Chapter 4

"Why the fuck you didn't come and wake me up!?" Jared shouted at Sam.

The fucker had seen Bella leaving the island and had just watched her go.

"Cool down, man. How the fuck should I've known that the chick was running from you." And added, "Surely you asked her name and number before you got your dick wet."

But that's the thing; he hadn't. Jared didn't even know her last name. For all he knew, her name might not even be Bella.

"Fuck!" he shouted and mashed his fist against the tree trunk. Pain erupted from his knuckles to his arm and shoulder.

"Stop it, you damn idiot." Sam pulled him away from the tree.

Jared was fucking mad. He was mad at Bella and Sam, but most of all, he was mad at himself. Why the fuck hadn't he asked the basic questions from her. He'd been thinking with his dick and been blown away by all that fantastic sex, and when she'd told him she'd been married and now a widow, well, he just didn't want to ask too much. But he'd thought he had time for asking questions later, that despite things happening so fast, he'd thought there was something more profound, that she might want to know him better, spend time with him. Fuck she'd said so herself. He'd thought... fuck he didn't know what he'd thought. Whatever it was, clearly, he'd been wrong.

Now that he thought about their time together, it was a bit odd that Bella hadn't asked a single question about him. Not where he lived or what he did for a living. He only knew she lived in Vancouver, and when he'd asked her where she worked, she'd only said she worked for her father. It had been clear she didn't want him to know anything about her and vice versa. They had talked much about their shared love for boating and hiking, but nothing personal other than Bella being a widow. And Bella wouldn't have told him that either if he hadn't asked about the tattoo on her wrist.

"Are you ready to leave? I know she's heading toward Vancouver. We might catch her on our way." It was desperation speaking, but he just couldn't let her go without trying to talk to her one more time.

"Are you serious?" Sam asked. "If we reach her boat, what then? If she doesn't want to talk to you, which is pretty fucking obvious she doesn't, what good can come of your racing after her?"

"I just can't let her go," he shouted, frustrated. Fuck this wasn't happening.

"But she's gone, man," Sam said. "She left for a reason. There is nothing you can do about it."

Jared knew Sam was right. The fucker was the most sensible in their group, and Jared tried to think of reasons why chase after her, but they didn't make any sense. Obviously, Bella had wanted one night with him but nothing more. She didn't want to know him and didn't want him to know her. One night was all he'd ever get from her. He'd been a fucking idiot, thinking there could be more. He'd been a fool for wanting more.

He dropped heavily down the stairs of the pier and leaned against his hands. He winched, shit that his hand hurt. He felt frustrated and sad. Yes. Fucking sad. His lips were still tingling and a bit swollen from all the kissing with Bella. He touched his lips and closed his eyes.

Bella was gone. She didn't want him.

He pulled a note from his pocket; it was the only thing he had from Bella. At least she'd left one.

Thank you, Jared, for a lovely night. I loved spending time with you. But I have to go. I leave you with one more kiss and a wish that you live a happy and long life.

Xox Bella

No, there was no damn question about it; Bella did not want to see him again.

Bella opened the door to her home and switched on the lights with her elbow. She closed the door and dropped her bags on the floor. Leaning against the door, she slid slowly down with a heavy sigh and slumped on the floor. Her legs slid forward as she tilted her head back, closing her eyes. Bella could no longer stop the tears. With a sob, they started to fall through her closed eyelids.

She didn't know what to feel. She didn't want to feel anything at all. And now she felt way too much.

Having sex with Jared multiple times during their time together had been earth-shattering. While with him, there had been moments, many of them, when she hadn't thought of Edward, which had freaked her out. She didn't want to stop thinking of Edward, ever.

While she'd learned to accept that he was no longer with her and cope with the pain and anxiety his death had caused her, live her life, and even feel happy at times, she wasn't ready to forget him. She never would.

And Jared had made her forget. For a moment, she hadn't been able to remember Edward's voice anymore or even his face clearly. All she'd heard was Jared's husky voice, his sweet words fanning against her ear. Seen his mesmerizing green eyes, which had made her head spin, and forget the exact color of Edward's. They'd been green too, but different shades of green and less intense. Jared's eyes were so very consuming and hard to ignore. She felt like she'd been bewitched when he gazed into her eyes.

He had made her forget Edward. And irrationally, she was angry at Jared, causing her to forget Edward. And to herself; she'd let Jared take away Edward's last kiss, his last touch.

When she'd watched him sleep, his light russet color skin velvety in the early morning sun filtered through the curtains; the tenderness she'd felt toward this practical stranger of a man had made her panic, and she had fled. But not before finding a piece of paper and a pencil from her bag and writing him a note. She could not leave without saying goodbye. Jared deserved so much more, but it was all she could give him.

After writing the note, she had dressed quickly, grabbed her belongings, and ran to her boat. Her boat had been ready to sail so she could leave the island immediately. She'd been panicking when she'd started the motor that the noise, on an otherwise totally silent morning, would wake Jared up, but it hadn't. She'd even changed her plans to return to Vancouver straight away. Instead, she took the course in another direction and texted her boss that she would take one extra day off. It was a good thing her boss was her own father.

She'd acted like the coward she was. And she'd been overreacting for sure. But she didn't want to risk that Jared might have caught her on their way to Vancouver. Their boat was much faster than hers, and it would have been possible for them to find her. Even if it wasn't what he intended to do, they would simply have overtaken her on the way back.

It was better for them both that nothing more came from their night together. There was nothing that could have come of it. She didn't want to have another man in her life. She had loved once, and even though Edward wasn't with her anymore, his memory was, and that was enough. She just couldn't handle the idea of anybody replacing him. And to risk going through the devastation again like losing Edward had been. No, it was unbearable. She was better alone.

She had her friends and family and a meaningful job. And Grumpy. By the way, where the hell was her ginger, mean-minded cat? She was usually demanding attention and food by now. Maybe Kate had taken her with her. Sometimes it was what Kate did. Especially now that Bella had asked if she could feed Grumpy for two more days.

Sighing heavily and wiping away the tears, she looked around the apartment, looking for her cat. Her home was her happy place, where she and Edward had lived and loved. For a split second, she imagined Jared here with her, but she banished the image away. No other man would ever take Edward's place.

Bella didn't quite know what had happened there on the island. To be honest, she hadn't quite recognized the person she'd been when she was with him. Before meeting Jared, she hadn't met anyone she wanted to have sex with. She hadn't noticed anyone to even think about sex. Not since Edward, and she'd loved him since she was 12. They had moved to Vancouver that summer, and she had met him at the school. They were in the same class in middle school and went to the same high school. They were each other's firsts in everything. They shared friends too. Jasper, Emmet, James, and Peter.

All she knew was that she'd felt a strong attraction towards Jared from first sight, which had grown whenever he was near. There'd been this constant awareness of him that had made all her nerve endings tingle. And she'd been very flattered by his attention. She hadn't been able to help the impulse when she had bumped into him just before she was about to take off with her friends and had decided to stay on the island one more night. She had known Jared wanted her, and as shocked as she was admitting it, she wanted him too.

Her friends had noticed that Jared was interested in her, and they disapproved of him. Of course, they did. They felt, as she did that no one could come and take Edward's place and had behaved accordingly. But she'd been unable to resist Jared, the deep pull of his intense green eyes, and the boyish smile that borough dimples into his handsome face. He was irresistible.

And she had enjoyed the night with Jared immensely. The sex had been amazing and, in many ways, better than she'd ever had with Edward. That had shocked her too. She guessed because she was older, sex as a grown-up was better than when you were still practically a teenager, right? And she'd been very attracted to Jared, and he'd been a fantastic lover. She'd been without intimacy for so long. Her body had been craving to be touched; she hadn't even realized how badly she had wanted to have that contact with another human being. Hardly surprising, but it had thrown her out of balance. Jared had done that to her.

And Jared was... She shivered thinking about him. Oh God, he was gorgeous. She knew many indigenous people in Canada, and Jared resembled her acquittances apart from having green eyes. His physique had been impressive, with muscles Bella hadn't seen on a real man before. That delicious v-line and the tattoo featuring a howling wolf and some tribal design. On a light russet-colored skin, it all had blown her mind away so much that she'd forgotten Edward in the heat of a moment.

And there lies the problem.

She hadn't wanted to know much about Jared. Not his last name, not where he lived or worked. It was enough that he wasn't Canadian and didn't live in Vancouver like she did. For a moment, she'd thought she would want to see him again. Being held by him, oh, it had been wonderful. To feel another person close, feeling his touch all over her body, it had been so lovely and comforting.

Sighing heavily, Bella got up from the floor and went to look for Grumpy. She occasionally ignored her totally, it was her way to inform her that her absence hadn't been even noticed and she wasn't missed.

And sure enough, Grumpy was lying lazily on her favorite spot on the window seat facing Vancouver harbor.

"There you are," Bella cooed, picked up her cat, and sat down with her. The cat stretched, miaowed, and placed herself on Bella's lap but didn't grace her with her headbutts. That, if anything, told Bella that her cat was displeased with her.

"Oh, Grumpy. How have you been?" she muttered to her cat. "I had a few bizarre days."

Bella and Edward had taken Grumpy when they got married. They'd argued over having her; Edward wanted the cat, and Bella had thought it unwise. In the end, Edward had won. And Bella was ever so grateful for that. Grumpy had been there for the worst part after Edward had died, and to think of losing Grumpy made her sick to her stomach. It was something she tried not to think about.

Nuzzling her soft fur, she couldn't help another set of tears falling. She and Edward used to sit on this spot with their ginger cat looking out at the harbor, planning their next trip, or just drinking tea and talking about their day.

On the island, Bella had spent moments in the spot where she and Edward had given their vows six years ago. It was the sort of pilgrimage she did every year with her and Edward's friends. She'd taken a walk there also after the interlude with Jared in the forest. Her behavior shocked her, and she asked Edward if he could forgive her for being so reckless. Bella knew Edward would want her to be happy. He would not want her to stay alone for the rest of her life. She would not want that for him, even if thinking of Edward with another woman hurt so much. And it hurt her to think of herself with any other man than Edward. It hurt to think of her with Jared.

But regardless of how she felt, her thoughts kept returning to Jared and their night together. How much she had liked him and how good he'd made her feel. And despite all the guilt and pain she felt because of Edward, and the life they never had the chance to have together, she could not stop the feeling she'd made a mistake by running away from Jared.

It was time to face the music. Jared opened the door to the house where he and Kim had lived for three years. He could feel instantly she was home. Of course, she was. Not that Jared wanted to postpone the shitstorm waiting for him, but some part of him had hoped she'd just taken and left him without a word. But he deserved all that was coming.

And Kim came straight at him and slapped his face. His left cheek stung with the contact.

"You fucking bastard!" she shouted. "Who the fuck you think you are that you think you can treat me like dirt!"

"I'm sorry," Jared said.

"You're sorry?! Is that all you have to say after all these years we've been together?!" Kim started to pace in front of him. Her high heal shoes clacked against the wooden floor. Her sleek black hair was in a high ponytail, and her face was red with fury.

"There is nothing more to say," Jared said, not raising his voice. He was a bastard; he had done her wrong. He didn't want to make any excuses. There was none. "I am sorry, but I'm so fucking tired, and I can't do this anymore."

"I can't do this anymore," Kim said, imitating mockingly his voice. "What the fuck do you mean? We are a couple. We've been together for almost five years. You don't end something like what we have in a fucking text message. I won't let you. I don't agree to break up."

"You don't agree?" Jared laughed bitterly, his anger rising, "What the hell is that supposed to mean!?"

"Why did you do it?" Kim asked, ignoring his question.

"I finally got the nerve to do it. You know damn well that there is nothing left between us, haven't been for a long time now. I've had it. It's over!"

"Why did you send me that text when you did?" she insisted on knowing.

Jared looked at Kim. She deserved to know the truth so he gave her that. "I had met a girl, and we were going to have sex."

Kim just stared at him and laughed humorlessly, "You met a girl?"

"Yes."

"And you thought that you needed to break up with me so you could fuck her?"

There was no denying what it was, so he answered, "Yes." Although in Jared's mind, it was more; it wasn't just sex. If it were up to him, he would be seeing Bella again. She was made to be his. He felt it strongly.

Kim started to laugh. "If I'd broken up with you when I've fucked other guys, we would've ended a long time ago."

"What!?" Jared felt like someone had thrown ice-cold water over him. He could not believe this. "Are you saying you've been fucking around all this time?"

"Not all this time, but more or less for the last year, yes," Kim answered with a fucking smug grin.

Jared was lost for words.

"So you see, my darling," she said with her honey-laced voice he now realized, he hated, touching his arm, "we don't have to break up. You can fuck whoever you want, as do I. We have a good life together. I don't want to upset our parents. And neither do you. We can have an open relationship, as it seems we already have."

Jared pulled his arm away from her and just stared at her. Had she lost her mind?

In a way, he was glad; this made the breakup all the easier. He wasn't the only one to blame. And it was more than clear that they should have done this ages ago. It should probably alarm him that he felt nothing, abso-fucking-lutely nothing else than relief.

There was nothing more to say or do. He was totally over this shit.

"I'm off. You can stay here." Jared grabbed his bag. It didn't hold anything clean for him to wear, but he needed to get out of the house as fast as possible. He rather bought himself new clothes than stayed in this house a second longer with this bitch.

"Please don't go. I'll let you fuck my ass," Kim pleaded and tried to grab hold of his arm again.

Jared didn't know who Kim was anymore. Sure, they had enjoyed themselves in the bedroom, probably the main reason they were still together. But now that he looked at her, really looked at her, he felt repulsed. He could not help comparing her to Bella, and his heart squeezed painfully. Beautiful Bella, so pure, fresh, and lovely. And he would never see her again. Then he remembered his promise to her that he was clean. But he couldn't know that for sure, could he? This bitch had been sleeping around, and who the fuck knew if she'd infected him with something. He felt sick.

"I'll go to Jacob's. We'll start thinking tomorrow about who moves out. I'm okay with you staying here if you want to." Anything to get rid of that bitch for good.

"Don't you fucking dare walk out on me!" Kim screamed, but he kept walking back to his car. Before he had time to react, a big glass smashed against his car window, breaking it into a million pieces. Flying glass cut the hands he had just moved to cover his eyes.

"Come back, you son of a bitch!" Kim screamed.

Without a word, he opened the door, pulled his hand inside his jacket sleeve, and brushed broken glass from the bench. Then he took a towel from his bag, placed it on the bench, sat in the car, and drove away.