Edward: How are you going there Bella? Getting enough sleep?
Bella: *violently shivering* N-n-n-n-n-no, ju-u-u-u-u-st like the la-a-a-a-a-a-ast three times you a-a-a-a-asked.
Edward: Oh, sorry.
Bella: W-w-w-why c-c-c-c-c-c-couldn't you p-p-p-p-pack an extra blaa-a-a-a-a-anket?
Edward: Silly Bella, that would have weighed me down.
Bella: …h-h-h-h-how?
Edward: Hey Jacob, you sure you aren't cold out there?
Jacob: *from outside* Nah, I'm good. Thanks anyway.
Bella: D-d-d-d-d-d-d-don't you st-t-t-t-t-t-till need t-t-t-t-t-to sleep?
Jacob: And your point?
Bella: You'r-r-r-r-r-r-r-re r-r-r-r-r-really going t-t-t-t-to sleep out in the c-c-c-c-cold?
Jacob: Yes.
Bella: N-n-n-n-n-n-naked?
Jacob: Yes.
Bella: You p-p-p-p-p-people are f-f-f-f-f-f-fucking insa-a-a-a-a-a-a-ne.
Edward: Oh, come on Bella. It's not like a little cold has ever killed anyone.
Bella: I th-th-th-th-think hy-y-y-y-y-y-ypother-r-r-r-r-rmia would b-b-b-b-b-beg to d-d-d-d-d-d-iffer. On a r-r-r-r-r-r-related note, is it b-b-b-b-b-b-bad that I can't f-f-f-f-f-feel my t-t-t-t-t-t-toes anym-m-m-m-m-more?
Edward: Probably, but it's not like we have something warm nearby that we can use.
Jacob: Wait, that gives me an idea.
Bella: W-w-w-w-w-what do you… *Jacob enters the tent* …you're n-n-n-n-n-not serious.
Edward: Hey, that's a great idea Jacob.
Bella: You c-c-c-c-c-c-can't seriously be ok-k-k-k-k-k-kay with this.
Edward: Why wouldn't I? He's hot.
Bella: In that he's g-g-g-g-g-g-got a high body t-t-t-t-t-t-t-temperature, or that he's attr-r-r-r-r-r-ractive?
Edward: Yes.
Jacob: Appreciate it buddy, but I'm not gay.
Edward: Huh? What's gay about telling another guy that he's hot?
Bella: …m-m-m-m-m-moving away from that st-t-t-t-t-t-tupidity, you're nn-n-n-n-n-not s-s-s-s-s-s-seriously going to l-l-l-l-l-l-let the guy who s-s-s-s-s-s-s-sexually assaulted me sl-l-l-l-l-leep in the same b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bed as me n-n-n-n-n-n-naked, are you?
Jacob: How are you still upset about that?
Edward: Yeah, it wasn't even an assault since you didn't get hurt.
Bella: I B-B-B-B-B-BROKE MY H-H-H-H-H-HAND!
Edward: But not from the kiss.
Bella: Yeah, I g-g-g-g-got it from d-d-d-d-d-d-defending myself against a s-s-s-s-s-sex p-p-p-p-p-p-pest.
Jacob: Silly Bella, I'm a virgin.
Bella: …I r-r-r-r-really hope st-t-t-t-tupidity isn't c-c-c-c-c-c-contagious.
Jacob: Anyway, shove over, I'm getting in.
Bella: I d-d-d-d-don't consent to… *Jacob forces his way in* …this.
Jacob: Hey Bella, why are there stones at the bottom of your sleeping bag?
Bella: Stones? *Jacob pulls out some black, shrivelled things* Those appear to be my toes, falling off due to frostbite.
Edward: Silly Bella, you're supposed to keep those attached to your feet.
Bella: My body temperature is finally rising above 90°, and that's your only concern?
Edward: You're right, I should reattach them.
Bella: How are you going to… *Edward starts licking the end of Bella's foot, then shoving her toes on the end of it* …what the fuck are you doing?
Edward: Duh, everyone knows vampire spit is adhesive.
Jacob: Yeah Bella, stop being stupid.
Bella: First of all, I'm surprised you even know what that word means. Second of all, I'm pretty sure that's not a thing.
Edward: Of course it's a thing, Bella.
Bella: Since when?
Edward: Since forever. And always.
Bella: …you know what? I have too many brain cells for this argument. What's the heaviest object in this tent?
Edward: The hammer, why?
Bella: Excellent *whacks herself on the head with it, knocking herself out*
Jacob: Aww, she's all tuckered out.
Edward: Hey, you should probably get some sleep too. You've got a big day tomorrow.
Jacob: Yeah, good point.
Edward: Hey, before you go to sleep, what do you know about a "Third Wife"?
Jacob: Oh, would be the Third Wife story my people tell.
Edward: Oh, okay. Would you mind telling me it?
Jacob: Well…
Edward: Actually, don't worry. I just read it out of your mind.
Jacob: Fair enough. What did you think of it?
Edward: I have a bad feeling Bella's going to try and do something related to what I just heard in there.
Jacob: Yeah, that's our Bella for us though.
Edward: True that. Hey, you should get some sleep.
Jacob: Yeah, I should. Good night *grabs the hammer and knocks himself out*
Author's note: You know, if I had a nickel for every time a young adult novel released in 2007 had the three lead characters, consisting of two guys and a girl, sharing a tent over winter, and the movie adaption of their respective series had Robert Pattinson in a prominent role, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.