A/N: Oops. This wasn't meant to take this long. I got stuck on a scene and then life and exam prep distracted me. And now I'm using writing to distract me from exam prep, so the next chapter shouldnt take nearly as long.

Naruto's Thoughts

Game Text

On with the story!

You have slept outside in mild conditions. 10% of maximum HP and chakra has been removed.

Naruto opened his eyes to blue, cloudless skies and chirping birds. God, he needed to stop falling asleep everywhere except his bed. He hadn't even made it back home before falling asleep this time.

After discovering that he could raise his stats through training, he had spent the rest of the previous evening running through every physical activity he could think of to increase his stats. So far, he had managed to increase his DEX by 3 from running around the training ground and his STR by 2 from doing push ups and pull ups. Strangely, nothing other than those specific exercises did anything for his stats.

Oh Log, what time is it? Judging by the position of the sun on the horizon, it was barely past dawn. Phew, Iruka wasn't going to eat him alive for being late. Enough time to go home and make some ramen before morning classes? He tapped his chin a few times in thought. Screw it, ramen is always worth the risk.

Trying to get up caused his back to spasm in protest. Yes, yes I will sleep in a bed tonight. My bad. His body was weird like that. Cuts, bruises and actual injuries from training or fighting? Gone overnight. Sore back from sleeping outdoors? Utterly debilitating. What was he, a geriatric old man?

He managed to get to his feet on the third attempt and whistled a jaunty tune all the way back home. Hey, if the birds could be loud this early in the morning, so could he.

His front door came into view as he climbed the stairs to his apartment building and his face darkened, cheerful mood vanishing with his smile.

The motherfuckers had vandalised his apartment again.

Naruto didn't know who these people were, but for as long as he could remember, he had been on the receiving end of their vitriol. They never made themselves known in person and never did anything to try and really harm him, but there was always graffiti on his apartment of a fox and words proclaiming him a demon.

As soon as he'd been old enough to understand this was wrong, he had complained to his then caretaker. The woman had done nothing and looked on in scorn. He had complained to the owner of the apartment and was chased away with threats of violence and increased rent.

It wasn't until he complained to old man Hokage that anything was done about it.

As soon as old man Hokage found out about the situation, the caretaker had been replaced with a much kinder woman. The owner of the building stopped threatening him and cleaned up the mess whenever Naruto reported it.

Weirdly, as soon as the Hokage learned of the situation, the attacks became progressively less frequent, too.

Old man Hokage was his hero.

He proclaimed to the world that he wanted to become Hokage because they were the strongest and most respected ninja in the village. Since Konoha was the strongest village, that meant that the Hokage was the strongest ninja in the world.

In reality, he wanted to be like the old man. He wanted to be a hero to some orphan kid with nobody in the world.

Ahhhh, mushy thinking later, ramen now. He would tell the owner to fix up the place at some point, he probably didn't have that much time before he needed to be at the Academy.

Entering the small studio apartment, he threw his worn jumpsuit and trousers on the floor before making his way to the kitchen.

Put the kettle on the boil, rifle through the pantry, locate cup ramen just as the water finished boiling, pour in the appropriate amount of hot water and cover for the agonising three minutes it took to cook the food of the Log.

He had making cup ramen down to an exact science.

He even found a use for the three minutes that he used to waste twitching in excitement. A lightning quick shower and change of clothes later, nectar and ambrosia were ready for consumption.

The blond was probably risking the wrath of Iruka-sensei for being late, but he took his time savouring the ramen - the chewy but soft noodles, the rich and creamy miso broth. Cup ramen was so simple compared to the perfection of Ichiraku ramen, yet it was somehow no less delicious.

As soon as the last drop of broth was licked clean off his lips, Naruto threw the cup in the bin and took off in a dead sprint.

Breakfast done, academy time.

Log almighty he hated history lectures. He understood why they were important, he understood there were great lessons to be learned, but by Log were they - as the Nara so eloquently put it - a complete drag. Iruka-sensei was a perfectly tolerable teacher until it came to the subject, where his voice turned into this slow drawl that dripped liquid boredom.

Naruto couldn't escape the academy fast enough. As soon as the bell rang to signal the end of the last lecture for the day, he took off running, not waiting to hear what Iruka-sensei had to say. Probably something about homework or preparing for a test. Nothing important, not like training, which he was off to do.

The thought of training always brought a smile to his face. Training and video games were his friends. They never left him, never lied to him and definitely never betrayed him. The smile on his face dimmed a little at the thought of previous friendships lost and wasted. Whatever, he could always make better friends when he became Hokage.

Quest Alert!

Prank Inuzuka Kiba!

It's high time the dog-boy was reminded of his place in society. That is, below the Prankster King of Konohagakure.

Rewards: 20% EXP, 5 smoke bombs.

Failure penalty: potential physical injury, humiliation.

Would you like to accept?

Just like that, the smile returned to his face full-force. Honestly, the game was far too kind and a flatterer to boot. A boy could fall in love, being treated like that. Naruto hit the [Yes] key with a flourish.

The blond changed courses from the main road towards the training ground to an alleyway holding his pranking supplies. He had learned to spread his stashes out into smaller piles hidden all around the village after his previous hideaway had an unfortunate run-in with an irate Iruka-sensei. His teacher hadn't agreed with his decision to redecorate the Hokage Monument in neon colours. Not only did the blasted man make him scrub the entire thing clean by hand, he also took away all of his pranking gear. His desperate pleas of half of it being ninja equipment fell on deaf ears.

He'd had to spend almost all of his savings on replacing the confiscated supplies.

And then he promptly refilled those savings by relieving Iruka-sensei of his wallet when the man had gotten too drunk one weekend with a strange purple-haired woman.

Let it be known that no man stopped the Prankster King of Konohagakure from pranking, not even his beloved Iruka-sensei.

Okay, maybe old man Hokage did. But that was only because Naruto couldn't bear the weight of disappointment in those wisened eyes.

The prankster rounded a corner into a dead-end with a series of bins. Reaching behind the second from last bin, he brought out a moderately sized brown sack. What to do, what to do? He rummaged around for a moment, taking stock of what he had in this particular stash. Innovation, or repeat of a classic? His hand came in contact with what looked to be, at first glance, smoke bombs. Repeat of a classic it is. He wasn't grinning, and it wasn't evil.

See, the true art to pranking was knowing your target. You had to know your target's routines and habits, so you could accurately target a portion of it, and you had to know their personalities, so you could hit them where it hurts.

Inuzuka Kiba was a simple yet difficult person to prank. Simple, because he was a predictable alpha-wannabe whose pride could be easily hurt by anything remotely humiliating. He was also particularly loud and brash, so he was a satisfying target to prank. But he was also a difficult target, since he lived in a compound full of people with an extremely sensitive nose for strangers and he didn't have anything even remotely resembling a routine. Honestly, how did the guy ever get anything done without a routine? Naruto was an orphan boy living by himself, and he even had a schedule for training!

He barely stuck to it, but he had one!

Naruto shook his head violently. Eyes on the prize. I need to get in and out before the idiot makes it back from the Academy for the day. First thing first, he needed a way into the compound. It would be difficult, what with the whole place being filled to the brim with high level tracker-nin, but he was the Prankster King of Konohagakure (thank you Game, that was a way better title than anything he'd ever come up with), he was going to use his super secret ultra super pranking techniques to get past every barrier in his way to pranking glory.

"Good evening Inuzuka-san, Ayane-nee sent me to collect a package from Hana-nee." That is to say, he was going to bullshit his way into the compound in plain sight. He honestly had no idea why people thought he was using some high-level stealth techniques or something to pull off his pranks. Most of the time, he just did everything in front of everyone's faces, but he did it with such supreme confidence that people didn't think too much about a ten year old being in weird places, doing weird things.

The guard at the gate gave him a dirty look but waved him in nonetheless. Almost every guard was so bored out of their minds that unless there was some existential threat at their doorstep, they didn't even bother looking twice at what was going on or even going through the most basic safety protocol.

Naruto gave him a chipper salute, ignored the further souring of the man's face, and skipped his way in.

The art was in finding an excuse that sounded believable. Everyone under the sun knew about his worshipful devotion to Ichiraku Ramen and their makers, and he'd met Hana one day at the vet when bringing in an injured stray dog. The little puppy looked so damn adorable and lost that he couldn't stop himself from helping it. He'd been bringing in strays to Hana-nee ever since. Hana and Ayame were of the same age and the closest of friends. The idea that Ayame had Naruto running errands involving Hana wasn't even farfetched.

Naruto made sure his walk to the Inuzuka clan head's house looked measured and leisurely. He was supposed to be here. He wasn't doing anything wrong. He wasn't pranking the ever-loving daylights out of the clan head's son and heir.

Once at the door of the large cottage, he softly knocked a single time. The Inuzuka had extremely sensitive hearing and considered it rude to knock loudly or more than once. Please be home, Hana-nee. Naruto sent silent prayers to the Log, not letting his trepidation show on his face. Hana was the only person in the clan that was friendly towards him - the rest only tolerated him because they knew the matriarch's eldest liked him. If she wasn't home, his entire plan would go up in smoke.

The Log must have been smiling upon him, for the door was opened by a buxom brunette with a red fang tattoo on each cheek, her face blooming into a look of confusion at seeing him. "Naruto-kun? What are you doing here?" The boy in question greeted her with a quick one armed hug, using it to manoeuvre himself into the house.

"Hey, Hana-nee, no time to explain. I'm here to prank Kiba and get the hell out of dodge." Naruto gave the older girl a proper squeeze before shooting off. The teenager looked on in utter bemusement, but made no moves to stop him.

"Why are you pranking him this time?" Hana followed behind him at a more sedate pace, one hand resting on a cocked hip. This wasn't her first time witnessing a prank in motion and she always made it a point to stay out of the younger boys' little feud. Such a thing was beneath her and far too amusing to put a stop to. The fact that Kiba had a budding eg - ahem, competitive spirit that needed to be stoked may have also played a part.

"He was being an asshole in Taijutsu class, and he's overdue a pranking anyway," Naruto called from inside Kiba's room. "You might wanna spend the night at Ayame-nee's place." He wasn't in the business of minimising collateral damage, but Hana was far too sweet a person to get tangled up in this mess. Totally had nothing to do with her scary ninken triplets. Or the scary scalpels she kept on hand at all times. Nope, nothing to do with those. Hana was just the sweetest and she was helping him prank Kiba, that was his only reason for warning the med-nin.

Dextrous hands made quick work of the ninja wire, pressure plates and stink bombs with practised ease. Naruto laid in Kiba's bed momentarily to check the alignment of the bombs, holding his breath the whole time to ward off the stench of wet dog. A slight readjustment of the wires and the prank was perfectly in place.

Just in time too, Naruto could hear the front door opening.

"Thanks for the assist, Hana-nee," Naruto snapped off a quick salute before bolting for the window. Not that he was afraid of Kiba, but it sort of dampened the spirit of the prank if he was discovered in the act. "I'll come by the clinic sometime to annoy you!" He didn't wait for a response before jumping out of the window and bolting off.

He did not imagine Kiba's face when it was assaulted at bedtime. He did not laugh maniacally the whole way out.

You have discovered a Dungeon

Alley of the Dead (Beginner)

Would you like to enter?

Pranking Kiba had reminded Naruto that it was high time to check on his supplies, make sure all of his little stashes were well stocked and none of the stuff had gone bad. He had spent the better part of the last three hours running around the whole village, going from one alleyway to the next. He was entering an alleyway to check on his penultimate cache when the notification popped up.

Fuck yeah, I love me a good Dungeon. Naruto mentally signalled the affirmative without pause for thought. Getting lost in the process of completing Dungeons was his favourite part of games, he loved spending hours and hours redoing things over and over again to figure out the best equipment sets to use, optimal clear strategies and boss attack patterns.

Judging by the name of the Dungeon, it was a basic zombie themed Dungeon. Those were fairly par for the course as far as introductory Dungeons went - zombies were typically weak enemies with very simple attack patterns and served to introduce players to combat and Dungeon systems.

His suspicions were confirmed moments later when the world around him took on a sickly reddish hue and an animated corpse started shambling out of the alley towards him.

"Holy Log, you're an ugly motherfucker." The thing had sickly, green-tinged skin with large sections sloughing off as if melted by extreme heat, was wearing only trousers torn to look more like shorts and stained brown by dirt and Log-knows what else and there was a foul stench emanating from it that he could smell even from nearly five metres away.

Naruto removed a trusty kunai from his pouch and held it in reverse grip in his right hand in preparation for combat. A blunt weapon was more effective at bashing in the skulls of the undead, but he'd have to make due with what he had.

As soon as the zombie got within three metres of him, it lunged forward with a right fist cocked to punch his head off his shoulders. Maybe if he was a conflict-averse civilian terrified of violence, the punch had a prayer of doing something, but Naruto was a Hokage in the making. He had spent countless hours sparring in the Academy and even more training on his own in the various public training grounds Konoha provided. To him, the zombie was about as scary as a newborn and moved with the speed and grace of one.

Naruto stepped forward and to the left, ducking his head to avoid the punch. Blunt damage to the limbs don't do shit, they don't feel pain and bruises don't affect their movement. Cut limbs off, cut the head off or brain the fucker to put it down permanently. Those were the main points he remembered about dealing with zombies that was true across all games. Or light em up, but I don't know any fire jutsu. Something to consider for later.

He took a backhanded swing at the zombie's head, intending to stab the sharp knife in his hand through the soft part of the temple into its brain in an attempt to take it out in one shot, but he only managed to graze it across the corner of the forehead. Okay, it's slower than a snail and has no clue how to fight, but it's tough as shit. I swung as hard as I could and I barely cut it. Given, he'd sliced into solid cranium, but even then the zombie was a lot sturdier than its decayed appearance belied.

The blond took a half-step back to regain his balance from his reckless stab. "Get ready you stinky shit, I won't miss twice." The moving mass of decayed flesh didn't reply, only mindlessly charged at him with another punch.

This time, Naruto didn't sidestep. He ducked down, allowing the punch to brush past his hair and headbutted his undead opponent square in the sternum. It might not feel pain from blunt force trauma, but it wasn't exempt from the laws of physics. The force of the headbutt made the corpse stumble backwards, creating enough space for the ninja-turned-Gamer to use two hands to ram the kunai through the underside of the chin into the brain.

For a moment nothing happened and Naruto feared that he had failed in his attempt to one-shot the low-level undead, but a second later the zombie grunted and dissolved into ash-like particles.

You have gained 9% EXP.

Level: 8 (58.7%) - Level 8 (67.7%)

He dismissed the notification window with a small flick of the wrist in favour of searching the floor where the zombie had died. He wasn't expecting anything fancy from such a weak monster, but it was customary for trash mobs to drop loot.

"There's no fucking way that's real." On the floor, exactly beneath where the zombie had died, was a stack of Ryo notes. Naruto picked up the money and made a show of inspecting it every which way, as if he actually had a clue how to identify a counterfeit. "Cold, hard cash for killing that weak little shit? I'm officially in love with you, Game."

Naruto quickly stashed the money in his Inventory, not bothering to count it, and set off deeper into the alley. He had a Dungeon to complete and money to make.

A/N: If you think any of the formatting around italics is fucked up, please let me know. Pasting over the text from my word processor to ffnet fucked up all of my formatting and I had to redo everything, but I might have missed something.

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