Disclaimer: Nope.

Author's Note: Hi everyone, and thank you all so much for the amazing reviews! I'm so glad you enjoyed that chapter.

Yellow 14, I'm so happy you enjoyed how I wrote Doris into the scene. I just thought it would be the perfect opportunity for Sirius and her to actually have an interaction rather than just have him talk to Harry about her. Yes, she's completely nuts, and I'm so happy you liked the scene so much. And I'm also really glad you liked Harry and Sirius's discussion afterwards. Yes, their bond is growing ever stronger - it was solidified on Harry's birthday and has only become even better from there. And as for the sequel to The True Meaning of Loneliness, don't worry about it. I'd love to see it, but I completely understand if you're getting stuck on it. Take your time - it's amazing enough that you've written all these spin-off fics for me. It's honestly wonderful and something I never would have expected.

Yes, all the people who are still against Harry are certainly all stupid idiots. I understand people fearing for their loved ones, but to blame and scapegoat a fifteen-year-old kid is not fair. I've always found in canon, too, that many characters are very fickle when it comes to Harry. They either love him, hate him, blame him for things he didn't do, or find some other reason to scapegoat him. Unfortunately, it mirrors how some in society treat so many famous people.

We haven't seen a session between Sirius and Healer Dixon yet, so we'll see one in this chapter. It expands on Sirius's thoughts about what happened in Diagon Alley, and where his mind goes after that. Also, what Sirius thinks about women as a seventeen-year-old boy - I certainly don't agree with it at all. But I wanted to explore his mindset. I hope you all enjoy it.

xxxxxxxxxx

Harry came awake, feeling rather unsettled and not knowing why. He honestly hadn't had a hard time falling asleep, and as he checked his watch, which was on his nightstand, there was no reason he shouldn't have stayed that way. After all, it was one-thirty in the morning.

It was true that his and Sirius's experience in Diagon Alley had been rather unsettling, but it had been way more so for Sirius than for him. Running into that absolute loon, Doris ... Harry had met many different people, some of them downright crazy - some of the people in the neighborhood of Privet Drive came to mind - but Doris was absolutely bonkers. The way she was so utterly convinced that Sirius loved her was unbelievable. She had downright scared Harry, but his instincts had allowed him to rise up and defend his godfather. No one was going to get away with treating Sirius in such a way.

He was incredibly grateful to the Aurors for stepping in. Out of all three of them, he had obviously had the most contact with Sturgis. He was growing to appreciate him more and more - his nightly morale-boosting sessions were doing him and the Order a world of good, and his History of Magic and Defense Against the Dark Arts tutoring sessions with Harry were thought-provoking, fascinating, and well worth all the effort Sturgis was putting into them. As for Kingsley, Harry was getting to know him better, as he saw him at every single one of Sturgis's evening sessions that he attended. He hadn't seen Tonks as often, but he still felt very comfortable with her - she smiled and laughed a lot, and seemed to be very easygoing. The only thing that riled her up, Harry noticed, was her first name. Harry would never tell her this, as he didn't want to get on the wrong side of her temper, but he loved the name. He still found it rather interesting that so many witches and wizards had such unique names.

So when he'd heard that it would be those three who were guarding him and Sirius on their outing, he was relieved. He honestly despised that he would have to be guarded every time he ventured outside the house, but he wouldn't make a fuss. If it ended up saving lives, it was worth everything. Harry truly appreciated all those who said that if they got hurt or someone they loved did, it would never be his fault, but that didn't mean he didn't realize how much danger he posed just by being outside. If the Aurors could mitigate the danger, he was not going to fight against their presence. And in this instance ... he was afraid of what would have happened if they hadn't stepped in and confronted Doris.

Harry thought back to his and Sirius's conversation after they'd returned home. If he, Harry, carried a lot of guilt for things that had happened in the past, Sirius carried so much more. Obviously, Harry didn't agree that dating girls and then dumping them was a good thing, not by a long shot. But Sirius had this ... habit of carrying this endless supply of guilt around, and he constantly thought that Harry should judge him for everything he'd done wrong. Harry supposed that twelve years in Azkaban being forced to relive your own mistakes over and over again would play a rather large factor in that. Harry knew that his mission, as Sirius's godson and someone the man had sworn to love and protect, was to reassure him that he could be a better person now. After all, he'd proven many, many times that he was.

Suddenly, Harry heard a familiar noise - it was Sirius, and he was crying out in grief and distress. Being all too familiar with this, Harry knew that Sirius was having a nightmare. Quickly rising out of bed, he threw on some clothes and made his way to Sirius's room.

He couldn't count the number of times Sirius had done this for him - the man seemed to have a sixth sense about Harry's nightmares. He'd told Harry that he'd woken up feeling unsettled several times before hearing Harry cry out. And this time, the same thing had happened but in reverse. Harry honestly wondered whether he and Sirius had developed some kind of telepathic connection. Their bond was so strong now that it wasn't beyond the realm of possibility, he surmised.

Quietly opening the door to Sirius's room, he saw the man lying in the bed, all twisted in the sheets and moaning in horror. Harry felt heartsick as he heard his name mixed in with "No, no, no, no, no."

"Sirius." Harry gently shook his godfather's shoulder, wanting to alleviate Sirius's distress as quickly as possible. "Sirius, it's okay. You're having a nightmare. Please wake up."

Sirius, still caught in the throes of whatever horror was in front of him, didn't respond at first. Harry shook his shoulder a little harder, calling out his name with love and sadness in his voice. "Sirius ... Sirius."

Finally, the man came awake with a gasp, terror etched into every line of his face. It took him several seconds to become aware of where he was. "Harry?" His voice was hoarse and croaky. "Oh thank Merlin," he breathed as he quickly sat up. He pulled on some clothes, and Harry saw the panic in his movements - his mind was obviously still somewhat lost in the nightmare.

Then, without any hesitation, Harry embraced Sirius tightly, noticing with heartache that the man was shaking. "I'm sorry, Sirius," he whispered. "That nightmare was something about me, wasn't it? You kept calling out my name."

Sirius took several deep breaths, but his gray eyes still contained a world of grief within them. "The Aurors got you, Harry," he whispered in a voice laced with pain. "The Portkey didn't work, and the Aurors got you."

It was obvious that by "Aurors", Sirius did not mean Sturgis, Tonks, and Kingsley. Harry realized that he must be talking about the Aurors who had shown up at Hogwarts to arrest Harry for Cedric's murder, especially since he had mentioned a Portkey as well. When Harry had first heard about what had happened to Dumbledore, a horrible thought had gone through his head - if the Aurors had been successful in arresting Harry, what would have been done to him? He remembered feeling so guilt-stricken over Dumbledore's plight - the man had been horrifically violated because he'd been taken in Harry's place. He'd been so mixed up inside - he'd been so grateful to Sirius for not allowing that to happen to him, but he'd also felt incredibly selfish for thinking that way. Dumbledore had been hurt because of him and no matter what some of his decisions had caused Harry to endure, he was heartsick over what his Headmaster had suffered.

"I'm right here, Sirius," Harry said quietly. "It didn't happen - you got me away from there. Those Aurors didn't do anything to me. You kept me safe, and have done so ever since."

"Oh, Harry." Sirius pulled the boy tighter against him. "Remember what McGonagall told us the other day? That the wards usually keep Portkeys out? It's only because they hadn't been reset back to normal yet that I was able to escape with you to safety. I ... I honestly never knew that Hogwarts was normally warded against Portkeys." He shuddered. "If they'd been reset that morning, Merlin knows what would have happened."

Harry realized what Sirius was saying, and his eyes widened. He honestly hadn't considered the ramifications of that when McGonagall had relayed that information almost a week ago. He gripped tightly onto Sirius, needing to feel the man's warmth against him - he had suddenly gone so cold at the very real possibility that he could have been taken by them.

But it would have spared Dumbledore, and he knew it. It was one of those situations where he honestly had no idea how to feel. Mixed up - that was how he had described it before, and the same thing applied now.

So all he could do was hold onto Sirius and chase away the horrific images that swam before his mind's eye. He heard the sound of the doors of the hospital wing being broken down as the Aurors stormed in, stunning Madam Pomfrey so that she couldn't interfere. He saw them looking in every bed until they found Harry, who had been shaking in Sirius's arms. He saw Sirius giving it all, giving everything, to defend him. But it was four against one - Harry's friends had told him that four Aurors had been present. As strong of a fighter as Sirius was, how would he have been able to stand a chance against them? And Harry, in the weakened, fragile state he'd been in at the time ... he was no match against them either. He imagined the green light of the Avada Kedavra coming out of an Auror's wand, hitting Sirius directly in the chest. Now Sirius's warm, gray eyes were vacant, just like Cedric's. ...

"Harry, kiddo." Harry came out of his horrific imaginings to feel Sirius's gentle hand carting through his godson's hair. "I can see that your imagination is going as wild as mine was," he whispered. "Merlin, I didn't want to do that to you."

"I think they would have killed you," Harry whispered back, unable to stop himself from speaking his fear out loud. "After that, I don't think I would have cared less what they did to me."

Sirius's embrace grew even more warm and protective, his gray eyes incredibly soft. "I don't think they would have done that, pup," he said gently. "I think they'd have thought throwing me back in Azkaban was a worse punishment. But nothing could be worse than seeing them take you away from me. I don't think I'd have cared if they locked me back in that prison and threw away the key."

Harry felt tears spring to his eyes at Sirius's heartfelt proclamation. "I love you so much," he whispered, once again feeling an incredible awe at being able to say those words to someone. He meant them more than anything he'd ever said before. Uttering them made some of the grief and fear in his heart ease. "What is it you're always telling me?" He looked deep into his godfather's eyes. "We mustn't focus on what could have happened. If we did that all the time, we'd drive ourselves crazy. The fact is, you're here, and I'm here." He chased away all further haunting images as he closed his eyes, relishing Sirius's warmth and listening to his strong, solid heartbeat.

"Oh, Harry." It was that same reverent tone that Sirius had used directly after he'd been cleared of all charges and they'd embraced in the courtroom, uncaring what anyone in the public thought. "Thank you. I know I can always count on you to bring sense back to me."

"It's the same for me, you know." Harry smiled. "You protected me that day, Sirius. You saved me. And that's something I'll never forget."

"I would do the same, over and over again," Sirius swore adamantly. "I'd move mountains for you, kiddo."

"I don't know if even witches and wizards can do that," Harry said with a small laugh. "But you know I would do the same for you, if such a thing was possible."

Sirius chuckled as well, all remnants of the nightmare seeming to evaporate from his body as he held Harry close. "Thank you so much for waking me up. And I love you too, Prongslet," he whispered.

If saying those words caused Harry an endless amount of joy, hearing them filled him with peace. "I will always be here for you," he told him quietly.

He and Sirius held onto one another for several minutes before Sirius said, "I think I can get back to sleep now." He smiled gently at Harry. "We both have a busy day coming up."

Harry nodded, reluctantly letting go of Sirius. He had a lesson with Sturgis in the morning and Occlumency training with Moody in the afternoon, and Sirius had another therapy session with Healer Dixon. "Good night," he said softly as he turned to walk out of the room.

"Good night, kiddo," Sirius responded, sounding exhausted. "Sweet dreams."

xxx

When Healer Dixon arrived the next morning, Sirius felt that he was in a good frame of mind. A soft smile came to his lips when he remembered Harry coming to him the night before. That awful nightmare could and would never be forgotten, but Harry's reassurance had done wonders for soothing his soul. He'd felt terrible - he had seen the numerous expressions pass over Harry's face and had known the boy was imagining his own nightmare scenarios, including Sirius being killed by the Aurors. Merlin, Sirius had never wanted him to think about that.

But it had ended up being another moment shared between them that only strengthened their bond. That boy was such a blessing, and there were so many times when Sirius still didn't think he deserved him. After yesterday's trip to Diagon Alley that could have turned into a downright disaster if not for their Auror guard, the guilt of his past had suffocated him again - but then, Harry had been ... well ... Harry. That was the best way to describe it. That boy could work miracles - just a few softly-spoken words could make everything so much better. The kid completed him in a way Sirius never would have thought possible.

He had a feeling that he would need Harry's strong, comforting presence right after his session with Healer Dixon. These appointments were always very difficult - they delved into memories and demons Sirius knew he needed to conquer, but Merlin, it was so hard. But it was Harry he was doing this for - he was his motivation, his focus, his reason. He had sworn to never let Harry down again. And if this was what it took, he'd face every single one of his demons head-on, without hesitation.

Harry was already in the kitchen with Sturgis, having his Defense Against the Dark Arts and History of Magic lesson. Sirius had been in the drawing room for a while, taking some deep breaths and preparing for whatever today's session would bring. Dixon had been entering his mind through Legilimency, finding memories and demons that had tormented him in Azkaban. He was not being cruel by doing this - he had explained to Sirius that he was doing this in order for them to discuss each memory in depth so that Sirius could work his way towards accepting his past. "I warn you, this will be much easier said than done," he'd said quietly, but Sirius had needed no such warning. He had already worked that much out for himself.

The fireplace roared to life, and Sirius stood as Healer Dixon tumbled out of it. "Hello, Sirius." The Healer smiled as he brushed himself off. "How are you feeling this morning?"

"I'm okay," Sirius said truthfully as he shook the man's hand. "How are you? Would you like anything to eat or drink? I can ask Kreacher to provide you something."

"No, thank you," Dixon said. "I'm glad to see that you're doing okay. You look well, too. Let's sit down," he said as he sat on a chair, and Sirius sat on the couch and faced him.

"Now, then," Dixon said, and Sirius knew that they were getting down to business. The familiar trepidation and anxiety jangled inside him, and he took a deep breath to try and wrestle it down. "Has there been anything ... unusual that's happened in the last week?"

Sirius thought of the counterpetition that he and Harry had seen, but it was Harry's business, so he didn't tell him the specifics of that. He was beginning to trust Dixon more, but he felt that it was wrong to tell him all the details of Harry's life. Instead, he slowly told him all about his experience in Diagon Alley yesterday. He did it haltingly, fighting against the inclination to stay quiet and refuse to tell this Healer anything. The man was so mysterious - what did he honestly know about him? What if Dixon told all and sundry about what Sirius had been through in his past?

But then, he thought of all he'd heard about him. Arnold Dixon had a stellar reputation, and when he'd had a private conversation with Madam Bones through the Floo network a few days after his trial, the woman had sung his praises. Both Sturgis and Kingsley, too, had spoken of the man's amazing track record and that he would never steer Sirius wrong. And it helped that whenever Sirius spoke with Dixon, he focused on the image of Harry. That, more than anything, made it possible for the words to come - after all, he was doing this for him, getting better for him, facing his demons for him.

Dixon listened attentively to every word Sirius said. Even though the man would not tell the Healer all about Harry's life, he couldn't help but talk about how their conversation after they'd returned from the alley yesterday had helped him tremendously. The guilt over his actions as a teenage boy would always be there, and there were certain ... memories of girls he'd been with that had swam to the forefront of his mind ever since he'd interacted with Doris yesterday. He had a feeling that if Dixon was going to go into his mind again today, one of those would be the first thing he'd see. He thought he knew which one, too, as it had tormented him in Azkaban. Was Sirius ready to face that? After his and Harry's talk yesterday, he realized that he actually was.

After Sirius had finished, Dixon gazed at him and said, "I am very proud of you for telling me all that, Sirius. I can see in your expression that you are expecting me, like you expected Harry, to judge you for it. Sirius, I am your Healer. I am not here to judge your actions. I am here so we can discuss your past demons and conquer them together. And it looks to me as though Harry has been of great assistance in this matter."

"He has," Sirius said at once, and he could feel himself smiling. "He's helped a great deal. But I know I will always carry regret for my past behavior."

"Everyone has regrets, Sirius," Dixon said quietly. "It's what you do about them that matters."

Sirius was reminded very much of Sturgis - he had always said that, too. "You're not the only person who's told me that," he stated.

"It must be true, then." Dixon smiled. "Is there anything else, or are you prepared for me to go into your mind again?"

"I'm warning you, you'll probably see what I've been talking about if you do," said Sirius, unable to help his wariness and embarrassment.

"I have seen a whole lot worse than a teenage boy around teenage girls," Dixon said. "And, again, I am not here to judge you. If you do not wish for us to proceed, say so. But I feel it's very important that we face this together."

Sirius brought up the image of Harry, holding onto it tightly. "I'm ready," he said quietly.

"If you're sure," Dixon said. At Sirius's nod, he took out his wand and raised it. "Legilimens."

xxx

Sirius felt exhilaration pump through him as he sat on the Astronomy Tower. He'd been conversing with his latest crush, a young lady named Brianna Winters, for the past several weeks, and he was riding on top of the world.

She was beautiful, with sky-blue eyes, curly brown hair, and a smile that melted hearts. Sirius, seventeen years old and in his sixth year at Hogwarts, had dated his fair share of girls, and each one was unique in their own way. The last one ... he shuddered. What had he ever seen in Doris Purkiss?

But it was over now. He'd ended things with her even though she didn't believe he had. She could think he loved her and would come back to her all she wanted, but she was completely delusional. He had never loved her and wanted nothing to do with her. Marriage? Babies? It was ridiculous. The entire concept gave him the heebie-jeebies. Being with her for the rest of his bloody life? Perish the thought!

But Brianna was so different from Doris. She was a year behind him, in Ravenclaw. She was witty, intelligent, and knew how to share a laugh. She did not listen to those who warned her against him. Why did some girls take this so seriously anyway? They were teenagers - they were meant to have fun. What was up with this commitment nonsense so many of them wanted? And why did all some of them want to do was talk, talk, talk about their relationship? Sure, they were good snoggers, but they wanted to talk as well. What was the matter with some women?

But Brianna was content to sit here, enjoying his company. Sirius hoped to make this night special for both of them - he was transfixed by her beauty, especially her lips. They were just beckoning for him to kiss them. And the Astronomy Tower was made for this kind of stuff. It was just lucky that teachers weren't constantly patrolling it. Sirius knew they weren't fools - they obviously knew how students used the Astronomy Tower. Damn, even Minnie, who came off as being so strict and no-nonsense, didn't touch the place most of the time. Sirius knew there was much more to that woman than met the eye.

As much as Sirius didn't like talking with whichever female he was with about how serious their relationship was, he did enjoy conversing about other subjects. He had just asked Brianna what she wanted to do when she left Hogwarts, and her answer had been definite. Sirius very much liked girls who were confident in themselves and their own abilities.

"There's a war outside these doors," Brianna whispered, looking deeply into Sirius's eyes, and he was mesmerized. "And I want to help people. I want to be a Healer. I'm sick of seeing people hurting."

Sirius saw the look on her face and knew she was being completely honest with him. Hatred blossomed in his heart for his family - most of its most prominent members were on the wrong side of the conflict. Brianna had listened quietly as Sirius had explained that he'd run away from them the summer before. The look of admiration in her eyes only made him sure that he could make a go of things with her. She liked him. She thought he was brave. She marched to the beat of her own drum and didn't listen to those who tried to tell her not to go near him. Sirius certainly liked people like Brianna Winters.

"Really?" Sirius asked, the stars twinkling brightly in the night sky. It only added to the picturesque quality of the evening before them. Neither of them cared that it was past midnight - last time he'd checked his watch, it had been one in the morning. Sirius felt reckless and daring as he gazed into Brianna's eyes. "That's amazing. I hear that's really hard work. What kind of healing would you like to do?"

Brianna's answer was definite once again. "Spell damage." She spoke with confidence.

"Wow." Sirius breathed. "Well, from what I hear, you're spectacular at your spellwork. I know you can do it."

"Are you trying to butter me up, Sirius Black?" Sirius appreciated the humor in her voice despite the very serious conversation they were having.

"No. Not at all." Sirius grinned. "I'm telling the truth." His tone grew more serious. "It's getting really bad out there, Brianna," he said quietly. "We need people like you."

Brianna smiled, but there was sadness behind her eyes. "I want to save lives," she said sincerely.

"And you will," Sirius said confidently. "Everyone who gets healed by you will recover. I know it."

Brianna's eyes were still sad, but she smiled at him. "I wish I could believe that," she whispered.

Sirius sighed, and took her hand. Brianna did not resist - she accepted readily, and she interlaced their fingers together.

They sat in silence for several minutes, and Sirius felt his heart racing, faster and faster and faster. He was so ready to make the next move. He decided to go for it, and see where the rest of the night took them.

"You know," he whispered, "Some Muggles have put a lot of thought into how they feel about magic. Obviously, they don't believe it really exists, but many fairy tales have been written about it. One such thing that is talked about is called the witching hour, where something either good or bad can happen. And usually, it's in the middle of the night. There are moments that can either make you or break you. And this, Brianna," he said, his mouth coming closer and closer to hers as he talked, "is the witching hour. We're here, together, in the middle of the night. It can make us or break us."

Sirius didn't know where the words had come from. James would have chortled, thinking him ridiculous. Peter would have looked confused, wondering why Sirius was acting this way. Remus would have frowned disapprovingly at the melodrama, completely unimpressed. Even to Sirius, the words sounded cheesy and stupid.

But Brianna seemed to love them, and it was the reaction Sirius had hoped for. "What is it to be, then, Sirius?" she asked, and she wasn't moving away from him at all. The look in her eyes was egging him on. "Will it make us or break us?"

In response, Sirius pulled her close and kissed her. Brianna's reaction was everything he wanted - she kissed back, and the passion in it made Sirius's body react very pleasantly. Certain parts of his anatomy liked this very much, and he wanted more. A lot more.

But he couldn't come on too strongly. This was only their first kiss, after all, and he did not want to push her away. Going further could scare her off, and he didn't want to do that.

"I think," Brianna said breathlessly when they finally broke apart, "that I rather like this witching hour."

Sirius grinned, his heart singing with joy and exhilaration. "Good," he whispered, and pulled her in for another kiss.

xxx

"You complete ARSEHOLE, Sirius Black!"

It was two months later, and Brianna Winters was in tears as she ran through the corridors of Hogwarts. "I should have listened to everyone who said you were no good! I thought our relationship was actually GOING somewhere!"

Sirius sighed in exasperation. Yet another silly girl who wanted more out of their relationship than he did. Why did girls have to make things so bloody complicated? he asked himself for the thousandth time.

During the past two months, Sirius had spent a lot of time with Brianna. He'd enjoyed her company, loved making her laugh, and found that she was an excellent kisser. But, just like with all the others, she wanted to move things forward, onto a more emotional level. Sirius had enjoyed physical pleasures with her, and because of this, Brianna was sure that he was ready to commit emotionally too.

But he wasn't ready for that. Just the thought of giving himself to another person like that scared him. Why couldn't she understand that? Why did she get so bloody upset when Sirius explained it to her? Merlin, he was sick of crying girls.

"Look, Brianna, I've been having so much fun with you!" Sirius cried with exasperation. "And you're only sixteen, and I'm seventeen!"

"What does age matter?" Brianna spat furiously, her hair wild and frizzy as she glowered at him. "I thought we had something real! Now I come to find out you only wanted me for my body!"

"Brianna ..." The girl's anger was bewildering, and Sirius didn't know what to do. "Listen to me, please," he pleaded. "It's ... it's just not working out, okay? We're too different!"

"I suppose that's what you tell all the girls?" Brianna sneered, her beautiful face now contorted into an ugly expression as tears streamed down her face. "You know what? You're a bastard, Sirius Black. I hate you."

And before Sirius could do anything, Brianna whipped out her wand and cast a hex on him that made his hair, which was a part of himself he had always admired, fall out in clumps all over the floor.

Merlin, his head felt so cold. His temper rose as heat suffused his cheeks. "I thought you wanted to be a Healer?" he shouted belligerently as she ran away from him, sobbing. "Last time I checked, Healers weren't supposed to hex people!"

"PISS OFF!" Brianna's bellow echoed down the corridor. "GO TO HELL!"

Sirius, his face flushed with both embarrassment and anger, ran all the way back to the Gryffindor common room. It was almost curfew, and he was lucky he'd made it back before then. If this had happened any later, there was no doubt Minnie would have caught him. James had the Invisibility Cloak, and the Marauder's Map, having just been completed several weeks ago, was in his trunk. James had made him promise that he wouldn't show the map to any of his romantic conquests, as he laughingly called them.

Sirius tried not to pay attention to any of the laughter that rang out through the common room as he entered, especially the snorts and snickers coming from some of the girls who had been past partners of his. He was still a pretty popular person, but he knew he looked ridiculous right now with hardly any hair. It was obvious that he was the victim of a hex, and it didn't take a genius to figure out why.

He tried to mentally barricade himself against the laughter as he quickly took the stairs up to his dormitory. He entered to find James, Remus, and Peter playing a rather rowdy game of Exploding Snap, but they stopped in their tracks when they saw Sirius.

"Blimey, Padfoot!" Peter exclaimed. "What in Merlin's name happened? Did Snivellus hex you or something?"

"Nah, I don't think it was him this time," James said, unable to help the guffaw that left his lips, and Sirius glared at him. "Sorry, mate," James said, attempting to sound contrite. "I suppose Brianna wasn't too happy with what you had to tell her?"

"No," Sirius said shortly. "I don't understand girls at all. She said she thought we had something real. It was real to me. I don't know what the bloody hell she was harping on about."

"She wanted more than you're willing to give," Remus said, and there was a sharpness in his voice that Sirius didn't normally hear.

"What's the matter, Moony?" he asked, knowing Remus rather disapproved of how he behaved with girls.

"You know, you're lucky that so many girls like you. Personally, I don't know why." For once, Remus looked at Sirius with open hostility. It was close to the full moon, so Sirius knew Remus had a harder time controlling his temper at this time of the month. Still, though, it was rather disconcerting to hear him talk to someone who was supposed to be one of his best friends like this.

"Woah. Calm down, Remus." James attempted to be the mediator. "What's going on with you?"

"What's going on is that Sirius needs to grow up." Remus glared at his friend, something unfathomable lurking behind his eyes. "I'm sick and tired of you hurting girls. I don't understand how you can just date a girl for a couple of months and then dump her. It's wrong."

"Because most of them get boring," Sirius replied peevishly. "I sure as hell noticed when you didn't say a word against Doris."

"That girl is a complete nutcase," Remus said bluntly. "But that doesn't mean you didn't bring it on yourself."

Sirius grew very indignant. "Excuse me?" he blurted, his ire rising. "How the hell did I do that?"

"You saw someone pretty and went for it, not caring who she actually was," Remus said angrily. "What, pray tell, can you tell me about Brianna, other than the fact that she wants to be a Healer? A very commendable career, I might add," he said, unable to disguise the envy in his voice.

At this, Sirius felt a twinge of guilt. Knowing Remus's condition as he did, getting a job would be almost impossible for the werewolf. "Uh ..." Sirius tried to think back over everything she had told him, but so many memories of her contained their snogging sessions.

"Yeah. That's what I thought." Remus sighed in disgust, turning away from him. "Well, I know one thing for sure," he snapped. "If you think I'm going to help you get that hex off, you've got another think coming." He turned to James and practically snarled, "And don't you dare think about helping him, either."

xxx

It was then that Dixon pulled out of Sirius's mind, both of them having experienced those two memories. As Sirius recovered, shame and disgust at his own thoughtless, selfish behavior buffeted him. The memory of his breakup with Brianna, for some reason, had gotten quite a bit of replay in Azkaban, Merlin knew why. Why had that particular breakup seemed to affect him more than the others?

Maybe it was because of Remus's harsh words. Maybe it was because for once, James had listened to Remus and not helped Sirius get that hex off him. Sirius had had to pore through a book in the library just to remove it. Maybe it was because out of all the girls he had dated, there was something special about Brianna. And Sirius hadn't realized it, and he'd gone and thrown that chance away.

But even now, he would never try to make amends with her. Years had passed since their breakup - Merlin knew what she was doing with her life now. And to be honest, Sirius was not ready to pursue a romantic relationship. Although he'd come a long way in his recovery, he still felt too damaged to give his heart to another in that way.

And he had another commitment. Harry was the most important person in his life, and he'd royally screwed that up, too, for so many years. It was such a blessing that Harry had forgiven him - he knew he didn't deserve his forgiveness. But the fact was, Harry had given him a precious gift and Sirius wasn't about to ruin it. He had to focus solely on him now. There was no room in his life for romance - the thought of being in a committed relationship still scared him senseless.

"Sirius?" Healer Dixon's voice was gentle. "What are you thinking?"

"That I was a stupid, selfish teenager who hurt people without caring about the consequences. I deserved that hex," he said honestly. He looked at the Healer, suddenly desperate to know something. "Did ... did Brianna achieve her dream?" he asked wistfully. "Did she become a Healer? You work at Saint Mungo's, so surely you know. You don't have to tell me anything about her ... truly, I know I could never try to make amends. Obviously, she's moved on, and I ... I barely got to know her at all. But does she work at Saint Mungo's?"

Dixon was quiet for several seconds before finally answering, and it was one, simple word. "Yes."

Sirius smiled, something in his heart lightening at that news. "That's wonderful," he said sincerely. "No doubt she's one of the best Healers they've got."

He sighed, and was deep in thought for several minutes. Dixon did not interrupt his reverie, which he very much appreciated. Finally, he said, "I don't think I could ever be ready to commit myself to someone like ... like that. James was able to do it - he and Lily loved each other with all their hearts, no matter what difficulties they faced. I saw them fight ... but I always saw them make up. They were much too strong as a couple to ever fail, even when the war was tearing the world apart." His eyes were very sad as he remembered his best friends. "Remus ..." He suddenly looked at the Healer sharply. "You won't ..."

"I will not tell a soul that Remus Lupin is a werewolf, Sirius. You have my word on that." Dixon's voice was firm.

And Sirius trusted him. "Thank you." He sighed deeply. "Remus ... I think he was so angry with me that day not only because I treated girls badly, but he also wished he could have what I did. Me, Peter, James, and later Lily, were the only students who knew and accepted his lycanthropy. If others knew ... he'd have been kicked out of Hogwarts. He never thought he could get close to any girl ... and still doesn't. It took me a while, but I understand his anger now."

Dixon nodded. "I see." He looked at Sirius meaningfully. "Maybe it's true that right now, you can't imagine ever committing yourself romantically to someone," he said quietly. "But that could change. You may just find someone you really love someday."

Sirius shook his head. "No, I don't think so. Just the thought of it scares me."

"I won't try to change your mind, Sirius," Dixon said. "All I will say is that things could change. There's a lot you're trying to work through right now, and Harry's importance in your life goes without saying." He smiled gently at Sirius. "Maybe you feel that you can't commit to a woman," he said quietly. "But you have committed yourself, heart and soul, to Harry. And that, Sirius, shows that you have grown up. And that is what I need you to focus on until we meet again. Accept the mistakes you've made in the past - you cannot change them. But be proud of who you are becoming now, and focus on your future. Can you do that?"

Feeling rather overwhelmed emotionally by what he had relived that day, Sirius nodded. "Yes." His tone was sincere. "I can do that."

And when, minutes later, Dixon left and Harry came into the drawing room after his tutoring session with Sturgis, he looked at Sirius closely. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

Sirius pulled Harry close, tenderly kissing the top of his head. "Yeah, kiddo," he said truthfully. "I am."