Disclaimer: Everything you recognise belongs to J. K. Rowling, all the fluff and smut belongs to me.
Chapter 1 – Back to School
Today was a wonderful day for Harry Potter, he was finally returning to Hogwarts, leaving the nightmare of the Dursleys behind for another year.
He was going home.
Even though he had made the journey to Kings Cross Station countless times, the Hogwarts Express still held its own kind of magic for Harry. Ron and Hermione were prefects this year, so he was sharing a carriage with Neville and a curious blonde girl named Luna Lovegood.
She was odd, but Harry liked that about her.
While there was a sense of nostalgia about returning to the castle, Harry couldn't cast from his mind the fact that Cedric was dead, and Voldemort was back.
He hated being stuck here.
Alone with nothing but his thoughts, his friends were chatting away, but it wasn't enough to distract him.
His dreams were getting worse.
Voldemort's high, cold, cruel laugh as he taunted him, his parents appearing before him and Cedric's lifeless eyes haunted him constantly. Harry was snapped from that dark place by a warm hand resting upon his knee.
He turned to see Luna smiling at him.
"It's ok," she whispered, "we all have days like these, but we smile through the pain, right?"
Harry's eyes widened at the message hidden within that sentence. It was ok to feel this way, but people would worry unless he plastered on his perfect smile. He flashed the blonde that oh so fake smile, and she nodded, but he knew she understood.
It wasn't long before the train arrived at Hogsmeade Village, hundreds of children disembarked heading for the carriages. As the trio walked onwards, the light began to fade and for the first time Harry since he arrived at the castle at only 11, he was stunned.
Before there was nothing pulling the carriage and now there stood a large, skeletal, Pegasus-like creature. Leathery wings folded against its side. It stood head and shoulders above Harry but didn't even move when he ran his hand down its flank.
"Harry… what are you looking at?" Neville asked curiously.
"Don't you see it Nev?"
"There's nothing there Harry, same as always."
"Don't listen to him Harry…" Luna said quietly, "I can see them too."
He took a step back, admiring the creature in all its glory. Its coal black eyes turned to him, assessing. It dragged its hooves along the ground as if it were telling him to hurry up and board, so he did. Seating himself beside Luna, he leant over to whisper in her ear as she read from her upside down magazine.
"Luna, what are they?" He jerked his head in the direction of the creatures.
"Thestrals. Amazingly gentle creatures despite their intimidating appearance. Yet lonely."
"Lonely?"
"Yes. They can only be seen by people who have seen death."
"Seen death… Cedric…" Harry whispered, mostly to himself.
"Yes. Only those who have seen someone die can see the thestrals, that's why they're lonely. Not many can see them."
Harry tugged at his cuffs, the question burning on his tongue.
Without missing a beat Luna replied.
"You want to know who I saw die?"
Harry nodded shyly.
"My mother. She liked to experiment and one day a spell went horribly wrong. I was nine."
Harry didn't know how to react. He wanted to say he was sorry, but he knew those words meant nothing - he heard them a million times. He just placed his hand on her knee as she had done earlier. They sat in silence for the rest of the ride, no words were spoken even as her hand slipped into his as they entered the castle. The pair walked silently alongside Neville who said nothing about their clasped hands even when they made their way to their separate tables in the Great Hall, his hand leaving hers reluctantly but not without a soft smile.
The feast passed in a blur as it did every year. Ron and Hermione were arguing over something stupid; Dean was trying yet again to explain football to Seamus and some others, Dumbledore made his weird speech before dismissing the students for bed.
Harry wasn't tired, the nightmare that haunted him stopped him from returning to the common room.
He slipped away in the crush of students, instead heading for the astronomy tower. It was the best place to not be found.
He didn't want to be found tonight.
He crept up the stairs listening for signs of Filch, Peeves or even worse, Snape, but the only sound he could hear was his own racing heart. Sneaking out always gave him a little trill but tonight it was a hollow victory. His heart pounded harder, tears springing to his eyes as he thought of the Hufflepuff dorms missing a student.
A student that would never return.
He would never forget the mournful howls of Amos Diggory, the band fading to silence, Cho's quiet sobs.
They would haunt him for the rest of his life.
Settling himself on the viewing platform he let the cool night air wash over him. He had thought about talking to Ron or Hermione, maybe even Neville but decided against it, this was his burden to bear.
Plus, Harry had secrets of his own.
He took a small package from his pocket, tearing open the plastic film. He placed a cigarette between his lips as he flicked open the lighter. The flame flickered slightly in the breeze but didn't die as he lit the end, pulling hard, filling his lungs with grey. As he exhaled, a little of his anxiety and guilt slipped away with it. As he took another drag, a tear slid down his cheek and before he could stop it, there were more following.
Tonight, he would allow it.
Tonight, he would cry for Cedric and his parents before locking the emotions away until they spilled over once more.
Caught up in his thoughts, he didn't hear the footsteps behind him or the swish of the long cloak trailing behind the figure. Professor Severus Snape was on night duty, always on the lookout for students to dock points from. He thought he hit the jackpot when he came across Potter, spawn of the man he loathed and the woman he loved, sitting alone in the astronomy tower, and smoking to boot.
He was set to approach the boy and reprimand him, assigning detention and taking many house points but a small, broken sob stopped him dead in his tracks. He watched the boy's shoulders shake and realised he was crying. Despite hating the boy, Snape knew what he was feeling right now, the guilt at surviving when someone you could have saved was lost. But the boy couldn't have done anything. He hated the boy, but something flooded his chest, causing him to pause. He wanted to comfort the boy and tell him everything would be alright, but he couldn't give away his position like that.
Turning on his heel, Snape left the boy to his tears and the haze of clove-scented smoke.
When Harry woke the next morning, his throat felt dry and sore from a combination of crying till he was hoarse and smoking a few of his favourite clove cigarettes. His eyes were puffy and red. While he wasn't ready to face reality yet, he couldn't hide any longer.
The Great Hall should have been alive and rowdy with the students heading the breakfast, but it was sullen and quiet, even the Slytherin table was unnaturally subdued. Cedric's death had hit everyone hard and only a few believed the Dark Lord had returned only soured the mood even more. When he entered, a few students began whispering and pointing, the rumour mill was working harder than ever. No doubt most of them thought he was lying about Voldemort being back, but he couldn't bring himself to care right now.
He sat beside Ron who was already stuffing himself full of bacon, sausage, and eggs but the thought of food turned Harry's stomach. Hermione was the opposite, buried in the paper; it brought a fleeting smile to Harry's face. His studious friend always had a plan. She looked at him over the edge of the Daily Prophet, her own eyes rimmed red much like his own. She offered him a small smile as he reached for the coffee, completely bypassing all of the food items.
"Not hungry, Harry?" Ron asked.
Harry just shook his head.
A knowing look passed between Ron and Hermione but both opted to stay silent. Harry would talk to them when he was ready.
At the Head table, all the staff including Snape glanced towards the solemn Gryffindor, shoulder slumped over his mug, eyes downcast. Dumbledore knew the burden Harry carried and reminded himself to take Harry aside later. Remus Lupin, who has been reinstated as History Professor after Professor Binns had finally left the castle, could practically smell the grief flowing off his cub, his wolf whining, wanting to take the boy in his arms but he doubted it would help Harry right now.
As breakfast drew to a close, Harry slung his bag over his shoulder but didn't rise.
"You coming Harry? We don't want to be late for Transfiguration." Hermione said.
"Go on ahead, I'll catch up."
His bushy haired friend paused before nodding and dragging a protesting Ron away, leaving Harry in peace. One by one the students left for lessons until only Harry and the staff remained. Snape was the first to leave, his cloak billowing behind him. Sensing Harry wanted to be alone, Dumbledore rose and silently left, the other staff quickly following, although Remus hesitated before he too left the Hall.
As Remus left and turned towards his classroom, the silence hit Harry.
Alone at last.
He sat there for a moment longer, wanting to make these minutes stretch as long as he could. Tears threatened again but Harry pushed them back, he had to be strong for what was to come.
As Harry pulled himself together, a quiet pop drew him from his thoughts.
A letter floated down and landed on the table before him. It was addressed to him. Picking up the parchment with trembling hands, he cracked the wax seal and a neat emerald script greeted him. It read:
Harry, I know this letter isn't going to arrive at the best of times for you. It is vital you read this letter and do exactly as it says.
We are sending back 7 books detailing your life at Hogwarts. While the events of the first four books have already come to pass, there is little that can be done about them, but they still need to be read. It will gain you the allies you need for the upcoming battle and you may find something more you have been searching for.
The last three books hold details of things that haven't yet come to pass. These will arm you with the knowledge you need to change the future, win the war, and even prevent many people from dying. In the next hour you need to gather the people listed below in the Room of Requirement, ask Professor Dumbledore if you don't know where it is. The books will be waiting for you.
Hermione Granger
The Weasley Family – including Bill, Charlie, and Percy.
Severus Snape
Albus Dumbledore
Minerva McGonagall
Remus Lupin
Sirius Black
Nymphadora, Andromeda & Ted Tonks
Neville Longbottom
Luna Lovegood
Narcissa Malfoy
Dobby, Winky & Kreacher
Some memory vials will also be there to show you the outcome of the current course you are taking. While it is dangerous to meddle with time, we have deemed it necessary. Use this spell – memoria visum - so everyone can view the memories together without the aid of a pensieve.
Good luck Harry. I feel you may need it.
T.R.L, J.S.P, A.S.P, L.L.P, R.N.W, H.A.W. & S.H.M
P.S. As soon as you enter the Room of Requirement, time will be frozen, and Harry, open your heart to others, don't lock yourself away.
Harry stared at the letter in shock. Books for the future, this couldn't be real. But then again, a few years ago he believed magic wasn't real. Jumping up, he fled the hall, heading for the Headmaster's office.