Wake up, eat, sleep and repeat. That was Addison's mantra for the coming future. She saw nothing else ahead, this was her life from now on. Callie had refused to leave her side for the foreseeable future, and not that she didn't appreciate it, but she knew the care and attention would all dry up eventually. She won't always have anyone by her side, not anymore anyway.
The preparations for the funeral had all been made, and they had decided to host the wake right after the service at their home. Mark and Addison had bought a small vintage home in old Seattle, it was their little sanctuary. Addison loved the four-bedroom house as soon as she set her eyes on it. It reminded her of some of the nicer things from the Brownstone, but she would never say that out loud. And somewhere between that Mark saw her eyes light up as well. He had already told the realtor that they were getting it much before Addison had even seen the whole place. It was perfect for them, close enough to the hospital, but not so much so that she felt they were living there. Fireplaces in each room, and a closet space that was larger than she had wanted. It was a much-needed upgrade from her life in Derek's trailer, but most of all, it was perfect for her son to grow up in. The grey and blue nursery had already been painted and the perfect crib had been set up. A beautiful oak crib that Mark had put up on his own. It was their nest in this house, and she loved it the was also something that she hadn't told anyone, not until Callie accidental walked into it. A conversation they never had, but a silent acknowledgement of what had been discovered.
Addison's older brother Archer Montgomery had also arrived just two days after Mark's death. Getting his family to arrange a charter flight for him was no difficulty, except that he was in London working on his latest research when he found out. It caused him genuine disappointment that he couldn't get there soon enough for Addison. His baby sister was in unimaginable pain, and he knew he just had to be there for her, leaving everything else behind. Archer had been informed on his arrival that Addison wasn't exactly coping well, but he couldn't have possibly imagined how distant and numb she had truly become. His baby sister was somewhere far away and that terrified him.
Addison was barely eating enough, refused to get up from bed, and had even stopped responding with words to answer anyone's questions. She would just murmur a hmm before quietly dosing off again. She had asked before leaving the hospital, on the day of Mark's death, to take an indefinite leave of absence. Considering Richard was too worried about Addison to even think of the consequences for his hospital, he granted it immediately. It seemed like for the first time in her life even medicine had taken a back seat.
To say that she was traumatised would have been an understatement, and more importantly Archer wasn't exactly sure how else to help either. Archer had shed his own set of tears upon hearing the news, he liked Mark. Especially much more than he liked Derek. Mark wasn't a hypocrite like Derek; he was honest and real. What you saw is what you got with him. Derek had once called both him and Mark 'whores from another's mothers', but him and Mark had proudly accepted the titles knowing too well that if as long as they were honest with the people they were choosing to screw, then no one else deserved to judge them.
It had been five days since Mark's passing away, and yet Addison had still not cried. Leaving everyone yet again gravely worried for her. It hurt more that she was pregnant, and that they weren't sure if trying to trigger her into crying was even a healthier approach. Archer was at a complete loss himself. He thought maybe they should get a therapist involved, but Addison barely spoke two words with anyone, surely introducing someone like a therapist wouldn't be a great mix for their current set circumstances. He wasn't sure through.
Miranda was coming over every day, being generous with food for Addison and any of the other people staying over at her place. Adele also refused to leave Addison, especially when she covered for Callie while she was at the hospital. This left Derek, he was the only one who hadn't visited yet, but that was more so that Addison didn't completely kick him out, not because he didn't want to. Yet, that didn't stop him from constantly calling Torres and Bailey for updates on her health. They had both given up trying to tell him to back off, it was no use, so they complied by keeping it short.
Derek himself had taken the week off, he needed time to process Mark's death. He had also become aware that Archer had arrived in town. For the first time in years, he was glad that Archer came to Addison when he was needed, knowing well that previously he was more than happy to keep him apart from his ex-wife because of his constant dislike towards him. It made him now wonder that maybe trying to make some peace with his ex-brother-in-law wouldn't be such a bad idea if he still wanted to keep a check on Addison.
For Derek one thing was clear, he had no right to be the vindictive bastard he had become towards Addison. Granted he was hurt by what had happened, but he had equally hurt her back ever since he found them together in his bed. And that was important for him to acknowledge, he was just no better than her. And by his own assessment he was probably worse.
"You know she aborted my child, right?" Derek brought out of his solitude whilst he nursing his scotch.
Mark took a seat next to him, knowing he was completely uninvited in Derek's presence.
Derek then became confused by this new piece of information, as far he could see, Addison was walking pregnant and glowing around the hospital.
He just gave Mark a confused look of annoyance, hoping he would just disappear.
"This was before, she did it right before she came back to you in Seattle."
Derek just looked aghast. Of course, he knew about the relationship they had post him leaving New York, but it resulting in a pregnancy, while they were married. What was he trying to suggest, the sheer hypocrisy of Addison had disturbed him in that moment even more.
"Why are you telling me this? How much more do you want me to torment you both?" Derek said, seething in anger.
Mark smirked and looked straight ahead.
"I am not telling you this to make you angry. I am telling you this because the happiness we have now has cost me so much as well. Granted it was my fault that she aborted, but we have all suffered enough. If you keep up with your bitter soundtrack, trust me you will suffer much worse Derek."
Mark then finished his drink in a single gulp and then walked out of Joe's.
Derek picked up his phone and dialled Archer Montgomery's number.
"Now there is someone I didn't expect to hear from, Shepherd." Greeted Archer, realising the number quickly.
"Can we meet Archer? Derek asked sombrely.
Even Archer didn't have the will or the energy to berate his ex-brother-in-law. He needed to focus his energy on Addison and her child. Trying to dismantle Derek could wait.
"What do you want Shepherd?" Archer asked a little too bluntly.
"Just to talk," he paused before saying the next line "and ask how she is doing?"
The she in this question was obvious.
But Archer could hear something else in Derek's voice, it was laced with desperation, but it was also a cry for attention as well. Derek, now probably didn't even have anyone left to talk about Mark with. Addison probably got all their friends in the divorce, Archer thought.
That part didn't surprise him though, his sister was the binder, she glued families and friends together. This was something even the WASPynss couldn't take away from her. Addison loved people like family, and that's why they loved her back.
Bringing his thoughts back to Derek he allowed pity to take over.
"What's a good place around here to get a decent drink?"
Derek internally became grateful that Archer was willing talk, and for now that's all he wanted.
Derek had texted a place that was far more to Archer's style rather than his usual, at Joe's. Knowing too well what the Montgomerys preferred. Archer arrived a little while after Derek at the uptown bar. Not knowing where the place actually was, Archer had to ask around before walking in. He found his ex-brother-in-law sitting at the bar already, siping what clearly looked like a decent scotch. Archer took the seat next to him without acknowledging him, and immediately turned to the bar tender, "one single malt whisky, and keep them coming." He nodded in return.
Derek turned to give Archer a nod, while Archer's lips slightly curved acknowledging him back.
They sat in silence till Archer got his glass.
"How is she?" Derek asked looking straight ahead.
Archer drowned the first glass in one sip before looking for another, "she isn't talking to anyone."
Archer then looked at Derek for the first time, locking his eyes.
Derek not being able to face him just looked back down at his drink.
"I will take her back with me, either to New York or London. I am not leaving her here alone. She has no reason to stay in this hell hole." Archer declared.
Derek's eyes shot up instantly, he hadn't even considered that yet. But what Archer was saying had a point, she had no reason to stay here anymore.
"She is heavily pregnant, surely travelling like that wouldn't be advisable right now." Derek looked for the first excuse he could find.
Scoffing, Archer spoke again, "she is an OB herself. She would manage, and if need be, I can stay till her delivery, and we can leave right after. It's not like she has much longer to go anyway."
Derek felt at unease. He wondered why a sense of responsibility was enveloping him. He had at one stage wanted Addison gone when they had gotten divorced. And now, he wasn't so sure. With her leaving his entire previous life would just vanish.
"How are you doing, with Mark being gone." In that moment, Archer had no idea what had come over him to ask Derek that, but something clearly did. Maybe some compassion.
Derek on the other hand was at a loss of words because of Archer's words. No one had asked him that.
"I don't know." And that's all Derek could get out before realising his eyes were filling up with tears, tears that could be easily drowned by another scotch.
Archer oddly felt even more pity for the man, he had single handedly lost over thirty years of his life in the past week. Still, Derek could probably walk away from it and eventually start a new life with the younger intern, but that wasn't the life his sister would now have. She would soon have a child, a son that would be a living reminder of Mark in front of her every day, Archer pondered.
"You're lucky Shepherd, my sister doesn't have the luxury of not knowing. She is probably out of her mind thinking how she is going to raise her son with a dead father." Archer then drowned the second glass fully before starting on his third.
Derek turned to look at Arched immediately, "she's having a boy?" His eyes a little pained.
Archer cringed, realising it was probably something not many people knew and maybe something he wasn't supposed to say. "She had a nursery painted in grey and blue, that's why I assumed."
Derek nodded, as disappoint sank in that he never got that chance with Addison.
"The nursery can't just be blue Derek, it has to be a little more artistic than that. Just Blue is so cliché and, we are not having just a cliché nursery for our child. I would think a more of a blue and grey combination, something that has a little more of an old-world charm. I mean obviously custom paisley sheets for the bedding, and the ceiling painted full of stars. It has to be perfect for our little boy." Addison beamed with eyes wide describing the hypothetical nursery of their hypothetical son.
Archer and Derek just sat in silence on their bar stools for a while. They sipped away their scotch, but oddly felt comforted that they could they share the grief together for that moment.
"He didn't deserve to go, this feels cruel." Archer said.
Derek felt himself choke at the thought, "he didn't, not at all."
But what they didn't say out loud was that they were indeed both there because they were worried for Addison.
Archer was never a fan of Derek, but he could on some level understand why Derek ran across the country after he found out about Mark and Addison. But the stories Archer had heard of Derek in Seattle were blood curdling even for him. But, he had wanted Addison to see that herself and walk away. Even though it didn't exactly happen like that, he felt much better when they had both moved their separate ways. They both needed to write off a mistake that they had lived for 16 years.
"Has she spoken much? Has she cried?" Derek asked, breaking the silence again.
Arched looked at his glass this time, "she hardly gets out of bed."
Looking at Derek after, "I don't know what will happen when the baby arrives. She is due around Christmas, so it's not that far away." Archer looked towards the bar tender for another glass.
"We need to get her some help; I am trying to maybe see a good shrink to help her, maybe someone from your hospital. Someone who knows what they are talking about. She is clearly depressed, and this surely can't be good for her or the baby."
Derek nodded lightly and took another sip. As the scotch made its way down his throat, he then got a little confused at something Archer had just said.
"That can't be right?"
Archer gave a questioning look and raised an eyebrow.
"She would be due later, right? Sometime end of January." Derek prodded.
Archer just swayed his head to the side. "I'm fairly certain it's around Christmas, haven't you seen how big she is? Archer remembered the calendars in Addison's home that were marked by both her and Mark's handwriting.
Derek was still confused. The timeline wasn't adding up.
If Addison was due in the end of December, then back tracking forty weeks she would have conceived sometime around March. That can't be right at all.
"Archer, I am sure that's not correct. Trust me, it's not correct."
Derek pushed trying to convince both himself and Archer.
Archer, now too drunk to actually care just reluctantly agreed with Derek, "probably."
By the time Archer got home with a cab he was fumbling onto Addison's porch and searching for the key he had taken. Finally finding it in his pockets he noticed the door miraculously had opened right before he inserted the key. On the other side of the door was a pair of eyes that he had just left at the bar that greeted him again. But instead these eyes belonged to a younger female Shepherd, guessing Amelia had also arrived to be here for Addison, Archer mused.
"The Shepherds aren't going to leave me today," said Archer jovially said.
Amelia stepped aside and let Archer in.
"Firstly, hello Archer. And secondly, you were out with Derek?" She asked a little annoyed. Her brother was the last thing she wanted to think about right now.
Archer nodded and slipped off his shoes in Addison's mud room.
"You came two days early?" Archer asked, knowing the funeral was still two days away.
"I wanted to be there for Addie since the day I knew, I just had no one to cover my patients and my head of department wasn't very supportive. So, I kind of just threatened him and used out all my leave. Hardly took a holiday the last five years, the least he could do was give me a few weeks off for someone who I actually love going and happens to be going through something like this."
Amelia then really looked up and faced Archer properly in the light.
Archer had always had a soft corner for Amelia, particularly because Addison loved her like a little sister, which was not the same sentiment shared by the rest of the Shepherd clan. Derek had practically excommunicated her out of his life, while the rest of the family was no better either with probably the exception of her mother.
But his sister Addison, she was better than the exception. She always saw Amelia's full potential, and she never gave up on her. So, Archer knew all of Amelia's milestones throughout the years from Addison. He even got to be part of some of them. He knew when she graduated from Harvard sending her flowers, while his sister, Mark and Amelia's mother were the only ones to attend. It was something they had always bonded over, being alums from the same med school. He knew about her internship and residency at John Hopkins, where she currently had also become a recent attending surgeon under Tom Koracick. Being one of the youngest in the country. That said Amelia was in all shapes and forms simply brilliant.
Over the years when he would catch up with Addison then sometimes Amelia would also join them as well. Never on intention, but usually because she had also wanted Addison's and maybe Archer's advice and support. Understandably, considering no one else in the family was going to give it to her. That's when she had also developed a friendship with Archer. He would share notes with her, exchange emails, and sometimes even tutor her sporadically right before her exams throughout the years. It helped since he was an established neurologist, and Amelia had expressed liking towards neurology as well.
They weren't consistent in how often they would meet, and lately it had been a while since she had even needed him. It was mostly considering the fact she was a surgical resident specialising in neurosurgery, while he left surgery to focus on just being a neurologist. Granted there was significant overlap, but surgery was a demanding field that required Amelia's entire focus and attention. So, he was well aware that the little Shepherd had decided to lock herself away to eventually become ready for that one day to unleash her brilliance. At times, knowing that she had defied all of Derek's indifference made him really proud. Getting on Derek's bad side clearly never ended well for anyone. He just couldn't help but be feel happy for what Amelia had become despite not having Derek's love or support. Knowing well that she craved it, but she had also stopped expecting anything in return.
"Believe me you might be the person she actually needs around her right now."
Amelia nodded, and sat herself down on the couch.
"Is she asleep? Archer asked about Addison.
"Yeah, apparently the amount she talked with me was the most number of words she has uttered since Mark's death. She was exhausted afterwords."
Amelia sighed. She couldn't help but feel extremely saddened for seeing Addie go through all of this. She for one really did believe Addison did not deserve any of this. Amelia had first hand seen Addison suffer when Derek was with her in the last few years of their marriage, granted she had her own reasons for not liking Derek but that didn't excuse his behaviour. But, Addison had been getting ignored at the time when she was playing the perfect wife to him. How did her brother not see what she did for him. She for one was on Addison's side in their divorce, simply because Addison was a far more compassionate and kinder person than Derek ever had been. Derek only ever needed to play the 'good guy', while Addison was in fact was the real 'good guy'. Forgiveness was clearly something Derek was t capable of.
"She asked me if I could take her shopping tomorrow. You know…. for a black dress."
Amelia quietly, adding the last part slowly.
Archer frowned, this was slightly too morbid for his taste; Shopping for a funeral.
But they were Montgomerys. This was a part of their WASP up-bringing. To look their best even if they were crumbling on the inside.
"I might take her back with me," Archer added.
Amelia looked up in some relief, "I was going to ask her to come back with me actually. This place is no good for her now."
"She's a world class neonatologist surgeon and OBGYN, I don't see why John Hopkins won't want her." Amelia finished.
Archer smiled, she was two steps ahead of him. "So, I am going to have to fight for my sister and nephew with you little Shepherd." Amelia smirked back.
"No matter who wins, it's what's best for her. This place is just not her. I am shocked that Mark and Addison didn't go back to New York. Who knows if this whole ordeal could have been avoided."
Archer nodded in agreement, it sure could have been avoided had they just moved cities.
"I am going to stay till she delivers, and then I'll ask her where she wants to move. I am not leaving her here at all. This place has done enough damage, no thanks to that brother of yours."
Amelia raised her eyebrows, "you're the one who has been out drinking with him, and don't look at me for his defence. You know too well who's side I am on." Archer tilted his head back to lean against the wall. "I know," he said knowingly.
Amelia then said something that he didn't expect at the moment. "I have taken a few weeks off as well, so if it's okay I want to stay here till her delivery as well. I hope that's okay with you."
Archer was immediately touched and also surprised.
"Of course. I think she would really appreciate that. But let me warn you Amelia, it's not going to be pretty. You've only seen a glimpse, and I have a feeling it's going to get quite hard after she delivers her son."
Amelia gave him a somber look back, "I know. She's going to need a lot of support and she's all I have as well. I've barely spoken to my own sisters in the last 10 years. My brother has refused to speak to me at all. And, my mother just trys to play peace maker, plus she wasn't a big fan of Addie pre and post the affair. Addison is the only family I have, and I intend to protect it with everything I have."
She took a deep breath pondering over her own family.
"Hell, I was happy she was with Mark. He was so much better for her than my brother. They actually made sense. Plus, Mark always felt like he was more my family than everyone else. You know he would send flowers on my birthday, he knew I was Nero resident. He would say that one day I would out do my brother, but like really mean it. He believed in me."
Archer smiled at her brutal honestly, "trust me I agree with you there. I liked Mark much better as well than your brother. Mark was like a brother to me, I know Derek claimed him most of the time. But I got him better. He didn't deserve to die." Archer finished quietly.
They sat there for a while, catching up on all that had been going with Amelia. He wanted to know how she had been coping, especially with her sobriety. It wasn't a subject she discussed much, but oddly with Archer and Addison she did. It amused her how she could with Archer, knowing him having the capability of being a decent drunk like the Captain, but somehow she did.
"Get some sleep little Shepherd, tomorrow's going to be long day and we need to get everything sorted before the funeral."
Amelia got up and nodded lightly.
"Goodnight Archer, see you tomorrow morning."
Smiling a little at him as she walked off to the guest bedroom. She wouldn't admit it to him, but over the years she had developed a little crush that she refused to let to the surface. It helped that they worked further away from each other and had their own lives. Knowing he was little bit older, and that he slept his way through the east coast maybe deterred her a little, but not that it mattered to her, yet the thought still did keep her amused at times. Smiling again at the thought she closed the door.
"Night, little Shepherd." Replied back Archer, dreading the hangover tomorrow morning.