The Okd Man and the C Student Bart gets in a lot of trouble for a xenophobic performance at the school talent show and has to do community service at the old people's home. Then seeing they can't do what they want he smuggles them out on a cruise liner to have fun but crashes into Mr Burns's yacht from The Mansion Family episode!
Plot
The Olympics union thingy wants to pick a city to hold the Olympics this year.
"Berlin!"
"Paris!"
"Milan!"
"Hokkaido!"
Evil James Bond villain dude decided that because he was in charge that they had to go with his decision. Springfield. "Because a little girl called Lisa Simpson was kind enough to write us a letter and what I say goes because I'm in charge here!"
Everyone from the other countries reluctantly agrees with sighs.
"Ah, but Paris would make a tres bon site for the next Olympic Games." said an exaggerated stereotype of a French man,
"And why is that?" The James Bond villain look-a-like asked sighing.
"We don't have to explain ourselves to the likes of you!" said the arrogant French man. "Feh!"
He hurled wine at him from his wine glass. Hehehehe!
The Bond villain guy sighed.
"I recommend Moscow, where the American dollar buys seven rubles." said a Kossack wearing Russian.
His country's desk label said Soviet Union.
"Soviet Union?! I thought you guys broke up." said the Bond Villain Guy.
"Yes... That's what we want you to think! Mwuhahahaha!" Russia turned communist again with the Berlin Wall and zombie Lenin!
"Must destroy capitalism!" said Zombie Lenin.
"Vis is schrecklich! Ve do not vant var!" said a World War One German man wearing a pickelhaube.
"Yeah sure Franz, you don't want war..." said the Bond villain guy.
...
At the Simpsons house.
"We're only getting this Olympics to host because for my class project I wrote to the Olympics. Everyone else, even Ralph, wrote to the Backstreet Boys..." Lisa sighed.
"Mmmmmm! Nick Carter..." Oscar groaned aroused.
Bart winced at his homosexual tendencies.
Homer already had a mascot.
"Meet Abby, the Olympics Tabby!" He had a sculpture of a cat. The eyes were moving.
"How did you get the eyes to move?" Bart asked.
The cat sculpture meowed and screeched a muffled cry.
"Daaaaaaaaad!" Lisa screamed angrily. "Did you paper mache my cat?!" The sculpture was clearly Snowball II.
"I was wondering where the cat went..." said Bart.
"Okay sheesh! I figured this would happen so I made a make up. Say hello to Springy!" said Homer with a spring mascot with googily eyes.
"You didn't use the dog's eyes did you?" Bart asked.
"It's even got sharp points because America is all about sharp things and violence! Ow!" Homer pricked himself on the sharp spring and bled.
"Well what about our mascots Dad?" Bart asked.
There was a spray paint can with googily eyes Bart was holding and rattling.
Maggie was squeezing a squeaky toy rabbit.
"Hit the road Lefty! You too Rizzo!" said Homer.
Some hippy protesters and Lisa Simpson carrying a protest sign saying "Fur is Murder!" Stormed off in a huff. They were shortly followed by Rizzo from the film Grease storming off.
Oscar laughed.
"No stupid references!" Homer ranted.
A bird chirps.
"Oh Cinnamon don't make this any harder..." said Bart to a canary in a bird cage.
...
The school is doing a talent show to get the Olympics to host it this year.
"Bravo Springfield!" said Evil James Bond villain guy. "You have such clean sewers!" Um okay... I dread to think what your sewers are like...
For the sake of stupidity Oscar pulled down the scene to cut to a sewer chamber. The teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were spring cleaning.
"Oz no!" Bart whined.
"And I like your clean solar energy plant!" said Evil Guy.
"Yes! Dig the clean energy man!" said Mr Burns dressed as a hippy with long hair and sunglasses. "Smithers how long do I have to dress in this ridiculous outfit?!"
First up is a boy singing My Dingaling by Chuck Berry until Skinner drags him off stage because he thinks the song is rude. Then Martin comes on in green medieval clothes playing greensleeves on a lute until Nelson runs on stage and punches him.
Then Mayor Quimby announces the winning mascot.
"And it gives me great pleasure to unveil the winning mascot this year goes to..." he unveils a giant sculpture of a spring with googily eyes. "Homer Simpson and his design, Springy..." said Quimby.
"Oh my god! Springy! It's you!" Homer cried. "In your face losers!" He said to Patty and Selma with their mascot made of cigarettes.
"It's okay Ciggy. We still love you." said Patty and Selma smoking cigarettes.
Then Skinner announced that the school choir, containing Lisa, Nelson, Milhouse and others had a song to sing.
They sung a lame sappy song called Children! Children! Future! Future!
Oscar rolled his eyes as he reluctantly sung along in the choir.
The parents found it boring.
Then it's Bart's turn.
Bart tells some very xenophobic jokes to the guest diplomats in the crowd. "Hey Russia." He speaks to the Russian diplomat.
"Da." said the Russian.
"You drunk yet?" Bart asked.
"Da..." sighed the Russian.
Bart then stopped at the German diplomat. "Hi Germany. Here's my impression of a German woman!" Bart sticks a moustache over his upper lip. "Kiss me or I will kill you!"
Everyone was offended except Homer who thought it was funny. "That's so true!"
"No it's not!" Marge told Homer off.
"Poland eh? Nah too easy!" Bart found Poland too easy to make fun of. "Hi Miss Swiss, couldn't miss your wide behind! Hehehe! Stay off the cocoa babe."
The Swiss diplomat was offended.
"French eh? Uh normally I wouldn't joke about you because I'm half French myself but do you have frogs legs?" Bart asked.
"Oui!" said the French man.
"Well hop over to the bathroom then if you need a wee!" Bart replied. He then croaked like a frog.
Bart then finished his performance by mooning everyone.
The Olympics people lead by some evil,James Bond villain guy stormed off and drove away in their limousines.
He then got in a lot of trouble with Skinner and Chalmers.
"Skinner! Why did you allow such an offensive performance?!" Superintendent Chalmers yelled as he dragged Bart to Skinner while holding his ear. Bart whined and struggled as Chalmers pulled him by his ear.
"Nnnnnngh!"
"To be fair it sounded rather funny in rehearsals!" said Skinner. "Especially his Ubangi routine!"
Bart laughed.
"Hey Superintendent Chalmers where are you from?" Bart asked.
"Why I'm from Utica in Upstate New York. Now try and make a joke out of that!" said Chalmers.
Bart was about to but Skinner stopped him.
"Well I was born in Queens, made the move to Ball state, then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania." said Coach Krupt the PE teacher.
Bart with a broad grin was about to reply but Skinner swiftly covered his mouth to stop him.
"I'll just go ahead and find a suitable punishment for Bart." Skinner took Bart off to his office.
...
"Community service at the old people's home?!" Bart gasped.
"Yes, I hope it teaches you a lesson! Now get going!" said Skinner as Bart was dropped off one day after school at the old people's home.
Unfortunately as soon as he went in the old people annoyed him by pulling at his face and saying how cute he was. Then an old woman wanted him to help pull up her tights.
"Medicine time!" said the nurse. All the old people went to get their medicine.
"Phew! Saved by the pills..." Bart sighed.
"Ahem! My tights young man!" said the old lady.
Bart shivered in disgust.
The old people continued to annoy Bart and gross him out. Suddenly he found help. His Grampa.
"Grampa!" Bart called to his Grampa.
"Whatthe? Bart?!" said Abe Simpson. "Hey keep your hands away from my grandson! Get your own old timers!" He shooed away the other old people.
"Phew! Thanks Grampa." said Bart.
"What are you doing here? Is this a trick for more pocket money..." Grampa asked.
"No!" said Bart. "I'm being punished for my rather racy stand up comedy routine at school by doing community service..."
"Oh Bart..." Grampa sighed.
Eventually it was lunchtime. Bart was horrified to find his sister Lisa was there helping out.
"They got you too Lisa?!" Bart asked.
"No, I'm here on a voluntary basis. Enjoy your 9 to 5 day of horror Bart!" Lisa said smugly.
"Why would you volunteer to do this?!" Bart asked.
"It lets me see more of Grampa and Grandma. And if you're suffering that makes me very happy!" said Lisa smiling.
"Oh hi there kids! Give your old grandma a big ol kiss on the lips!" said Grandma Jacqueline as she tried to kiss Bart.
Bart screamed as she picked him up and kissed him.
Lisa giggled.
...
Bart was then tasked by the nurse to vacuum the old people as they slept. However he found something cool to do when the vacuum cleaner caught Grampa's hair.
"Cooool! Grampa, Homer! Grampa, Homer! Grampa-" said Bart as the vacuum pulled at Grampa's wrinkles making him resemble Homer.
"Don't play with their faces!" The nurse told him off for mucking about.
Meanwhile at Home.
"I've never been so humiliated! Now the IOC won't let our town host the Olympics thanks to Bart!" said Marge pacing up and down.
"I say we lock him up in the attic and Ugly Bart can be our new son!" said Homer.
"Dad! My name's Hugo!" Hugo whined.
"Homer no! We're not doing that!" Marge told Homer off. "Besides Bart doing community service at the retirement castle might be good for him."
"Okay, but he better not be having fun there!" Homer replied.
Back at the retirement home.
It was movie time. The old people were watching a censored version of Gone With the Wind.
"Oh Rhett! Where will I go! What will I do?" Scarlett begged Rhett to forgive her near the end of the movie.
"Frankly my dear, I love you! Let's get remarried!" said Rhett Butler.
The End!
Bart was disappointed in the new ending. "Aw! They got rid of the naughty word!"
"Wasn't there a war in this movie...?" asked Hans Moleman despite only being in his thirties. (See Canon when he's at Alcoholics Anonymous! XD)
"Okay you've been warned old timer!" said a security nurse/goon as he dragged Hans Moleman off somewhere.
Then during sitting time Bart annoyed Lisa by having fun by riding on Grampa's knee.
"Wheeeee! Wheeeeee!" Bart cheered as he rode on Grampa's knee like a toddler would.
"Bart you haven't done that since you were two!" Lisa explained in a groan. "And you're being punished! Stop having fun!"
"Make me!" Bart retorted.
Lisa growled under her breath and stormed off.
Plot 2
Homer got punched by everyone as he tried to sell Springy.
Mrs Agnes Skinner slapped him. "Your ill mannered brat cost us the Olympics!"
"Ow!" Homer whined.
"Mother is that Mr Simpson?" Skinner asked.
"Yes Seymour." said Agnes stepping aside.
Skinner punched Homer extremely hard. He bounced back like one of those toys you can't knock over and got punched again. This gag repeated itself for some time.
"Yaaaay! Repetition!" Peter Griffin cheered.
Shut up!
...
Skinner after the talent show also punished Bart's friends.
"Community service?!" Nelson whined.
"Intercouse?!" Ralph asked.
"Mmmmmmmmhmmmmmm!" Oscar giggled pervertedly.
"What if we refuse?" Nelson asked defiantly.
"Then none of you will pass fourth grade." said Skinner. "Or whatever grade you're currently in."
"I fail to see the threat..." said Nelson.
"Yes good work Seymour. Now I'm off to my holidays at Lake Titicaca. Try to make a joke out of that! Simpson!" said Chalmers poking Bart's nose.
Bart wanted to.
"Bart don't!" Skinner warned.
"Ah come on Teach! I already got out my ukulele!" said Yakko Warner.
"Are you threatening me?!" Beavis as Cornholio asked menacingly.
Bart face palmed.
...
Homer then annoyed Marge by coming up with crazy inventions such as the automatic burger flipper with springs.
"Homer! I want you to get rid of those springs! I don't even approve of you making toys out of them for the kids..." Marge sighed.
Hugo was playing with a slinky Homer made by painting a spring. He was also wearing some goggily eyes glasses Bart sometimes wore to prank Homer as an alien.
At the retirement castle Bart felt sorry for the old people because they had a strict routine and couldn't do what they wanted.
"That's the library. We're not allowed in there. That's the game's room, we can't go in there either." Grampa pointed out the rooms. Bart sighed. Then he had an idea.
He convinced the the old people to break out of the home and go out and play.
"You're the grownups! Do what you want!" said. Bart. However the old people decided they wanted to sleep that day in front of the wireless.
However Grampa helped him by giving his friends a pep talk. "Come on old geezers and Ladies! My grandson is right! Let's have some fun!"
...
There was a musical montage of the old people having fun such as Jasper and crazy old Jewish guy having a sword fight with their walking sticks. Three old people hopping side to side to the music and Grampa and Jasper laughing like Beavis and Butthead.
Bart then tried to get them on a cruise liner driven by sea captain McCallister.
However Bart was playing with the telescope when he saw Lisa!
"Bartholomew J Simpson!" Lisa yelled.
"Ah! A sea witch!" Bart screamed.
Lisa got on the cruise liner. "Bart you have to take the old people back now!"
"But they like having fun! The nurses won't let them do anything!" Bart explained.
"Bart, the old people need structure in their lives! I bet they don't even realise it's medicine time!" said Lisa.
"Medicine time?! Oh gimme! Gimme!" said Grampa as the old people surrounded Lisa wanting their medicine.
"Grampa! Most of that is just sleeping pills to make you calm and lethargic!" Bart whined. "Except that pill you have to take to stop yourself turning into a woman. We all remember when that happened..." (See Cape Feare)
"Eh I could do with a snooze right now." said Grampa as he took his medicine.
...
Meanwhile fourth grade after being told they'd be punished for Bart's crim as well turned on him on the bus back to school and beat him up.
Bart grunted and yelled as everyone piled on him and beat him up.
Then everyone was assigned their punishments.
"Martin you will be teaching basketball to inner city youths in a rough neighbourhood.' said Skinner.
Martin got off the bus with a basketball and went into a basketball park. "Okay chums! It's time fir some four one one! Let's score a few slam dunks!"
However someone shot his basketball and it deflated. He soon realised how dangerous the neighbourhood was. Well it was da hood alright...
"Milhouse do you like the beach?" Skinner asked Milhouse.
"Do I?!" Milhouse replied excited.
"Good, because your community service is cleaning up all the medical waste on the Springfield east beach!" said Skinner.
Milhouse confused how to pick up the junk pricked himself on a needle. "Ow! I pricked myself!"
"Just keep at it... sooner or later you'll prick yourself with the antidote..." said Skinner.
And then Bart was dropped off at the Old folks home as I already explained. He felt he got off lightly compared to the others until he went inside and the old folks started doting over him.
...
Meanwhile in another timeline the Simpsons had got a job looking after Mr Burns's Mansion while he was away. (I'm not writing two episodes that are both about them getting a boat and having a mishap...) during a series of antics Homer slides down a bannister and crashes butt first into a priceless painting just as Smithers comes back to collect a bag he forgot. Smithers pretended he didn't see Homer wreck a priceless painting.
Then Bart caused mayhem by driving a lawnmower indoors and tearing up the carpets with it and smashing statues. Then he went in the treasure room but got told off by a guard hiding in Mr Burns's safe.
Then that evening Bart was smoking a cigar.
"Bart!" Marge confiscated his cigar but groaned as he had lit and smoked another one.
"You snooze you lose mom!" Bart ran off across the mansion with a lit cigar in his mouth.
"Homer stop him!"Marge asked as Homer was sampling some of Mr. Burns's liquor. "And don't drink Mr Burns's brandy!"
Homer swirled it a round.
"Homer stop swirling that around! And I asked you to help catch Bart..." Marge sighed.
"I'll swirl my brandy if I want and another thing! I-" Homer swallowed the brandy whole and collapsed in a drunk stupor.
Then they had dinner.
"Mom! Bart's making faces at me! I think..." said Lisa looking through binoculars as she was at one end of the enormous dining table and Bart was at another.
"No that was Hugo!" Bart blamed Hugo for making faces.
"Look how loud I have to yell!" Homer shouted across the table.
"All this cutlery is confusing! What's this big fork for?" Marge asked.
"Why Marge I do believe you're supposed to scratch your ass with it!" said Homer in a posh voice.
"Homer!" Marge yelled before doing so and realising he was right, it was a butt scratching fork.
...
Then we merge the two stories. During the Mansion family episode Homer used Mr Burns's steam room and made calls to China. Then he arranged a party on Mr Burns's boat against Marge's wishes.
"No parties! No part-eys! No shindigs, no hoedowns..." Marge nagged but Homer had left the steam room and went to Moe's.
He wanted a drink but per federal laws Moe couldn't serve alcohol until a certain time of the day.
"I know! Old man Burns has a yacht! I could throw us a sweet party out at sea beyond international waters!" Homer suggested.
However Marge being the voice of reason tried to stop them getting on the yacht.
"Look she's just one woman! Let's all barge past her!" said Barney clearly already drunk.
The bar flies barged past Marge and got on the boat.
"Um guys that's my wife, try to be a little more respectful please..." Homer winced as they knocked Marge into the sea to get on the boat.
Homer and Bart sailed the bar flies out into the ocean.
Lisa helped Marge out of the sea.
"So Dad did the same thing eh?" Lisa sighed.
"I cloned myself, that's how this crossover is possible!" said Bart as the cruise liner he was on with the old people sailed past.
...
On Homer's ship Moe was whipping people to stop them getting at the alcohol until they were out of American waters.
"At least give us rubbing alcohol for our whip burns!" said Lenny.
"Okay here you go." Moe gave him rubbing alcohol. However Lenny laughed and drank it.
"Lenny that's almost pure ethanol!" Moe warned him.
Meanwhile Bart was at the telescope. "Hey that cruise liner is heading straight for us! And why am I on it?"
Meanwhile on the cruise liner. There was an almighty crash!
"Ay carumba!" Bart yelled. The liner started sinking!
"How could you not see that?!" Lisa asked Sea Captain.
"Arrrr! Two glass eyes..." said Sea captain. He was blind?!
This caused a time paradox that merged the two ships and the two Barts.
"Oh great! What mess have you got us into now boy?!" Homer strangled Bart.
"Hey, leave him alone! I didn't strangle you like that when you were a pup!" Grampa scolded Homer.
"Yes you did! All the time!" Homer retorted.
"I think it's in our family history, I saw one of our ancestors strangle his kid in heaven when Mr Burns ran me over..." said Bart out of breath from being strangled.
...
The old people and the bar flies partied out at sea and teased the American sea law enforcement because they had no jurisdiction outside of American waters.
"Come over and say that! We won't arrest you!" said an American law enforcement boat.
"Oh yeah, play some rock music party poopers!" said Bart.
The officer on the boat sang rock music sound effects really badly as Homer danced to it. "Come on Bart join in!"
"Ah doo doo dooo! A doo doo doo doo!" They sang and danced.
Meanwhile Grampa and Oscar were at the telescope.
"Whattya looking at skipper?" Grampa Simpson asked.
"Looking at all the things people are doing that they can't do back in America." said Oscar. He saw a boxing match between Drederick Tatum and a bull on a boat, some people partying naked, Fat Tony and his his gang drowning someone or getting rid of a body and pirates!"
"Agh! Pirates!" Oscar screamed as they were captured by Asian pirates.
"Chinese pirates by the looks of them." said Bart as they were tied up.
"Oh cool! Can you guys pirate a DVD for me?" Oscar asked.
"We're not that kind of pirate..." said the sea captain. "They can join the other slaves."
"Slaves?!" Bart asked.
They were put in a net with Otto.
"Otto! We were wondering where you got to after the bus fell off the bridge!" Bart gasped.
"Yeah I got captured by pirates like you have now. Where did you kids end up?!" Otto replied.
"On a tropical island where we got up to some hijinks, a warthog ate all of our food and then Moe rescued us." said Bart retelling the events off Lord of the Fries up until a scene after the episode where Moe Syzlack arrives on a yacht and picks up all the kids.
"All aboard kids, I'm taking you all home!" said Moe.
"Oh..." said Otto.
"Ah great captured by pirates and I didn't even get to try the cantaloupe..." Carl sighed.
"You're not missing much... it wasn't very good cantaloupe..." said Krusty whom Homer invited to his boat party for some reason. Probably to entertain Bart.
"Silence up there! You shall be fed to the sharks!" said the pirate captain. The net was overlooking some hungry sharks circling them. Including at a Oscar's request, the cute baby shark from Codename kids next door.
The baby shark gurgled as he swam around eying the net full of humans.
Plot 3
The net was lowered towards them.
The sharks swam in circles.
"Goodbye Dad, I hope I get reincarnated as a butterfly or a dinosaur..." Bart sighed.
"I hope you get reincarnated as someone who doesn't upset the UN with tasteless jokes!" Hugo snapped.
"Now that's loser's talk! I'm gonna save us!" said Homer.
"No Dad! You'll end up like Robin Williams' Peter Pan instead of cartoon Peter Pan!" Bart replied.
"Don't insinuate me with that hackneyed comedian's version! The original is always better!" Homer strangled Bart.
"Well you should know, your version of Genie was awful!" Bart replied between gasps for breath as Homer strangled him.
"Guys stop fighting! I'm saving us! Right before I finish cooing at that cute little baby shark! Awwww! He thinks his an unstoppable killing machine!"
The baby shark did a "I'm hungry!" Mouth gesture with his fin while gurgling.
Hugo winced at Oscar.
"Oz..." Bart groaned.
"Okay I'm done!" said Oscar as he cut his way out of the net with his laser pen and stuck a knife in his mouth and swung onto the deck of the pirate ship knocking out one of the pirates. Dramatic music played.
"You will die!" yelled the pirate captain.
"En guarde captain!" said Oscar grabbing a cutlass. They had a sword fight.
"Coooool! An old fashioned pirate sword fight!" said Bart as the prisoners got free. The sharks were annoyed they didn't get to eat anyone. And the baby shark cried. Awwww!
Bart sighed exasperated as the cartoon baby shark from Codename Kids Next Door was bawling and crying.
Oscar and the pirate captain crossed swords.
...
Bart and Oscar took the dead pirates clothes and played dress up as pirates.
"Ahoy mateys! I'm long Bart Silver! I've come to cut you a new IV hole!" said Bart brandishing a cutlass.
This scared some of the old people. Ie Grampa.
Grampa gulped.
"Arrrrr! Shiver me Timbers! I be Oscar Blackheart! The most black hearted brigand to ever sail the seven seas!" said Oscar dressed as a pirate.
"Guys you're nine and ten years old... grow up!" Lisa sighed.
"I say we make her walk the plank." said Oscar as a pirate.
"Bart you're wearing a bed pan..." Lisa sighed.
"Eeeeeew!" Bart whined. And threw the bed pan away.
Oscar laughed.
At school. After Bart's community service.
Milhouse now had AIDS from his community service.
"Or some sort of blood disorder from dirty needles." Hugo explained wincing.
Nelson did his community service in a posh restaurant. He was now dressed as a waiter and constantly acting like one.
"The menu sir?" He asked Richard the grey haired kid.
Richard gave him a baffled glance.
Martin was in a gang. He had a badass makeover.
Lisa Simpson wanted to rename the auditorium or assembly hall to the Dr Julius Hibbert Auditorium after Dr Hibbert.
"No! Beavis and Butthead is funny!" Bart yelled.
Lisa seethed annoyed.
...
Recess.
Oscar was being stupid again.
"Damn dirty apes!"
"Oz no!" Bart groaned.
"Kiss me. Fat boy!" Oscar Tried to summoned Pennywise. But summoned Fat Albert instead.
"Hey Hey Hey!" Fat Albert said.
"D'oh!" Oscar muttered.
"Oz enough! You rat haired moron!" Bart snapped.
"Why you tottering fem-sucked dewberry! I'm going to find something to strike you with! Excuse me." Oscar snapped and went off to find something to hit Bart with.
"He's really getting on my nerves." Bart sighed.
Oscar suddenly clobbered him with a baseball bat knocking him out.
Hugo winced.
Old folk home.
The elderly were playing bingo.
"B 3." Lisa read the numbers out.
"You sunk my battleship." Jasper chuckled.
"B 25." said Lisa.
"You sunk my battleship." Jasper chuckled.
"Jasper that's not funny..." Abraham Simpson sighed
"B-A Moron." Lisa read Clearly Bart must've changed sonething.
"Oh be a moron you say!" An old woman heard
She started dancing like a crazy drunk maniac before breaking her back and falling to the floor
"Haha!" Abe shouted.
And the reward for the winner was... "A banana." said Lisa.
"A banana?" Abe asked.
"Yes." said Lisa.
"They're elderly people not monkeys Lis!" Bart groaned.
"Damn dirty elderly apes!" Oscar yelled.
Bart growled frustrated in him.