Chapter 16

I'm visiting my mom this weekend. It's the first time I've done it without my friends in a while, and it's pretty nice. My dad's parents are moving here today. My mom got them set up for most of their furniture in their new rental house, so moving for them should be easy. They still have some things they are bringing, though. They are about to arrive in a moving truck.

It's a good thing they hired movers, because two people in their 80s, a tiny woman who is almost 60, and someone who could dislocate joints just from lifting things that weigh more than 15 pounds don't make for a great group of movers. Even if I asked Carsten and Daisuke to help, it would be tough on them.

My mom and I are in the living room and we're both clearly anxious about their arrival. My mom is up with her arms behind her back and pacing, and looking out the window to see if she sees them. I'm sitting down and fidgeting.

"How are you feeling, mom?"

"Pretty good. Very antsy. I think once I'm done with anticipating their arrival and they are actually here, I will feel better."

"Yeah. What is the plan once they are here?"

"Well, I think they will want to rest. So, I was thinking I would direct the movers over at their house, and you would be here with them. They might want to nap, but if they don't, you'll be able to entertain them."

I laugh, "Yep. I can even play the piano for them. They always like that. I probably need to practice anyway."

She nods, "Then I thought we'd go over to their house after the movers leave and I'd make them dinner and get them settled."

I get up and hug my mom, "It all sounds well thought out. They're going to be so happy here."

She smiles up at me, "Yeah…I think so, too."

Just as we finish our conversation, we see the moving truck drive in front of our house. We go outside and see it pulling in front of their rental house. I stay behind while my mom goes and herds everyone. She sends my grandma and grandpa my way and begins directing the movers.

My grandparents light up when they see me. My grandma hugs me tight and says, "We're going to be neighbors, Kaychan!"

My grandpa laughs, "Don't squeeze the life out of the girl, dear."

He's…not exaggerating. My grandma's grip is surprisingly strong. Maybe it's just my weak joints, though.

He gives me a hug next. I really do find it hard not to sigh happily when he does. He's so much like my dad.

Afterwards, we go inside the house and get them settled in the living room.

"Do you want anything to drink?"

My grandma says, "I think we'd both like some tea." My grandfather nods.

I go about making them some tea, and by the time I get back I can see they've moved. They are looking at things around my piano. In particular, the picture on top of it.

I give them their tea and they sit down on the couch by the piano, and I sit down on the bench facing them.

My grandma says, "We always love that picture. We have it too, but it's still hard not to look at it."

I nod, "It is a good one. Such a big night in their lives. Just the other day me and mom were talking about how we wished we'd been there."

My grandpa smiles, "It was lovely. We were there, you know."

"Yeah, I guess you would have been. Was it as amazing as I imagine?"

My grandpa laughs, "Well, I can't say for sure what you're imagining…but I think I would guess it was even more amazing than you're thinking. Saki and Chisato were magnificent. It was so captivating. We didn't know that much about music, but there was just this electricity in the air. They commanded the room in a way we didn't know was possible. It was…one of the most amazing things I think I've ever seen."

My grandmother nods in agreement.

"Wow. Yeah…that sounds amazing. I guess that's why it got Saki into school. Well thanks, now I wish I was there even more."

He laughs, "Sorry."

"I've always wondered…did you know he was going to propose to Saki that night?"

My grandmother laughs wryly, "Not really. He told us he was seriously considering it and explained why. We gave him some tentative permission, but with the caveat that we'd discuss it more before it happened. So…we were a little shocked to find out the morning after the concert they were engaged. But…it was clear they were right for each other. So, we gave them our permission in the end."

I smile, "Yeah, obviously it worked out. But it is hard to believe they were only two years older than I am now and they got married."

My grandpa nods, "Yes, please don't get married at 18 like they did. It was a special circumstance."

I laugh, "Oh I know. I'm not planning on it. Don't worry."

My grandma smiles, "Are you dating anyone right now? I'm sure you must have many suitors."

I laugh, "I guess…I have had a couple. But I haven't found anyone I want to be with yet."

"Well, you can probably afford to be picky. So, do your best."

I laugh, "I will. Would you two like me to play the piano? I could use some practice anyway."

They both light up when I ask them and my grandfather says, "That would be lovely."

I play through the two songs I'm working on for the concert in just a couple of weeks. I've improved a lot thanks to Hideki.

When I finish, I hear applause and it sounds like someone else is in the room other than just my grandparents. When I turn around, I see that my mom's there too.

"That was very good, sweetie. We're all excited to see you perform with the band in a couple of weeks." She turns to my grandparents and smiles broadly at them. "Well, shall we go see your new home?"

My grandparents put down their tea and we head to their new house. They are very happy with it. My mom makes a nice dinner, my grandfather I play chess (I won), and we're all very pleased to be living so close to one another.

—-

The concert is next weekend. I'm happy with the progress I've made with all my extra practice sessions. I'll get to perform, and I'm really excited for that. I'm going to get some extra practice today just to be safe, then I'm going to take a break from all the extra playing until the concert.

I'm in the band room on my own now, and Hideki will be joining me in a little bit for one last lesson. I finished running through the songs myself, so I'm going to run to the restroom before Hideki gets here. On my way out of the room, I almost trip on the base of a music stand. The lighting is dim enough here that it was hard to see. To evade the music stand I take one step to my left. But then my left foot lands on something unexpected just as I'm about to put it down. It's a flute case that I didn't see in the bad light. I start to fall.

This isn't fair. This. Isn't. Fair. THIS ISN'T FAIR! THIS ISN'T FAIR! THIS ISN'T FAIR! THIS ISN'T FAIR! THIS ISN'T FAIR! THIS ISN'T FAIR!

My elbow hits the ground as I fall forward. I don't try to get up. I don't call for help. I don't even cry. I don't feel pain. My elbow is dislocated so it should hurt like hell. I don't feel anything though. I can't play in the concert. Despite all the work I did. Despite all of Hideki's help. The universe takes everything from me. My dad did everything he was supposed to do to be healthy. The universe took him anyway. I do everything I can to avoid getting hurt. I go to physical therapy. I wear braces. I try to be very careful with how I walk. I do everything I can to make up for lost time so that I can perform well enough. But it doesn't matter. The universe takes music from me too. No matter how hard I try. No matter how good I try to be. It takes it all. I'm so sick of it. So, I'm just going to lay here on my stomach. Forever. I don't care anymore. About anything.

…

I'm not sure how long I was lying there, but eventually I notice a concerned Hideki is next to me.

"What do you need to me to do, Kayoko?"

"Nothing."

"What?"

"Nothing. Just leave me. I don't care."

"You…you don't care?"

"Nope. I'm sick of this stuff happening. So, I'm just done, I think. Leave me alone."

He gets very serious and looks me in the eyes. Which takes some doing, since I'm lying on my stomach with my head turned to the side.

"Kayoko, it must…really suck, to have this happen now. I know how much you love music and how you were looking forward to playing. It's terrible this happened. But…there's more than musi-"

I interrupt him, knowing where this is going. "It's not just music. There's also my dad. He did everything he was supposed to do to live a long life with his condition. He didn't get to. So, why even try anymore, you know? That's why I'm done. Just go away, Hideki. Leave me alone."

He grimaces, "Yeah, he was my science teacher. He was an amazing man. I won't pretend to know him that well because he taught me but…do you think this is what your father would want you to do? To just give up?"

He's right. It's not just my dad either. So many people who are important to me wouldn't want me to give up. They all knew how unfair everything is and they didn't give up. My dad had a heart condition that he knew might shorten his life. But he never gave up because of it. He lost his first wife to an unfair universe. But he found love again with mom.

Saki knew she was going to die young. Her condition kept her from playing music too, just like mine does sometimes. She didn't give up. She's kind of…who I want to be. I can't give up now if I want to be like her.

Then there's my mom, who might be the most impressive of all three. She lost her dad and her legs in a horrible crash. Instead of giving up she recovered faster than anyone thought possible. She became the Fastest Thing on No Legs. Then she lost my dad …that's probably the closest she got to giving up. I saw it myself. But she didn't. Now she's taking care of her parents, and my dad's, and me.

All three knew the universe was unfair and they all kept going. I think I can too.

I suddenly start crying. I can feel the excruciating pain in my elbow. I guess this is a good sign. It means I care again.

"What do you need me to do, Kayoko?"

I slowly roll on to my back. "Help…me…up."

He bends on my good side. I wrap my arm around his neck, and he lifts me surprisingly effortlessly. Yet somehow delicately enough that my arm doesn't bounce too much.

"The nurse?"

I nod.

As he takes me across campus I look up at his face. It's filled with so much concern. He looks so upset. Upset for me. But there's also determination there. I can see that he would do anything to help me right now. He already did so much.

"Thank…you…"

He nods and smiles as he continues to carry me. We're close to the medical building now. It seems like he's out of breath. I guess it makes sense. He's going fast and I'm not Ai or Akari. This is hard work.

He gets me there and luckily no one else is being seen. He puts me down on the bed. The nurse asks what happened. Now that I see Hideki, he really doesn't look good. He even looks a little purple. He's gasping for air. He's starting to double over. I point using my good arm.

The nurse notices the situation just before I point. She runs to the back and comes back with some sort of inhaler. He takes it and uses it. The situation improves. He sits down on the ground and catches his breath. The nurse turns to me.

"Okay, I'm going to help you with your elbow now." I nod.

Somehow, Hideki has managed to get himself up and he's next to me. He looks better by comparison, but he still looks like he's been through hell. I smile at him.

"Hold…hand?"

He understands my somewhat cryptic request and gives me a really big smile of his own. He gives me his hand and I squeeze it while the nurse fixes my elbow.

The nurse goes to find me a new sling. Once the worst of the pain is over, I lightly slap him in the wrist with my good arm.

"Why did you do that!? I didn't know you had…." I pause, realizing I don't know for sure what it is.

"It's COPD."

"That. You could've really been in trouble."

He laughs wryly, "Well, you needed help. Plus, I knew I was coming to the medical building, and they'd take care of me. And they did. It all worked out, right? We're both fine."

I narrow my eyes at him, "I guess so." I put my hand on his arm. "Thank you. And…not just for carrying me and almost killing yourself. I was in a bad place back there. I guess you know that. You helped pull me out."

He smiles at me, "Yeah, I'm glad I could help."

"Well, thank you so much. You don't need to stay any more. I'm sure you're tired from everything. I'll call someone."

"Are you sure? I don't mind staying."

"Yeah, I'm sure. Thank you, Hideki."

"Uh…yeah, hey, no problem. Glad I could help."

He leaves the room and I call Akari. Once I'm fitted for my sling, I walk with her back to the dorms.

As we're walking, I realize something. Maybe it's some sort of damsel in distress complex, but I think I like Hideki. I've always thought he was cute. But he really helped me today. I don't know what would have happened if he hadn't pulled me out of that…depressive state, or whatever it was. I'd probably still be lying there. Then he almost killed himself to get me to the nurse. Of course, that was probably unnecessarily risky given that my condition isn't dangerous and his is, but it still makes it hard for me not to feel something for him. Of course, last time I started to like a guy who was sweet to me when I got hurt, it ended up not going so well.

—-

Once I get back to my dorm, I call my mom to let her know the horrible news.

"Hey sweetie, how's piano practice going?"

I grimace, "Not well. Unfortunately, I fell and hurt my elbow."

"Shit. That really sucks. I'm sorry sweetie. How are you feeling?"

"Well…when it happened, I was…kind of ready to give up. On everything. But then Hideki showed up, pulled me out of the mental state I was in and rushed me across campus. After all that, I feel pretty good all things considered. I think I may have a thing for Hideki now, though." I laugh.

My mother scoffs, "I'm glad he helped you. He has liked you for a while, I think. So maybe having a 'thing' for him is a good thing?"

I sigh, "Really? You just keep saying that because he helps me with piano stuff. I don't know if he does."

"Whatever you say, sweetie. Either way, if you like him now, you should tell him."

"Mm…yeah, maybe. I'll think about it."

"You just do that. I'm sorry you hurt yourself at such a bad time."

"Thanks mom. Love you."

I hang up the phone and start to think about everything. Is she right about Hideki? He's two years older than me and he's really cute. And one of the nicest people I know. I guess in some ways it doesn't seem plausible. I didn't even consider it. I also sort of shut off the part of my brain that was interested in romance for a while there. Maybe I missed some things?

My mom has been right about…pretty much all other romantic situations in my life. So, I probably put some stock in it.

He's helped me so much with piano this whole trimester, and I guess he has gone above and beyond. But I just thought he was a good mentor.

I guess he did seem like he wanted to stay with me today. But I thought he was just being overly polite; especially given how he must have been feeling.

Then there's how he looked when I told him I was giving up. How he looked while he was carrying me. How concerned he was about me.

I think…I think I would be really happy if he did like me. He's exactly the kind of guy I would want to be with.

I have my mom's take. I think I need to talk to Akari and Ai about this.

—-

Me, Akari, and Ai are having one of our meetings in my dorm room. They are seated on the bed while I'm standing and telling them everything that has happened today. And some of the things from before, that might mean something even though I overlooked them at the time.

At the end, Ai says, "What do you think, Akari? I don't really know him, but you do a little bit at least, right?"

She nods and thinks for a second. "Hmm...he is a really nice guy, that makes it harder in a way. B-because he's nice to everyone." She pauses for a second. "B-but I think he probably likes you. He's nice and all, but the things he's done for y-you…they go b-beyond that. He stayed late and h-helped you with piano several days a weekfor several weeks. He met with you on weekends. Now I'm thinking he wanted to help you and spend time with you. And that's without even mentioning today."

Ai nods, "I think it's very likely he has feelings for you, too. I don't think a man risks his life for a woman if he doesn't. Even a nice one. I mean think about it. He knew he would be in some danger the moment he decided to take you to the nurse. He didn't care. He just had to help you. I think it sounds romantic."

I'm overwhelmed. I sit down in my desk chair and put my hand on my forehead with my eyes wide open. Literally and figuratively.

"I…I think you guys are right. I'm remembering other little things too now. He wanted me to go to the cafeteria with him a few times, and I turned him down. I just thought he was being nice, and I didn't want to bother him. He was adamant about me sitting next to him so I could visualize when I couldn't play. And…it helped, but he would sometimes brush against me slightly even though I was giving him a ton of space. I thought he was just a really animated piano player. Then there's everything you two just said."

Akari and Ai are both grinning ear to ear.

Ai says, "Well…with all that information. I'd say we're up to like a 99% chance he likes you. What do you think Akari?"

She laughs, "99.9, probably."

Now I smile too. "I don't want to get my hopes up too much. But…I feel pretty sure about it too, now."

"So, what are you going to do?"

"I think…confess to him after band tomorrow."

—-

The next day I get to band practice before Hideki does. I sit down on the bench since I'm unfortunately going right back to just visualizing. But…now that I feel the way I do about him, I think it will be much more fun. Eventually he arrives, and he smiles at me as he sits down next to me and says,

"You look pretty happy all things considered."

I smile, "Y-yeah…um…I do."

He laughs at my strange response.

Jeez. I used to be able to talk to him just fine. But now that I like him, I'm like I've been with every other guy I've liked. Great.

"Um…H-hideki, can you stay after band today? I want to do something to thank you for y-yesterday."

"You don't have to do that, Kayoko."

"Uhm…I know, but I want to. So, just stay for a little after? Please?" I break out a pouty face I've seen my mom use a million times. It seems like it worked.

He laughs and says, "Okay. I will."

During practice, I do a few things to feel things out a little more. For one thing, I gradually scooted myself closer to him, so he'd brush against me even more. For another, I may have intentionally moved my leg just enough for his elbow to make contact with it once. He got a little flustered and blushed. He didn't make any mistakes while he was playing, though. He's good.

Hideki stays behind like I asked him to. I wait for everyone else to leave. We stay sitting on the bench together. Waiting for everyone to leave is agonizing. I'm getting more anxious by the second.

But he almost definitely likes you, Nakai. Don't be too anxious.

Eventually, everyone's gone, and I put my good arm on his shoulder, and I say,

"Thank you so m-much for yesterday. I…probably wouldn't be in a good place right now. Mentally or physically w-without you."

He smiles at me, "I was happy to help you. I'm glad you're doing better now. If…you ever want to talk about your dad, or anything else that's bothering you. I'd be happy to listen."

My God this boy is perfect. Could he really like me? An awkward girl two years younger than him?

"Y-yeah. I'd like to talk to you."

What does that even MEAN, Nakai!

He smiles and says, "Oh um…well, I'd like that."

I take a deep breath. I need to stop beating around the bush here. The more I do, the more I'm going to mess this up. I just need to say it.

I take a deep breath and decide to go for it.

I tighten my hold on his shoulder a little bit and look him in the eyes. Then I say, "What I've been trying to say here is…I…really like you Hideki…"

He looks really surprised for a moment, but then smiles ear to ear. It's adorable. "I like you too. I have for some time." He laughs, "I really didn't think you liked me, though. I felt things out a few times and felt like I got rejected. I mean, you basically threw me out of the medical building yesterday."

WHY is my mom ALWAYS right?! Although in this case, at least it's a good thing.

I blush, look down, and take my hand off him. "Y-yeah…I'm really sorry. I thought all those times you were just being nice, and I didn't want to bother you. I was sort of…not in a place where I wanted to be dating for a while. Also, um…you're so cute, and nice…and I didn't even consider that's what you were doing. I'm sorry I made you feel rejected." I put my hand back on his arm. "But I'm not rejecting you now. I want to be your girlfriend. If you want me to be."

He smiles broadly and says, "I'd like that."

Exhilarated by his returned feelings, I try to kiss him, but he pulls away. My heart sinks.

"Kayoko, I really like you. And I want to kiss you. And be your boyfriend. But I want to be fully open with you before anything happens between us. I'm only going to be here for a few more months. For a lot of that time, I'll be studying and taking tests. Then I'm going to university in the United States. I guess I'm saying…If we started something, I don't think it would last beyond graduation. And even when I am here…we may not see each other as much as we might like."

I smile at him as I feel some tears welling up inside of me. This is going to be hard. Especially if I really fall for him. But I don't care right now. That's a problem for future Kayoko. I'm living in the present.

"It's sweet of you…to tell me all that up front. You being so honest and caring…it's a big part of why I like you. So, all of that stuff you just told me? It mostly just made me want to kiss you more."

I try to kiss him again and he pulls away again. I sigh with frustration.

"I'm sorry, I…just want to make sure. You're okay with the fact that…this relationship we might have, it doesn't have much of a future."

"Yes. I mean…it sucks, don't get me wrong. Having an expiration date on a relationship isn't ideal. But...I think you're amazing. So, I want to be with you if I can. For as much time as we have. I understand it won't be forever. Or even more than a few months. But I want it while I can have it."

This time, he comes in for a kiss and I pull away. He scoffs playfully and smirks at me because he knows I'm just paying him back now.

After teasing him for a few more seconds, I lean in for the kiss. This time, no one pulls away.