A/N: TW - Suicide Attempt

Chapter 8

It was the day before my birthday, and I had just finished training. While I looked at the beach, I wondered what I should do to celebrate. Not like I could invite Kacchan to spend time with me. With a deep sigh, I finally started walking off the beach.

As I walked home, I checked to see if there was an update on the hero news. To my disappointment, nothing new came up. So, I then went in search if there would be any events happening tomorrow. Sadly even that came up short. Which means I get to enjoy a day of movies. Maybe I could do some pushups while I'm at it.

I walked into a convent store, got myself something for dinner, even a drink, and finished walking home. When I got home, I saw that the apartment was empty. No surprise there. As I enjoyed my dinner in silence, I thought about everything that had happened these past 4 months. So much has happened, and more to look forward to.

I had just finished eating when mom walked in. She looked exhausted, as always. While I watched her come over to hug me, all I could feel numbest starting to build up again. "Happy birthday, baby."

I try to force a smile. "Thanks, mom." With that, I was left alone again. I wonder how long I would be able to keep from telling her that I was going to apply to UA. Even though I know what her response will be. It's the same thing every year when she tries to tell me to just give up on my dream. The numbest grew as I kept wondering.

All my life, everyone around me told me to just stop. But they will never understand I can't do that. It has always been my dream to be a hero. And heroes don't give up. Even when the odds are against them, they keep pushing. And look at me now. That's when I started to feel happy and the numbest quiet down. I finally got the chance to reach my dream. Just wait and see Kacchan. I'm going to keep my end of the promise.

…

The moment I got home, I was greeted by the old hag. She had a few bags in her right hand while her left hand rested on his hip. "What do you want?" I was instantly greeted with a punch to my head. "What was that for!"

"My company finally got the finished samples of the new line for next season. Knowing you and Izuku, I made sure to get some in relatively your sizes."

Mom then threw the bags at me. "Why you thought about that damn nerd?" When I looked into the bag, I noticed a very distinct pattern. "Wait! This can't be!" I looked back at the old hag just in time to get slapped.

"That's right, brat. We had just finished designing the winter collection of new All Might hoodies. And isn't Izuku's birthday tomorrow?" That's when I recall not seeing any updates on the hero news.

I quickly rushed to put back on my boots. "Thanks, old hag!" Somehow, I was able to dodge the kick that came my way. With bags at hand, I ran over to Deku's apartment building. When I got there, I tried to catch my breath. I wasn't sure if Deku was home since he had been acting strange. But I was too excited to text him. And this would be better if done in person.

I was then disappointed to learn that nobody was home. So, I went back to my place and went into my room. While I rechecked hero news and sought out any potential events that Deku would attend, I could feel my face burning. I shouldn't be this excited over something so small, but it was something that I knew only one person would enjoy as much as me.

That's when a frightening thought crossed my mind. What if Deku doesn't want to see me for his birthday? What if he wants to be left alone? I looked back at the bags as I grabbed my All Might doll. While I hugged my doll, I couldn't fight off the feelings that were trying to push through. I shouldn't be feeling these emotions. I shouldn't be getting excited over spending time with a nobody.

That's when I recall what some of my cram school teachers would tell me. How I needed to stop daydreaming and focus on my studies. One even took away my favorite All Might pencil, saying it was a distraction. Being told to give up reading my childish comics. That a real hero doesn't waste time on ridiculous items.

But then those same teachers would tell me how I needed to smile more. How I needed to fix my attitude if I ever wanted a girlfriend. Why the fuck would I want one of those? When I said that to my teacher, he punched me. Saying things that's how it's supposed to me. And the assistant that day even went about saying how it's all pointless. Going on about how nobody would ever love me. They went as far as saying that not even my mom loved me. I got kicked out of that cram school for choking that teacher.

My mom loves me. I think. She's the one who fought the cram school system to get my favorite pencil back. She entered me in all the extra activities that I wanted to try. Sure, she can be loud and hits me. But isn't that how all hard-working moms show their affection? Even dad says that's one of the many traits that he loves her for. So, if someone can love someone like my old hag, than someone would love me the way I am. Which made me think of Deku again.

That damn nerd. Even when I beat him or try to push him away, he can always tell. It's frightening how much he can see right past me trying to be strong. I hugged my All Might doll tighter as I picked up my phone. With a deep breath, I texted Deku. "Are you free tomorrow?"

As I waited in the dark, I wasn't expecting much. That was until my messenger went off. "Yeah. I'm planning to just watch a movie at home."

My face burned as I took another deep breath. "I'm coming over tomorrow." With that, I turned off my phone and went to bed.

…

Why was Kacchan coming over on my birthday? Usually, he wouldn't tell me that. Somehow I was feeling nervous. I wonder what is going to happen.

While listening to mom ramble about how she's sorry about having to go to work. Nothing new, especially with how often she changes jobs. When I was younger, she worked between a few jobs. And recently, she finally landed a job at two different law agencies. Sometimes they would call her in to do overtime on the weekends. Which made things easier for her, I think.

Mom still had her nights of crying in the kitchen. And if she didn't work the next day, she would drink. I can't recall ever seeing my mom truly happy. Even when she used to play with me when I was younger, she would turn around and cry. There have been days where she had screamed at me.

Just like how she yelled at me while I was dealing with a fever. Going about how I worried her so much. Asking why I couldn't be a normal kid and stay out of trouble. Even saying how tired she is at how the school constantly calls her. Especially about how I was in the nurse's office again, all beaten up. And no amount of apologizing could make her happy. I'm doing all I can, and it's still not enough.

As I watch mom leave the apartment, I felt the numbness trying to make itself known. Maybe it was a good thing I was going to be alone today. I could stay in bed all day, and nobody would complain. That was until I remembered that Kacchan was coming over. I'm still in shocked that he texted me last night.

Just as I finished washing dishes is when the doorbell rang. When I opened it, I was still in disbelief he would even show up. "What's with the face, nerd?" I was about to close the door in his face, but he pushed his way in. "Is Auntie at work?"

"Yeah." It was then I noticed that Kacchan had some bags with him. I closed the door and walked next to the bags. "So, what you got there?"

"If you keep being annoying, I won't tell you." I slowly backed away before heading to my room. It didn't take long for me to hear Kacchan was right behind me. Once inside my room, he threw one of the bags at me. "I didn't want to see inside first. But just know the old hag gave it to you."

I looked at Kacchan for a moment before looking inside the bag. That's when I noticed the red fabric with silver lining. There was just no way. I carefully took out what was inside, and to my surprise, it was an All Might hoodie. Not just that. It was one I had never seen before. "It even got the gold for the golden wrist plates! Kacchan! Where did Auntie get this?"

I looked over to Kacchan, and he had a matching hoodie in his hands. At that, I faintly saw tears at the corners of his eyes. That was until he wiped them away and had his usual angry face. "The old hag's company finished the winter collection. These aren't even out yet."

I hugged the sweat and couldn't help but hop in a circle. "So, that means we're the first ones to have new All Might merch!"

"Hold on, nerd." I stopped jumping and looked over at Kacchan. "What size is that hoodie?"

Before long, we were in our new hoodies, watching my favorite All Might movie. But after 20 minutes, I started to feel uneasy. Something felt wrong. Almost like I'm supposed to be training or anything besides staying still. I looked at Kacchan and started to feel sad. If his mom didn't have these hoodies, would Kacchan even be here?

Maybe that's it. Kacchan isn't here because it's my birthday. He probably feels like he's being forced to spend time with me. How could he ever want to be here if he wasn't made to? Not like I deserved someone with me on my birthday. Let alone anyone but Kacchan. Doesn't he hate me?

That's when I felt the burning sensation of tears sliding down my face. I should give the hoodie back and tell Kacchan to leave. Then I could be alone, the way it's supposed to be. That way, I don't get in people's way. I'm such a burden to everyone around me. As I was about to tell Kacchan to leave, I felt a warm hand touch my face.

I looked to Kacchan as he wiped away my tears. "What's the matter with you?" I couldn't stop myself from crying harder. I don't deserve him near me. "Nerd!"

"I'm sorry!" I tried to push away, but Kacchan held me in place. "It's all my fault!"

"What are you talking about? What's your fault?"

"That you hate me!" After I said that, I couldn't remember what happened next. All I knew when I could see again was that it was now nighttime. At that, mom was in the kitchen cooking. "Where's Kacchan?"

"He left just a moment again. Did something happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"He kept saying sorry."

…

"That you hate me!" Those words kept repeating in my head. The way Deku looked had me feeling like my heart broke. I did that. I made him believe that I hated him. It's all my fault.

When Deku's mom finally came home, I ran. I ran all the way to the school and didn't stop until I ended up here. While sitting at the edge of the roof, I couldn't stop crying. Everything is my fault. I was the one who pushed him away. I'm the one who made him feel that I hated him.

I started to recall every time I told him I hated him. Memories of how I pushed him away. The way I beat him and kept telling him to just give up. But isn't that what the strong are supposed to do? Am I not supposed to put the weak in their place? What am I supposed to do?

Aren't I supposed to be perfect? I have a strong quirk. I'm at the top of my class and the whole school. I don't drink or smoke like other kids my age. I do everything people tell me what I need to do. Heck. I bury my weak emotions as I work to be the absolute best. I avoid all forms of distractions. But I'm not happy. In fact, the one person I care for I've hurt. I hate myself.

As my tears burned their way down my face, the pain in my chest just grew. My shoulders weighed heavier as it became harder to breathe. With every breath, I just couldn't take it. It would be better to just stop everything. I'll never be good enough as a son. Mom and dad constantly yelling at me for always getting in trouble. The people who I thought were my friends stabbed me in the back.

What's the point of continuing? There's no way I could be a hero if all I do is hurt people. At that, I stood up and looked at the night sky. Maybe it's for the best. With that last thought, I let gravity take me. As I closed my eyes, I hoped I didn't hit anyone when I landed. "I'm sorry, Izuku." The moment I said his name, I quickly opened my eyes. "I can't do this!"

I tried to force my body to turn as I put my hands before me. With all my might, I activated my quirk. It took some effort, but it started to slow my body down. I don't know how I did it, but I found myself back on the roof. Breathing heavily while my heart raced in my chest, I was left in shock. At that, I was in disbelief.

"Did I really just fly?" Once my breathing calmed, I sat back. I looked at my hands and couldn't help but feel impressed with myself.