The Recluse.
Chapter 1: It's The End of the World As I Know It. (And I Feel Fine.)
I can't do what other people can. That's what I had to learn early on. I had to know my limits. But at this point I'm sure someone up top is laughing their asses off. Hitting the floor, sweat pouring off my body like rain and everything swimming at the edges of my vision. Just barely holding myself up above the water.
The gym around me blurs, the weights and the smell of sweat, the guys grunting and groaning while lifting weights, the ladies just running on the treadmills and also doing weights watching for creeps. I almost don't want to close my eyes and give up but I'm close to.
"Whoa there, buddy! You okay?!" my best friend Eddie's blond hair and compression shirt with his blue eyes staring down at me in shock looms over me, "Jack, you can't keep pushing yourself." he picks me up and immediately going limp isn't fun. My braces clack together and my arms and legs screech in pain.
"I'm fine, Eddie…" I grunt, he carries me towards the bathroom.
Of course the mindset of, 'Just push a little harder!' is a total lie. Leaning against the wall, the spray of water banishing the sweat. The shower in the gym had pressure problems but it didn't matter all that much. I stand under the spray, thinking about everything. How Eddie and I've been doing this for a while. How I feel about everything crashing down. High school should've been the start of new things yet here I am trying to grab back onto the old.
Then comes College and well, I'm in debt from my loans and well the old man won't help. But he makes Mom happy so I guess I gotta grin and bear the fact I have a spaceman for a stepbrother. Getting out of the shower, I pull on my suit. Six years old and still fitting on me, making sure my braces fit under it, binding them and grabbing my shoes, popping them on, finally grabbing my stick.
I zip up my jacket and my Sense bursts everything into shards, hearing a huge crash in the distance. Then a bunch more like a whole lot of cars bursting into shredded chunks of metal and I know who it is. Rhino. Aleksei Sytsevich. A massive guy in a prototype military exoskeleton. I turn on my music, feeling the start of Knights of Cydonia. My jacket hits the pavement and my mask slides on, my legs burst out of my back and I sling right for him.
Maroon and black make up my suit, the spider on the front going over my shoulders. My spider legs are bright red and start as black with my suit. Everything rushes by me in a blur, buildings and people, slinging comes naturally. More crashing sounds out behind me, a huge blackish purple monster slings in with me.
"Venom! Hey buddy!" I wave, "Didn't know you'd be joining me!"
"One last ride…" he says, "Eddie wanted us to come along with him to San Francisco." Ahead of us, the telltale stomping and rocket bursts with the whining cutting of a plasma cutter
"Right… One last ride." Venom takes point and lands in front of Rhino. He's my heavy, so where's… my legs snap right for him, my Sense screaming as I toss him towards the ground but he rebounds, his own armored body snapping into me.
His tail drips acid when he crushes me against a wall and everything flares up into sharp pain, "Hey there, 'brother'! Howzit goin'?" Scorpion snarls. His green armored shell and multiple arms with the powerful whiptail making him even more dangerous than Rhino.
"Hey Scorp… what, you and Rhino finally confessed your feelings?" I smile, "Not judging or anything!"
Mac squeezes his pincers on me, "Gay jokes?! Seriously?!"
"Hey hey… not JUDGING!" I snap my legs into his neck, the upper two, and pry him off. Leaping off and using two weblines to slam him into the pavement, "I'm an opportunist! I mean, come on, how many times are you gonna use them anyway?"
"Grrgh!" he lashes out but I flip off him, landing near Venom who's been having a rough go trying to stop the Rhino. The plasma horn really leaves gaps in the symbiote's goo. He looks over his shoulder at me.
"Is it just us or are these two stronger than last time?" Venom asks, "Maybe this is a coordinated attack?"
"I dunno, this is weird!" I crouch with my stingers stabbing out of my wrists, "I can't believe I have to use these…" I hiss, the pain from cooldowns already starting. Maybe if they didn't attack so early I'd be in a better place.
"You are without options, Venom! You are without hope, Recluse!" Aleksei yells, grabbing a driving car and tossing it, but I catch it! Just barely able to, the people inside staring into my eyes in sheer terror.
That's when I put it down, muscles screaming, legs straining, but I don't care.
"Who the hell do you think I AM?!" I jump right for him, my fist biltzing across his face, weaving by the rocket fist, putting my back into the hit, sending him flying and sparking backward.
"Venom, NOW!" I yell, he rages past me and slams Aleksei's head into the concrete. Scorpion pounces but I meet it with a barrage of kicks, my legs slapping him down. He grinds on the pavement near his partner.
"Aleksei, do it!"
"If you insist, Gargan!" Their suits close up, and a green substance pops out of their backs in tiny canisters, all stabbing into them. They swell and bend, muscles building up and everything, veins popping out and both closing the distance between us like two animals out of hell.
Roaring, snarling, two demons that just want to destroy everything good about the city. Venom and I both clash with Scorpion and Rhino, grabbing Scorpion's tail and planting my legs into the pavement, yanking him off his feet and tossing him into the air. Bashing him down with all my might, he rebounds and hits me, the blow overwhelming my Spider Sense, something breaks like glass and I go flying with the ferocious hit from Rhino being blocked by Venom.
"Get up!" he yells, "Do not go so gently into the night!"
Blood pools in my mask, my Sense spreading out, everything screaming and ringing and breaking in me. But there's no panic. A sense of calm overtakes my thoughts. The chaos and the fighting all fade away.
All there is…
Focus.
All there is…
On what's in front of me.
All there is…
And then.
All there is…
It will all be clear!
Scorpion rushes right for me, and I use his momentum against him, Cooldown burning, everything in searing pain but two web lines rip out of the holes, with more webbing shooting at him and covering him. He goes flying like a trebuchet, slamming and sticking to the road. Right as I feel like it's all over, Venom slams into me. Godfuckingdammitshit! He takes the brunt of it but becomes more form fitting. They're running us ragged. All I can hope is that Eddie's got Johnny on speed dial, or Felicia's on her way.
"Great…" I sigh, "Why'd we miss the Rhino?"
"Maybe because you left us to deal with him!"
"Well maybe you're my heavy and he'd pretty much FLATTEN ME?!" descending into coughing, the Rhino stomps and paws at the road, everything blurs and all I can see is my oncoming death.
Great, so my tombstone will read: Jackson Steven Parker-Jameson, the fucking idiot who forgot about the Goblin Serum. I close my eyes and accept the inevitable. Something whines behind us and there's a heavy blast, jolting Rhino backward, his horn sputtering out and rockets backfiring. Standing, shouldering a heavy looking energy rifle is Felicia, wearing her suit and smiling at us like we were dumbasses. But I help Eddie up and go towards her. My body gives out and I fall into her arms.
Her suit's tight latex with fur on the arms and legs, and around the neck too, she smiles down at me
"Cat…" I groan.
"Recluse, how many times do I have to save your fine ass?" she tuts with a fond kiss on my masked head, "Now you're in cooldown…"
"I know…!" I groan, I close my eyes again, "What would I do without you?"
"I dunno…" she kisses me again, and I just stay in her arms. I don't wanna go to work. I don't wanna go back to my apartment alone. I don't want to be alone. She's been with me for six years, always there. A constant.
I don't want to say goodbye but I know she doesn't wanna do it either. Venom rises.
"We are NOT doing that again!" he snarls, "It is humiliating!"
"Oh come on, Ven! I saved your life!" Felicia yells, "Several times! Seriously you two, you're killing me."
I sigh and check the time. Shit. SHIT.
"I gotta go!" I pop up, ignoring the pain and running off towards the Daily Bugle building, "I'll call you later, Cat!" I yell over my shoulder and try to sling off towards the direction of it. Of course my legs pop out and take over, bounding me towards it through the pain of the cooldowns.
I can't be late again!
The Daily Bugle is a tabloid paper. Of course mixed between the 'I Married Bigfoot!' headlines there's some real hard hitting news. I stand against the wall in the elevator. I wonder if Dad's going to yell at me again. My web slats hiss out air and I flinch at the pain. But R.E.M's dulcet tones carry me away with Losing My Religion. The doors slide open and I amble my way out, my Sense buzzing as I overcompensate by creeping along.
Almost if I don't do that I'll end up slamming into everything. Not only that but my blood is outside of my body, not all of it though. That's a relief but what really sucks is that…
"Jack! There you ar- Sweet christ, kid!" my boss, my stepdad, J. Jonah Jameson runs up to me, blue eyes wide and hair standing in the weird flattop he's got. He tilts my head around.
"Didja get run over? How about you stay in the office today?" he asks, he's never usually this nice so I guess I can stay.
"Sure, sure." I sigh, thinking back to how I needed to be saved by my friends again. I leave for my desk and JJ hesitates.
"Jack," he starts, "Don't push it."
"I won't!" I exclaim, sitting at my desk and looking down at all the photos of me, Felicia, Johnny, and Eddie. All my friends and I. But there's one I forgot about. One of her.
Long red hair, blue eyes as deep as the ocean, and me. Falling asleep against her after a long, hard day (She took the picture with her hair.). One summer Felicia and I took a break and then she came crashing into my life. I type up another article, my nosebleed slowing. I wonder how she's doing? Last I heard she went back home, reluctantly though. Johnny stays in touch with her sister considering they're a thing but… Medusa…
I miss you. You made life so much brighter, seeing everything like I'm seeing it again for the very first time. That's when my Dad's office door opens. He marches out and stops at my cubicle. Looking in at what I'm writing.
"You know, your mother and I… we miss you."
"Did she tell you to say that?" I look at him with a sigh, "Look, I get what you're trying to do, but you have John, you don't need me."
"What kind of cockamanie..?" I stand up and hug him.
"I… I can't tell you what kind of things I go through, just know that I've done my best." I say, "If I have to write a thousand articles about how much the Recluse sucks, then that's fine."
Dad looks down at me, "Jack, get back to work. Just… don't push us away, May really does miss you."
I sit back down, looking back at the pictures. I'm just not ready. I look at the screen and then see him walk away.
"I can't tell you anything." I whisper.
I don't swing back home. That's something that I always do after work, just taking in the sounds of the city. The sights, people walking on the sidewalks, cars running through the streets, all of it just a comforting band of noise. Mom kept the house in Queens, Dad went to Greenwich. And here I am, in Midtown with a nice enough apartment. Well, for New York anyway. Not big enough for more than one person, but big enough for a college grad with a bad choice of degree.
And I had just enough each month to keep it. Well, a little more. Of course sometimes I wish I could've just crashed at the safehouse me and Felicia had. But she'd changed the code. So here I am. In a small apartment, overlooking the rest of the city. Sad and small. Just like I am. I lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, remembering how I used to fall asleep with the songs playing on the radio, or the soft breathing of a lover and the soft shifting of her hair, or just falling asleep with a friend by my side.
I lay there, my legs tapping my back, almost coding out my feelings. My cooldown is still going but lesser this time. Thank fuck. I pop a frozen dinner in the microwave, watching it hum and warm up. The TV's on, "Today is the six year anniversary of the death of human rights activist Graydon Creed-"
I switch it to something else, the X-Men had to do what they had to do. But here I am. Inches from the whole 'team' thing with the Four but I guess I failed that the minute I was led away by that servant.
God, I'm just pathet-
There's a sound of something landing on my fire escape, and a shadow falls over the window. My Sense buzzes and then calms. It's just Felicia. She slides open my window with an ease and grace that I probably never will copy.
I get out my food and watch, "Whew! What a day!" she sighs, stretching and landing on one of my saggy couches. She watches me stand there and smiles.
"Jackyboy, what're you doing here?"
"It's my place." I state, "I pay for it, I live here." she's wearing her suit and stalks towards me, sashaying and draping herself on my shoulders, getting up from the couch. She buries her face into my hair.
"Mm…" she hums, "You could do so much better," she's right. Every time she says something she's right. Her hands slip across my chest. I can't help but shiver and suck down some of the food just to cover up the squeak.
"That's something I don't get, baby." she says near my ear, "Why don't you take what you want?" she kisses the crook of my neck and I close my eyes.
"I'm not that kind of guy." I watch her smile, and she lands more soft kisses.
"That's why I love you, Jack." she nuzzles me, looking out the window, "You're just a good guy. A good man, and well… I love that." I close my eyes, remembering how I had to fight so many men who wanted to ruin the city or do worse things to people.
Swatting them like flies, hunting them like wolves, everything just coming down on me. But Felicia lays on top of me, firm and well muscled. But still soft, breathing with her long platinum blonde locks laying on my chest.
"I love you." I say. It's the truth but… there's a part of my heart still remembering what Medusa said, how she'd never leave me. How I missed how simple it all was back in the days of my younger self.
Felicia leans upward, "Hmm…" her ice blue eyes cut daggers into me and then she kisses me full on the lips, her arms wrapping around me, her body pressing against me, not hard but the sensation sets me tingling.
"Let's get outta here, let's just become the Recluse and the Cat again." she mutters, "Would you like that?" she traces my chin, giving me even more flashbacks to the whole champagne thing. My first drink and my first kiss when I was fifteen.
Eighteen? Lost in a red sea. Clinging onto a girl I loved, but lost because I was too weak to stay. She begged, cried, looked so scared… I hope they didn't hurt her. I guess we got attached to each other. Now I'm twenty-one and got a girlfriend. All over again. But I'm not sure why I took her up on it. She's led me right back to the overly fancy safehouse we have. My suit's torn up from the fight earlier and Felicia notices.
"How bad was the fight?"
Keeping quiet, she watches as I take it off. It clings like a second skin, I almost want to rip it into shreds and toss it in the garbage. But I couldn't stop thinking about the past, about the days where I'd handle a problem. But this… this is taking longer. I'm hurt, I know I am. I know my body and am constantly thinking about these six years, about that time in Attilan, about my parents, about my life… What made me do this?
"Six years." I say, turning back towards Felicia, "Six years and… and I don't know what I want." Felicia listens, she knows. She knows me too well.
"I thought I wanted what every kid wanted. Action! Drama! Romance! And… well, I got that. I had you, and I had Eddie and Johnny and… Medusa."
"You keep bringing her up." Felicia sighs, "Was she really that special?"
"Yeah. She… she wanted me to stay, Felicia. She… she was so honest and upfront about her feelings, about everything." I look down on the city, "And I left her."
"Oh you sweet boy…" she sighs, hugging me from behind, "I know. The minute I left you I almost wanted to run right back and cry and beg you to take me back."
"She cried, Felicia. She begged me, it was like I was the last person who could save her!" I can't stop my tears, "All this time, I've been spinning my wheels just waiting for someone to save me, too!"
Felicia squeezes me as I cry, "I thought it'd be fun but… but they're back and Eddie and I… I couldn't… we… We could barely beat them!" she quiets me with a kiss, gently hoisting me up and taking off my suit, leaving me mostly bare aside from a close fitting lighter suit.
She slides that off, "I hate when you cry, baby…" her voice is breathy, panting a little, "shhh." her lips are soft, pressing against my aching muscles. My crying quiets down to whimpers, my braces hot and steaming with sweat cooling on the floor, and here she is.
Felicia kisses every part of me. The same splotchy burn scars, the pierced scars from villains long since fought against, when she takes off her suit, all I see is her own scars. She knows me. She knows everything about me.
Felicia was there ever since I was bitten, whisking me away on madcap adventures. Ascending high above the other people. I don't know what I want. Who I want. Why I do what I do. Who am I?
Who am I?
That's the question, I could've been a thief, a King Consort, a hero kicking it with the Avengers. But no, I never pushed above my weight class. My suit's torn and now the self doubt bleeds like my wounds. Felicia kisses them, takes them away, sends me into a hazy dream of a warm bed and a happy future full of laughter and light. Just… just what so many people wanted. But I don't feel like I deserve it.
Like if I let my guard down, if I let someone like her in like I let Medusa in, they'd break me. They'd throw me away just because they can be 'normal' they can always be that. While I have Spider Legs, Stingers, retractable venomous fangs. So why? Why is it that people want to be around me? I fight, I knock out, put them away and wear their scars proudly. But here I am wanting everyone who loves me to go away. Mom, my Dads, my Mama, Eddie, Johnny, Felicia…
Medusa.
All of them I pushed away and never wanted them to get hurt for me. But today made me realize something… I'm not invincible. Felicia doesn't have powers, so if anyone comes after her I'd… I'd never…
"Jack, look at me babe." her voice breaks me out of my funk, "Just… just come here." she pulls me up towards her chest, "Shh… there we go."
I hear her heartbeat, clear as day. It's not the end of the world. It's not the last day. Her heartbeat is strong, soft, close. Her hand gently goes through my hair. I lost so many times but I never stopped to listen.
I always web-slinged away. Never thinking. Always going. But I hold on to Felicia, she gently pulls me into that dream again. That ideal loving result of all of this with kids and a house and no more villains or pain.
Just me and her, or me and Medusa, or me and any other lady I come across that steals my web-wrapped heart. But when the chips are down, when there's no going back, I have to remember… I'm enough. I'm more than enough. I can do it. I can sling with the best of them, I can kick ass, I can make it work. So I fall asleep with her holding me. Felicia Sara Hardy.
My constant.
My anchor.
My lucky Black Cat.
The next morning comes with the smell of something cooking, old Sinatra belting out something over the record player. I don't feel better at all. Everything hurts but now my head is like it got crashed into by a bowling ball. Felicia hums along to 'Gonna Live Til I Die.' It's only a minute or so long but it sounds just like her. She sticks her head into the room.
"Hey babe, good morning!" she greets but I wave her off. My head hurts and all I can think about is last night, yesterday. How Dad wanted me to come over. Probably to rub another one of John's successes in my face.
"Urrgh, post-cooldowns are harder than before…" I curl against Felicia and she laughs a little.
"Aww poor baby…" she teases and I glare up at her.
"What? You come in here and expect me not to baby you?" she giggles and lays my head against her lap, petting my hair and softly humming. But I just consider… maybe I need a break? Just to refocus myself, get my rhythm back.
"Whaddya thinking about?" she asks, "Is it about Scorpion and Rhino?"
"No…" I answer, "Maybe I need a break."
She looks at me almost in shock, "What?"
"I need a break." I repeat, "Just stop being the Recluse and just be Jack for a while."
"And just let them plan out how to draw you out?" Felicia asks, "Honey, I know you're really torn up right now, but…"
"No buts, Felicia my darling. It's gonna be a break so I can get my life back in order. I just don't know if I can keep going like this." I look at my suit, "I mean… how can I when everything crashes down on me?"
She smiles, "Maybe you can catch it?" Grinning, she hugs me and takes my ruined suit, "But do what you want, Jackyboy. I'll fix this up!" I watch her go and check the time.
"Fuck! I'm gonna be late!" I exclaim, "Sorry babe! Gotta go!" I hurry out of the apartment and head down the stairs with breakfast in my hand and my messenger bag for work full to bursting.
But meeting me at the bottom is Felicia, "Hold it," she stops me and kisses me on the lips, "Go get 'em, Tiger."
"You got it!" I exclaim, heading out the door and into the daytime in my best attempt at a normal suit. Everything's so different at the ground level. Sounds and smells, sights and all kinds of things are in front of me.
I get down to the subway and take it to the Bugle.
When I get into the building, Robbie and Betty watch me shirk by and into my cubicle. They both look at each other and back at me with an almost awed expression.
"Well, someone's in a good mood." Robbie says with a grin, "Normally you're half-tired, Jack." he's a nice guy, nicer than my Dad. I knew his kid Rand in Midtown High. Of course he wanted to go to Tech but that got snapped up by my cousin.
I smile, "Yeah well, I had a good night's sleep."
"Something tells me that it's more than that…"
"Well, I don't think so." I turn back to my screen, "Is there someone in the Lion's Den?"
"Yep. Poor girl." Robbie sighs, "Although it looks like John's enraptured."
"Damn…" I sigh, trying to get the word doc open for a more subdued article because everything is just going to be a big 'ol dry spell because I'm done with being the Recluse momentarily.
That's when my Dad's office door opens. Letting out the person in the lion's den.
"Okay Miss Watson, my son Jack is reporting on the Recluse, go to him. There's a desk open right next to him." heels clack on the linoleum and I still pay attention to my screen. The drum of the keys distracting me from the action on the screen of my article coming together.
"Welcome to the Recluse section, there's your desk." I huff, thumbing to the empty one beside me.
"Oh? No words for an old friend?" I look up and there she is. Her hair's shorter, but her blue eyes and easy smile are the same no matter what. What's with the alias? But I pull her into the cubicle.
"What in the hell are you doing here, Medusa?!" I hiss, "Are you trying to-"
"Let me go and I'll explain." she places her finger on my lips, once I do she smiles.
"I missed you, commandeered a pod down here with permission from King Boltagon, and now I'm here working alongside you like before! Yay!" she explains with a bright smile. As much as I would love to get right back to being in love with her…
"So wait, it took you five years to do all that? And what's your alias?"
"Yes, and it's Mary Jane Watson!"
"So you named yourself after weed and…"
"Sherlock Holmes's assistant John Watson!" her smile and earnest way of going about things is so sweet, but then I gotta remember… she's all the sudden back in my life. How am I gonna tell Felicia? How am I gonna tell Medusa? I don't think she'd be the sharing type!
"Mary Jane, while I'd love to catch up, I got work to do." I turn back to my article.
"What DO you do, Jack?" she asks.
"Write articles about how much the Recluse sucks." I type up more, "Now get to work editing those photos I sent over, please." I smile at her and she turns back to her computer.
"I still love you, Jack." she whispers, "Even if your people, family, and friends don't." she looks at me almost like she'd never moved on from that night three years ago.
"Thanks." I whisper back with a soft length of hair winding gently around my hand. I guess it's not all the end of the world… Just gotta figure out what to do with the rest of it.
