Chapter 1: Death is a Beginning
Death had a certain finality for me. After my rampage through Thunderclan and Riverclan, I'd managed to kill those who'd been the source of my kits' death. While I devoted myself to Starclan in life, they asked of me many things that have stained my paws. Many may not know this, but I've always been more spiritually connected than most other cats, but my desire to be a mother far outweighed my desire to be a medicine cat. As I faced the cold blackness of my end, I turned away the one cat who wanted me to live, a strange barn cat named Myler. It may have appeared I was lashing out, but I was more than ready to die. I'd done what my kits desired and sought their revenge. With me punishing of those cats, they would not have to bear eternal punishment in the afterlife. I gave them the right to be in Starclan. I don't mind if they hate me. I am a sinner as well. We must all bear our penance.
I felt the cold embrace of death as my blood stained the floor. The poor cat Myler could only look on as I bled out. I tried to give him some form of comfort, but my lungs were filled with blood. I tried to speak to only splatter small puddles of blood. The tom only seemed more frightened, so I decided to go peacefully. I tried to keep a calm expression on my face while waiting for the end. Each second was an eternity. I remembered my life. Memories of the many cats I'd loved in life flashed by.
Birchface. He was always so calm and kind. I wish I had known him better. He'd have made a lovely mate, but he was taken too soon. Frecklewish. I truly saw her as a sister. We were good friends until she found out the truth of my kits. Those eyes that used to hold so much joy and kindness were cold after my codebreaking was publicly announced. I do not hate her, but I can't forgive her inaction when my kits were drowning. I gave her penance with a death by poison. I imagine it was agonizing, but it will serve her well as a penance. I did as my kits in Starclan desired and gave her a meaningful death. Ravenwing. He was still naïve as a medicine cat. He'd never grasped the idea of Starclan being bigger than the clan. He acted on impulse and never took the time to ponder the meaning of the reeds he was sent. He jumped to the first possibility that the reeds could have meant. I killed him in front of the Moonstone so he could see the truth. His actions had done more harm than good. Maybe from Starclan he can now see how a medicine cat is supposed to ponder and act with care. Finally, Appledusk. I will never forgive how he called our kits a mistake. Kits are never a mistake. I wouldn't have minded as much if he called them an accident. He'd once been so loving and thoughtful. Then he became a coward after he accidentally killed Birchface. I gave him a death where he'd protect kits. It was his only chance of redemption. I admit, I got carried away with the kidnapping of the apprentice beforehand, and if Appledusk had failed my test, I'd have likely killed Reedshine.
I no longer had the strength to move in the slightest. This was my end. My vision faded to black. For a brief moment, I was weightless. The void was all encompassing. I could feel nothing. I was alone with my thoughts. Then I could see it, Starclan. It was as beautiful. The land looked unreal with its vibrant colors. I could faintly see the star spotted fur of Starclan cats in the distance. This was it. I'd be reunited with my kits soon. My invisible form drifted closer to the hollowed hunting fields before a pair of ethereal eyes manifested in my path. I could feel the full power of Starclan behind them. I wanted to greet them as a friend. They stared into me a second. I could feel them peering into my very being. Suddenly the eyes stopped. They appeared thoughtful and somewhat conflicted. Then I felt a familiar presence. I could feel Appledusk and Ravenwing somehow take control of the eyes, and I was launched. I was hurtling away from the field of Starclan and my reunion with my kits.
I'd been rejected. Instead my path curved towards a place with tight trees. The trees bore no leaves or needles. I could feel the malicious energy of the land and knew it was the Place of No Stars. I looked back towards Starclan hoping for some kind of miracle. I could still see those eyes. Their rage was unbecoming of a force that represented all of Starclan. Right before I crashed into the ground, I felt a last second change. Something had changed my path ever so slightly. I could feel it. It was my kits. Instead of being thrown into the ground with unbelievable force, the power that had guided me lessened and set me lightly on the ground. It was likely all my kits could do for me.
I was a Darkforest cat. Why had I been sent here? I did all they asked. What had I done wrong? How had I failed them? I wanted to blame Appledusk and Ravenwing, but I could feel it was more than them who had sent me here. I could ponder the whys for ages, but I am a cat of action. This place was meant as a punishment, so I'd have to be prepared for the challenges to come. The ground was a sticky black mud. It faintly stunk of sulfur. Despite the trees being bare, the branches made seeing the sky difficult. What I could see was that the sky seemed to be in a state of twilight. It wasn't absolutely dark, but the light didn't help much in terms of sight. This was my home now, and I am not the type of cat to fall into despair. I'd serve my penance and make things right. I will meet my kits again no matter the cost.