Nikita wasn't one to get worked up. Usually, she could rationalize her actions and calm herself down. She could count on one hand the amount of times she had lost control of her emotions. Whenever that happened, she was able to separate herself from whatever it was that had its grip on her. Then, she could talk herself off of the ledge. Sometimes there was someone who could help her see reality again; that no matter what it was, she was alright. But she wasn't so sure about that time. She wasn't in that situation anymore, but she could still hear the screams. She wasn't in that alley anymore, but she could still see those eyes. She was safe and sound in the safehouse's bedroom, yet her senses continued to howl at the horror of it all.
Michael found her curled on the corner of the bed, changed out of the bloody mission clothes. They had already talked briefly about what happened. However, not in depth. Nikita couldn't handle in depth yet. He knew, as he always did with her, and discussed Oversight instead. It was the easier subject. Or so he thought. She didn't say anything in response, just let him drift closer to her. His body heat radiating next to her grounded her a moment. Where she was was real. It was constant, unlike anything else. She took in a steadying breath, and replied to his home comment. That was something she could do. She could focus on getting back home.
If the phrasing startled him, either the 'back home' or 'living with herself' part, he didn't show it. Michael simply flashed her a smile, and cracked a self-deprecating joke. Nikita couldn't help but to laugh along with him. He made it easy as he grabbed her hand and kissed her bare shoulder. They sat in silence for some time, neither moving from where they were. He continued to comfort her with tender kisses and caresses, while she stared off into nothing. Despite his lack of words, she was aware that he was dying to know what she was thinking. She just needed a couple more minutes before she could voice them.
"I shot Alex," Eventually, Nikita mumbled. Michael nodded, kissing her shoulder again. The second he saw the blood on her, he demanded to know what occurred in that alley. Fear and panic shone brightly in his green eyes, so she didn't delay with any 'I'm fines'. She shared the facts of the fight with Alex that ended with a broken arm and a bullet to the leg. She rationalized it was a way to save her life, to make her get away from Division. But she was beginning to become terrified that that wasn't necessarily the case, "I think… I think I did it because I was angry. She left and…"
"Hey no. No. That's not true," Michael was immediate to interrupt her. He was ready to dispel any of those thoughts from her mind. He knew Nikita wouldn't do such a thing, not to Alex at least. The two were like sisters. He got her brown eyes to look at him, his words soft, "Did you shoot my shoulder 'cause you were angry with me? Or were you saving my life? Alex is confused and wants revenge. Division is her way out. It's kinda scary how similar it is, huh."
They had talked about revenge and Division before. And they had talked about doing anything to save their friends' lives. Nikita knew Michael was right. She shouldn't have been so hard on herself. She shouldn't be so upset over Alex. She just couldn't help it. After getting Alex clean, training her, and setting her out into the world, Nikita felt responsible for everything she did. Alex looked up to her, modeled herself after her. And then she was lost and hurt. She was her own person, but Nikita wanted to shoulder the blame. She did raise her a little. Far too easily, it felt as though she was slipping back into that older sister role.
She didn't want to draw those parallels, yet it was difficult not to. Especially with him there. Nikita had seen him at the motel before the rescue drones and in the alley before fighting with Alex. At first she thought her mind was playing tricks on her. Alex had played them and they were pinned down by gunfire; she was panicking, hallucinating. Except, she saw him again. And he saw her. Those hazel eyes were wide with recognition and shock. The expression frightened her, mostly because she couldn't make sense of it. Why was he there, if not for her. Why would he be involved with Division, if it wasn't to sweep her under the rug again. That was how she had gotten recruited in the first place.
Nikita could feel Michael's green eyes piercing her. He could sense something else was the matter, she knew. And maybe she should tell him. She had to tell somebody. Nobody knew the truth besides her and whoever happened to be in charge of Division and Oversight at the time. She had to come clean; it was time to come clean. Yet after almost a decade of silence, she wasn't sure if the words could be spoken- if the words wouldn't get choked out in her throat. She had to try. For Michael, she had to at least attempt being honest, "Michael. I saw someone in that alley with Alex. Someone who shouldn't have been there."
"Who?" He was being patient with her. She knew it by the way he scooped her up in his arms and turned her to face him completely. The intense sincerity almost frightened Nikita off. She couldn't remember the last time she could trust someone like that. Hell, she couldn't remember the last time anyone wanted her trust like that. Most people she dealt with only wanted surface level trust, the kind that let you do their job and didn't ask any questions. But Michael wanted more. He wanted her heart. Nikita had to remind herself that he was worth giving it to. He wasn't going to run off and leave her out to dry.
"How do you think I got recruited by Division?" Instead of being straightforward, she took the cowards way out. It just seemed so appealing to her. She wanted to make it easier on herself. The more he knew beforehand, the less she had to explain. And the less she had to think over everything. She was tired of doing that, of letting the hurt take over her. It was time to make her peace and move on.
"I was told you were the same as everybody else. Just a bit more feisty," Michael played along with her deflection, smiling slightly. Nikita had tried a couple of escape attempts when she was first brought in. And even after she knew there was no getting out, she fought back against instructors. She had always been defiant and against the rules, long before she went rogue. Although as her handler he was the one that had to rein her in, he always admired her for that tenacity.
"Well, I did think I was kidnapped and being held for ransom. I mean, that's the danger you face when you were adopted as a baby by a U.S Senator and a high ranking army official," Nikita decided to drop the truth as though it were nothing. If she kept handling it like it was something breakable, it was going to break her. She needed to let go and deal with the fallout that was about to happen, one way or another.
Michael short circuited for a brief second. What he had heard was slowly processing in his brain. Most kids in the program came from the streets or messed up homes. It was how they had gotten into the trouble Division found them in. His story was different, as he was searching for revenge. However, he never suspected her story to be as well. No one had told him otherwise, "What?"
Sighing, Nikita gave a quick explanation. They'd have time for better and more details later. She just had to get it out, "They already had twin girls when they took me home. And a couple years later they had a son. So I had some siblings that I was close to. And we were hanging out at our mom's office, waiting to go to dinner one night. Naturally, we fooled around and got in trouble. So I snuck into the security office to erase the tape. But. I saw something I shouldn't have."
Her voice faltered and paused without her wanting it to. Michael noticed and moved closer to her on the bed. She was practically sitting in his lap, and their foreheads were brushing. His touch gave her the courage to swallow down the rest of her anxieties, "I saw a dirty dealing senator get killed by Division. Luckily, my mom knew about it. So instead of getting killed for being a witness, I was recruited. Good ol' Percy told me that. My mom had my death faked and had me swept under the rug. Apparently she did the same thing when I was born. 'Cause according to Amanda, I'm my father's bastard child."
"Why does this make sense?" Michael muttered after absorbing the information. When it came to the corrupt people they dealt with, what happened to her was sadly common. They had seen a lot of people do a lot of terrible things to keep their power. Hiding away a problem child was definitely on the table. Yet Michael continued past that. They would discuss her feelings over it when she wanted to. At the moment, she was telling him about the person she saw with Alex, "Wait. Then who did you see in the alley? Was it your mom?"
"No. I'm starting to think she's Oversight, though. Who else has that kinda pull?" Nikita finally admitted out loud. The instant she discovered Oversight, the instant she suspected her adopted mother to be a part of it. If she was any other senator, Nikita would've been killed for what she had seen. But because Madeline Pierce ran Division, she was "saved".
"Oh," Michael could easily follow that train of thought. He had been kept in the dark concerning most Division secrets. And for good reason. If he had discovered what Percy had been hiding, he would've lashed out and burned the place to the ground. Kind of like what he was doing at the moment. However, knowing what he does then, he really was ready to destroy anyone in charge of that damned place.
"Yeah. And to deepen the family drama, I saw my brother. I saw Sean with Division, shooting at us," That was the part Nikita couldn't wrap her head around. She was still coming to grips with her adopted mother abandoning her to Division. She could blame most of that on not being able to process her emotions healthily (thanks, Amanda). Yet it was different with Sean. He didn't seem to have been an agent. He looked like he was working with them on his own. She was terrified at what that could mean.
"Does he know what happened? Did he know you were alive?" Gently running his hand over her back, Michael wondered. Nikita hadn't really thought about what Sean knew. She had only been focused on the fact that he was there. It would've explained the shock in his eyes at the sight of her, though. And maybe he wasn't working for Division. Maybe he was in the army like their dad, and was tasked with hunting down Merrick. That made more sense. That eased her racing mind. All she could do was shrug, however, and burrow into the warmth of Michael's arms.
"He does now."