A/N: Hi everyone, I just want to say thank you to you all for reading the latest chapter (and all previous chapters if you've just discovered this story) and an even bigger thank you to Mari, Guest, OliviaBond, Chelsietx, bee-327, Guest and Guest for taking the time to leave me such wonderful reviews for chapter 8. I really do appreciate them all, and of course, your continued support. I honestly can't thank you enough.
Now, here's the next chapter for you all… and I'm off into hiding, I'll see you when I post the next chapter. *runs and hides*
After removing her jacket and draping it over the back of the chair by the window in her bedroom, Clarisse wandered aimlessly over to the side of her bed while removing her earings, and set them down on the bedside table before turning and sitting on the edge of her bed. Lying back slowly on top of the covers, she folded her hands together on her stomach and closed her eyes as she thought back over the events that had happened between her and Joseph down in the kitchen and out in her suite tonight. She needed to process everything, to get her head around what happened when something Joseph had said suddenly struck her. Something that hadn't registered at the time, when he had first said it, but certainly did now.
'Clarisse, I love you. I have done for such a long time.'
Propping herself up onto her elbows on the bed, Clarisse looked over at her bedroom door for the briefest of moments before pushing herself back up into a sitting position on the edge of her bed. Just how long had he loved her for? Was it a year or two? Or perhaps even longer. She pondered briefly before getting to her feet and making her way to Joseph's suite to find out.
Meanwhile, in Joseph's suite, he had just sat down on his sofa after pouring himself a large scotch. A tipple he rather enjoyed at the end of a hectic day. And today, he decided given earlier events, was certainly one of those days. After all he had rescued his best friend from a pompous ass, as Clarisse had called him, out in the gardens and then while they were in the kitchen talking about what she was to do next, he had, rather unexpectedly, asked his Queen to marry him, followed with him declaring his love for her.
He knew that she would be shocked over his revelation when she found out the truth. But he had thought they would have at least talked about it more when that time came. Instead, she had clammed up, ran and told him to leave when he had gone after her. To try and talk to her. Because she needed time to get her head around everything. He didn't blame her, though. It was huge. Finding out that the person you called your best friend loved you and wanted to marry you.
Now, as he rubbed his hand back and forth across his forehead, he began to wish he had never opened his mouth. That he had kept quiet and had kept his long kept secret to himself. "You're an ass, Joseph. That's what you are! A complete and utter ass!" He mumbled to himself as he raised the glass of scotch to his lips, to take a long sip of it, when a knock came to his door.
Sighing, he leant forward and set the glass down on the coffee table before getting to his feet and walking around the sofa to get the door. He expected to see one of his security team standing there when he opened it, so he was quite surprised to find the Queen, his Queen, the woman he had always loved, stood there looking back at him instead. "Clarisse?"
"Can I come in? There's something that I need to talk to you about," she asked sheepishly and grasped her hands together in front of her.
"Of course, come in," he nodded and stepped back, allowing her to enter his suite. "Can I get you anything?" He asked and closed the door before turning to her standing a few feet away from him with her back to him.
"No, thank you. I'm okay," she said, glancing around his suite before turning to him. Her hands still together in front of her. "I won't keep you long, so therefore I'll get straight to the point. Earlier, while we were in the kitchen, you said that you had loved me for such a long time. It didn't register what you said at the time, but it has now, and I was wondering just how long you have, in fact, loved me for."
Nodding with a small, light laugh, Joseph slipped his hands in his pants pockets and studied her a moment before answering. "Do you remember when I returned to Genovia after moving away for those four years?" He said, watching the realisation hit her.
"Ever since then?" She gasped and raised her hands up to her face in shock. Had he really been in love with her all these years, and she had never realised before.
"Yes, ever since that very first time I saw you upon my return," he nodded and took a deep breath before continuing. "You were sixteen, and oh so beautiful. Your smile lit up the world that day. It still does now, and I was instantly smitten with you. I still remember that you had your long hair styled in a side plait that hung so beautifully over the front of your shoulder."
"That was, what, twenty-three, twenty-four years ago, and you still remember how I had my hair?" Clarisse asked in surprise and slowly lowered her hands from her face.
"Of course I do," he nodded and watched her glance across his suite before looking back at him as he continued. "It may have been twenty plus years ago, Clarisse, but to me, it feels like only yesterday. And I think it always will."
"Oh," Clarisse replied and looked down at her hands now clasped back together in front of her.
"I also remember it took me a couple of years to finally get up enough courage to ask you if you would go out with me," Joseph said and watched her look back up at him.
"I…" she began with a small shake of her head. Trying desperately to remember if he had asked her out all those years ago. "I don't remember you ever asking me if I wanted to go out with you."
"No, you wouldn't. Because I never got the chance to actually ask you. The day I was going to ask, I discovered that you were betrothed to be married to Rupert," Joseph answered somewhat sadly. Remembering that day as if it were only yesterday.
"Oh Joseph, I am so sorry. I honestly had no idea of any of this, how you felt about me, nothing," Clarisse said with a small shake of her head.
"Honestly Clarisse, you don't need to apologise. I made peace with it years ago, because obviously even if I had asked you it would have been a no anyway, what with you being a Princess and betrothed to another," Joseph said and briefly looked down at the floor before looking back up at her. "I actually considered leaving Genovia for a while after that, but then your parents came to me and asked if I would consider joining the Palace security team and become your personal bodyguard. They wanted someone that they could trust to take care of you, someone who knew you well, and that would look after you. So, because I couldn't be with you, I made it my mission to protect you instead."
"And you have," Clarisse said and watched him nod. "All out of love."
"All out of love," Joseph nodded. "And that'll never change."
"Why have you never told me any of this before?" Clarisse asked as she studied him.
"I couldn't, you were married and I didn't want to risk losing you or ruining the wonderful friendship that we have built up over the years," Joseph replied and watched her nod while looking down at her hands.
"I can understand that," Clarisse said softly and looked back up at him a moment.
"But then, with everything going on and you having to find a husband, it came out. I am sorry that I never told you before, but I missed out on the chance to be with you once before, and I didn't want to miss out again," Joseph said. "That's why I asked you to marry me."
"Joseph, I," Clarisse began and watched him move to stand in front of her before continuing. "You were honest with me, so I'm going to be honest with you," she said, and he nodded. "Right before you asked me to marry you, confessed your love for me, I was actually going to ask you if you would consider helping me and become my husband."
"You were?" Joseph said in surprise.
"Yes, but that was before I found out how you felt about me," Clarisse said, averting her gaze down to the top button of his shirt for a distraction as her heart began to pound in her chest. "Joseph, your confession made me realise that I love you too. I don't know how long I have felt this way for, admittedly it hasn't been for how long you have loved me, but everything suddenly made sense tonight," she said and looked back up into his eyes, "and now, I'm not sure it's such a good idea. Getting married."
"How do you mean?" Joseph asked.
"Well like you, I don't want to risk losing you or ruining our wonderful friendship if we did marry. Before, although I was scared to ask you, it felt right because we were simply best friends. But now, knowing that you love me and have done for years, and knowing now that I love you, changes everything," Clarisse said and studied his face a moment. "What if we did marry and it doesn't work out? It will ruin everything between us."
"Clarisse, honestly, I think it will work out better now knowing how we feel about each other," Joseph said as he reached his hands out between them and gently took hold of her hands. "We already know each other well. We look out for each other. We love each other and could make this work."
"I don't know," Clarisse said and looked down at their hands between them a long moment.
"Clarisse, you're the only woman who's name can, and always will, cause my heart to skip a beat at the mere mention or thought of it. You're the only woman whose smile can cause my tummy to flutter, too. Even your perfume does something to me," Joseph said with a laugh and watched as she looked back up at him with a small smile. Knowing that his name, his sexy smile, and even his aftershave does the same thing to her. "You are the only woman I want to be with, and like I said earlier in the kitchen, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, not only as your best friend, but your husband too."
Pulling her hands free from his grasp, she stepped forward to close the distance between them and raised her hands up, briefly placing them on his chest before lifting them a little higher to cup his face in them, and reached up to kiss him as they both closed their eyes.
That first kiss between them was the most magical kiss she'd ever had. His lips were soft and sweet, and her body was reacting just how she thought it would, melting deliciously against his. It had been so long since she had been intimate with anyone, he was awakening something deep within her that she hadn't felt in so long and it felt good, it felt electric, but was also scary at the same time. There was definitely a spark between them. She couldn't deny that.
Feeling his hands on her sides, caressing, kneading, encouraging, she giggled against his lips and pulled back just enough to look up into his eyes. "Are you okay?" He asked softly, his hands now smoothing around to her back as she took her bottom lip between her teeth and nodded.
"Oh yes, you just tickled me, that's all," she said with a smile and reached up to kiss him once again, much more deeply than their first kiss, all while snaking her arms around his shoulders. With one hand going to the top of his back, her other hand grasping the back of his head. As his arms locked around her waist, holding her body to his.
When remembering something a moment later, a conversation that they'd had many, many years ago, Clarisse broke away from their kisses and looked up into his eyes while licking her red, swollen lips, and smoothed one hand down to rest on his chest while leaving her other hand up on the back of his head. "Did you say years ago that you hoped to one day have children?"
"Yes I did, I still do," he nodded happily. "I would love to have two. A boy, followed by a girl."
"Oh," Clarisse said sadly. Remembering how she and Rupert had tried unsuccessfully for years after Philippe was born to have a third child. But it wasn't to be, and given her age, she knew it would be even harder to conceive now.
"Why?" Joseph asked, sensing the sudden change in her as she lowered her hand now from the back of his head and briefly placed it on his shoulder before moving it closer to her face, to brush her forefinger down over her top lip while stepping back from his embrace. From him. "What's wrong?"
"I don't think I can give you what you want, what you so long for," Clarisse said and looked up into his eyes once again. "I was never tested, but I struggled to conceive after Philippe was born, and I fear now, given that I'm forty it'll be even harder. Or maybe even impossible."
"That's okay," Joseph said softly as he stepped closer to her and put his hands up to cup her face in them. "If it happens, it happens. If not, then I'm okay with that. And, if you wanted and felt comfortable to do so, we could always look into getting tests done in the future."
"We could, yes, but there's no way that we can get all that done and get the results back before these thirty days in which I'm to marry are up," Clarisse said and shook her head, "and if we did get married to then find out I can't have anymore children I'll never forgive myself."
"What are you saying?" Joseph asked and cocked his eyebrow as she briefly closed her eyes before looking back at him.
"I'm saying that we shouldn't get married, Joseph," Clarisse said, and he slowly lowered his hands from her face. "I don't want to be the person who stops you from having your dream, to stop you from having those babies you so longed for. So, you should go find someone who can."
"It's you I want to be with, Clarisse, no one else, and if we can't have children, then so be it. I'll accept that as how it's got to be," Joseph said, and Clarisse shook her head. "As long as I have you and your sons, that's all I need."
"I remember when I gave birth to Pierre and Philippe, there is no other feeling in this world like having a child of your own. That rush of love, knowing that you made that little human and I don't want to stop you from ever having that feeling, Joseph." Clarisse said.
"But what if you can give me that? What if we go through all the tests and it just means that you need a little help," Joseph said as Clarisse turned towards the door to leave, "Clarisse, please, I love you and can't lose you again."
"And I can't be the one to stop you from having children," Clarisse said as she looked back at him. "I'm sorry, I really am. But you should be with someone who can give you that."