Disclaimer: All characters and events that take place within the story are fictional. Any relations to real people or events are purely coincidental. All copyrights belong to Atlus.
Art by Zengoro on Pixiv. Thanks so much!
Warning: Deviants explores psychological disorders, thoughts of suicide, attempted suicide, sexual assault, and emotional trauma both from an intrapersonal and interpersonal perspective. If you or anyone you know are suffering from any of the above, please seek professional help.
Saturday, April 9
Afternoon
A sudden jolt incited a sharp breath from Ren, whose eyes went wide in the slight panic that only comes from being abruptly woken up. Two heartbeats later and Ren released the air he'd been unconsciously holding in with a soft sigh.
Ren moved to rub his eyes, only to bump into an unseen barrier. Right… glasses. A lens. He wasn't quite used to them yet. Reaching behind the large lenses Ren cleared what gunk was between his eyelashes. It wasn't until now that Ren felt a dull ache between his temples. He didn't remember having a headache before he dozed off.
The trip to Tokyo had been a long one. An hour to the Shinkansen, another two via Shinkansen, and another hour from the metro. Ren didn't think he'd ever been on another trip that took this much time or had as many transfers.
Transfers.
The panic returned and Ren hastily reached for his phone, actuating the fingerprint scanner and tapping on Hyperdia almost instinctively.
The travel app had barely opened when a prerecorded voice spoke through the train's speakers. "Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of JR I thank you for riding with us today. We will shortly be arriving in Shibuya. Shibuya. This is the last stop for this line. Please transfer here for all other subway lines. The doors will open on the left hand side of the train. Thank you."
Ren let out the second sigh of relief in a minute, he hadn't slept through his stop. Changes in the train timetables had already delayed him, and any more would reflect poorly on him even if it was out of his control.
A pair of girlish voices caught his attention above the screeching of the train's brakes.
"What, are you for real?" The first girl asked. "A mental shutdown?"
Ren frowned at the two school girls, each gripping the handrails. It was impolite to speak on the train. At least, where Ren was from. Maybe Tokyoites were different?
"I'm serious!" The second girl noisily replied, a few more onlookers glancing in their direction. "It's real!"
The first girl rolled her eyes. "Sure it is. You're reading into it too much. I mean, I know you love that occult stuff, but c'mon."
The pair quieted, finally noticing the gazes of other travelers. They timidly apologized to no one in particular and quickly became absorbed in their phones. Turns out Tokyoites are the same. A small reassurance.
Ren absentmindedly tapped on his web browser app, the search engine's home page presenting a plethora of news articles and advertisements. A flick of the finger, browsing through articles not looking for anything in particular. Ren stopped the scrolling as something caught his attention. "Mental Shutdowns, The Cause of Tokyo's Recent Accidents?" it read. As click-baity as the headliner was, Ren tapped on the link. Might as well inform himself, as dubious as the source was.
Ren habitually rubbed his black frilly hair with his left thumb and forefinger as he quickly scanned the article. Accidents within Tokyo Precinct have included runaway rail incidents, motor vehicle accidents including both vehicle on vehicle and vehicle on pedestrian, by some miracle most without any fatalities. Ren paused as he reread a line. 'Young 15 year-old girl was fatally struck by a truck.' She is only a year younger than me. Was… I suppose. The poor family. More fatal incidents were cited before Ren closed the tab. He didn't need another reminder of how much things sucked.
The train began to slow, the brakes squealing louder as Ren stood up, shuffling with the rest of the crowd to the exit doors. With a jaunty chime the train doors slid open and the passengers departed. Not knowing what else to do, or where he was going, Ren followed the flow of people up a set of stairs. Consulting a wall map for an embarrassing number of minutes Ren didn't want to admit to, he finally climbed a set of stairs for Shibuya Crossing.
Ren's former classmates had shown him pictures and videos of Shibuya Crossing, everyone involved gawking at the sheer volume of people. What was shown in one still frame would be a fairly substantial percentage of his hometown's daily commuters. Ren thought he wouldn't be surprised, but found himself standing as still as the Hachiko statue. A sea of people mingled to and fro seemingly without any organization, a barrage of colors from television advertisements, an orchestra of voices, vehicle horns, and footsteps shocked Ren's system.
Out of place.
Ren paused, a sharp pang stabbing into his chest. "Out of place, huh?" He wondered if he'd ever be in place again. Existing is how Ren would describe himself right now. No goal in mind, just existing.
Silence.
Ren blinked once. Twice. Rubbed his eyes, his brain failing to process what was happening.
Complete. Absolute. Stillness.
Ren glanced around, mouth agape.
Nothing moved. Not the birds hanging in the air mid flight, not the woman floating a couple inches off the ground mid stride, and not the man frozen with a funny face in the beginnings of a sneeze.
Strange didn't even begin to describe it.
A flicker of movement on the edge of Ren's periphery drew his attention. Blue fire across Shibuya Crossing, like a bonfire. White hot in the middle, orange flames flickered around what looked like a person. The figure broke through the fire, no, the fire parted before it. Ren stared slack-jawed at a doppelganger of himself, except it had yellow eyes and bore an inhuman, savage grin.
"And if you burn in Hell?"
Someone bumped into his shoulder and the onslaught of sensory stimuli resumed.
Ren heard a man grunt, "Damn kids, can't even walk without their eyes glued to their phones."
"I'm so-" Ren's apology died in his throat, whoever he had bumped into disappeared into the crowd.
Combing his hand through his hair, Ren took a deep, slow breath in and out. "Okay," he muttered to himself. "Pretty sure that happened, but it doesn't seem like anyone else noticed. So what the hell? And what is this?"
An unfamiliar icon undulated in the center of his phone screen overlaying Hyperdia. A red background with a black starburst, something like an Egyptian eye with a red star for a pupil set on the foreground. "That's creepy. Don't remember installing that." Ren dragged it to uninstall.
Ren glanced at the line he had to take. Glanced at the timetable. Glanced at the current time. "Oh fu-!"
Yongen-Jaya was only a few stops away from Shibuya and the train was the most packed Ren's ever experienced. Squished inside like a can of sardines and it wasn't even rush hour. Ren grew dizzy at the thought alone. Luckily, he'd managed to scoot his way to the train doors in time to depart.
Walking through Yongen-Jaya residential area was nothing like his hometown or Shibuya Crossing. Gone were the modern buildings, replaced by old structures likely built forty or fifty years ago. It gave Yongen-Jaya a very broken in, lived in feel. Especially with the shops Ren had walked past being run by mostly middle-aged to elderly people. It had its own charm, that's for sure. The ringing of a nearby batting cage, and the heavy smell and feel of Tokyo humidity.
Out of place.
Ren stared down the street, not noticing the people walking in it slowly disappear. At the end there was a car, a woman and man fighting and yelling. A cry for help.
The woman caught his gaze, her eyes filled with trepidation, hopelessness, but most of all: fear. That fear is what drove Ren forward.
"-me?"
One step. Two steps. Three.
"-right?"
Soon he was running. He had to help. Ha had to stop-
"Hey, are you okay?"
Ren blinked. The car, woman, and man were gone. In front of him stood a man with a badge on his light blue uniform shirt. A badge. A police badge. Ren's chest seized.
"Hey," the officer placed a hand lightly on Ren's shoulder.
Ren pulled away, tucking his arms into his body, his own eyes now mirroring the woman's.
"Whoa, easy there, kid," the officer took a step back and raised his hands in a disarming manner. "You weren't looking too good there. I didn't mean to startle you."
Swallowing to reset himself, Ren's voice was broken nonetheless. "Y-Yeah, sorry about that, o-officer. Um… I'm okay." Ren could only see the badge.
"All right, if you say so. If you aren't feeling well you should visit the clinic just down the street. Doctor Takemi's a little strange, but she can help you out." Ren couldn't see the officer's expression or hear his worried words. All he saw was the badge and heard the clanging of iron bars.
"Thank you," Ren managed to stumble away. "I'll be going, then."
The officer called out once more but Ren didn't hear him, just the jingling of metal and his own ragged breathing. His chest felt like it was being squeezed by a vice. Extremities were tingling, growing numb. He made it around the corner. His pulse was skyrocketing, his chest beating like a jackhammer. And here it came. His ragged breathing grew wheezy, his throat felt like it was constricting, a noose tightening every passing moment. Ren knew it was his brain freaking out, needing more oxygen but making things worse. He had to calm down. Panic. Ren shut his eyes, tried to calm down, tried to imagine anything but that badge and the slamming of iron bars. Panic.
Ren stood outside of the small cafe called Leblanc. This place was familiar to him. Well, as familiar to someone who only knew of the name. Run by an associate of his parents, it was where Ren would be spending his next year of probation.
Out of place. Ren shook the thought out of his head. It wasn't easy. It never seemed to be.
The jingle of a bell accompanied Ren's entrance into the hole-in-the-wall cafe. The interior was worn but clean. Booths lined the left side, a bar counter running from the entrance to the back, a bright yellow telephone near the cash register, and a wall mounted television tucked into the corner. A strange, curious mixture of curry and coffee invaded Ren's nose.
The cafe itself was empty other than a tall, middle-aged man leaning forward onto the bar, magazine in hand and stroking his sharp goatee with the other. Slightly receding hairline and slicked back black hair, deep set grey eyes stared down a sharp, longer-than-average nose. The sleeves of his pale pink dress shirt were rolled up to the elbows, pale khaki pants and white loafers adorned him along with a black and grey striped apron.
The man peeked at Ren over his magazine before turning to the calendar on his wall, contemplating. "Right… It was today, wasn't it?" The man muttered to himself before turning his attention to Ren. "So, you're the Amamiya kid?" Concern furrowed his brow. "You okay? You're looking pretty pale."
"Yes, sir. I'm fine, sir. Amamiya Ren. I assume you're Sakura Sojiro-san?" Ren waited for the nod. There it was. Ren bowed from the waist. "I'll be in your care, sir."
"Mhm hm…" Sakura somehow sounded both uncaring and intrigued. "I was wondering what kind of kid would show up in my cafe, but you look more put together than I thought you would."
"Thank you, sir," Ren really wasn't sure how else to respond. "I try."
"That wasn't a compliment, kid," Sakura tossed down his magazine and stepped around the counter. "Follow me. I'll show you where you're staying."
Ren silently obeyed.
"Your box arrived earlier this week. I already brought it up here," Sakura explained as they ascended the stairs. "This is your room."
Ren climbed the last step and saw a room the same size as the entire cafe below. Old furniture, books, a mattress set on storage baskets, and there, in the center of the room, Ren's box of belongings. Everything was dusty. Ren could even see the footprints of Sakura when he brought his box up here. This… was going to take some work.
"I'll give you sheets for your bed," Sakura did a double take at Ren. "What? Got something to say, kid?"
"Yeah, it's… a lot bigger than I thought it would be," Ren swept his finger across the top of the dresser. And a lot messier…
"Well, it's on you to clean everything else up. I'll lock up the store when I go home, so you'll be alone at night. But don't get any stupid ideas. Any trouble and you're on the streets, got it?" Sakura made sure to make eye contact at his last point.
"Yes, sir," Ren didn't break eye contact from behind his glasses.
"Good. Your parents explained your situation to me. You protected some woman from a drunk forcing himself on her, you pushed him, he got injured, then he sued your ass. Right?" Ren opened his mouth to respond but Sakura kept going. "That's what you get for butting in between two adults; a criminal record and expulsion from high school. The courts ordered you to transfer and your parents agreed. Your parents may not have said it but I'll say it for them, 'they kicked you out for being a pain in the ass.'"
Ren tried to not look away. He failed.
"Now, I have a business to run here. So behave yourself for a year and your probation will be lifted. If there are any problems, I'll send you straight to juvie. Are we clear?"
"Yes, sir," Ren whispered, still not looking.
Sakura nodded, frowning. Maybe he'd taken it a bit too far. "We'll be going to Shujin Academy tomorrow to introduce ourselves. So wear your uniform. And drop the 'sir.' Sakura is fine."
"Understood, Sakura," Ren breathed a little easier.
A bell jingled from downstairs. "Hello? Are you open?"
"Yes, just a moment," Sakura answered clearly. "I have to tend to the store now, so I'll leave you to do… whatever it is you need to do. Just don't make too much noise." Sakura trudged down the stairs, not sparing Ren a second glance.
Ren stared at his box in the center of the large attic.
Out of place.
Evening
The rest of the day had passed quickly. Ren kept himself busy cleaning what he could. It didn't seem like he had done a lot, but Sakura seemed pleasantly surprised when he came to announce his departure.
Ren surveyed the room once more. He'd managed to consolidate most of the miscellaneous objects and tuck them in the corner for the time being. The shelf still needed to be cleared, and no matter how much he swept and mopped there seemed to be an ever present layer of dust.
Ping!
Ren froze. Who could be messaging him now? His parents?
"I thought we raised you better than this."
His friends?
"Sorry, I can't talk right now. I'll see you at school."
"Yeah, right," scowling Ren pulled out his phone. The app from earlier today was on his phone again. He had deleted it, right? Right after… What was that? Ren hadn't given himself the time to think about the blue fire, or the strange time stopping. He sat on the mattress and began rubbing his hair between his fingers.
He'd gotten off the train, nothing seeming out of the ordinary. Not that Ren knew ordinary around here, he admitted, but nothing that made him stop and think "Holy shit, that's really weird!" No one seemed to care or even notice. He hadn't noticed the app until after. The app.
Ren opened the window behind him and looked along the street. A white cat walked along a short wall, freezing and staring up at Ren with its bright eyes.
Okay, time didn't freeze again. Ren shut the window and sat with his back to the wall. Rubbing his hair again he stared at the strange icon still undulating on the screen. "Now what do I do with you? Is it malware? I don't remember downloading anything or going onto suspicious sites… but then again you never know." Deciding to try once more Ren dragged the icon to uninstall. He held down the power button and hit restart just to be safe, knowing that it wouldn't make a difference if it was a virus but did so nonetheless.
Closing his eyes and quieting his thoughts didn't take as long as he thought. But Ren hardly noticed as he slipped into a slumber.
A cell.
Two children in blue.
A strange, long-nosed man.
"Trickster… Welcome to my Velvet Room."
Rattling chains.
Panic.
Sunday, April 10
Daytime
Kawakami Sadayo struggled to contain her yawn, ultimately failing and cupping her mouth with her hand. Followed by a good stretch and a long sip of coffee, she already felt like the day was beginning to look up for her. Of course, it'd be even better if she didn't have to come to school on her only day off and had this new assignment tossed on her lap the moment she stepped into the office. No! No, no! Don't think like that Sadayo. You're a sensei. Do it for the kids.
Kawakami scanned the office to make sure she was alone before slumping and voicing her thoughts out loud. "Ugh… A transfer into my class? Seriously?" A long sigh and a looooooong sip of coffee later, Kawakami finally opened the transfer student's file. The first thing that caught her attention was the student picture. Black frizzy hair, glasses, looked lean and tired. She frowned, noticing that there was an additional picture. This one of the same kid without the glasses, holding up a rectangular board with a series of numbers and letters on it. Huh… kinda looks like a mug shot.
Kawakami took a looooooooooong sip of coffee before moving onto the first page. Her eyes almost popped out of their sockets and she nearly spewed her coffee all over the desk. Assault?! Excuse me?! Principal Kobayakawa couldn't be serious. And how come she was just hearing about this?
She read more carefully now. Assaulted a man in the middle of the night... There was a testimony by a woman accompanying said man… Found guilty… Probation for one year… Ordered by the court to transfer and the parents agreed. "Are you kidding me?"
Kawakami swept the papers back into the file and closed it. She had to discuss this with the Principal. This had to be some kind of mistake.
Ren could hear raised voices from within the principal's office. Sounded like an argument.
"Well, I informed them that we'd be coming today, so..." Sakura seemed to be convincing himself as he rapped his knuckle against the door.
The voices inside quieted immediately. A few seconds passed before the door opened revealing a woman of average height and slender build. Her dark brown hair was wavy and looked a tad messy, and dark brown eyes betrayed her exhaustion. She wore a long-sleeved yellow shirt with white and red horizontal lines and a blue, knee-length denim skirt. "Ah, you must be him," the woman wore a convincing smile. "Come in, we were expecting you."
Sakura stepped inside, removing the white fedora he'd been sporting until now. Ren quietly followed.
What was sitting behind the principal's desk was what Ren could only describe as a giant pile of custard pudding that didn't exactly settle… but in human form. The red bow tie was barely visible from beneath the bloated chin. It took everything for Ren to not simply stare as the man introduced himself as Kabayakawa, continuing to talk about Ren's acceptance into the Academy and how it would reflect on the school.
Ren had his suspicions, but he still felt disappointed. Shujin Academy hadn't accepted him in the hopes of helping a young man get his life on track, but the hopes to better improve their image by helping a young man with a criminal record get back on track. The fact that Principal Pudding spoke about it so openly dampened any optimism Ren had before.
Ren eyed the teacher once more. She didn't seem pleased about the situation either. He'd bet he could guess what the argument prior to their arrival had been about. Everywhere he seemed to go only cared about reputation. Ren looked away in disgust. Not subtly enough it seemed.
"Just so we're clear, young man," Principal Pudding called for his attention. "You will be expelled immediately if you cause any problems. Keep in mind that there will be no place for you to go if you are thrown out of Shujin Academy. This, by the way, is your homeroom teacher."
The woman gave a shallow bow. When she straightened her thoughts seemed to be far away from the present. "I'm Kawakami Sadayo. Like Principal Kabayakawa said you'll be in my class, 2-D. Here's your student ID. Don't lose it, and be sure to carry it on your person at all times."
"I understand, Kawakami-sensei," Ren pocketed the laminated piece of plastic.
"Come to the faculty office when you arrive at school tomorrow. I'll show you to the classroom," Kawakami's voice sounded more focused.
Sakura pulled up his sleeve and checked his watch. "If there's nothing else for us to discuss, mind if we head out? I got a store to run."
Principal Pudding nodded understandingly, "Of course, Sakura-san, my apologies if we held you longer than planned."
"Hmm…" Sakura grunted, waving goodbye and exiting the office.
"Please excuse us," Ren bowed before following, closing the door behind him.
"Holy crap," Sakura was grinning and pointed his thumb back towards the office. "Did you see that guy?"
Ren hesitated for just a moment before chuckling. "Yeah, I kept calling him Principal Pudding in my head."
"I know it's rude but… damn…" Sakura and Ren shared a quiet laugh.
Kawakami was seated at her desk with her hands folded in front of her, staring at the folder that was where she'd left it. She hadn't touched her cup of coffee since she'd gotten back from that meeting. She saw the expression of disappointment on Amamiya-kun's face. Had she really argued against taking him in? She was a teacher, for crying out loud. And he seemed nice enough. Quiet, deferential, understanding, polite, Kawakami hazarded a guess that he was probably easier to deal with then some of the other kids in her class.
"So I take it you heard, Kawakami-sensei?"
Kawakami gave a start. She hadn't even heard the door open. "About what, Kamoshida-sensei?" Kawakami offered a smile, unaware that it was rather stiff.
Kamoshida Suguru was imposing, to say the least. A giant by Japanese standards, and tall even for Westerners, he stood at an alarming 6'7" and was built like an ox. Many women would find Kamoshida's square jawline and broad shoulders attractive, but there was something about his eyes that made Kawakami shudder whenever he entered the room. But he was a fellow teacher, so she had to at least act amicable.
"The criminal transfer student, of course. Although, I suppose the other transfer student is a more worthy addition to Shujin," Kamoshida mused. And there was that glint in his eyes.
"You mean the first-year? She's a gymnast if I recall correctly. A promising individual, that's for sure," Kawakami sighed. "Why couldn't they have a male teacher take him in?"
She wasn't really looking for an answer, especially not the one Kamoshida offered. "Don't worry, Kawakami-sensei, I'm sure he'd be more inclined to listen to an attractive woman than some old geezer."
Kawakami suppressed a shudder. "I guess," she offered non committedly, "we'll just have to wait and see." Gods, this guy gave her the creeps.
"Right, well I have to get back to volleyball practice. I just swung by to grab some things. I'll see you tomorrow, Kawakami-sensei," Kamoshida gave a small wave as he ducked out of the office.
Some time passed before Kawakami finally cracked open Amamiya-kun's file once more. "Parents agreed to ignore you… huh? Almost like him. Right, Sadayo?"
She reached over for another student file, this one had been on her desk for a few days now. Kawakami flipped it open and picked up the student picture. Long red hair tied into a ponytail, red eyes, and a confident, bright smile looked back at her.
"Yoshizawa Kasumi."
Only the ticking of the clock to accompanied her thoughts.
Should I?
Tick.
It's a huge gamble.
Tick.
I don't even know all the pieces.
Tick.
Fuck it.
Kawakami lunged for her coffee mug and gulped down the rest of the contents, slamming it down like a beer on Friday night. "ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO!"
A/N
TLDR: Thanks for reading. Deviants is going to be a character-centric fic focusing on the mental and emotional aspects of P5R's story. This includes, but not limited to, trauma, psychological disorders, love, friendship, and the concept of family. Trying out rated T, will switch to M if requested. Deviants will have weekly releases. See you next week!
Hello everyone, Daeus here. Life has begun to calm down somewhat and I can finally gather my bearings after years.
First things first, if you're a newcomer thanks for reading, and if you've been around (like, a dozen of you, maybe)… holy shit what the hell go find a more consistent author it's been like 2 years. But seriously, thanks for sticking by me.
Secondly, Deviants, this ^^^^^ fic. Forgive me for removing the original chapter 1 which was of the casino prologue. I have it saved but it doesn't add anything to the story, so I removed it. It will be part of the story at some point. Moving on, I have a lot of problems with P5R's writing. They fixed some things from the original, but there was a lot that left me wanting. Unfortunately, a huge chunk of what I want to address is in 3rd semester. Yes, I could do the easy route and just write about 3rd semester, but I hate myself so we're doing it the stupid hard way. So… like a lot of fanfics, things are going to… ahem… deviate. Jesus, did I really write that? All right reset. I don't know how long this is going to go. I am going to hold myself to a chapter every week, maybe two (Take it with a grain of salt my other fanfic has been on fire for years). What my goal for Deviants is is to really delve into the characters of Persona 5 Royal. A lot of them leave things to be desired, ideas to be explored, and I want to dig into them. A lot of mental and emotional trauma gets fixed with a snap of a finger in P5R, and that ain't it. Psychological disorders and emotional trauma take months, if not years to resolve themselves. It never truly heals and there's always a little that lingers. That's where all the juicy bits are (PSA I'm not a psychiatrist, psychologist, or have been diagnosed with psychological disorders but I'll try to articulate them to the best of my ability [if you have any advice, please inform me! I want to get this right]). Some things that happened in P5R have happened to me or people I know personally, so I'll be sharing my own introspections about what I, and they experienced in my writing within the mold of P5R's story and characters. Just a reminder, these are my experiences about those topics and aren't the same for everyone. If you or anyone you know are suffering from any psychological disorders, depression, or serious thoughts of suicide, please get professional help and don't look to me for guidance. Moving on, relationships. Relationships. Both platonic and romantic. No abuse here, just love. That's all.
Thirdly, if you're still reading... Persona 3: The Journey, I feel that I've matured a lot as an individual since I began writing it (it's been years I hope I have) and I'm in a much different place emotionally and mentally than I was then (better, for sure!). I know that fanfics can be written however they want, because that's their nature. But I just can't go back to what I was writing before. Maybe, someday, when the world actually ends, but the stories and messages I want to write are so vastly different than what they were all those years ago. If I do return to it, I think I'm going to change a lot. I don't even think it'd be remotely similar. If you're in it for the humor, there's probably going to be a lot less of that both in Deviants and in The Journey if I rewrite it. Will still be present, but not as heavily emphasized. If that doesn't appeal to you, no harm no foul.
Thanks again, and you'll hear from me next week!
Pfft... I'm not projecting onto Kawakami in the last bit. You're all crazy...