The hayloft smelled like goat spit. Harv climbed the ladder up to the second floor with ease, but Finn hesitated when he saw the splinter in the wood. If they had two hours alone, he'd rather go out dancing or to a salon, not hiding away from the world. Hardly anyone of importance had seen him in this outfit yet.
"Finn?" Harv peaked his head over the edge of the loft. Finn sucked in a scathing comment and climbed up the ladder. When he climbed up, he found a bunch of the bails had been covered over with a quilt. Harv sat back on his knees nervously as Finn took in the flowers and little jarred candles.
"You put a lot of effort into this." Finn couldn't hide his smile as the warrior flushed and looked away.
"I wanted you to be comfortable. I didn't think-" He chickened out, grabbing Finn by the wrist to the makeshift bed. His original plan would sound silly if he said it out loud. Of course, they wouldn't have spent all day here, but he had hoped they could have. "I wanted to do this right, but we're a little short on time. So, please..." Harv kissed Finn's neck and pulled at the belt around the bard's ornate tunic. "Forgive me?"
"Forgive you for what?" Finn scoffed and quickly found himself on his back. "It's always 'this' and 'things' with you. Would it really kill you to actually say what you mean?" Harv had thrown his gloves somewhere to the side, murmuring some incomprehensible response against Finn's jawline. Finn wasn't sure what to do with his hands, resting them gently on Harv's shoulders and earning him a deep sigh.
That was always the problem. Harv, for all his prudish talk, seemed to chase after something with single-mindedness while Finn felt adrift. He couldn't keep his mind from wandering, which seemed rude, even if Harv couldn't hear what was going on in his head. There were things he should probably say or do in moments like these. He'd read his fair share of romances, but none of them really helped him figure out what he should do in the moment. Not that it was wholly unpleasant.
How much time had passed? There was no hourglass in here and they needed to be careful. Maybe it would be better to go back early, but how early would be too early in Harv's estimation? When was it appropriate to ask? Piper should need to eat in thirty minutes and there was going to be live music in the square tonight. If they were quick, maybe they could catch the opening act.
He gasped when he felt teeth graze his collar bone.
"Finn, are you sure you're okay?" Harv rubbed small circles into Finn's hip. "You seem kind of... not here."
"Of course I'm here!" Finn still felt guilty about it. "I'm trying Harvey, but what are we even doing?" Harv's hands felt lighter against his skin, and the look Harv gave him, it was as if he stomped on his heart. "That came out- What I mean is, what is the end goal here?" That didn't seem like the right thing to say either. "I'm just a little confused about what you want." He just couldn't keep his foot out of his mouth today, could he?
"I already told you." Harv sighed. Finn flicked his forehead.
"No, you haven't. You told me we were coming up here to do things." Finn pushed himself up onto his elbows. "Am I things? Because there's more than one way, and we don't have much time. So, what are we doing Harvey?" Harv, a little more emboldened, tugged Finn down by the hips so he was flush against his thigh.
"But it's embarrassing." Harv was practically hiding his expression behind his dreads. He had thought he'd been fairly obvious, but Finn scrunched up his face, further irritated.
"If you're too embarrassed to say it, you can't get mad at me for not knowing." Finn flopped back down, content to have Harv slowly crawl over him, so his head was caged between Harv's hands.
"Finn, please." Finn rolled his eyes. The more bashful the warrior acted, the more Finn wanted to twist a direct answer out of him. At this point, it was a battle of wills, and that was not something he'd let Harv win at.
"Please what?" Finn stared back at him and waited. Harv rolled his eyes and leaned close, talking barely above a whisper into Finn's ear. "For goodness sakes, we're alone, speak up." Harv bit back a whine in response, and repeated himself. "See, is that so hard?" Finn pinched Harv's cheek.
"Finn... Stop talking." Harv dared to go in for a kiss.
"Oh, sure, that you'll say out loud." Finn jabbed. At least now he had a better idea of what he was supposed to be doing.
They were late. Finn hadn't the breath to scold Harv and run towards Cliff's house at the same time, but he could feel it in his gut. They had left her there closer to three hours, because Harv hadn't considered how long it would take to get to and from places on foot. Cliff, bless his heart hadn't said anything except for an increased rate for watching her, but Harv squirmed with guilt at being flanked by two irritated parties.
"Sorry, I-" Harv couldn't think of an excuse, too distracted by the purpling bruise that peaked over the collar of Finn's shirt. "Thank you." It was too obvious what they had been up to. The best he could do is hope this didn't mean they had lost the one person who Finn would let watch her. Cliff handed her over to Finn while Harv collected her things. They had already been packed up a while ago.
"Bye Piper." Cliff said, and Piper in turn smiled wide.
"She's- How did you do that!?" Finn clutched her tight, but the sudden shouting made her look at him blankly with intrigue. "No no no, what happened? Why'd she stop?" She blinked back, further puzzled by the commotion.
"You have to smile at her first." Cliff said. Finn glared back at him.
"I do smile at her!" He got Piper to look at her and cooed. Her expression softened, but remained blank. "You smiled for Cliff, come on, you can do it." She kicked happily. Harv looked up from across the room, from farther away Finn's pale features were less defined.
"Maybe she can't see it?" Harv realized. While Cliff often complained about his looks, his dark patchy beard and bold features were easy to recognize a mile away. "Try getting closer."
"How much closer am I supposed to get?" Finn said. "I'm holding her." Harv joined them with her things, coming within a few inches of her face.
"Hello Pipurr." He said in sing-song. She smiled, smacking his cheek as she kicked excitedly.
"Well, that's just a recipe for getting spit up on." Finn said and tucked her back in her pram. They waved goodbye and Finn started to push her toward the town square with Harv following behind. "And why'd you say her name like that?"
"Like what?"
"All weird. Pipurr," Finn mimicked, "it's not her name. Her name's Piper."
"You started it." Harv said, shocked Finn hadn't noticed the way his tone changed when he talked to the baby. Finn gave him an incredulous look and kept moving. "You did. You do it all the time." Sometimes there was just no reasoning with Finn. "Sorry we were late. I just, I have no idea when we'll get to be alone again is all." Finn relaxed a little, their pace slowed as they approached a crowd of people watching performers from another kingdom play in town square.
"I never said it was entirely your fault." Finn tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. "You can be incredibly persuasive when you want to be. Besides... depending on your definition of alone, it might be a while." The horns picked up, and people excitedly danced about. Piper wiggled in her pram, easily kicking her feet out of the swaddle to dance. "There's plenty of things we can do when we aren't alone." He pulled Harv toward him, wrapping one arm around his neck and taking one of his hands to lead him about. They could go far, but it was nice to dance at the back of the crowd where no one was paying close attention. "Or is that not 'romantic' enough for you." He was just teasing, but Harv held him tighter, daring to bury his face in Finn's neck again in public.
"I can want both." Harv said quietly. "I do want both." It was all just new and scary in its own ways. Even now, Harv was conscious of the crowd and constantly checking to make sure Piper's pram hadn't rolled too far away, but moments like these were easier to come by. It was the uncharted territory of having Finn to himself that had his mind like a vice. It would be easier to rest when the unknown became known, and he was surer of how far Finn would be comfortable going. There was no way to find those boundaries if they were always busy keeping an eye out of other people. "Is it that bad I want you to myself?" Finn stumbled over his own feet; his face felt like it was on fire. Of all the things to mutter so casually...
"Harvey..." Finn hadn't the words, and instead cupped Harv's face in a way that squished his cheeks together and placed a chaste kiss on his forehead.
"Finn, there's people here." Harv pulled back, but the tinge to his cheeks was unmistakable. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the lavender blankie slowly inch out of Piper's pram, unable to catch it before it hit the ground. "You're too young for the dropping game." Finn sighed and scooped up the fallen linen.
"She must have danced right out of it." Finn said. He draped the blanket over the handle of the pram. Without a swaddle to keep her warm, they wouldn't be able to stay out much later. "It's okay Pipurr."
"See! I told you, you do it too." Harv snickered. The bard tensed, having been undeniably caught in the act.
"Yeah, well, I don't sound silly when I do it." Finn huffed, only to continue getting teased. The two didn't notice one of the knights in the crowd eyeing them with suspicion as they left the crowd.
By the time they got back to the house, Piper was out cold, having been rocked to sleep by the walk home. Finn bid Harv farewell, a drawn-out process of chaste kisses and shuffling toward the front door. He couldn't linger in the moment long, still having to get Piper properly ready for bed.
"How was your first outing?" Leenan asked after greeting him. She had descended the stairs in a swath of ruby fabric.
"Mother, I've been on dates before." Finn said as he got out a clean swaddle. "Though some warning would have been nice. Harv had this whole thing planned, it was almost spoiled."
"I wasn't talking about your date." Leenan crossed her arms. "You were the one who wanted to be there on her first outing, and you chose to spend it on a date." Finn felt guilt pool in his stomach. Half of Piper's first day out was spent being looked after by a stranger. Leenan shook her head. "Babies usually scare men off. He's persistent, I'll give him that."
"So you admit you just stuck her with me to scare Harv off!" Finn chased after his mother, who'd wandered into her study. She pulled one of the books from a forgotten pile in the back of the room. "I know I could do better, but he loves me. He keeps me safe." There was a strange, pained look on her face.
"You keep treating that baby like a toy you can set aside anytime that it's convenient for you." She flipped through the pages. "You're the one who insisted she couldn't go with just anyone, that makes her your responsibility. If you're not willing to deal with the consequences of that, you need to let her go."
"Mother!" Finn couldn't help getting offended. Even if she wasn't saying he was in trouble, it still hurt to be accused of such things. She handed the book to him. It was full of scratch doodles she done of him as a baby. Little things he'd done in between getting his portrait professionally done.
"There's a reason there's no one else in these pictures." She ran her fingers through his hair, straightening it back out so it wasn't in his face. "I'm happy to help you, but I'm not going to do all the work for you and neither is your little boyfriend. When you're not at school, you're watching her. You'll have to ask for help if you want a day off."
"You said you'd watch during the day." Finn said, though he was losing energy. He had just assumed that would be the case. It still wasn't fair that she waited until the day of his date to tell him.
"I said I'd watch her while you were at school, it's not the same thing." She could see how attached he was getting, but the longer Piper stayed the more she'd need. There was only so long Finn could keep balancing all the things he wanted to do. Eventually something would have to give. It would be easier if Finn realized this now instead of later. "They've found someone who'll take her."
"They have?" Finn shifted uncomfortably. He should be excited; this is what they'd been waiting for.
"She's a lovely old lady, there are plenty of older children in the home to look after her, all in good spirits. All wearing shoes." Leenan said. She settled into her armchair by the fire. "Or sharing a shoe, something to do with shoes." She could see Finn's discomfort grow. "She's helped feeble babies before, it would be a good fit."
"You've already met her? Why wasn't I-"
"I didn't want to ruin your date." Leenan said. "Though I hardly think it'd make a difference. You can always watch her on the crystal ball." Finn bit his lip, he couldn't claim unfairness in this all, he knew what they were getting into. He couldn't even claim she was too fragile to meet new people, he'd see firsthand how well she'd done with Cliff.
"Would I be able to visit her?" Finn said.
"Probably not. You'd need permission, and even then, the house is in Roud."
"That's... that's four kingdoms away." He looked back at the scrap book. All of them had dates of firsts: first steps, first spaghetti, all carefully documented. "...Does she have to go." Leenan sighed in response.
"I had a feeling you might say that." She rubbed her temples. "Placements like this are hard to come by. If we delay the adoption, the spot will get taken by another child in need, there's no telling if someone as good will come along after." She sighed. "There's only one reason to keep her here, and I'm not going to be the one to do it. So..." She waited for Finn to reach his own conclusions.
"Can I..." Finn bit his lip. "Can I have a moment?"
"They'll want her in the morning." Leenan said. Finn nodded and left the study. The living room was quiet, with the ambient fire sounding almost like a roar in Finn's ears. Piper blinked, bleary eyed as Finn scooped her out of her bed. Once in his arms, she wriggled, and melted against him once she found the warmest part of his chest. He sat down in the armchair, the rise and fall of her breathing did little to soften the tightness in his chest. He rested his cheek against her fluffy head.
There had to be someone else, someone closer they could give her to. All the people he could think of didn't want another baby, especially a little girl. He wanted the freedom to do whatever he wanted again, to pursue music without a tiny audience in his lap. The thought of sending her overseas to live with a stranger didn't sit well with him either. Even if mother was certain she'd be safe, safe wasn't the same as happy.
If she left, Piper wouldn't even remember him.
