So I wrote this for Bad Things Happen Bingo, for the prompt, "Can't Go Home," and originally published this on April Fool's day as a dark joke. I am too impatient to wait for April Fool's day again, tho, so you just get this now. Also, apologies for the formatting weirdness, unfortunately FFN doesn't support strike through (or at least I can't find it) so instead y'all get underlined stuff. To see it the way it is supposed to be, check out my ao3 or Tumblr, both of which have the same username.
Also, this was not proofread whatsoever so sorry not sorry.
Oh, quick note: Gravis's real name is Gavin here. Yeah I don't like Gravis being his actual name
Anyway, trigger warnings: Child abuse, homophobia, suicide attempt
There were some things that everyone knew about Gravis. Everyone knew that he was the master of gravity, that he was calm, that he liked to play video games and that his favorite food was hummus.
However, this was an non-exhaustive list of things about him. There were some things that few people knew about him.
These things included his favorite color was yellow, or that he had a soft spot for techno, or that he was dating Jacob. Of those things, the last one was relevant to his plans for today.
Today, Gravis was going to come out to his mother. He knew that there was a chance of it failing, but he hoped that it went well.
Gravis made sure that he cleaned himself nicely that morning, and he put on a nice shirt and pants. Even if he wanted to throw up from nerves, he would not let himself be sloppy when he did this.
Gravis then took a bus to his mother's home, a nice little house outside of Ninjago city. He would summon his elemental dragon, but he was too scared.
(He should have listened to his fear. Then everything might not have gone so wrong.)
Eventually, Gravis arrived at his mother's door. This was it. He was really going to do it.
Gravis raised his fist and knocked two times, then after a moment three more. He grinned softly at the fact that even though he hadn't seen his mother in a while, he still remembered their secret knock.
Gravis's mother opened the door, a soft smile on her face.
"Hello, Gavin!" she cheered. "Please, come in."
Gravis grinned at her and stepped through the door. He took off his shoes and followed his mother into the house.
"Sit, bihta. Let me get us tea," Gravis's mother commanded. Gravis frowned, but he knew that he should listen to his mother. She was the one in charge here, after all.
Gravis took a seat on the sofa in the living room, a soft thing of red and brown. It was a product of his mother's hard work for months when he was child.
Gravis's mother came back to the living room fairly quickly, with two cups of steaming tea and biscuits on a tray. She set the tray down on the table, and then she handed Gravis a cup of tea.
Gravis took a sip of his tea, and tried to keep a scowl off his face. He forgot his mother always made tea fairly weakly.
"How are you, Gavin?" his mother asked when she sat down with her cup.
"I am doing well, mother. How are you?"
Gravis's mother gave a tired laugh. "Oh, you know, the usual. Been busy. But I am doing fine, otherwise." Taking a sip of tea, she gave Gravis a pointed look. "What did you come here today? Not that I don't enjoy this, but you mentioned that you needed to tell me something."
Gravis felt himself tense a bit. This was his last chance to back out. He could make up something (even though he wasn't good at lying).
But he had to do this. Otherwise, he knew he would never do it.
"Mother, I have something to tell you. And I hope that you realize that I am the same person still, and that you just know a bit more about me," Gravis started. Gravis's mother put down her cup and was looking at him with wide eyes.
Gravis took a deep breath, and looked at his feet. "I am gay. I have known this since I was sixteen. I know that I should have told you sooner, but I-"
Gravis's chin was suddenly forced upwards. Gravis's mother looked down at him, her expression furious and tears flowed down from her eyes.
"How could you?" she whispered. "How could you do this to me? Surely you know how I feel about those sorts of deviants." She sniffled softly. "How many children have you corrupted?"
Gravis wanted to say that he could not believe the words coming out of her mouth, but that would be lying to himself, and Gravis made it a habit to not lie to himself. He knew that his mother always judge those who didn't fit in her perfect mold a bit harsher, but he had hoped that her love for him would override anything like that in regards to him.
He was an idiot. He was truly an idiot.
Gravis gulped, before answering his mother. "I never corrupted anyone. I am so sorry, mama."
Gravis closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He needed to be able to leave, but he didn't want to escalate the situation.
Suddenly, he felt something crash into his face. Gravis crumpled slightly, feeling his face. There was something wet dripping down on his face.
"That's what you deserve. You are not my son. Leave. Maybe you should put yourself into the oven. That will give you a taste of what you deserve." She pushed him into the sofa, and her footsteps moved away from him. She left Gravis to his own devices.
Gravis did not know how long it had been, but eventually he was able to shakily get on his legs. He walked back towards the door to get his shoes. He needs to leave.
Walking out of his mother's house, Gravis forced himself to walk back to his apartment. While he could technically get on a bus, he did not think that he could be able to handle being in such a crowded space for any period of time.
As Gravis walked to his apartment, he managed to get his legs to stop shaking and his breath to even out. His mind was not as foggy as it was before with emotions. Everything felt less now.
(He ignored how there was still blood on him. He ignored how a part of him was shattered. He ignored the fact that everything was inexplicably changed. He would feel like he would never feel safe again.)
Gravis was grateful that the elevator up to his apartment was empty. He didn't have to worry about anyone asking him any questions. He could be alone.
Opening the door to his apartment, Gravis forced himself to walk towards his bathroom. He needed to clean the blood off of him. It was drying up, and Gravis didn't want to clean it off when it was fully dry.
Gravis didn't bother turning the lights on when he cleaned the blood off him. He could barely tell what he was doing. One minute he was scrubbing at the blood with a washcloth, and the next he was sobbing into his hands.
He couldn't go home. He had his apartment, but he couldn't go to his mother again. He could never have her tea or her cooking. She would never pull her fingers through his hair again.
Why did he do that? Gravis (Gavin) should have known better. He should have known that doing this would have made his mother mad. He should have been smarter. He should have been better.
His mother was right. He should die. If he was going to hell, he should just take himself to the expressway.
(Gravis ignored how his mind kept bringing up images of Jacob's face at the funeral of everyone who died. He ignored the guilt he felt. He didn't want to let himself think logically. This was better for everyone. At least, it would be.)
Gravis eventually was able to stop himself from crying. As his view of the world became less blurry, he saw a bottle of pills.
Gravis picked them up, and then walked towards the kitchen. He poured a glass of water. He sat at the table.
Then, slowly, Gravis lifted a handful of pills up to his mouth.
