*Sweats* I uh, none of my other stories are coming together, in the way I want them to but I really, really want to write, so write *Finger snaps* I will! I wrote a lot of stories about child! Diesel and child! Heidi...let's...do something different. A little mash up, between the Stephanie Plum books and the Wicked Series, liberally changed for my satisfaction. Featuring UNMENTIONABLE! Jeanne Ellen, Diesel's cousin Geuwulf and two of the cutest kids I have yet to write!

AU, OOC, OCs, yeah you know me!

Disclaimer: Not mine, yeah, yeah, yeah...

WARNING: UNBETA AF!

Let's see how this goes, enjoy!

Parents Of The Year

Chapter One

CUTSFARTS

It was that time of the year again, Diesel thought fondly, as he made himself comfortable in the plush chair that resided in the spacious conference room he sat in, with many other people that were like him. The annual Conference of Unmentionables To Support Further Acquisition and Retention of Trainable Skills.

Or CUTSFARTS. Diesel couldn't lie, he loved him a good CUTSFARTS.

Four days in Switzerland, enjoying fine food, and finer accommodations on the agency's dime. He couldn't be too mad at that! It was late autumn and the snow was falling in the area too, so that meant, once the meetings were out the way, he could spend some time on the slopes, skiing, or feigning a broken leg at a random ski resort, to pick up a cute woman or two.

Option two was a nice idea, he could most likely pick up two women, at once.

Agents were popping in to fill the seats, food was popping up because it was easier to keep the agents from popping in and out, when they had hands full of fine pastries and drinks. Diesel himself had a plate of cookies and a tall mug of hot chocolate himself. This week sure beat the couch surfing he often did.

Sadly, this conference was ran by one of the oldest agents known in the place. Old Man Evanston. He was a good-looking guy, but damn, he had a 'I don't piss around' attitude, was strict as hell and ran a tight ship. The man's aim was pretty good too. Diesel rubbed at the mark he still had on his arm, when Old Man Evanston zapped him good, when he snored too loudly in one of these meetings. Here's to hoping he wouldn't snore this time round.

"Psst," Diesel turned his head to look at a fellow agent, "Diesel," Jeanne Ellen Borrows was giving a look, with those devilish green eyes and a smirk on her lips, "Have you heard the news, Old Man Evanston is not running the conference this year, passed it on to some other poor soul."

"Really, wow, after all these years, I wonder who's now in charge of this circus, can't be anyone too high up, this shit is boring, a big show to warn us not to be so overt with us being supernatural."

"Who knows, but we're about to find out," Jeanne said, as she picked up her espresso and sipped it, looking over to the doors that opened, "Oh…." A blond eyebrow shot up and she set her cup down, "Now this is…interesting."

"Who is that?" Diesel asked, as a figure made their way up to the podium that stood before the long conference table, "And why are they so…pint sized."

The person standing before the podium was a woman, with skin of milk chocolate and almond shaped eyes of ambers, hidden behind chic glasses. She had a pretty face, something you would see in the cute next door neighbor kind of way, a nose that was a little too rounded but fit her face, plump lips that were painted a soft pink. She even had a mole under her left eye, ending the innocent girl next door look. What in the fuck…?

She was dressed in a long sleeve tea dress that was a soft pink, with white flowers printed it on it. She wore thick white tights and her feet were tucked into ballet flats. She wore a black cardigan with a pin attached to it, showing off that she wasn't a grunt at the agency, she was a high ranking official. Her curly black hair was done up in bun, with a few strays flying out, which she occasional blew out, when they fell behind her glasses and over her eyes.

If it wasn't for the fact that she radiated power, throughout the whole spacious room, Diesel would have thought her to be a filing clerk or something of the sort. She put Old Man Evanston to shame, with how powerful she was.

Despite standing at mostly like a solid…5 feet. Pint sized!

The woman looked around at the group, cleared her throat in a daintily manner and said, in a voice that didn't fit her look, "Thank you all for showing up, on time, to the 3,435th Annual Conference of Unmentionables to Support Further Acquisition and Retention of Trainable Skills. As you all know, Senior Agent Evanston has been hosting these events, since they've first started but has decided that this year, to take a step back to deal with other parts of the Agency."

The woman took a sip of water and then continued, "Many of you may not know me, as is with our motto, everything is on a need-to-know basis. My name is Heidi Evanston and yes, Senior Agent Evanston is my father. I've been with this Agency for several years now, dealing with the inside mechanics of our line of work."

Well, now this was news to Diesel, who in the hell procreated with Old Man Evanston and how did he make such a cute daughter? Diesel turned to Jeanne, who smirked and continued sipping her hot drink. He didn't like that look on her face. She knew something…

"Now, before we jump into the conference, I would like to show you what we'll be talking about, for our four days together," Heidi said, turning to a white screen, "The first important thing is; keeping your cover, we've been having some issues with certain…agents," Diesel felt those amber eyes land on him, "Causing a bit of mayhem, when they're out apprehending other unmentionables. We will be going over the basics of how not to be so flashy with your powers, in front of humans. Also, this 'Tok-Tik' app, Oh yeah, I see your faces, we're going to talk about that as well, since some of you seem to wind up on it!"

Ugh…Diesel slid down into his seat and rubbed his eyes; this year's conference was going to be a lecture. How in the hell could there be someone worse than Old Man Evanston?!

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

"Agent Diesel….Diesel…." Diesel turned to see Heidi walk over to him, her arms around a heavy looking red file and a set look on her face, "If you would, please follow me, I would like to have a talk with you."

"Good luck," Jeanne waved off Diesel and smiled sweetly to Heidi, "Hey Heidi, remember, we're going out to lunch tomorrow."

"I remember, Jeanne," Heidi turned to the woman, a small smile on her face, showing off the dimples that put Diesel's own dimples to shame, "Fondue, of course."

The smile faded as the short woman turned to the waiting man, "If you will," She turned once more and began to walk away.

"You know her?" Diesel mouthed to Jeanne, who shrugged and pushed him off, "Yeah, I'm coming, Agent Heidi."

They walked by other agents, who gave Heidi some distance, as she walked quickly down the hallway of the headquarters of the Agency. It was a rather large place, lavishly decorated and equipped with state of the art medical rooms, entertainment areas, eateries, exercise rooms and resting areas, with its own hot water beach that went on for miles, in the strange room it was housed in.

Heidi stopped before a red door, pushed her glasses up and then turned the knob, covered in etched runes. They glowed a soft pink, under her hand and she opened the door to reveal a large office, that faced the mountains of Switzerland. It was a nice set up too. A large desk, bookcases lined the wall, full to the brim with books and trinkets. A large sitting area was to the right, plush, fluffy pink couches and chairs on a fluffy pink carpet sat before a large fireplace that crackles merrily with blue and green flames. A small kitchen area was to the left, with a small dining table and chairs, with junk food pouring out of the cabinets.

That was a lot of Doritos, Diesel mused as Heidi lead him to a waiting pink arm chair that stood before the massive desk. He sat down in the chair and Heidi took her spot behind the desk, waving her hand to close the door.

She sat the red file on the smooth surface of the desk, pulled her glasses off and said, with a sigh, "Agent Diesel…Diesel..I have been wanting to speak to you for a long time, a very…very long time."

"All good things, I hope?" Diesel asked the woman, who gave him a withering glare, which caused him to falter, "Uh…"

"Good things, he says," Heidi rubbed her eyebrow and then gestured to the file, "Agent Diesel, do you know what this is?"

"The paperwork to my raise," Diesel gave the woman a dazzling smile, which was met with another withering glare, "Okay, paperwork to my promotion then."

"This is aftermath of all of your messes, that we had to go behind and clean up, Agent Diesel," Heidi leaned back in her seat, crossing her legs, "Every single mission in the last…few years, don't get me started on the backlogged mission, all right here, all your messes, that we had to clean up."

"Hey now, it couldn't be that bad…" Diesel argued as Heidi opened the files and started to take papers out, "We caught them all, right?"

"Ah yes, Ring, an old man, who caused a lot of damage with his powers. And Claus, oh my gods, he was running a sweat shop, kidnapping and robbing stores! Let's not forget the match maker, on the run and the chaos that occurred with all the relationships that were suddenly popping up. I heard about that wedding that happened…uh, best of luck to the couple…"

"I heard they have five kids now," Diesel quipped, making Heidi look at him, hard, "Sort of worked out."

"And Carl the Monkey and the other monkeys, we had to pick them up, I thought the animal control agents were going to wring your neck!" Heidi snapped, crossing her arms, "Also, let's not forget the biggest elephant in the room…one Mr. Geuwulf, your cousin, which you have been told to apprehend before he got the Stones of Power?"

"So...I don't know how I can explain myself out of that one…" Diesel commented lightly, a smile still on his face, "He has some of the stones, yes, but you know, some are still out there, tucked away…maybe?"

"Yes, they are," Heidi said, as she revealed to be wearing two of them, set in a necklace, "I went out and grabbed two, while you were on your little hijinks and misadventures, on the East Coast of the USA."

"You know what, you're doing all the-" Diesel tried to say but Heidi slammed a hand down on the surface of the desk.

"What in the hell is going on in fucking New Jersey?!" She asked, smoke pouring out of her ears, "Blown up cars, monkeys, sweat shops!? Shenanigans, Agent Diesel… s!"

Diesel was impressed yet scared at the same time by how she managed to make that word sound scary as fuck. He twiddled his thumbs and said, "You know what, you are so right, it won't happen again, I promise you!"

"Oh, don't worry, Agent Diesel, it won't," Heidi said, a deranged smile on her face, revealing extra sharp canines, "Because your solo missions are over with, until you get it together, you're getting a partner, a babysitter, which is what I like to say. They'll be in charge of you, and you'll have to listen to them! If you slip up, Agent Diesel, I will have your head!"

That could have been a lot worse, Diesel mused as the woman before still fumed, "So..uh when will I-"

"When you get your next assignment, Agent Diesel, your partner will show up," Heidi said and then she flicked her fingers again and the door opened on itself, "You…get out, now, I don't' want to see your face for a long time."

"But what about the conference?" Diesel asked, innocently, making Heidi's eyebrow twitch, "Uh…"

"You get a free pass not to finish it!" Heidi said, clasping her hands together, "Now, beat it!"

"Ma'am, yes ma'am," Diesel all but turned tail, quickly leaving the office, the door slamming shut behind him. Oh yes, he would rather deal with Old Man Evanston than with his daughter!

"She's scary as hell," Diesel said, looking at the red door and then scurrying off, "Pint sized terror!"

(~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~)

"We'll have the sparkling rose, to pair with the salmon, thank you very much," William Evanston said to the server, handing the wine book to them, "Thank you."

"Right away, Lord Evanston," The man said, bowing slightly and walking away, leaving the man to look over to his daughter, who was muttering darkly to herself, as she buttered some bread, "I heard your conference was a success, very informative, The agents found the introduction to the new tech exciting."

Heidi looked up from her buttered bread, bit into it and said, "I'm glad they enjoyed it," She said around the bread in her mouth, "I don't understand why we still have these conferences, when emails are a thing."

"Humor an old man," William asked his daughter as he buttered some bread himself, "It's good for all the agents to come together and talk. I was told everyone was there but you booted one of them out, who was it, oh Agent-"

"Diesel Diesel, honestly, just don't have a last night then," Heidi said as she finished her bread, "Daddy, you are too soft on that man, when it comes to the outcome of his missions!'

"He gets them done," William countered his daughter, looking over to her with glowing grey eyes, "He's a good agent."

"He costs us millions to clean up his messes," Heidi wagged her finger to her father, "He has yet to get Mr. Geuwulf into our custody, I had to go out and get two of the Stones of Power myself."

"Very unfortunate indeed, that mess," William said, leaning back in his seat, looking at Heidi, "You handled getting those stones, on your own, well, you are a great agent, Heidi."

"I shouldn't have had to get them myself," Heidi sniffed, sipping her water, "Which is why, I took the liberty of telling Agent Diesel he is getting a partner. I'm tired of having to deal with his messes, he needs someone who will not let him go around and cause chaos!"

"Such a thoughtful agent and daughter," William smiled, as their soup, a light beef bone soup with hearty winter vegetables came to their table, "I know you still lack the power to assign partners, but do you have someone in mind to be his partner?"

"I have compiled a list of agents, who I think will be suitable for him," Heidi said sliding a folder over to her father, "They are capable agents, strong magically and physically, they'll be able to wrangle the man in, if he steps out of line."

"You're so studious," William praised his child, as they dug into their soup, "I know, when I fully retire, you will run the Agency to the best of its abilities."

"I'll try my best, Daddy," Heidi smiled at the man and all talks about wayward Unmentionables and overhead spending ceased and the two began to talk about things in their personal life.

William loved his daughter, she was a strong unmentionable, and a strong-willed woman. She had always expressed becoming an Agent, but he had been afraid for her to go out into the field. He designated her to the admin and logistical side of the business and she excelled in it. She did, multiple times, complain about being one of the only agents not to go out into the field, but he brushed it off telling her that she wasn't ready just yet.

He had been shocked and miffed, when she went MIA from the Agency, only to come back, a week later, with two Stones of Power, fuming about Agent Diesel and his inaction for getting the stones and dealing with Geuwulf. She proved him wrong; she was ready to go out into the field, but unfortunately, she now had a target on her back. Geuwulf had been a good agent, but his desires for the Stones, and what power they held, made him turn his back on the Agency. He would stop at nothing to get the Stones and now his child carried two of them, unable to remove them from her persons for reasons unknown.

When daughter and father separated, going back to their own homes, William sat in the back of the town car and looked at the list of Agents his daughter had come up with to be Diesel's partner. They were good, she choose well but…she had forgotten one agent, the perfect partner for Agent Diesel.

He made the file disappear and tapped his fingers together. They would be great together, he knew it.

TBC…

I'm off to the trash heap, see ya later!