Harry looked at Ron, "Crossing a lake in little boats with no restraints."

"Slippery slopes leading to the lake and carriages." replied the red head.

"What are they doing?" a random Ravenclaw asked. Hermione looked up from her book and slowly noticed the whole great hall paying attention. This included not just students from all four houses, but the professors and delegates of the other schools as well. She noticed a couple students taking notes, some of whom had influential parents. Such as Daphne Greengrass, who"s father was a respected Wizengamot member, and Susan Bones, who's aunt was head of the DMLE. Bringing her attention back to the student that voiced the original distraction, errr question, she decided to reply just so she could get back to her book. "They are listing all the ways Hogwarts isn't truly safe."

Now by some stroke of luck, neither Snape or Dumbledore was there at this time, which removed the only two people that would stop this.

"Staircases that move when you go to step on them."

"Ha, stairs that disappear when you step on them."

Harry couldn't dispute this as he'd just tripped on one such stair on the way to breakfast. "Trolls in bathrooms."

"Teacher giving a firstie an invisibility cloak."

"Oi, hatching dragon."

"Yeah, that bite hurt." Ron rubbed his hand in remembrance. "Cursed broom during quidditch."

"Midnight detention in the forbidden forest hunting something killing unicorns." McGonagall looked ashamed at this.

"Hmm, Cerberus behind a simple lock in first year." Ron smirked, "May as well include the whole damn course, Devil's Snare, enchanted keys you have to fly down, life size chess where you're the pieces, troll again, stupid riddles with poison, and possessed teacher."

"Well shit, that was just first year. Shall we continue?" Harry didn't even seem to notice all the people nodding around him.

"A tree that throws wicked punches." Ron Weasley said in response.

"Guess so then, no response to petrified students that lost months of schooling."

"A teacher that vanished your bones while "healing" you." Ron actually used the air quotes.

"A crazy elf trying to save me by maiming me." people looked perplexed at Harry's proclamation.

"Oh, an Acromatula colony in the forest close enough to walk to." Harry exclaimed.

Ron shuddered, "I was trying to forget that." After taking a moment Ron continued, "A duel of disarming only having a snake summoned."

Everyone who was there during the dueling club glared at Draco.

"Haa, a whole school turning on me for stopping said snake from attacking another student." Justin Finch-Fletchy tried sinking into himself at this.

"A fraud that erases people's memories and takes credit for their actions."

Harry couldn't help snickering, "He got his dose of karma though." "A big ass snake and a dark diary that tries to suck out people's souls and magic."

Ron looked over with a smirk on his face, "At least third year was relatively better."

The look on Harry's face at hearing this just made Ron laugh harder. "At least there was no Voldemort."

"Yeah, just dementors on the train, dementors on the quidditch pitch, and dementors on the lake."

"Yeah, but no dark lord."

"Yes Ron, no dark lord." Harry rolled his eyes. "Should I mention students pretending to be dementors?"

"Nah, Draco's no threat to anything except the world supply of hair gel." This left Malfoy steaming.

A giggling Harry couldn't help himself. In a high voice he looked at Ron, "I'm so much better than ev… wait is that a split end? Wait until my father hears about this." It took several minutes for the two of them to catch their breath. "A Death Eater pretending to be a rat and sleeping in the dorm."

"Ugh, don't remind me. I bought him medicine and everything." Ron thought about it for a minute, "A minister that arrests people just to be seen doing something."

"A supposed mass murderer repeatedly getting on the grounds. Although I think Padfoot would consider being on this list an accomplishment."

"Who's Padfoot?" asked the same random Ravenclaw. "Sigh, I'm trying to read here. Padfoot is Harry's godfather, Sirius Black."

"Black, but he's a mass murderer. Why would Potter speak of him in friendly tones?"

"No, not a mass murderer, his godfather."

"Oh, that changes a lot… Wait a minute, did you actually say sigh?" Hermione just rolls her eyes and goes back to her book.

"A werewolf when the potion's master waited too long to give the wolfsbane to." Ron replied.

"A time turner double rescue mission for two."

"Wait, I don't remember that."

"Oh, oh yeah, you were out with a broken leg, oh yeah, giant dog."

"Flying horse." Both boys looked over at this addition by Hermione. She cocked an eyebrow daring them to refute her. "Fair enough" Harry said with Ron vehemently agreeing.

"Hey, nothing's happened yet this year outside a crazy DADA professor though."

"Yeah, but we have a death tournament with the contestants picked tonight, you'll definitely be in it."Ron said in a defeated voice.

Harry looked just as dejected as Ron sounded, "Yeah, this school is definitely not safe."

Dumbledore walked into this just as several students made their way to the owlery with detailed letters for their guardians. "Mr. Potter, no need to make such untrue statements. There's been no safer place for quite some time." His twinkle must have messed with his eyesight, he didn't notice the stink eye he was getting from the majority of those left in the great hall.