AN:

1) Olivia experiencing the world as a Persona Hiimdaisy comic. The reason why I'm not certain about this one is that the images were part of the joke/charm. Tried to see how well I could imitate the style with only words.

2) I'm in a shitposting mood. I'll get back to my other fics later.

3) This fic is mostly spoken through the narrator. So it'll be pretty sparse on details. (the downside of not using a comic format)

4) ! Means a dialogue/action choice. ! Chosen dialogue/action choice.

It's your first day at Holtfort Academy, you peasant. Somehow you are already lost despite all the signs telling you to head to the main auditorium. You know, the big building with all the students flowing in. How did you not figure it out? I suppose that's to be expected when you have Forrest Gump's IQ.

Oh! Look, a guy with an actual face instead of a shadowy figure. You should go talk to him.

"Leave me alone," the boy said.

Did I say talk? I meant you should slap him. How rude.

*Slap*

Wait, you actually slapped him? What's wrong with you? Who goes slapping random people who want to be left alone?

"You slapped me? Don't you know who I am? I'm the crown prince of Holtfort. Julius Rapha Holtfort," the boy said with a red-faced when his shock wore off.

You slapped the crown prince of your country! How did you not recognize your own prince?! I don't care that you came from the boonies. It's already game over man! What are you going to do?

! Get on your knees and beg.

! Nut Punch.

! Slap him again.

The boy remained silent as he stared at you. You got a dangerous feeling from him. I think that it's time to run.

! Get on your knees and beg.

! Nut Punch.

! Slap him again.

The boy instantly crumpled onto the floor making pitiful sounds as he rolled about. I think it's time that you ran away. Maybe he didn't have the time to remember your face.

"Harder," the boy groaned.

Emperor Social Link Rank Up (Rank 1) Julius will now die for you.

What?!

! What?!

"What?"

You've avoided a swift execution, but I don't think this is much better. I think that you should go.

After the fiasco that was yesterday, your new life at the academy begins today. For real this time.

You find yourself in a room of shadowy figures. The developers were really cutting corners. I suppose this was expected since the game will have your lover whisper your name in your ear. I know why you bought this game.

Look, another unique character model. She looks important. Why don't you introduce yourself to her?

Actually, it might be better to avoid her after what happened yesterday.

"Everyone here is a whore!"

I mean she isn't wrong, but she didn't need to break the immersion. Maybe you should walk away from this.

! Greet the girl.

! Hi, I'm a whore.

! Walk away.

"How dare you ignore me, you slutty peasant? I'm Angelica Rapha Redgrave," the girl said shrilly before storming off. What crawled up her ass and died?

Empress Social Link Rank Down (Rank -1) Angelica's minions will jump you now.

It's lunchtime. Just get your food, eat it, and keep your head down. Everyone notable here is apparently a psychopath.

! Salad (+1 Beauty)

! Pasta (+1 Refinement)

! Salmon (+1 Intelligence)

! Shrooms (+1 Magic)

! Steak (+1 Strength)

Time to play a quick time event minigame. Do well and you will get additional stat bonuses. Why is that a thing? Don't know, don't care. Just START!

X, X, O, O, R1, R3, X, X.

You've successfully entered the combo, and your reward is +2 in strength. Now shove the eighteen-oz steak down your throat. What's with that look? Do it. It's your reward. You need to do it for the gains.

After swallowing the steak whole, you felt a chill go down your spine. It seems that your ability to swallow large pieces of meat was noticed by someone. As you looked around, you noticed a shirtless redhead staring at you. Jesus, look at those abs. You could grate cheese on those things.

Noticing that you noticed him noticing you, the boy began flexing his muscles.

Strength Social Link Rank Up (Rank 1) Greg will now flex for/on you.

You've suddenly lost your appetite (-2 Strength). Seeing a sweaty dude pose is not as appetizing as you would think.

As you sat in your room, you heard a distinctive game mechanic sound.

Hierophant Social Link Rank Up (Rank 1) ? will kill for you.

Looking around, you saw nobody around. How weird. At least this person will kill for you and isn't trying to kill you. You should still probably close your window blinds.

In any case, you felt tired after everything that happened today. You should go to sleep.

! Go to sleep.

! Study.

I don't believe you heard me correctly. I said that you should go to sleep.

! Go to sleep.

! Study.

I said go to sleep.

! Go to sleep.

! Study.

I'm warning you.

! Go to sleep.

! Study.

That's it. We're going to the menu screen and deleting your save. Is that what you want?

! Go to sleep.

! Study.

Press start to play the game. I wasn't joking.

! Go to sleep.

! Study.

Finally.

In your dreams, a mysterious figure stood before you. She looks eerily similar to you.

"You should burn this kingdom to the ground."

! Sounds good to me.

! Can I not?

"Dew it," the figure said as she chucked a suspicious yellow-green bottle at your head.

High Priestess Social Link Rank Up (Rank 1)

You find yourself walking towards class today. It's a bright new day. It's time to go out and find someone sane.

Oh wait, you look like you haven't brushed your hair in weeks. You should really fix that now.

In front of you stood a purple-haired boy with a hand mirror. You can ask him to borrow his mirror. I'm sure nothing could go wrong. /s

! Pat down your head and continue on.

! Ask the boy to borrow his mirror.

I was being sarcastic! Didn't you see the /s?

The boy handed you his mirror and began speaking while you fixed your hair. After spending a few minutes fixing your hair, you noticed the boy was still waxing on about beauty techniques. You handed him his mirror back, and he still kept talking. And he kept talking. And talking.

You should walk away now.

After a few minutes, you heard a distant ping.

Magician Social Link Rank Up (Rank 1) Brad will teach you how to use his makeup.

Hey, look. The teacher over there actually has a real character model. It's the guy who taught you magic to begin with.

What do you mean you don't know who he is? He's a very important figure in your development. He's also literally the reason why you are here.

Where did you pull that shovel from?

After having met all the love interests, how do you feel about the game? Wait, you want to quit? I mean sure, but you already spent $60 plus tax for the base game. Let's not forget the $30 costume DLC for that swimsuit action. And the $30 support pack DLC. And... Wow, you really spent a lot of money on this game. Wait, you want a refund? That's a funny joke. That money's already been spent on crack cocaine. You're stuck with these boys from now on.

Hey, don't cry. It will literally do nothing. These game companies thrive on the tears of their consumers.

"Are you okay," a boy asked in the background.

Look, another hot love... Why is there an NPC talking to you? He doesn't even have the decency to have a character portrait, that shady-mob bastard.

! What's your dysfunction?

! Hi, I'm Olivia.

"You looked distressed. I just wanted to check on you," the shadowy boy said with a miffed tone.

! I'm on my period.

! The boys here are insane.

! I want to go home.

I'm surprised you're still talking to this NPC.

"That's a word for it. Yeah, there seems to be something wrong with everyone here. I can't exactly help with that."

! No need. Knowing someone agrees with me is enough.

! You're included in that list too you know.

"I see. I guess I can see what you mean if every guy you have met so far is insane. Regardless, it's nice to have someone to talk with. Well, if you ever want to just talk, you can find me easily enough," the mob character said as he walked away.

Social Link Rank Up (Rank 1) That is what I would be saying if he was an actual character in the game.

Olivia? Why are you following the mob character? He's not a romanceable option.

What do you mean by 'What do you mean?'?

What do you mean by 'You don't care!'?!

Come back! You need to get some Royal D or else we all die!

I feel like I'm forgetting a character. Meh, probably didn't matter.

"I'm still here. I never got my turn."

Yep, nothing of importance was forgotten.

"Hello?"