I Love Lucy: Hosts Of A Ghost

PROLOGUE-WESTPORT CONNECTICUT-1975

It was way past midnight that cold winter night in Westport. Ethel Andrews lay sound asleep in her gray blanketed bed, flat on her back in her white nightgown. The sixty something year old's long gray hair spilled out all over the white pillow. Her husband Travis lay besides her at the left side of the bed equally sound asleep, in his pink pyjamas lying on his right side. Snowflakes pelted the glass of the window at the right side of the bed. As Ethel slept soundly her mind raced back over the years, twenty three years past...

ONE-NEW YORK CITY-1952

It was a hot summer day that July in New York City. Ricky and Lucy Ricardo stood in the Mertz living room both carrying huge suitcases and standing in the open front doorway of the apartment. Ricky wore a short sleeved red shirt and blue corduroy pants and black boots, while Lucy wore a short sleeved white shirt and gray pants and red shoes. Ethel and Fred Mertz both stood in front of Ricky and Lucy. Fred wore his blue business suit and black tie while Ethel wore a white sleeveless shirt and black shorts and black sandals. Lucy and Ethel were both hugging each other and kissing on the cheeks. Lucy's red hair hung down to her shoulders. "You have a great time in L.A. Lucy," encouraged Ethel as she and Lucy hugged one last time. "You sure you got everything Rick, traveller checks, enough cash, plane tickets?" asked Fred as he nodded at his much younger friend and neighbour and favourite of his apartment tenants. Ricky nervously reached his hand into his left pants pocket and took out the faded blue wallet, flipped it open (one hand holding the suitcase handle of his VERY heavy suitcase, while the other hand held his wallet) and made sure he had everything. Then-satisfied-Ricky stuffed the wallet back into his pocket, and grinned and nodded at Fred. "Well you have a swell time on holiday Rick," said Fred. "Will do," replied Ricky in his thick Cuban accent, "not many New Yorkers would be going to L.A. at the hottest time of the year, except that not only are the plane tickets cheaper, but as you know I want to go to that open call audition at the Teddy Bear Club." Fred nodded and smiled. "So you've said, "muttered Fred gruffly. "If Ricky gets the gig at the Teddy Bear he'll be noticed by every big shot music producer in town!" exclaimed Lucy with a big grin, "no way can Ricky pass that up. It would push his career way forwards." "So Lucy and I get a holiday and I might have a chance at something big in my career by going to that open call audition," crooned Ricky as both his hands gripped the very heavy suitcase. Lucy and Ricky then turned their backs on Fred and Ethel and walked with much difficulty carrying the very heavy suitcases through the open doorway. "Bye! Bye!" said both Fred and Ethel waving and grinning. Ricky went first out the doorway, then Lucy. Unfortunately Lucy slammed the door shut too soon behind herself, and the cloth from her pants got caught in the door as it shut! Lucy was apparently unaware of this and kept walking thus causing a large piece of cloth to rip right off her pants. The door swung open again. Lucy was standing there holding her heavy suitcase with both hands with much difficulty and half of her left pants leg torn off! Lucy looked down with surprise at the large bare spot on her pants, then took her hand and shut the door again. Ethel and Fred both looked at each other and shook their heads. "Lucy's going to look like she's wearing half of shorts," joked Ethel. Fred then turned his head back to look at the door. "I think I'll go have a look at that one apartment where the Dejans used to live," said Fred gruffly. Ethel looked with surprise at Fred. "Wasn't that apartment closed down and condemned by City Council after the Dejans moved out?" remembered Ethel, "yeah. That's right! It was condemned and locked up by City Council." "It wasn't just that particular apartment it was half of the whole hallway on the fifth floor," corrected Fred, "the half of the hallway there condemned and placed off limits by City Council. But I think I'll go check it out. You never know. Mabey City Council was wrong and the half hallway on the fifth is really a safe place. Or mabey it can be renovated and made ok/livable again." Ethel's face broke into a smile. "You know, wouldn't it be just great if Ricky lands that gig at the Teddy Bear?' Ethel imagined hopefully, "it would be the climax of everything he's worked for. His name up in more neon than ever before! And this time all over Hollywood." "Well it's only a matter of time with Rick," added Fred proudly, "he's got all the talent and looks to make it. I mean he's got a few obstacles in marrying Lucy," chuckled Fred. Ethel shot a flustered glance at her husband. "Well I married you," said Ethel, "but fortunately I've still come out alright." Fred shot an equally flustered look back at Ethel. "Well Ricky likes a lot of drinks now and again, but that's still no reason to hold him back," said Fred. Ethel shook her head. "Not at all," Ethel said, "Ricky's drinking isn't as bad as some people's fortunately." Fred shot another flustered look at Ethel. "Are you coming with me to the fifth floor or what?" Fred asked her gruffly. "Why so much interest in the roped off limits by the city council fifth floor all of a sudden?" Ethel asked her husband, "have you got a secret stash of cold whiskeys hidden in one of the empty rooms? Why spend on ones from the bar or liquor store, when a skinflint like you can get liquor for nothing?" Fred put a gray Stetson hat on his head and grabbed hold of and swung open the door. He stormed out of his apartment and slammed the door shut behind him. A few seconds later Ethel grabbed the door handle and opened the door again. "WAIT FOR ME!" pleaded Ethel as she took off after Fred out of their apartment.

Ethel and Fred both walked casually up the gray and brown colored staircase, up the flights up stairs to the fifth floor of their apartment building. Ethel walked along the left side of Fred. At one point when Ethel wasn't looking, Fred reached into his left pants pocket and took out a small, light blue flask of whiskey. Fred turned his head to make sure that his wife wasn't looking, then he quickly uncapped the flask, put it to his lips and drank it down in one gulp. He then stuffed the empty flask back in his pants pocket. Then he noticed Ethel glaring at him with a pouty snarl on her face. Fred looked away from her and turned his head to face the left gray and brown colored wall of the apartment building staircase.

When the couple reached the fifth floor, Fred and Ethel moved slowly and carefully down the gray and brown colored hallway. Fred and Ethel soon noticed a large orange ribbon cordoning off the last half of the hallway with a huge, white square sign stuck onto the middle of the huge ribbon. The couple stopped and just stood there reading the sign. The sign read-in big, black capital letters across the white board: THIS PART OF THE BUILDING HAS BEEN CONDEMNED BY THE CITY COUNCIL, AND DECLARED UNSAFE! THIS PART OF THE BUILDING IS CURRENTLY OFF LIMITS TO TENANTS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION-This is a public safety message issued by the City Council. Fred and Ethel both slowly turned their heads to look at each other with confused expressions on their faces, then turned to look back at the sign and the ribbon. "That sign doesn't apply to us," grunted Fred as he walked towards the ribbon and the sign, "to quote Clark Gable, I don't give a damn! I'm not going to let a group of ok apartments go to waste because of some councilman's opinion, whom I probably didn't vote for anyways," Fred chuckled sourly, "so let's have a look." Fred pulled off the ribbon and let the ribbon and the large sign collapse onto the gray and brown colored floor of the apartment building hallway. Ethel quickly walked down the rest of the hall and joined Fred. Fred and Ethel just walked slowly up and down the rest of the apartment building hallway, turning their heads and slowly looking over the four closed doors of the apartments on the rest of the hallway. "Well everything here looks ok to me," decided Fred, while nodding. He then took his keys out of right pants pocket and walked up to the door of apartment 5E. He stuck the key in the lock and opened the door. Ethel walked up behind him. Fred and Ethel just stood there in the open doorway of apartment 5E surveying the tiny empty unit. The gray and white and yellow walls and gray floor looked somewhat dusty but other than than neither Fred nor Ethel noticed anything really amiss. There were unfortunately also huge spots of mould all about the walls of the unit. "All clear to me," said Fred, "a good renovation job is needed though," noted Fred as he carefully looked at the dusty and very large damp spots all over the gray and white and yellow walls and gray floor. Ethel stood there looking over her husband's shoulder. "Well mabey we could repaint the walls a bright pink color, and refurnish the apartment with a new gold colored rug, and add some Japanese lanterns, and put repaint the ceiling a bright gold color," imagined Ethel excitedly, "how about that?" Fred slowly turned around to look at Ethel and made a deep frown on his craggy face. "Well what do you think this building is? The Osborne?" said Fred. Fred and Ethel then went to the closed doors of all the other long empty apartments on the fifth floor hallway, and Fred unlocked the doors and checked out all the empty units, the interiors of which looked exactly like 5E. "Well, I see no reason to not open this part of the building for business again, "said Fred as he and Ethel stood at the open doorway of unit 5H, and Fred observed the huge, dusty, grimy and damp spots all around the walls and floor of the unit.

At that moment Fred and Ethel heard the sound of the door of apartment 5A swinging open, way down the hallway. Fred and Ethel both turned and saw the young attractive, blonde haired tenant Nicole Hutchinson walking out of her apartment. Her wavy blonde hair down to her shoulders, she wore a yellow and black colored, short sleeved shirt with pink polka dots and blue shorts and white sneakers. She happened to turn around and noticed Fred and Ethel standing together at the other end of the hallway. "Hiya Mr. and Mrs. Mertz!" greeted Nicole with a wave. Fred and Ethel both waved back. "Hiya Nicole!" greeted Fred. Nicole swung her apartment door shut, locked the door then walked away.

After Nicole had left the hallway completely, Fred and Ethel both turned to each other. "Well I better get to work on hiring a renovator," concluded Fred with a faint smile while looking casually about the hallway. Ethel pushed her lips together. "You want to hire a renovator to fix up the hallway and the apartments?" confirmed Ethel uneasily. "Yeah," grunted Fred. "So which renovators will you get? The ones who charge 2 dollars a job, of the ones who charge 50 cents a job," joked Ethel in a sarcastic tone. Fred made a flustered look at Ethel, then looked all around the long unused apartment hallway. "Some new tenants means more money for us too," countered Fred. "We don't really need the money Fred," said Ethel, "you know as well as I do that we're secretly rich." Fred put a finger to his lips. "Not even Ricky and Lucy are allowed to know that," whispered Fred to Ethel, "I'm getting renovators in here first thing in the morning." Fred swung the door to 5H shut and locked the door. Then he and Ethel walked down the hallway together. Fred's craggy face broke into a wide smile. Fred snapped his fingers as he walked alongside Ethel down the hallway. His eyes twinkling. "I know just whom I'm getting," Fred said, "I'll call up and hire The Ropatis! Those guys can install anything from a porch to a barbecue to a ceiling beam to a new door handle to heck...well...heck to new wall to wall carpeting! To replacing an entire wall! To even enlarging the room!" "Mmmmmhmmmmmmm," affirmed Ethel with a frown, "not to mention The Ropatis are the cheapest." Fred shot an annoyed glance at Ethel as he walked alongside his wife down the hallway. "From what I saw Fred, those apartments and this hallway are going to need a ton more work than just The Ropatis," said Ethel, "you're talking about those monster sized mouldy areas, those giant sized dampy areas, those huge dust patches all over the place! Those giant musty, grimy spots that would scare off a family of ants! I mean c'mon! get real! It'll need more work than just The Ropatis!" Fred turned to look at Ethel with a mean smile as he and his wife sauntered down the hallway. "You may be right Ethel," agreed Fred.

Ethel was on her hands and knees hard at work scrubbing the lower half of the living room wall, of apartment 5E. She pushed the wet, soapy wash rag all about the wall besides the huge, blue pail of soapy water. "Me and my big mouth," sulked Ethel with a big frown on her face.

Ethel vacuumed up the whole floor in apartment 5E. She pushed the light green vacuum cleaner in every direction about the unit.

Ethel stood inside the huge City Council lobby facing the middle aged, blonde haired man standing behind the brown counter in orange walled lobby wearing a black business suit and red and yellow striped tie. Ethel wore a green and purple striped, short sleeved dress and green sandals, and a white crescent hat. People were coming and going all about the City Council building going about their business. Ethel and the blonde haired man behind the counter, both stood there looking over several light blue sheets of paper lying on the counter covered with all kinds of faxed information under some huge diagrams of apartments 5E, 5F, 5G, 5H as well as the half of the apartment hallway the units were located on. Ethel and the blonde haired City Council employee both looked down and studied the brown and black diagrams on the papers with much interest. there were several, large, brown, wooden shelves behind the blonde haired man stacked full of manila folders and papers. Other workers in the City Council were coming and going behind the man. "But that's just not true," argued Ethel as her eyes carefully scanned the information on the papers lying on the counter, "the fifth floor IS open for business! Heck, we've got tenants living in units on the floor! So what kind of game is City Council pulling here?!" The blonde haired man made a bitter smile as he looked from the papers to Ethel and back down to the papers. He sighed. "Well according to what we have on file at City Council here, there exists NO FIFTH FLOOR OF YOUR APARTMENT BUILDING!" The blonde haired employee looked at Ethel, narrowing his blue eyes. Ethel kept looking down at the papers on the counter. She moved the papers about with her hands. "There's big contradictory information here!" exclaimed Ethel," one of these Council records says that there IS A FIFTH FLOOR OF OUR BUILDING but that it was condemned by the city and closed off to the tenants." Ethel tapped her finger on the paper and glared at the blonde haired City Council employee. "So that confirms that THERE IS A FIFTH FLOOR!" said Ethel, "and we were just up there yesterday! So get with it! WHY did you morons close it off and then try to lie and say that our building has no fifth floor?!" The blonde haired man rolled his eyes to the ceiling; "Mrs. Mertz!" said the blonde haired employee as he looked down and made a frustrated stare at Ethel, "we've given you all the facts! As far as City Council is concerned THERE IS NO FIFTH FLOOR OF YOUR APARTMENT BUILDING!" "Sir," insisted Ethel warily, "I'm not trying to be difficult. I just want to know WHY City Council condemned and sealed off half of the hallway on our fifth floor of our apartment building?!" the blonde haired employee just shook his head and looked down at the papers lying on the counter. Ethel refused to let the matter drop. "Well does City Council have any information about the history of the fifth floor of our apartment building?" The blonde haired City Council just shook his head. "NO." "Why not?' "Because according to City Council THERE IS NO FIFTH FLOOR OF YOUR APARTMENT BUILDING!" Ethel made a sharp, angry glance at the ceiling of the City Council building. "You guys are trying to cover something up," said Ethel, "what do you think? You think my husband and I have been owning and living in that apartment building all this time, and boarding real life tenants up in units on the fifth floor but we keep hallucinating that there's a fifth floor? You think Fred and I go to an opium den every night?" "I beg your pardon?" asked the blonde haired City Council employee as he looked at Ethel with his mouth open. Ethel looked down and glared into the face of the City Council employee. "I said, that if this New York City Council staff was on holiday in Hawaii in 1945, then I can well understand why the japs attacked Pearl Harbour!" scolded Ethel. "I suggest you and your husband renovate the yellow brick road next!" snickered the blonde haired City Council employee as Ethel scowled and turned around and stormed out of the City Council building.

Hours later Fred and Ethel both stood together in the hallway on the fifth floor of their apartment building, looking over the entire hallway. The couple stood outside the open doorway of apartment 5H. Fred wore a blue suit with white checkers, and a blue stetson hat and a black bowtie. Inside apartment 5H a small group of men and women wearing gray coveralls and caps were moving all about the unit, either repainting one of the walls, or tearing out part of the wall with some some power tools and replacing it with another wall, or a man was standing on the top of a step ladder while moving a huge, paint roller in both his hands over the ceiling, covering the ceiling in white paint. Fred and Ethel both looked very pleased as they watched the workmen. Fred nodded and made a rough smile. "What did I tell you Ethel," commented Fred happily, "there's no better renovators, nobody more qualified for a massive apartment renovation job, nobody more well trained for apartment renovation than Ropatis!" "Hmmmmmmmmm. And nobody less expensive eitheir," said Ethel, frowning. Fred turned his head and made an annoyed look at his wife, then he turned his head and looked back at the renovators inside the apartment. "I hope they can bother with putting in sinks and showers in the apartment, "added Ethel. Fred made another annoyed glance at his wife. Ethel shook her head and frowned. "It would be very uncomfortable for the tenants if they had to wash from water bottles like indians everyday," said Ethel. Fred shot yet another annoyed glance at Ethel.

Suddenly there was a loud, weird, moaning sound from inside the apartment! All the renovators stopped what they were doing and looked curiously about themselves. Fred and Ethel looked uneasily about themselves. "What was that?" asked Fred. Fred and Ethel both just shrugged. A minute there the renovators went back to their work in the apartment. The entire long abandoned unit was now strewn with lots of huge paint cans, and piles of power tools lying about the paint stained floor everywhere, and five step ladders. Then, the loud, weird, moaning sound started up again! It lasted for about five minutes then stopped. The renovators all stopped what they were doing and looked fearfully about themselves as did Fred and Ethel. "What is that?!" said Fred as he looked nervously about the apartment, "sounds like loud moaning?" Ethel nodded in affirmation and folded her arms over her breasts. She looked fearfully about the unit. Fred slowly looked worriedly up at the ceiling. The loud, weird, moaning sound started up again. Everyone just stood there quietly looking with fear all about the unit. Fred and Ethel just stood quietly in the open doorway of apartment 5H, wide eyed with fear. The weird, loud moaning would start up again, last for a few minutes then end, then start up again, then end, then start up again then end. "Always that crazy moaning sound, "described Fred as he kept turning his head and glancing uneasily all about the interior of unit 5H. "That loud moaning sound, "said Ethel, "hmmmmmmmmm. You don't suppose it's the Courtland couple in 5B again, with one of their group..." "Uh Ethel," Fred interrupted with his hand up in front of Ethel. The weird, loud moaning sound resounded yet again! The chilling sound echoed all about the unit of apartment 5H for fifteen minutes then stopped. Everyone just stood there looking with fear all about their surroundings. After twenty minutes or so, it was clear that the sounds wouldn't start up again and the renovators went back to work. Ethel and Fred just stood in the open doorway watching the renovators. "Well that was odd," said Fred nervously. "Thank you Captain Obvious," joked Ethel.

A short time later Ethel was back in the lobby of the City Council building talking to the same blonde haired City Council employee standing behind the counter, with the same papers containing all the diagrams and information about the fifth floor of her apartment building, only this time Fred was with her standing in front of the same counter. Fred glared at the City Council employee facing him from behind the counter. "Listen Mac," chewed out Fred as he stabbed his finger down on the diagrams of the fifth floor of his apartment building, "HOW can City Council now say that there's no fifth floor of our apartment building?! It's stated right here on your imaginary papers that there's a fifth floor! We have tenants up there!? Where do you think we get the rent money from? The Easter Bunny?" "We just want to know WHY City Council condemned half of the fifth floor of our apartment building, and now is pretending that there is no fifth floor," said Ethel in frustration, "I suppose we must be going down to the print store everyday and running off phony rent payment bill statements from tenants on the pretend fifth floor!" Ethel then slowly waved her hands about herself. "You're right there is no fifth floor!" said Ethel sarcastically, "Fred and I and the tenants walk up to the outside of the building all the time using a seventy foot ladder! We borrowed it from Son of Kong!" The blonde haired City Council employee just stood there looking at the Mertzes with a what-can-I-say look on his face. "Well I'd love to help Mr. and Mrs. Mertzes, really I would, but according to City Council files and records there is no fifth floor on your apartment building! And I go by what either my superiors or what the City Council files and records tell me." "Well what if your superiors told you that you had to eat your dinner in the park from a trash can from now on," joked Fred as he glared at the blonde haired City Council employee, "would you do that too?' "I'm sorry Mr. Mertz," answered the blonde haired City Council. Ethel turned her back on the City Council employee and raised her hands in frustration to her face. "We're not getting anywhere with this," said Ethel with a disappointed sigh, "City Council has no answer why they condemned the fifth floor of our apartment building. Next time we'll give him a much, much, much, much much, more easier question like why did the dinosaurs all become extinct?" "Thanks for your non help," gruffed Fred. "Anytime Mr. Mertz," replied the blonde haired City Council employee. But Fred STILL wouldn't let the matter rest. "Does City Council have any information regarding the history of the fifth floor of our apartment building?" asked Fred. "None," said the blond haired employee, "I checked completely and there is no information on file about the history of your apartment building. Mabey you'll be pleased to know that I personally asked for explicit permission from my superiors to check, and that there is NO information on file about the history of your apartment building. Fifth floor or otherwise." Ethel turned around to face the blonde haired City Council employee in annoyance. "Wow," said Ethel, "you sure need a lot of permission from your superiors to do your duties. Next you'll be asking for superiors's authortization to get a drink of water." Fred looked down at the papers lying on the counter and studied the City Council information on the papers. He then ran his finger over the information. All the while people kept walking to and from the lobby of the City Council building going about their business, behind Fred and Ethel. "Hey, not only is City Council now lying about there not being a fifth floor of our apartment building, but City Council didn't even get known facts about our building right!" observed Fred as his eyes scanned the information on the papers lying on the counter in front of him, "you genius City Council people didn't even get the address of our apartment building right! City Council even got common knowledge about our apartment building all wrong! City Council didn't get the info about the location of our apartment building right at all!" "You mean we got the street your building is situated upon all wrong?" asked the blonde haired City Council employee. "I mean that if this City Council information was correct, then our apartment building would be in the middle of the East River!" revealed Fred. The blonde haired City Council employee sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "I guess I'd be right in assuming that you never applied to Mensa, wouldn't I?" Ethel asked the blonde haired City Council employee, in a smart ass kind of way, "well we won't bother keeping on talking to this man Fred. No doubt he's soon finishing up his high school work experience day here anyways. Let's go Fred." With that Ethel and Fred turned their backs on the blond haired City Council employee and walked out of the City Council building together, with Fred bumping into every person that walked past him. Ethel turned her head and eyed Fred warily. "That whiskey will do that to you Fred!" Ethel said loudly. All the people in the City Council looked at Fred.

A short time later Fred and Ethel were both walking up the staircase of their apartment. As soon as Ethel wasn't looking, Fred quickly and nervously reached his hand into his pants pocket and whipped another small, light blue colored flask full to the brim of whiskey! Fred uncapped the flask as fast he could and put the flask to his lips. He drank down all the whiskey in one fast swallow. Then he put the now empty whiskey bottle back in his pants pocket. He then noticed Ethel glaring at him as the couple walked up the staircase.

When they reached the top of the staircase at the fifth floor of their apartment building, Fred and Ethel moved quickly down the hallway on the fifth floor towards the group of renovators tirelessly doing their renovation work at the end of the hallway now. There were large, full paint cans situated all about the end of the hall, there were stepladders everywhere, there were large power tools lying about everywhere on the hallway floor. The Ropati Renovation Business work staff were moving all about the hallway wearing their now painted coveralls and caps. Each person was busy tearing out a wall of the hallway and replacing it with another wall, or another worker was vacuuming the hallway floor, or another worker was repainting part of the hallway a brass color. Ethel watched the renovators sternly, and folded her arms over her breasts. "Well, I hope you lot won't decide to make the front porches of the units out of very thin balsa wood, or then use art store watercolor kits to paint the walls, or rebuild the master bedrooms inside the kitchen areas, "Ethel said.

Then, part of the ceiling of the hallway suddenly collapsed right on top of Fred and Ethel knocking the couple to their knees on the floor of their apartment building hallway. Fred and Ethel both slowly stood up, dazed, and completely covered with white plaster. "I'm going to need a shower about now," commented Fred as he and Ethel stood there in the hallway all covered from head to foot in thick white plaster from the ceiling, "that is unless I want to spend the day looking like The Return of The Mummy!' "That's what you get for hiring Ropati Cheapest Renovation Business!" scolded Ethel as she stood there covered completely in white plaster, "one day your cheapness is really going to get you! I hope your renovators aren't planning to redesign the fire escapes using paper mache next!" complained Ethel. At that moment, more huge chunks of white plaster fell down from the ceiling onto Ethel, covering her even more in white plaster.

A short time later Fred and Ethel both sat at the kitchen table in their apartment. Fred was wearing a short sleeved white and blue checkered flannel shirt, while Ethel wore a sleeveless brown and black colored dress with white zigzags all over the material. Both Fred and Ethel were drinking small white cups of coffee at the brown, wooden, circular kitchen table. Suddenly, Ethel looked up from table at Fred who sat across from her at the table. "Oh Fred, I almost forgot to tell you, but my cousin Randolph is coming over to visit next week Thursday, "informed Ethel in between sips of her black coffee. Fred took a sip of his coffee then his craggy face made a reluctant, disapproval expression. He put down his coffee cup and ran his hand over his face. "Oh no!" said Fred, "NOT RANDOLPH! You know how much I despise the guy! The number one jerk of your family!" Ethel took two more sips of her coffee. "I know you've got problems with Randolph but he really wants to visit, and you know I haven't got the heart to turn down family, "replied Ethel. Fred sighed and picked up his small white coffee and took more sips of the steaming, hot coffee. "Well mabey it will be bearable, "said Fred in between sips, "just as long as he doesn't ask me for money." "Uh oh," said Ethel as she put down her coffee cup on the table, "well mabey it won't be that much," muttered Ethel quietly.

Later Fred and Ethel were both walking up the staircase in their apartment building once again, once again walking up to the fifth floor. Ethel walked at the left side of Fred. Once again, as soon as Fred noticed that Ethel was looking the other way, Fred pulled out a small, light blue flask of whiskey, uncapped the flask, and drank down the purple liquid in one gulp, emptying the entire flask. Then as he was putting the empty flask back into his pants pocket, he noticed Ethel glaring at him. Fred's craggy face turned red and his face creased into a frown. "She must think I been hiding flasks in the chandeliers all over the building, " whispered Fred to himself.

Fred and Ethel were both in the hallway on the fifth floor later that afternoon, again watching the Ropati Renovation Business, busy at work in the hallway. Suddenly there was yet another of those long, loud, weird, wailing, moaning sounds everyone had heard earlier! Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned their heads looking with fear and confusion and curiosity about themselves in the hallway. This time Fred and Ethel both fearfully went into each other's arms, and embraced each other. All the renovators and Fred and Ethel just stood there wide eyed with fear at the sound of the weird, ghostly moaning. This time the moaning just went on and on and on raising in pitch. Fred and Ethel just stood shaking with fear, and embracing each other ever more tightly. "Wha, wha, wha, wha, wha, wha is that?!" wondered Ethel as her teeth chattered and her whole body shook, and she was wide eyed with fear and she looked all about the hallway. "I, I, I, I don, don, don't know!" answered Fred in a frightened tone of voice. A scared bunny expression on his craggy face. "The, the, there's something wrong with the fi, fi, fi, fifth floor!" stammered Ethel with her body shaking and her teeth chattering, wide eyed with fear, "we, we, we, uh, we ha, ha, ha, ha, ha have to find ou, ou, out what!" Fred just nodded as his whole body shook and he and Ethel clutched each other more closer than ever. "You want us to go back to City Council again?" asked Fred. The weird moaning got very loud and echoed all about the hallway then stopped. Fred, Ethel and each one of the renovators all went running about in fear, waving their arms and screaming in all different directions about the hallway!

Ethel awoke with a start in her bed! She just sat there shaking in fear while she sat in bed in the pitch dark bedroom. Her second husband Travis still sound asleep in the bed right next to her. She then lay back down, turned over on her right side and was soon fast asleep again. Once asleep, her mind raced back in time twenty years plus back...

TWO-

Later that night, Fred and Ethel Mertz and Ken Spencer all walked slowly together down the fifth floor hallway of the Mertz apartment building. The three observed the part renovated area: the power tools were still lying all about the floor, the step ladders were still there, the huge, full paint cans were still situated about the hallway, there were gigantic sized holes in the walls done by the renovators and just left there. Ken Spencer was a sixty something year old man with short gray hair, clean shaven and wearing a gray business suit and black tie and carrying a gray briefcase by the handle in his right hand. As the three walked all around the hallway together, it suddenly got very very cold. Fred and Ethel and Ken could all see their breaths. The three began shivering from the intense cold. "There be a lot of massive cold spots all about this hallway," noticed Ken in a thick Scottish accent as he slowly looked around and examined the entire hallway, "cold spots be the top indicator for spirit activity." "Well why do you think we asked a psychic investigator to come and have a looksie," said Fred as he shivered from the sudden extreme coldness in the hallway, his teeth chattering, and he folded his arms about himself, "why do you think we asked you to come? I hear you're one of the top paranormal investigators in New York." Ken dropped his briefcase down on the hallway floor. Ken reached into his left pants pocket with one hand and pulled out a brightly colored, large, folded up sheet of paper, with one hand, and a small, green plastic box from his other pants pocket with his other hand. He crouched down and set the box on the floor. Then he took off the lid of the box. the box was full of thumb tacks. He took out some thumb tacks with his other hand. He unfolded the large sheet of paper to reveal a giant sized poster-photo of himself facing the camera and wearing the exact same gray business suit. Along the bottom of the poster were the words-in big, bright, orange, block, capital letters-KEN SPENCER: NEW YORK'S TOP OCCULT INVESTIGATOR! Ken stuck the huge poster on the left wall of the hallway with the thumb tacks. "And also he's one of the cheapest, "Ethel reminded Fred as she stood leaning against one of the walls in the apartment building hallway and shivering from the intense cold all around her. Ken stood between Fred and Ethel looking all around himself, carefully studying every part of the fifth floor hallway. "Well what can you tell us?" Fred asked Ken. Ken just kept looking all about the hallway surrounding. "Well I can tell you right off what be the unknown force in this hallway," Ken offered in his thick, lilting Scottish accent, "the hallway is inhabited by a poltergeist!" "A what?" asked Fred curiously, as he looked directly at the Scottish investigator. He could see his icy breath right in front of himself. "What's a poltergeist?" asked Ethel as she pushed her eyebrows together and frowned. Ken just stood there staring into space. "A poltergeist is not a spirit, but a dangerous force of energy, "Ken told his clients in his strong Scottish accent, "a force of powerful psychic energy that is unleashed from human psyche! A mind force that emerges from deep within the subconscious, studied by Freud. Have you ever studied the works of one of the greatest fathers of modern scientific study and modern medicine and the doctor who gave rise to all of our known concepts and valid theories and practices and experimentations of modern psychiatry and psychology, Freud Mr. Mertz?" asked Ken slowly turning his head to look at Fred. "Sort of. I impersonated him once in a vaudeville clown act," answered Fred, "It that what you mean?" "Freud, Mr. Mertz was the pioneer of psychiatry who first observed the deeper recesses of the human mind, "replied Ken Spencer in his strong Scottish accent, "his theories regarding as such, was that the human mind was capable of far more than it often does. Including unleashing a deadly psychic power. One of which now dominates your hallway Mr. Mertz." "Well how does this...uh...poltergeist...get released?" questioned Ethel as she shivered from all the large, intense cold spots on the fifth floor hallway. The Scottish psychic investigator turned his head and stared directly at Ethel. "It gets brought out usually by an powerful trauma of some kind, "said Ken in his strong Scottish accent, "have either you or your husband experienced any as such lately? A trauma my dear?" Then he turned his head and looked at Fred. "Or you Mr. Mertz?" "Well the other night I lost a poker game" said Fred. Ken Spencer reached into his pants pocket and pulled a large, plastic headband. He pressed a tiny button on the headband, the plastic headband began glowing bright green. Ken slid the plastic glowing green headband on his head.

Suddenly there was another loud, weird moaning sound and a huge hole was then punched into the wall near the left side of Ethel's head! Ethel screamed and darted across the hallway over to Fred where she looked with fear at the newly made, huge hole in the wall and put her arms around Fred. Both Fred and Ethel shook with fear! Wide eyed! Scared! Ken Spencer remained emotionless however and simply observed the newly made hole punched in the wall of the hallway with the look and demeaner of a good paranormal investigator. Then the loud, moaning sound started up again and yet another giant sized hole was punched in the wall by unseen hands, just below the first hole! Fred and Ethel both shouted in fear! Ethel jumped up into Fred's arms who now was actually holding her! "You're too heavy Ethel!" grunted Fred between grit teeth as he struggled to hold the weight of his wife. Then he fell backwards onto the floor of the hallway, right on his back. The loud moaning stopped. Ken Spencer just stood there in front of the giant sized hole in the wall, carefully observing the phenomena. "Interesting, "he said at last in his strong Scottish accent, "a kind of telekinetic force from the depths of the subconscious mind, capable of intense power! Capable of causing harm and destruction to anything in it's path! Everyone in the building, well at least on the fifth floor of your apartment building, could be in great danger from this uncontrolled psychic energy thing! It could destroy everything in it's path!" "Just as long as Ethel's cousin Randolph isn't here yet," said Fred as he and Ethel both slowly stood up. Ken Spencer had a lost in thought expression on his face. "There are other kinds of strong emotions that can manifest poltergeist activity, "lectured the investigator in his thick Scottish accent, "like if say you Mr. and Mrs. Mertz are having...uh...a problem in a specific area of your lives." Ethel pursed her lips and turned to look at Fred. "I'm not sure Fred even knows how anymore," Ethel told Ken with a chuckle. Fred shot an annoyed look at Ethel.

Then, two of the other tenants-a tall, middle aged man with short dark hair and wearing a short sleeved, blue shirt and blue jeans and black shoes, accompanied by a younger woman with short dark hair and wearing a short sleeved purple dress and purple sandals, came walking into the hallway from the staircase and looked fast at Ken, Fred and Ethel. "Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Mertz, "greeted the couple as they stepped into the hallway and walked up to the closed door of apartment 5C. Fred, Ethel and Ken all turned their heads and looked at the couple. "Good evening Mr. and Mrs. Pitches, "greeted Fred and Ethel. The Pitches couple just stood there for a moment looking at Ken. "Say aren't you Ken Spencer?" Mr. Pitches said with recognition as he looked over Ken Spencer. Ken Spencer smiled and said in his strong scottish accent: "Yea indeed I 'am." Fred nodded and smiled. "He's a top paranormal investigator in his field, " Fred introduced with a diamond in the rough smile, "this guy has really helped us out alot tonight! This guy is an expert in the field of psychic research alright!" "You were talked about on that one radio show, THE BIGGEST PSYCHIC FRAUDS IN NEW YORK!" confessed Mr. Pitches as he looked at Ken Spencer. Both Fred and Ethel shot surprised looks at Ken Spencer. Mr. Pitches just stood there nodding. "They said on that radio show that almost every kind of info you give to a client is just bull..." "Goodnight Mr. and Mrs. Pitches!" Fred interrupted loudly, with sour grin on his face, while waving. Mr. and Mrs. Pitches just shook their heads, turned to face the door of their apartment, Mr. Pitches got out his set of keys, unlocked the door to his apartment, opened the door, and the couple walked into the apartment and shut the door behind them.

Fred and Ethel then turned their heads and glared at Ken Spencer. Both Fred and Ethel put their fists on their hips as they looked at the Scottish 'psychic investigator'. Ken just shrugged his shoulders and turned his body around and grinned at both Fred and Ethel. "Hey look Mr. and Mrs. Mertz," spoke Ken in his strong Scottish accent, "I'm not exactly a fraud. Not exactly. Not in the way you think." "Mmmmmmhmmmm," said Ethel, "in the same way that Benedict Arnold wasn't exactly a traitor." "Look let me explain," defended Ken Spencer in his strong Scottish accent, "I have a degree in psychology. I couldn't afford to pay for another degree in parapsychology." "And no doubt he didn't want to do student loans, because who wants to have big student loans hanging over his head, and he was too embarrassed to borrow money from his parents," said Ethel in a sarcastic tone, "after all what parent is going to think that their kid has a great and promising future checking out grave yards and haunted houses!" "And I'm interested in the occult. And I was interested enough to open a business as such to help out clients with problems relating to the occult. It's that I don't know what the heck I'm doing!" Fred and Ethel both looked sideways at Ken Spencer. "You see I consider myself a student of the occult or the paranormal, not an expert, "explained Ken Spencer, "so I go out on these cases as a student. A sixty year old student. I'm a sixty year old student and the occult is my classroom. I'm a sixty year old learner in the paranormal classroom." "The world's oldest teenager," said Ethel. "I go out with the aim to learn things about paranormal phenomena," said Ken Spencer, "a lot of people always get letdown when they find out I'm no expert and I don't know what the heck I'm doing. But, I'm always learning from these experiences and cases I go on. So that one day I will have gained enough in the field knowledge to really call myself an expert. So I have no idea what's going on in your apartment building! I call my private occult investigative business-The Kabbalah but even that word I have no idea what it means. I'm still learning. Goodnight!" With that Ken turned away from Fred and Ethel, he pulled the giant sized full color poster of himself off the wall, and neatly folded it up again and put it back in his pants pocket. Then he walked down the hallway towards the top of the staircase at the end of the hallway, turned and walked down the stairs and out of sight.

Suddenly, the loud, weird moaning sounds started up again all about the apartment building hallway! Fred and Ethel both ran around the hallway shouting in fear! Wide eyed scared! And at one point even bumped into each other as their bodies shook with fright, as they were running about the hallway in complete fear. Several more huge holes were punched in the walls of the hallway by unseen hands. Then a large, white, spectral form appeared and glided all about the hallway in all different directions. Fred and Ethel were both running all about the hallway, shouting, waving their arms, wide eyed with fear. "It's shame that Ken Spencer couldn't save us from whatever ghostly horror from the occult realm, that now haunts our apartment building!" said Ethel in a scared tone while running about the hallway and waving her arms. Her icy breath showing. "Well, at least he didn't ask me to send him the bill!" said Fred. "How could you hire a guy who passes himself off as a paranormal expert, but is really just a novice student who doesn't really know much about the occult?" bitched Ethel to her husband. "Well the guy's CV and references and advertising profiles ALL listed him as one of the biggest experts on the occult around today! That he was the top, highest ranking occult expert ever born, who had worked on hundreds of cases! How was I to know that in reality he doesn't know what the heck he's talking about!?" argued Fred.

At that moment Fred and Ethel both tripped and fell together into one of the giant sized holes in the walls of the hallway. "So that's where I lost my engagement ring!" Fred's voice said in the darkness. Ethel screamed...

Ethel woke up again with a start in her bed. She sat up shaking in fear. She then lay back down on the bed and went back into deep sleep. Her mind then raced back in time again...

Fred and Ethel both walked slowly and carefully down the hallway once again on their fifth floor apartment building. Fred and Ethel were now accompanied a fifty something year old man wearing a black business suit and black bowtie, a gray beard, horn rimmed glasses and wearing a yellow stetson hat. The man looked all around himself and slowly raised his hands in front of himself, while going into a trance of some kind. "Well everything that Spencer fellow told you was a load of owl wings," chuckled the man as he went further into his trance, "there is no poltergeist here! What I sense is the hurt spirit of a man who's heart was broken." Fred and Ethel both looked stead fast at each other, then looked at the man. "Mr. Timbov, "Ethel addressed the man as she stood at the man's left looking at him, while Fred stood at the man's right also looking at him, "Mr. Timbov, my husband and I throughly checked out your background, qualifications so we know that you're the real article. Since you're listed as the proven real thing, as far as psychics go, and thus you're much in demand, I'll probably have to pay you with my own money," said Ethel. Fred made an annoyed glance at his wife. "Yeah, a psychic's C.V. lists all the times he's used his crystal ball," joked Fred. ""I see the spirit of a young man who died of a broken heart," said Mr. Timbov as he opened his eyes and looked into space, "this young man lost the girl, the love of his life when they lost touch. His heart was badly shattered! His feelings were hurt beyond repair! And so he died from his lost hope! So sad!" "Uh, when was all this?" probed Fred with a very uneasy look coming over his craggy face. Mr. Timbov was silent for a moment. Then he said:"I feel...a hundred years ago." "There goes looking him up in the white pages," said Ethel. "His restless, heart broken spirit remains in these walls of this part of the hallway," said Mr. Timbov coldly, "his spirit moves from unit to unit only in this part of the hallway, and from unit to unit into this part of the hallway. Ghosts can remain trapped in certain locations as this one is. He lived in a house in this location before this building was built in the location." Fred and Ethel both leaned closer to Mr. Timbov. "So what should we do about this spirit?" Fred asked. Ethel then looked right at Fred. "Why do you ask Fred? Aren't you the one who's supposed to be the expert on spirits?" Ethel joked. Fred shot a frustrated look at Ethel then looked back at Mr. Timbov. "Well I can tell you this," Mr. Timbov said in a cold, eerie kind of way, "this restless, feelings shattered ghost was asleep in the walls of this hallway and you awoke him with your renovation project. I sense that this was a rather cheap renovation done at that, and that if the renovating had been done by a more professional albeit also more expensive team, then the renovating would not have woken up the lovesick, restless spirit that now resides in your apartment building." "So what must we do?" asked Fred. "Knowing Fred, he'll probably not charge him bargain tenant rates," answered Ethel. Fred shot an annoyed glance at Ethel, then looked back at Mr. Timbov again. "You must re renovate this hallway by different renovators, far more professional ones, "advised Mr. Timbov sternly, "only then with a far greater, more expensive, more professional job at re renovating and thus re sealing the holes in this part of the hallway, will the restless spirit be put back to sleep again and remain as such." "You say I have to hire more professional and thus far more expensive renovators to re renovate this hallway to put the restless ghost back to sleep? Uh...can I get back to you on that?" Fred said. Both Mr. Timbov and Ethel both slowly turned their heads to look at Fred.

Suddenly, the huge, white spectral figure appeared and began floating all about the last half of the fifth floor hallway, all about Fred, Ethel and Mr. Timbov. All three went running screaming and waving their arms in fear in all directions about the hallway.

A short time later, Fred and Ethel were again walking into the hallway from the top of the stairs. At that moment, a massive chunk of the left wall of the hallway at the top of the stairs, was torn out by an unseen force. The huge chunk went flying past the front of Fred and Ethel and smashed into the right wall of the hallway at the top of the staircase, with such force that it broke into several tiny pieces. Ethel screamed. Fred was wide eyed with fear. Fred and Ethel stopped moving. Fred stood at the right side of Ethel staring at the monster sized, opened left wall of the hallway. Both Fred and Ethel's bodies shook with fear. The rooftops of other buildings in New York City could be seen from the torn off part of the wall of the hallway. The night air blew in. "I,I, I,I,I,I,I,better...uh..be,be,be,better have Ropati Renovators fill up that hole tomorrow, before we find we we're missing all the fifth floor tenants," said Fred with fear. "Yeah, if, if, if, if, if none of them fall out themselves," stuttered Ethel in a frightened tone.

Fred and Ethel walked off the top staircase and down the hallway of the fifth floor of their apartment building, looking about themselves in fear as they moved. A second later a third person came into view at the top of the staircase, and also walked down the hallway. The third person was a young man of about 32 and wearing a black business suit with a dark blue tie. He carried a huge camera in his left hand. The man was tall with short brown hair and squinty eyes. He had a somewhat round face. The man looked casually about himself. "Uh, where exactly in this hallway was the site of the haunting?" the man asked in a thick Austrian accent. "You have an excellent reputation as a top occult expert and paranormal investigator in either Europe or the United states Dr. Holzer "praised Ethel, "after doing some checking we found out for a fact that you're one of the very top, top, top, very top notch paranormal investigators, "added Ethel. Fred looked warily at Ethel. Ethel looked at Fred. "Don't worry Fred if this top notch, high standing paranormal investigator askes for a fee it will be my treat this time, "assured Ethel. Fred breathed a sigh of relief. Fred and Ethel both pointed straight ahead of themselves. "It was right about here," said Fred, "there were big cold spots before also Dr. Holzer." Ethel nodded. "In making comparisons, this place was like one of those special refrigerators in the liquor stores," said Ethel as she looked at Fred with narrow eyes and a sarcastic grin. Fred shot an annoyed look back at Ethel. "But the cold spots are gone now Dr. Holzer,"Ethel said. Dr. Holzer took his camera and snapped photos of the hallway-click,click,click. "As I understand, your ghost is a tormented, lovelorn soul who misses his long lost love from beyond the decades, and he now completely misses his lost love in this plane of our metaphysical existence?" confirmed Dr. Holzer in his strong Austrian accent. "Uh...well...uh...well...uh...do you think he'd consider a dating service?" asked Fred in a frightened kind of way. Dr. Holzer then took the camera in his left hand, and moved it away from his eyes. "Well it's common amongst ghosts to remain in the same location where they passed away, "the paranormal investigator said in his strong Austrian accent, while studying the hallway, "the spirits end up in some kind of limbo, where they find themselves trapped. Nobody has any reason to be afraid of ghosts really, being that they are really not as fortunate as the ones still amongst the living. The ghosts are often tied to the location by some past event." "Well what can we do about this Dr. Holzer?" asked Fred as he and Ethel both stood looking at Dr. Holzer, hoping for any helpful answers. "Well, what you need to do is set to right, the psychic, afterlife, paranormal entity, tormented soul of the apparition which has stranded himself in the esoteric, mysticism of the metaphysical realm of this site," advised the Austrian paranormal investigator. "Uh, well, Im just trying to figure out how to landlord the building you see," replied Fred confused. "The spirit is caught in a dark vortex of his own psyche and is now stuck in a spiritual metaphysical prison of the unknown between the here and the after life, "described Dr. Holzer in his strong Austrian accent. "In other words, Fred, we have a squatter," said Ethel. Dr. Holzer walked slowly further into the hallway looking very carefully about his surrounding. "You say that there were many other witnesses...uh...not counting Ken Spencer of course," said Dr. Holzer. "Yes all those renovators also saw spooky stuff going on," answered Fred. Dr. Holzer walked slowly and carefully around the hallway. He then reached his hand into his other pants pocket and took out a small notepad and pad. He folded his arms over his chest-balancing the camera in the fold of his arms-while opening up the notepad with both hands and scribbling down notes. "I mean I saw weird stuff and all the renovators saw weird stuff," insisted Ethel, "if it was just Fred who came running into our apartment saying that he saw a ghostly figure or that he saw objects fly around the hallway or that he saw parts of the wall ripped out by themselves, or that he heard disembodied, ghostly voices, or weird wailing noises, I'd just say to him that he's having the DTs again," said Ethel. Fred shot an annoyed glance at his wife then looked back at Dr. Holzer again. Dr. Holzer finished making whatever notes he had to jot down, and stuffed the notepad and the pen back in his pants pocket again, and took the camera in his left hand. The young occult investigator then slowly turned his back on Fred and Ethel and walked down the hallway towards the flight of stairs. "Well I shall wait to see what these developed photos show, " Dr. Holzer said in his thick austrian accent, "often times photographs can show ghosts even if none was visible while I was here. As I understand from several seances I've attended, it's the spirits themselves that are responsible for making themselves visible in the photos. To convince mankind of the existence of the afterlife. So I will decide how next to proceed and be in touch. You might want to also go to City Council to find out more about the history of your apartment building, particularly the fifth floor." "Oh there won't be any trouble there," joked Ethel sarcastically. Dr. Holzer walked to the staircase. "Goodnight," he said and walked down the stairs and out of sight.

Once Dr. Holzer was gone, Fred and Ethel just stood there quietly for a few minutes looking around the hallway.

Then, the large, white, spectral figure appeared again right in front of Fred and Ethel! Fred and Ethel both screamed and ran around in all directions about the hallway, waving their arms, wide eyed with terror, and screaming in fear. At one point Fred accidentally kicked over the full white paint cans, causing the lids of the huge containers to fall off and tons of white paint to spill out all over the floor of the hallway! Fred and Ethel both slipped and slid on the thick pools of white paint on the floor of the hallway. Fred then fainted and fell on his left side on the floor of the hallway. Ethel stopped running and just stood there completely paralyzed in fear, wide eyed with fear, her mouth wide open in fear. Then the power tools and all the paint cans flew all around the hallway around and around! Then the paint cans and power tools all dropped back down onto the floor of the hallway.

Suddenly, the white spectral figure in front of her morphed into the form of a young man with blonde curly hair, and wearing a white buttoned up shirt, a white vest and a black stock tie. The figure wore blue pants and black boots. He walked right in front of Ethel. "Hello my dear, "the man greeted Ethel very politely with a slight raise of his hand, "I'am the haunter, the inhabitant of this hallway in your building. How do you do?" Ethel just stood there in fear with her mouth wide open. Her eyes wide open. "I must confess my dear that though I be eternally tortured with a broken heart by losing the love of my life, I must say my dear that I have noticed you quite clearly. " Ethel just stood there silently with her mouth and eyes wide open. "I would love for you to join me forever in my eternal realm of the never never area, " said the ghost. "The never never area? Uh...mabey you should call Peter Pan," said Ethel in a frightened voice. "Well I want to take you with me my dear," said the ghost, "but what I'd ask of you..." The ghost leaned his tall, human form over and whispered something in Ethel's ear. Ethel's face broke into a wide smile at first, but then as the ghost continued with whatever he was saying in the long whisper, Ethel's face cringed in a mixture of surprise and disgust. The ghost then slowly faded in front of Ethel. Ethel just stood there in fear, unable to move. "Ghosts obviously have no idea how expensive motel prices can be," said Ethel in a scared tone of voice to her self and a blank stare, "and Fred certainly wouldn't spring for that!"

Ethel's hair all stood up and became wilder and frizzier. Her eyes went into a deep trance. "From the nether realm between the after life and the earth plane, I exist! My existence is hurt and heart broken by my never having had my now lost love!"Ethel spoke loudly in a much deeper tone of her voice, "I desire also the woman Ethel Mertz I now inhabit! I shall leave the body now to continue my search in eternity for my lost love, but the woman Ethel Mertz shall remain under my control! I can keep on putting the thoughts in her mind that she and I want each other!"

Ethel's hair became wilder and even more frizzier, as Ethel stood there in a trance state rocking her body slowly from side to side with her arms slowly raising outwards. She then slowly turned around and slowly walked across the fifth floor hallway towards the staircase in front of her. Ethel walked slowly down the staircase with her arms outwards, and a blank stare in her eyes. As she walked down the stairs, the apartment tenant Nicole Hutchinson came walking up the stairs in a short sleeved brown and yellow colored dress and blue sandals, and immediately took notice of and smiled cheerfully at Ethel. "Good evening Mrs. Mertz," greeted Nicole with a warm smile, "lovely night out." "I desire to feel Lingle's arms about me! His arms around me! Now for all eternity now and forever more in the golden heavens," replied Ethel with a totally blank, trance like stare, and her arms outwards. Nicole Hutchinson gave Ethel a weird, confused sideways look, as she kept on walking up the stairs, passing Ethel, and then quickening her pace up the staircase. Ethel then took out a small, light blue flask of whiskey from a pocket at her left hip. She briskly uncapped the whiskey flask, put the container to her lips and drank down all the whiskey in one gulp! Then she dropped the empty flask down on the stairs.

Ethel reached the bottom of the staircase at the floor where her own apartment was situated on. She walked slowly down the hall towards the closed door of her apartment, with her hair all wild and messy and standing up. Ethel slowly opened the door to her own apartment and walked inside. She left the door open behind her. She walked slowly through her living room in her apartment. The walls were covered with light blue wallpaper. She walked past the new dark green sofa in the living room, that Fred and she had just bought at a flea market. She moved slowly towards the brown telephone on the small, circular, brown coffee table situated at the left side of the sofa. She bent down under the coffee table and took a thick yellow pages with both hands. She gently and slowly set the yellow pages down on the coffee table, opened the telephone directory and began slowly flipping through the pages. When she came to the part she wanted, Ethel then took the telephone, in both hands and slowly dialed a number. She slowly put the phone receiver to her mouth in a strange, awkward, weird kind of way. "Hello?" a woman's voice came out of the phone, "It's the Hotel Edison" "I'd like to know what you charge for a room per night," Ethel chuckling with a naughty expression on her face despite her still spaced out, trance look in her eyes, "how much especially for one with a double bed? My lover Lingle and I want a room with a double! Hahahahaah!" Ethel snickered and nodded her head in a very fast motion over and over again. Then, all at once, Ethel's face cringed and strained and her whole body strained! She dropped the telephone. She writhed and struggled her entire body for a few minutes! Then her hair went back to normal and her eyes looked normal again. The trance, blank look in her eyes was gone! Ethel sighed with relief, as she stood there taking deep breaths. "Wow you sure can't wait can you?" the woman's voice said out of the telephone with a chuckle. Ethel leaned over the coffee table and her face made a glad smile. "I managed to shake him off and get back control," said Ethel, "I managed to shake him off! I managed to shake him off! Too bad I didn't do the same thing with Fred on our honeymoon. But I was no doubt under the entity's psychic astral power when I made that call to the hotel. Also I'm probably drunk!"

Then two women came rushing into the apartment through the opened doorway. One woman was tall, middle aged, with long gray hair and was wearing a bathrobe, while the other woman was plump, about thirty with short brown hair and wearing a short sleeved orange and blue and green colored shirt and blue slacks and black boots. Both women looking very concerned at Ethel as they both dashed into her apartment. "Oh my Ethel!" said the plump woman, "we just found Fred outside our apartments! He told us there was something very bad going on! Are you alright!?" "Fred was was out cold when we found him!" said the tall, gray haired woman,"he said there was a catastrophe on the fifth floor and that you escaped! What's going on honey?! Are you alright!" "Hey, how long are you and your lover Lingle, be wanting the room and double bed in the hotel for?" the woman's voice asked with a chuckle from the telephone receiver lying on the floor of the apartment. The two women both slowly turned their heads and looked sideways at Ethel, who just stood there looking down at the telephone.

Ethel awoke with a start. She sat up in her bed. Her second husband Travis was still sound asleep in the bed, lying on his right side. Ethel got up out of the bed and walked out of her dark room and down the dark hallway on her house. As she slowly walked, she flipped on a light switch in the hallway. The large living room alcoved off the white hallway was partly lighted, showing a large, brown, circular coffee table standing near the entrance to the living room, displaying full color framed photographs of Lucy, Ricky, Ethel, and Travis standing upright on the coffee. In one of the large photos, was a two short of Lucy and Ricky standing facing the camera. In that photo the sixty something year old Lucy was standing at the left wearing a short sleeved blue dress covering with bright sequins-her long red and gray hair falling to her shoulders- while Ricky stood besides her wearing a white tuxedo. In the large, full color photo, Ricky had long gray hair and a beard. The couple stood against a red backdrop. In the next large, full color photo situated behind that photo of Lucy and Ricky was a two shot photo of Ethel and Travis standing side by side together. In that picture, the sixty something year old Ethel wore a short sleeved gray dress, her gray hair tied in a bun, while Travis stood at the right side of her wearing a black tuxedo and black bowtie. A big grin creasing his sixty year old his face. His wavy brown hair down to his shoulders. The couple stood against a white backdrop.

Ethel walked into the dark kitchen. She went to the sink and took a glass, turned on faucet and poured herself a tall glass of water. She drank down the water. She put the empty glass back down on the kitchen counter and then slowly turned around and walked out of the kitchen, down the hallway and back into her bedroom. She crawled back into bed, lay on her back and was soon fast asleep again. Her mind then raced back down through the years to 1952 again...

THREE-

Ethel and Fred were both showing the young couple all around the hallway of the fifth floor of their apartment building. Ethel wore a short sleeved white shirt with gray circles and wavy lines on the material and black shorts and black boots, while Fred wore a blue business suit and tie and blue Stetson hat. The young couple walked slowly behind them slowly looking all around the hallway. The woman had long dark hair and wore a short sleeved dark blue dress and dark blue sandals, and several silver necklaces, while the dark haired man walking besides her wore a tan business suit and tan stetson hat. Fred and Ethel both had somewhat naughty looking grins on their faces, as they showed the young couple all about the half renovated hallway. "Your unit is just up here," said Fred with a sly grin as he turned his head to look back at the couple.

Then the loud, weird, moaning sound started up and echoed all about the hallway, then stopped after a second. Fred and Ethel both looked at each other, and the young couple both looked unnerved all about the hallway, looking for some clue as to the source of the noise. "What was that?!" asked the young woman. The loud, moaning sound started again and echoed about the hallway. The young couple looked all about themselves, surprised. "What was that?!" the young man asked this time. "Uh...it's nothing," lied Fred with a sly grin, "nothing at all. It's...uh...the building just needs some renovation that's all!

The next week Fred and Ethel were both showing yet another young couple all around the half renovated hallway of the fifth floor of their apartment building. Ethel wore a short sleeved orange dress covered with large pictures of blue daffodils, while Fred wore a dark red business suit and white Stetson hat, and white tie. The young couple slowly walking behind them glanced with curiosity about themselves in their new surroundings. The young woman had curly blonde hair and wore short sleeved brown shirt and black pants and white sneakers, while the white haired young man walking besides her wore a white tee shirt and blue corduroy pants and brown boots. Fred and Ethel both walked slowly around the hallway, leading the young couple with lopsided grins on their faces. "Your apartment 5J, is just right around here, "said Fred as the the young couple walked behind him and Ethel.

Suddenly, the loud, weird, moaning sounds started up and echoed all about the fifth floor hallway! The young couple quickly and worriedly looked all around themselves. "What was that!" the young blonde haired woman asked in a frightened tone. The loud, weird moaning stopped again after a second. "What the heck was that?!" the young man now wanted to know as he looked all about the hallway nervously. Fred and Ethel just looked at each other, then turned their heads and looked at the young couple standing behind them in the fifth floor hallway of their apartment building. "Uh...it's nothing," lied Fred, "uh...the building needs more renovations...and...uh...the wind blowing against the building...uh...makes that sound. yeah. That's it. C'mon! We'l show you your apartment..." Fred was cut off by the sound of the loud, weird, moaning echoing all about the hallway! The young couple both looked uneasily about themselves. "It's...uh...just the wind, "assured Fred with a crooked grin on his craggy face, "you know...uh...these tall building are targets for strong wind currents! That's all. C'mon!"

A week later, Fred and Ethel were both showing a middle aged man all about the fifth floor hallway of their apartment building. Ethel wore a brown, long sleeved dress and gray shoes, while Fred wore a black business suit and gray Stetson hat, and black tie. The middle aged man walking slowly behind Fred and Ethel wore a dark blue business suit and a blue Stetson hat. He had a thick red beard and horn rimmed glasses. Fred and Ethel both slowly led the man down the hallway with somewhat naughty grins on their faces. "Well I hope you like it," said Fred as he waved his arm about the half renovated hallway with a big grin on his face, "I'm sure you find the rent reasonable." The red haired man just smiled and nodded. "Yes the rent is ok, "he said as he casually looked about the hallway, "well show me my new apartment." "Right this way," offered Fred with a big grin creasing his craggy face.

Then all at once, the loud, weird, ghostly moaning sounds started up again! The sounds lasted for a minute then ended. The man with the thick red beard looked warily all about himself. "What as that?" he asked. Fred and Ethel both turned to face each other. They turned their heads and looked at the bearded man then looked back at each other again. Fred sighed. "Well here we go again, "said Fred.

A short time later Ethel stood in her apartment talking on the telephone situated on the coffee table. She held the receiver in her left ear. "We're having a great time in Los Angeles!" Lucy's voice said out of the phone receiver, "Ricky and I are going to the beach in an hour." "Good I'm glad," Ethel said to Lucy, "I hope Ricky is all prepared for his audition at the Teddy Bear Club." "I've been practicing every morning!" Ricky's voice came in from behind Lucy on the telephone receiver, "I've got every confidence." "Ricky will make it for sure!" exclaimed Lucy's happy voice over the phone. "I'm glad you and Ricky are having a good time," Ethel said.

There was a knock on the front door of the apartment. "Hey Luce, someone's at the door, I'll catch you later. Bye bye," Ethel said. Then she hung up. Fred came walking into the living room as the knocking on the front door increased in rapidity. Ethel joined him. Fred opened the door. There were two uniformed police officers standing in the opened apartment doorway. One man was tall, with short dark hair and the other man was squat with long blonde hair. "Mr. and Mrs. Mertz?" the blonde haired policeman said. "Yes," answered Fred with a puzzled look on his face. "I'm Officer Clarity and this is my partner Officer Knowles, "introduced the blonde haired policeman, "Mr. Mertz we're called here by a couple of your tenants up on the fifth floor who complained about loud, weird sounds and someone trying repeatedly to bash in the front doors of their apartments," the blonde haired policeman explained, "we also spoke to a Dr. Hans Holzer. Your apartment building is haunted we understand?" Fred and Ethel both made long sighs. "What's this about officer?" Ethel asked. "Well Mr. and Mrs. Mertz, we understand that despite your full knowledge of dangerous paranormal things going on on the fifth floor of your apartment building, that you continue to allow tenants to move in to the units up there?" questioned the blonde haired policeman. "Uh...well...so what?" asked Fred as he looked at the policemen. "Mr. Mertz," said Officer Clarity in a stern tone of voice, "mabey you're unaware of this, but it's actually against the law-at least here in New York-to allow people to move into a dwelling-by either a real estate agent or a landlord-is the agent or the landlord is fully aware of a dangerous entity in said building. very seriously against the law as a matter of fact." Fred just stood there a minute with his jaw dropping. "Look officers, "said Fred nervously, "the tenants are our bread and butter! And the rent money is so good at this time of year in New York, so please...uh..." At that moment the two officers moved towards Fred and Ethel, and turned the couple around and clamped handcuffs on Fred and Ethel's wrists. "Mr. Fred and Ethel Mertz? I'm placing both of you under arrest for severe violation of penal code 3Q in New York law, "Officer Clarity told the surprised couple, "let's go!"

Then Dr. Hans Holzer himself appeared in the doorway behind the two policemen. The young psychic investigator wore a white tee shirt and black pants and black shoes. "Unfortunately for you two, you broke a law by allowing tenants to move into your fifth floor after knowing there was a dangerous entity there," Dr. Holzer spoke in his thick Austrian accent, "you will have to face charges I'm afraid. But I still wish you to keep in contact with me regarding this haunting of your building. This haunting warrants further of my investigation." As the policemen both pulled the handcuffed Fred and Ethel through the open doorway and out of their apartment, Ethel looked fast at Dr. Holzer. "Oh sure Dr. Holzer," she snapped, "I'm sure you'll find our messages on your ouija board answering machine!" "Can the chat and let's go!" ordered Officer Clarity. "Well you sure mucked up things you old coot!" Ethel scolded Fred as the couple were pulled out of their apartment, "good old fat Fred!" "Yeah well your body is like a big bag of door handles!" chuckled Fred.

FOUR

Ethel's cousin Randolph stood inside the wall of the hallway of the fifth floor of the Fred and Ethel's apartment building. Randolph's face looked somewhat like Ethel's and he wore a brown, tweed suit and a black bowtie. Fred and Ethel both stood there filling up the huge hole in the wall of the hallway with thick chunks of plaster and glue. Fred and Ethel both wore white and gray coveralls and white caps. Randolph waved his arms and squirmed in fear as he stood inside the opened wall of the hallway on the fifth floor of the apartment building. His mouth was wide open! He shook his body frantically! "I warned you Randolph what would happen if you ever asked me for money again!" reminded Fred as he and Ethel were filling up the massive hole. "And now the restless spirit will be sealed up in the hallway again and put back to his sleep again!" said Ethel as she helped Fred in putting in more large chunks of white plaster into the huge hole in the wall of the hallway. "PLEASE! LET ME OUT!" Randolph shouted as he shook his body and waved his hands all about himself, "WHY DID YOU LURE ME IN HERE? THEN WHEN I REALIZE I'M COMPLETELY STUCK INSIDE THE WALL YOU'RE BOTH TRAPPING ME IN HERE!? LET ME OUT!"

Then the loud, weird, ghostly moaning sound echoed all about the hallway. Randolph looked about himself, wide eyed with fear. "WHAT'S THAT!?" demanded the frightened Randolph. "It's a problem soon to be fixed!" said Fred as he put in the last, huge, chunk of plaster into the hole in the wall of the hallway, completely covering up Randolph, "you haven't got a ghost of a chance Randolph! Hahahahahaah!" After the hole was completely sealed the loud moaning sounds and Randolph's cries were utterly silenced.

A second later Dr. Hans Holzer walked slowly into the hallway and walked up to Fred and Ethel, who were quickly removing their coveralls. Fred wore his blue business suit and black bowtie under the coveralls, while Ethel wore a green, sleeveless dress and green booties. Dr. Holzer wore a black business suit and carried a brown briefcase in his hands. Fred and Ethel both rubbed their hands together as the couple let their coveralls collapse onto the floor of the hallway. Then they both turned around to face Dr. Holzer. "Ok, the problem is now solved Dr. Holzer," chuckled Fred, "yes sir! The floor is back to normal again!" Dr. Holzer just nodded. "No more with your meta physical, or your divination whatever, or your dybbuks, or your circumambulations, or your parapsychological conceptual thinking, or your hexagrams or your kundalini energy or your magic circles of magical thinking, or whatever other stuff you told us about, I'm back to being a landlord!" concluded Fred broadly. "Yours is not unique," said Dr. Holzer calmly, "there have been many such cases where a home has become infested by disembodied dangerous entity which causes havoc amongst the occupants. In a few cases I have investigated, the hauntings follow patterns of infestations, oppressions, obsessions, then lastly possessions in the homes of the unfortunate occupants." "What do you want me to do? Read up on these cases?" asked Fred. "Mr. Mertz," said Dr. Holzer, "I myself adhere to the belief of the martinist." Fred's craggy face broke into a wide grin. "the martinist you say? I want mine on the rocks right now!" And with that Fred walked past Dr. Holzer out of the hallway.

A short time later Ethel put up a large, full color, framed photograph of Lucy and Ricky both standing together against a blue backdrop, on the back wall of her apartment. In the huge photo, Ricky was standing at the left side of the photo wearing a blue tuxedo and black bowtie and holding a red guitar in both his arms, while in the photo, Lucy stood at the right side of Ricky wearing a white, sleeveless, flowing dress. Her red hair tied up in a bun.

EPILOGUE-

Crowds of people were waling through the white entranceway of the white and orange colored building-The Ricardo Number. The name of the club was illustrated in big, blue, capital block letters along the top front of the club, with a massive, red neon cartoon of a trumpet situated on top of the title, and a dark blue, neon, cartoon image of a bowtie situated just below the letters along the front of the nightclub.

It was very a snowy night in New York City. Lucy, Ethel and Travis were all moving quickly amongst the throngs of people into the Ricardo Number. Lucy and Ethel both wore brown coats and hats, while Travis wore a dark blue winter jacket with his hood on.

Lucy and Ethel and Travis all sat together inside the sparkling white walled club 9the walls were covered with the giant, red, cartoon pictures of tubas and drums all about the interior of the club) watching Ricky Ricardo perform on stage. Lucy, Ethel and Travis had al removed their winter articles as they sat there, amidst the crowd of music fans, watching Ricky dance and sing on stage. Lucy wore a silver, long sleeved dress and several gold bracelets and necklaces. Her long red and gray hair spilled out over her shoulders as she sat there watching her husband's performance on stage. Ethel wore a peach colored, long sleeved dress covered with yellow and purple squiggly lines, while Travis wore a black business suit.

On the white stage, Ricky danced and sung wearing a white tuxedo and white bowtie. He clutched the microphone in his left hand. Behind him all the male bandmembers were dressed the same (the lady band members wore white, long sleeved dresses) as they played their instruments. The words-THE RICARDO NUMBER-were illustrated in bright, blue capital letters along the sides of all the musical instruments. Ricky's long gray hair and beard hung down over his white tuxedo. "BABALU, BABALU!" sung Ricky as he danced, "BABALU AYER! BABALU AYER! YA ESTA EMPEZANDO LOS VELORIOS. QUE LE HACEMOS A BABALU! TRAEME 17 VELAS! PA PONERIA EN CRUZ! Y TRAEME UN CABO DE TABACO MAYEYE! Y UN JARRITO DE AGUARDIENTE! Y TRAEME UN POCO DE DINERO MAYEYE! PA QUE NOS DE LA SUERTE! YO QUIERO PEDIR! QUEE MI NEGRA ME QUIERA. QUE TENGA DINERO! PA QUE NO SE MUERA! Y YO LE QUIERO PEDIR A BABALU! UNA NEGRA, UNA NENA COMO TU! QUE NO TENGA OTRO NEGRO! PA QUE NO SE FUERA!

Sometime later, Ricky donned a white cowboy hat while standing on the stage. His left hand still held the microphone. "And now ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you that haunting, western classic by a good friend of mine, the late Stan Jones," Ricky said to the audience with a big grin on his gray bearded face, "Ghost Riders In The Sky! Take it!"

The band behind Ricky went into a country western melody. Each of the band memebers put on a dark blue cowboy hat. "AN OLD COWBOY WENT RIDING OUT!" Ricky sung in a southern american accent, "ONE DARK AND WINDY DAY! UPON A RIDGE HE RESTED! AS HE WENT ALONG HIS WAY! WHEN ALL AT ONCE A MIGHTY HERD OF RED EYED COWS HE SAW! PLOWIN THROUGH THE RAGGED SKIES! AND UP THE CLOUDY DRAW! THEIR BRANDS WERE STILL ON FIRE! AND THEIR HOOVES WERE BLACK AND SHINY! AND THEIR HOT BREATH HE COULD FEEL! A BOLT OF FEAR WENT THROUGH HIM! AS THEY THUNDERED THROUGH THE SKY! FOR HE SAW THE RIDERS COMING HARD! AND HE HEARD THEIR MOURNFUL CRY!

At that moment several performers wearing long, billowy, white ghost costumes went slowly dancing all about the stage all around Ricky Ricardo dancing and singing!

Ethel leaned back uncomfortably in her seat and then stood up and walked out!

I don't own any of the I Love Lucy characters. I write only for entertainment. My story is dedicated to Lucille Ball, Desi Arnaz, Vivian Vance and William Frawley