Lester Shire The town holds a do something something stupid tournament much to Lisa's chagrin. However when the judges announce themselves as winners for being stupid enough to watch the tournament a riot breaks out. Then while in town Bart encounters a hobo who claims to be the real inventor of Itchy and Scratchy but Lester and Eliza explain he's just a fraud. Who can Bart trust? Especially given various locals have heard of Chester J Lampwick and his reluctance to work!
Then the Simpsons go on a break away from town in the countryside. Told from three points of view!
PlotLisa's Story
The town is a holding a "do something stupid" tournament where the entries do stupid/gross or humiliating stuff. That's just embarrassing... why do my parents insist on living here...
"But Mom! This event is just mortifying! Why can't I stay at home and read a good book? Like the Hardy Boys?" Lisa whined.
"Because it's a felony to leave a minor at home Sweetie and your brother and father are competing! You have to come!" said Marge.
Lisa sighed.
The event was sponsored by low fat chocolate pudding.
"Can you eat it at four AM?" Oscar asked. "Because I've lost control of my li-"
"No! Enough!" Bart snapped. He disliked Oscar's Rugrats references.
Barney's entry is drinking a six pack of beer in one go. Everyone cheers thinking it's his entry.
"No wait! I was gonna juggle chickens!" Barney groaned.
Homer's entry was wearing a suit of popcorn kernels and singing I've got a fever while using hairdryers on himself until the kernels pop. However the performance was a lot more painful than he thought and Barney's chickens escaped and started pecking him to eat the popcorn. Everyone laughed at him.
Krusty was embarrassed by his stupid performance. However he was himself wearing a dandy fop child's outfit with a curly wig and holding a lollipop.
"I wanna bigger lolly!" He asked his stage hand.
Next was Bart. He announced he would swallow anything thrown at him. People threw junk into his vuvuzela. However he was having difficulty swallowing something.
"No more quarters please!" He coughed.
"This whole thing is embarrassing! Is this what our town wants to be remembered for?!" Lisa rants.
"If you don't like it young lady, go home!" Marge snarked.
"Fine I will!" said Lisa.
Lisa found the whole thing embarrassing and stormed off.
"Lisa! Get back here now! Don't ignore me Young lady!" Marge demanded she sit down and watch Bart's performance.
"No! Why should I do what you tell me?! You can't even get Bart to behave!" Lisa ranted. She stormed off home.
Marge sighed.
Oscar's POV because Lisa stormed off.
After Lisa stormed off, unlike canon because she's a fizzled out firework all mouth and no action..., low fat chocolate pudding in globs were tossed into the crowd. Some landed where Lisa was sat. In canon she got it in her face but here she was gone!
Oscar looked at the fallen chocolate pudding sitting where Lisa sat.
"Eeeeeeew! Marge! Lisa pooped!" Oscar groaned.
"No dear, that's chocolate pudding..." said Marge.
Next was Krusty's performance. He was acting like a child while dressed in a dandy fop outfit. However when he tried to bite his lollipop it pulled out his false teeth. Humiliated everyone saw he had false teeth he cried.
Everyone except Bart laughed at him.
It was then time for the judges to decide who won. Unfortunately they voted for themselves.
"For being stupid enough to watch this circus! I hope you're all proud of yourselves!" said Rainer Wolfcastle.
The entries were annoyed at this outrage and started trouble. It all kicked off when Kirk threw a urinal cake from his urinal costume at Krusty.
"Hey! This is a urinal cake!" Krusty yelled. The tournament soon descended into a riot!
"Cooool!" said Oscar before being hit with a chair.
"Oh my!" Marge gasped.
During the riot Homer acted like a gorilla grunting and hooting on all fours.
...
Meanwhile, after storming off despite her mother angrily calling her back. Lisa reached her parent's house and let herself in. Either she has keys or Homer being an idiot forgets to lock up.
Lisa sighed mortified and angry went up to her room muttering about low fat chocolate pudding.
She threw herself onto her bed and laid there annoyed and humiliated until she heard Dad and the others come in.
I bet I'm in for it now for running off home...
Once she came in, Marge realised Lisa was right and was more angry at Homer and Bart for joining in the riot.
"Homer! Bartholomew! I am so embarrassed! Your behaviour today was heinous! You did not need to join in the riot!"
Homer and Bart stood glum looking at their feet.
Oscar was holding an ice pack to his head because someone threw a chair at him during the riot.
"Are you okay sweetie?" Marge asked softly.
"Yeah just woozy," said Oscar.
Lisa was writing in her diary that she had decided to change her nerdy good girl image and become rebellious like Bart but geared more towards her love of jazz.
However Bart rode past her room naked on a pig.
What on Earth?! Lisa thought.
"Yeehaw!" Bart cheered as he rode the pig down the upstairs hallway.
"Bart! The festival is over!" Marge yelled.
Lisa sighed and continued writing something when Bart came past her room again. This time the pig was riding on him. He was still naked.
I don't need to see that... Lisa sighed.
"Bart! Get that filthy animal out of here and put your clothes back on!" Marge yelled.
...
Marge decided the family needed a break away from Springfield until the riots calmed down.
Of course they didn't go too far away that the kids had to move schools just down south in the warm rural areas.
And for some odd Reason Dad has to pop inside and came out with a kid who resembled my obnoxious clown of a brother, Bart... but his clothes were torn rags stained and full of holes. His spiky hair was greasy and unkempt. The kid was fighting and wriggling consumed by a rage as Dad brought him out.
"Dad who is that..." Bart asked.
"Shut up! No questions!" Dad snapped at Bart.
Homer booked a lodge with the lady in charge. However as he was giving her his details she was murdered by Jason Voorhees. He continued to silently take Homer's details so he could murder the Simpsons later.
...
During the week after the embarrassing farce of the Do stupid things festival, My brother brought home a deranged hobo, claiming he had come up with Itchy and Scratchy before Roger Myers Sr had... I'm told I helped Bart in canon, whatever that is but to be honest I think this Chester is a lunatic...
At Dinner Chester got into a fight with Grampa.
Dad wanted to take Grampa home. Poor Grampa... but Mom, having a sensible head on her shoulders explained Chester had to leave.
Then Dad tried to offer Chester his shoe to eat...
"Now sir. That's an offensive stereotype! Not all hobos eat shoes!" said Chester.
Anyway that was during the week. Anyway Chester was outed as a work-shy lunatic who was offered numerous jobs in return for food but refused to do them on principle that the food given to him was terrible...
Lisa decided to dress up in her new rebellious persona for the trip. She was wearing a tye dye shirt grandma Mona made during her brief visit, sunglasses and a Jamaican hat.
"Lisa! Is that my music festival hat?!" Homer asked.
Lisa sighed and gave it to him. She pulled out from nowhere a beret and wore it.
...
They went to the camp where they booked a lodge. Lisa decided to try to make friends. Luckily she made a whole group of friends outside the town library.
However Bart wanted to ruin things for her. He explained he was Springfield's bad boy.
However a girl in Lisa's new group of friends laughed at him for having a slingshot.
"What are you? Dennis the Menace?" asked a surfer boy.
Bart blushed.
"Which one? American or Beano?" Oscar asked.
"Our Dennis obviously!" said the boy.
"Yeah British comics aren't exactly popular over here!" said a boy with dreadlocks.
Bart walked off humiliated.
"Anyway catch you later Lisa!" said the gang of surfer kids.
Lisa looked longingly at the library.
She imagined Pippi Longstockings. "Lisa read my latest book, Pippi lost at sea and bring me back to life!" said Pippi Longstockings.
From out of a desk drawer came a posh nineteenth century man. "We have periodicals on microfeeeeeesh!" He said putting unnecessary emphasis on the word fish as Feeeeeesh.
She then imagined Alice from Alice in Wonderland appear.
Alice invited her to the library. However as Lisa contemplates this the mad hatter pulls out a gun and holds Alice hostage.
"No wait! It's a trap! Run Lisa! Run away!" Alice cried out.
"Sheesh! Batman has really ruined Alice and Wonderland for me!" Lisa gulped as her daydream ended.
Meanwhile Oscar was smooshed up against the glass walls of the library in a trance. In his imagination he was watching American Dennis the menace (the blond one) fighting Beano's Dennis (the black haired one with the red and black striped sweater). Lisa decided to leave him to his trance.
...
Later we went to the beach and some seagulls pestered me. The feral boy Dad brought, whom I have learnt is called Hugo decided he was king of the birds and commanded the seagulls to do his bidding. Well I'm the lizard queen...
Hugo laughed as he commanded the birds to attack Lisa.
That evening the family minus Lisa, who was out with her friends, were playing a board game called behind the door. Homer and Marge were enjoying the game because it was scandalous. However Bart was bored and jealous of Lisa's friendship. He didn't even want her new friends, he just didn't want her to have any.
"This sucks. I wanna go and bother Lisa." Bart goes off to screw up Lisa's friendship again.
"Oh no you don't! You park your keester back on that seat mister!" Marge nagged as she stopped him and made him sit down. However while Marge was distracted laughing at Homer's date behind the door...
"Hehehehe! Oh Homer! You got the dud!" Homer's date behind the door was a Milhouse look a like nerd.
Milhouse winced.
Bart had a plan...
Hugo took Bart's place. Bart bribed him with candy.
He had time to tidy up his spikes and Oscar stuffed a marshmallow over his lost tooth. Marge didn't notice until Hugo started guffawing at his date chosen by the game. By then Bart was far away.
...
Bart was in Lisa's room. He knew exactly how to ruin her new friendship. A while back at school she published the school year book. If her friends knew she was a nerd they'd leave her.
Bart ran off to meet Lisa's friends while she was off elsewhere.
"Oh hey Dennis the menace." One of the boys teased him.
Bart rolled his eyes and ignored the taunt. "Look if you really want to see something embarrassing, read this! It's the school year book!" Bart handed over a blue book.
Lisa arrived too late as her new friends were laughing while reading the school year book. How did Bart get ahold of that?! Lisa thought.
Lisa ran off and cried.
...
However on their last night they visited her.
"What do you want? Why would you lot still want to hang out with a teacher's pet?!" Lisa sighed.
"No we think you're cool! We've got something to show you!" said the kids.
Lisa went to see what it was, probably a prank. However the kids had decorated her dad's car with sea shells in a wonderful moment to her that spelt out LISA.
"Oh it's wonderful! Thank you!" Lisa replied. However Dad saw it.
"Sweet merciful crap! My car!" Homer screamed.
...
The Simpsons drove home with seagulls attacking the car.
"That was nice of your friends sweetie but did they have to glue shells to the car?!" Marge sighed.
Homer was too busy shooing away the seagulls.
Plot 2Bart's Story
The town was running a "do something stupid" tournament where everyone was allowed to do stupid or embarrassing or even gross stuff for a prize.
Coooool! Thought Bart.
Bart and Homer spent the morning preparing.
Homer was wearing a suit of popcorn kernels.
"What are you doing boy?" Homer asked.
"Easy, I am the human trash can! With my vuvuzela from last St Patrick's day I shall swallow any items thrown at me!" Bart explained.
"Neato!" said Homer.
At the performance they waited backstage. After Barney's short performance he was removed from the stage despite that he was planning to juggle chickens after the crowd assumed him drinking a six pack and burping was his act. Homer went on after him.
Krusty commented on how embarrassing Homer's performance was despite wearing an embarrassing dandy fop costume. Bart couldn't help but snicker at his costume.
"Don't laugh kid, you're up next..." Krusty replied.
Bart went up and swallowed several objects he could catch in his vuvuzela. However he choked on some coins.
"No more quarters!" He asked the crowd trying to clear his throat. He noticed Lisa storm off despite Mom trying to stop her. Bart thought nothing of it. Let her have her self righteous rant.
After his performance Bart went off stage and watched Krusty's performance. However he was embarrassed for poor Krusty when he accidentally pulled out his false teeth. Bart didn't even know he wore dentures...
Krusty went back stage humiliated.
"Krusty, I'm sorry! I didn't even know you had dentures!" Bart tried to show some sympathy for him.
"It's alright. It's a long story Bart... basically I'm older than I look. And all those cigarettes I smoke did a real number on my teeth, ugh! That's why I wear dentures now." Krusty explained. "I'd appreciate it if you kept quiet and don't tell your friends about it."
"I won't Krusty. You have my word." Bart replied. "Besides my embarrassing secret is that I actually have one of those dandy fop outfits at home! I don't know why, Aunt Patty just bought it for me one day..."
Krusty chuckled.
...
The results were then read out after everyone had a go. However the judges named themselves the winners just for having to watch the how show! What a rip!
Of course everyone got mad and Kirk started a fight by throwing urinal cakes. The whole thing ended in a huge riot! Bart was too small to be much of an opponent so he resorted to just fighting with Nelson for most of the riot until it was dispersed.
...
At home Bart had managed to smuggle a pig home. He figured the house needed a pet pig despite the menagerie they had. (Santa's Little help, a dog. Snowball I followed by Snowball II after her untimely death, cats. Bubbles and his wife, two fish. Lisa's hamster and Lisa's mouse.) Bart spent the short time he had the pig riding it naked past Lisa's bedroom and even letting it ride him until Mom yelled at him to get dressed and put the pig outside so it could be collected by its rightful owner.
"I still think a pig would be cool! Any ideas for names Homeboy?" Bart asked.
"First up call me Dad! And... either Spiderpig or Harry Plopper..." Homer replied.
...
A week later Mom booked a dumb holiday to a national park/youth hostel. "I can't stand lectures from German backpackers of how we don't appreciate the environment!" Bart groaned to himself. To cheer himself up he went into town to buy a comic.
However as he passed Roger Myers Studio he saw a hobo throwing rocks at it.
"Hey! What did Roger Myers ever do to you?!" Bart yelled. He knew it was stupid to confront a crazy hobo but still.
"He stole my idea for a cartoon!" the hobo replied. "Chester J Lampwick. I invented Itchy and Scratchy long before that hack and his father did!"
Bart was intrigued but of course he wasn't ready to believe someone without evidence. "I dun wanna seem rude but I'm finding it hard to believe you created Itchy and Scratchy..."
"Don't believe me eh? Well I have proof!" Chester had a roll of film. "Unfortunately I don't have a projector to play it on."
"Don't worry, there's one at the school!" said Bart.
Bart took the hobo to the school that for some reason was open but not running. There were no classes on. (Probably an inset day)
Bart, Milhouse and Chester found an empty classroom with a piano. They put on the film while Chester played the piano.
It showed a very early Itchy cartoon before Scratchy was even invented.
"That hack may have invented Scratchy. I give him that." Chester explained.
Itchy roamed around town while Milhouse read the subtitles.
An Irishman appeared.
"Look out Itchy! He's Irish!" Milhouse warned. Itchy knocked him out with a lightbulb and put him through a clothes mangle. Milhouse and Bart laughed.
Then Itchy encountered Theodore Roosevelt. He chopped off his head with an ax.
Bart and Milhouse laughed.
The cartoon ended with the credits reading Chest J Lampwick.
"You really did create Itchy! We've got to show this to everybody before-" Bart said enthusiastically but the film caught fire and was destroyed. "Aaaaaawww..." he groaned.
"Well it was my only piece of evidence but it was great while it lasted." Chester replied.
...
Bart took Chester to Androids dungeon. Suddenly something caught Chester's eye.
"Wait! I made that!" said Chester pointing to a picture of Itchy in a gold frame.
"Uh, highly unlikely!" Comic book guy snorted. "And what are you doing in my store?! Get out!"
Bart and Chester were thrown out.
"You may return anytime Bart. But don't bring any ruffians with you next time!" said Comic book Guy.
"So what's next because I'm hungry and could really go for liver and onions." said Chester licking his lips at the thought of liver and onions.
"We could always ask Roger Myers to share some money with you." Bart asked.
"Are you nuts?! I asked him 30 years ago and he threw me out of his office and dropped an anvil on my head!" Chester replied.
"That was Roger Myers Snr... he's dead now. His son is in charge now and his the nicest person ever! He once bought a turkey one thanksgiving to feed all the hungry orphans!" Bart replied.
Chester decided to give it a try.
"Wait, you come into my office coming up with some spiel about my late dad stealing intellectual property from you and you have the gall to ask me for how much again?!" Roger Myers ranted.
"Eight billion dollars." said Chester.
He was thrown out along with Bart.
"Well that brings back memories." Chester sighed.
A piiiiiiiiiii sound and a shadow growing larger warned Bart to push Chester out of the way as an anvil fell on them. Or where they were.
They tried to ask Lionel Hutz.
"Wait you come in here with some crazy story of how you invented Itchy and Scratchy?!" Lionel Hutz ranted. "What do you take me for?!"
"Mr Hutz... you've taken all sorts of zany cases before..." Bart asked.
"And they were all believable! I'm sorry Bart but I would be stupid to take on such a case! It would ruin my career!" Lionel Hutz replied.
Bart and Chester were then thrown out again.
"How many times is that gonna happen today?!" Bart asked.
They were then thrown out of the library. The librarian then put a "No Bums!" sign outside the entrance.
"Ooooooh! I wanted to pull my pants down in the library..." Oscar whined.
Bart winced. "Oz, one we Americans call it a butt and second..."
Chester sighed.
"Don't worry, I'll ask my folks for money for your case. Lionel can't say no to money." Bart reassured Chester.
...
At home.
"Mom, Bart keeps going down to the basement and I think I heard cursing!" Lisa told Marge.
The family lead by Homer wielding a shotgun went down to the attic to find Bart and a hobo eating sandwiches.
"Oh it's just Bart and his hobo friend!" Homer sighed.
"Hmmmmmm! Bart you know I don't like you or your father bringing home hobos!" Marge scolded him.
"Yeah I know... that crazy guy Dad thought was Santa and he peed on the carpets..." Bart sighed. "But Chester's not like that. He invented Itchy and Scratchy, before Roger Myers stole the idea off of him. He just needs a place to stay before his court case. Oh and Dad I need 500 dollars."
"What?! No way!" Homer yelled.
The family had dinner with Chester and Grampa. However Chester and Grampa glared at each other.
"I thought I recognised you! I paid you in blintzes (pancakes) to paint my chicken coop back in 1959 and you didn't do it!" Grampa ranted.
"Those Blintzes were terrible!" said Chester.
"Paint my chicken coop!" Grampa yelled.
"Make me!" Chester replied.
They both started fighting.
"Homer stop them before they kill each other!" Marge gasped. "One of them has to go!"
"Good idea! I'll drive Dad home!" Homer replied.
"No. I meant the B U M..." Marge spelt out as that word was Oscar's favourite word to yell out at dinner.
"Mom why are you spelling out bum?" Bart asked.
"Bum! Bum! Buuuuuum!" Oscar yelled across the table.
"Oh that's why..." Bart replied. "Look I can get rid of him. All I need is 500 dollars!"
...
Eventually Bart somehow must have got the 500 dollars because Lionel Hutz took up Chester's case and they were in court facing off against Roger Myers who had hired the blue haired lawyer.
Krusty was a witness.
"Krusty. Do you recognise this man?" The blue haired lawyer asked.
"Yes." said Krusty in an annoyed tone. Everyone gasped. "I paid him in corn muffins to paint my fence and he didn't do it!"
"Those corn muffins were terrible!" said Chester.
"Paint my fence!" Krusty demanded.
"Make me!" Chester replied.
They got into a fight.
"Order! Order!" Judge Snyder ordered. "No one cares about your fence!"
Krusty glared at the judge.
"Bart..." Oscar grimaced as he asked Bart.
"Yeah?" Bart asked.
"Don't you find it weird that everyone who's met Chester has got a grudge against him for not completing work..."
"Well..." Bart pondered.
"I think something's not right..." Oscar whispered.
...
"Anyone else know this man..." Judge Snyder asked.
"I do!" came a kid's voice. Everyone gasped as Lester, a boy resembling Bart came in.
Bart face palmed as he was followed by his sister Eliza, who resembled Lisa, and their parents who strangely didn't look like Homer and Marge.
"I paid him in blintzes to paint my garage!" said Lester and Eliza's father.
"Those blintzes were terrible!" said Chester.
"Paint my garage!" yelled Lester's Dad.
"Make me." said Chester.
They had another fight.
"Everyone stop fighting or I'll have to suspend this case!" Judge Snyder yelled. "Mr Lampwick, you seem to have a lot of enemies and have been given a lot of opportunities to work but you keep turning them down!"
"They offered me terrible food!" Chester replied.
"That's no excuse!" Judge Snyder snapped. "And it says you absconded to some place called Pleasure Island for 20 years where you were enslaved to work in the salt mines after being turned into a donkey by some sort of curse?!"
"Yes it's true! I was a little ruffian in my younger years and succumbed to the curse of Pleasure Island like most naughty kids who went there!" said Chester J Lampwick.
Everyone face palmed.
Bart was mortified.
"Mr Lampwick... I have no choice but to dismiss your ridiculous case! And I sentence you to unpaid labour where you will complete all of the jobs people have asked of you!"
Everyone cheered and Bart groaned as he buried his head in shame at Chester.
...
Bart met Chester one last time outside court.
"I can't believe you embarrassed me like that! I believed you!" Bart ranted.
"I'm telling the truth! I invented Itchy and Scratchy! You saw my film before your very eyes!" Chester replied.
"Don't believe him Bart..." Lester sighed.
"Why are you here anyway?! And why do you look like me?!" Bart asked.
"I uh don't know!" Lester was speechless. "We do look a like!"
"It's like something out of the Twilight Zone!" said Oscar singing the Twilight Zone theme.
The end!
Plot 3Homer's Story
The town was holding a "do something stupid" tournament.
"Woohoo!" Homer cheered. He signed up that day along with his son, Bart.
He then bought lots of popcorn kernels and made a suit with them stuck to it to wear and borrowed two of Marge's hairdryers and hid radio to play the song fever.
Bart explained to him his act was the human trash can where he would swallow anything. Homer thought his act was cool too, but secretly he thought about his own act was gonna win.
At the tournament Barney was up first but the crowd cheered after he just drank some beer and burped, they didn't even give him a chance to juggle chickens if that's what he intended to do.
Homer went out and danced in his kernel suit waving hairdryers at full power while singing to the song fever until his kernel suit started popping into popcorn. Then Barney's chickens escaped and started pecking him!
Homer cried out in pain. Eventually the chickens were put back in their cage and Homer was escorted off stage.
After the performance the judges voted themselves the winners for being stupid enough to watch the show. This started a fight involving Kirk throwing a urinal cake, mmmmmmm urinal cake... (that's a toilet soap! Homer!) and there was a riot.
"I don't really remember much because I spent it running about like a gorilla." said Homer narrating.
...
After the riots Homer and Bart got let off with a warning and went home. However Bart had a pig with him.
"Bart asked what I would name the pig, not that we keeping the pig. I liked the names Spiderpig or Harry Plopper." Homer narrated.
Then Marge booked a holiday a week later to some place in the countryside. "Countryside is boring..." Homer groaned.
...
Then Bart went out so I wasn't stuck watching his dumb cartoons, thought Homer. He watched the game then decided to go to Moes.
"Nothing much happened except I had an embarrassing story to confine in Moe about myself but I didn't want him to know it was about me so I used a fake name." said Homer narrating.
At Moe's, Homer and Barney drank the beers as Joey Jojo Shabadoo sulked his beer as Moe cleaned up and rubbed the glasses.
Homer talked to Moe.
"Moe, I need your advice." said Homer.
"Yeah." said Moe.
"See, I got this friend named... Joey Jojo... Junior... Shabadoo." Homer asked.
"That's the worst name I ever heard." said Moe as he shook his head.
Joey Jojo Shabadoo noticed and stared at Homer and noticed Homer and Barney and got up and started crying and sobbed in the two minutes and ran off the bar crying.
"Joey Jojo!" Barney cried after him, as Joey Jojo seemed to be his friend or something.
...
Then I got home and my dumb kid brought a hobo home with him. Mmmmm meth head Santa...
Then my dumb kid had the front to ask me for 500 dollars?! As if! I'm not made of money! That would be cool though!
Homer I can tell the story...
Then they all had dinner, then Grampa and Chester started fighting, then Oscar started yelling Bum! Bum! Buuuumm! Across the table.
"Then somehow 500 dollars was missing from my wallet. Grrrrr! That little-!"
Then there was a court case. I can't remember because I was asleep wearing my novelty glasses that look like I always have my eyes open! Hehehe! Anyway Bart's hobo lost. 500 dollars I'll never see again! Grrrrr!
...
Then Bart was speaking with this weird kid that looked like him. I don't think we ever got the bottom of that copy of me running around.
Homer stop narrating...
Anyway the Simpsons went to somewhere in the countryside for a break.
"My brainiac of a daughter was wearing a weird tye dye shirt and sunglasses and my Jamaican hat!" Homer ranted in narration. "Luckily she made friends so she wasn't mooching around all day."
I went to buy fireworks to celebrate. I decided to try to find a kwik e mart out in this dump. Strangely there was one, and it had its own version of Apu! Hehehehe!
Homer discusses with himself his plan to buy fireworks as they're illegal in this state. "Now just act casual like you by them all the time..."
Homer spoke to the Indian clerk. "I would like a copy of play dude, a vibrator, some fluffy handcuffs, some oil and illegal fireworks." said Homer hiding his illegal request under requests for perverted things.
I have no idea what he has planned for Marge but yeeeeuck!
"But sir the sale of fireworks is illegal in this- (He Watches the only other customer leave) Come with me..." Homer and the store clerk were in the back room. There was a storage of illegal fireworks!
"The Star Spangled Banger. For any patriotic American! Celebrate your country by blowing up a small part of it!" said the clerk.
"Um. I'll just take this M-500" Homer picked up a big red Roman candle. A souped up version of an M 80.
...
At their cabin.
"Homer, I don't know what you have planned tonight but Eeeeeeew! Count me out!" said Marge going through his groceries.
Homer had sometime in the kitchen alone. He decided to set off the M-500. He then tried to put it somewhere. He tried putting it in the fridge but realised his beers were in there and took it out.
In panic he shoved it into the dishwasher and shut it in.
The dishwasher violently exploded. Homer wiped his brow in relief only to witness black water, sewage and fish bones pour upwards from the plug hole into the sink. "Uh oh..."
Then Homer read Batman comics all break until Marge found a board game for everyone to play.
"I didn't even notice Bart run off mid game until Marge realised Hugo had pulled a switcharoo. They do look alike! Stupid mutant Bart..."
Then Lisa came home upset followed by Bart.
"What did you do now?!" Homer yelled throttling Bart.
"Homer!" Marge yelled making him let Bart go.
"Bart you will stay by my side for the rest of the holiday!" Marge scolded Bart.
Then on our last night- Sweet merciful crap! My car! Lisa's stupid friends ruined my car with sea shells!
Seagulls pecked the car as they drove home.
...
The following evening.
"We now return to our 48-hour Itchy & Scratchy diamond jubilee marathon- celebrating 75 years of rib-tickling brutality... and hilarious atrocities." said Krusty as Bart, Lisa and Oscar watched the Krusty the clown c show.
"The Itchy & Scratchy Show." sang the theme tune.
"Aw. If I ever stop loving violence, I want you to shoot me." Bart asked Lisa.
"Will do." said Oscar polishing a shotgun.
Lisa winced.
Then the news was on.
"Tonight: A stowaway bear is terrorizing space shuttle astronauts." Live footage of a grizzly on a space shuttle mauling astronauts is shown.
Oscar screamed with laughter.
"Ow! Oz! Don't scream when you laugh..." Bart groaned.
"But first a sneak peak at tomorrow's Itchy and Scratchy parade. Hello, everybody. I'm here live on Main Street... where dedicated fans are already staking out the best seats for the big anniversary parade." said Kent.
"Bye, Mom. Bye, Dad." said Bart and Lisa leaving with Oscar.
"Bye, kids. On your way back pick up a six-pack of beer..." said Homer neglectful.
"Bart, Lisa, it's 11:00 at night. Where do you think you're going?" said Marge.
"Downtown. We gotta get seats for the Itchy and Scratchy parade." said Bart.
"I won't have my children sitting alone on a cold, dangerous street all night. Homer, you go too." Marge insisted.
"Oh! Why can't they just take the gun?" Homer whined.
"I am taking a gun... one of mine..." said Oscar with a shotgun.
"Homer!" Marge yelled.
"No way! It's late and I'm having a drink before bed!" Homer refused.
Before Marge could continue Bart, Lisa and Oscar left.
And of course the most likely outcome happened. They were kidnapped and horribly murdered or molested.
The end.