part of my world!" he said.
"Yes, we did. We discussed everything! I don't know what is the point of all this..." I felt like crying, "I'm never going to be enough for anyone."
"Look, I don't want to get mad at you, but we discussed this before that your life was never going to be the same again. I had told you this is going to demand a lot of sacrifices from you. You said you were ready for this!" he said, "And you're focusing on the wrong things! Don't try to read these comments! They don't mean anything!"
"Edward... Just let it go," I said, "You're never going to understand me."
I was disheartened, but this was what it was!
"Did you have to make a single sacrifice for me? No, right?" I asked, "So you're never going to understand me. Maybe I've made a mistake, but maybe I need to learn to deal with the consequences."
Maybe I shouldn't have said that!
I mean, I loved him.
I thought I was ready for this.
But the pressure was getting too much for me!
And... I got it that he wasn't going to make any sacrifices for me, but at least he could try to understand me, right?
But no! He said he was getting fed up with me!
"Mistake? Are you kidding me right now?" he said with disbelief, "Isabella... It's not even been a day since we announced our engagement! I can't... with you!"