Hi everyone! This is the first time I write a fanfiction after many years of reading all these amazing stories here on the site. English is not my first language so I hope it doesn't suck and that my grammar won't freak you out lol. Please give feedback if you want.

Don't own any of the characters.

February 7th Grimmauld place 12

Laying on my bed staring up at the sealing, The nightmares making it impossible for me to sleep more than a few hours per night. My whole body feeling groggy and slow from sleep deprivation. Nine months after the war, I was naive to think that life would change for the better but everything just feels wrong.

My nightmares are still haunting me, the extreme feeling of loneliness. even though I'm in a room full of people I love and care about I still feel like I'm invisible. The only person that truly sees me and are able to see through my facade is Sirius.

When Mrs Weasley killed Bellatrix in the battle at Hogwarts the vail inside the department of mysteries flared to life and Sirius jumped out, still in fight mode thinking the fight that, what we thought, killed him still was going on. He scared the living daylights out of me when I stepped out of the floo at Grimmauld Place three days after the battle. There he was sitting in the sofa in the library looking like he did the last time I saw him. Laughing to myself thinking back

I stepped out of the floo and brushed off the soot, pushing my hair back from my face only to come face to face with a man I had mourned for years. Immediately pointing my wand at him "Who are you?! "I whispered in disbelief. Was this some kind of sick joke?

That lazy smile that always graced his face was there and eyes shining with mischief staring at me in wonder "kitten? "You asked and made a move to stand up.

"Stay where you are don't come any closer! Who are you?! "This time my voice came out stronger, I felt my tears burn behind my eyes. My heart was pounding so fast that I felt dizzy. "It's me" you whispered. Hands raised in a peaceful gesture "You saved me in your third year, you and Harry. We flew away on Buckbeak and you always scold me for smoking in the attic when I just wanna get away from Mollys nagging "

I gasp, my pulse now racing even more and I drop my wand and fling myself at you sobbing. Your arms wrap around me like the devils snare and you rock me whispering in my hair as my sobs wreck my whole body " It's okey kitten I'm here "

When I fled to Grimmauld place to get away from the death and the mourning at Hogwarts to find him there it felt like I could breathe for the first time since we went on the horcrux hunt.

Sirius had always been the only one to see me for who I am. Not the brightest witch of her age, not his godsons best friend, just me. He knew I found it difficult sometimes to balance my muggle heritage with my life in the magical world. Feeling like an outsider. I guess we are alike in that aspect even though he's a Black.

He was my rock and i always felt comfortable and safe around him where others thought he was immature or dangerous.

He grounded me in a way no one else did so to say that I was relieved and extremely happy that he was sitting there on the sofa nine months ago is to put it mildly.

Now that he's back it's different.

Not in a bad way but he's even more in tune with how I'm feeling and every time I find him in a crowd his eyes are locked on me, a frown on his face like his in deep thought. It always makes me feel guilty.

I sit up, the heavy duvet slipping down making me shiver, I'm always cold these days. I grab my thick wool socks slipping them on my cold feets and stand up. Black spots forming before my eyes and I sway where I stand for a minute. Not eating does that to you. I shake my head and grab my wand and lower the wards on my bedroom door slipping out. The house is quiet, I glance at the clock on the wall, 4am. I creep down the stairs slowly, walking towards the kitchen. i don't bother turning on the lights, knowing my way around this house by now and stand in front of the sink looking out of the window. I don't know how long I'm standing there when I feel a presence behind me, my whole body tensing and I grip my wand harder in my hand. Then I feel the familiar smell. Leather,smoke and something I cant put my finger on. But it smells like home. Safe. I relax my shoulders and you step closer. You always wait, keeping your distance to make sure not to frighten me.

"Trouble sleeping again?"

I look down and nod. Strong hands land on my shoulders rubbing them slowly making me relax even further. "go sit down in the library kitten, i'll make some tea " I turn around giving you a small smile and you squeeze my shoulders in understanding stepping around me to begin making the tea.

I sit down on the sofa pulling the thick blanket over myself. I point my wand at the fire and the room is illuminated in a soft warm glow. You walk in with two mugs and sit down next to me handing one to me "Thank you Sirius" I hope you know I'm thanking you for more than just the tea. We sit there in comfortable silence for a while sipping our tea watching the flames flicker.

You put your mug down sitting forward resting your elbows on your knees. Rubbing your hands over your face " I know you put wards up at night and silence your room kitten but I can still smell your anxiety and your fear. Every night. "You turn your head looking straight at me. I swallow closing my eyes, I can't stand, what I think is disappointment in your eyes and my guilt grows and I feel myself getting dizzy. You pull my mug out of my trembling hands and then your arms are around me pulling me close. I open my moth to apologise " don't! Don't apologise Hermione. Don't apologise for being lost and you don't have to feel guilty. You're one of the strongest persons I know and it okey to not be okey"

I cling to you as I break down there on the sofa, my tears soaking your t-shirt and you stroke my hair. "Please "I plead my voice thick with tears "Please help me from drowning "

You hug me closer and kiss my forehead "I promise I will kitten, I promise "