8:47 AM


The next day…

Dedede was once again staring at his horrible creation:

The ULTIMATE BACON AND BANNANA BREAKFAST PIE!

However, he had instead made a small pile of ashes, and almost broken the oven. In the cooking staff's defense, he had done this massive failure on his own accord. They were happy to make this, but Dedede wanted to try and improve his cooking skills.

"Good morning, sire!" Piped up a cheery voice from behind the irritated ruler. Dedede turned around in his chair. "Good mornin' Banda- uh…" Dedede paused. Bandana Waddle Dee was doing something weird. He was smiling. Usually a Waddle Dee smiled by closing their eyes and waving around their little arms. It was a delightful method of nonverbal communication. But no, he was Smiling. This lead Dedede to another revelation:

Bandana Dee had gotten a new bandanna! The usual navy bandanna that tended to rest upon his little melon had been replaced with a deep, rich maroon bandanna. It really complemented his orange and yellow complexion!

Also, he had a mouth.

Yes, a little mouth, not unlike kirby's had appeared in the center of Bandana Dee's face. Typically, Waddle Dees lacked mouths. Eating and drinking was aided by a whole mess of powerful digestive juices and a patch of malleable flesh on the front of their faces that could absorb…

Well, you don't need to know all that. Let's just get back to the story.

"Is that a mouth?" Dedede asked. "Did you always have a mouth? I don't think you had a mouth yesterday." Bandana Dee laughed. "Of COURSE I had a mouth! I always have, and always will! But it' okay that you don't remember, sire!" Bandana Dee laughed again, smiling. "Now, would you like some coffee, sire? Perhaps some doughnuts? Or maybe a delightful snack, like a hotdog, taco, or hamburger!" Dedede was a bit wary… Bandana Dee usually put up with his highness's royal tomfoolery, but this was… weird and annoyingly helpful. Like that Kirby kid, only… bad weird instead of annoying and friendly weird.

"rrrrrrrriiiiiiigggghhhhttt…" the king said, pushing his pile of ashes off of the table, where it landed with a sad *poof* on the floor. "I guess a doughnut would help… maybeh' a jelly one…" "Right away, sire! It should be done in a few minutes!" Bandana Dee ran off, smiling all the way. Dedede, having ruined his breakfast, went to go address some personal affairs.


9:25 Am


His Royal Highness King Dedede was sitting at his gaming computer playing Team Fortress 3 in his Royal Gamin' Chamber when Bandana Dee Returned. "Here's your doughnut, sire!" Bandana Dee handed a doughnut to the King, who was currently playing as Heavy. He enjoyed the Heavy. He reminded him of himself, with his dashing looks, superior intelligence, gluttony, and incomprehensibly high thirst for blood. Also, if you requested a dispenser over and over it sounded like he was saying "Pootus."

"'Bout Time!" said Dedede, who began eating the doughnut. He turned around in his chair, as the round had just ended. "What took you so long to get a darn…"

"uh…"

Bandana Dee's mouth seemed larger. What's more, it had weird little white squares in it. Only that weird human girl had little squares in her mouth like that. Dedede could even catch a slight waft of smelly breath emanating from his Lackey. He was still smiling, but the smile had gotten much larger and creepier, straining his face a bit. Even worse, his eyes seemed a little more bloodshot and baggy than they did a half hour or so ago. All in all, he looked a bit more like a trainwreck.

"Okay, I would DEFINITELY remember you havin' a mouth that's that creepeh'!" Dedede said, pointing at the massive oral cavity in his flunky's face. "Would you though?" Bandana Dee quipped. "Excuse me?" Dedede said, his voice dropping to an angry tone as he began to draw his hammer from its holster on the back of his kingly cloak. At the same time, the room began to feel a bit… colder.

"Well," Bandana Dee continued, "I'm not saying that your not the sharpest tool in the shed… You're plenty sharp… but let's just say that all the sharpest tools have been taken out of the drawer, and you, a mighty spoon, have risen to supreme executive pow-"

*WHAM!*

The hammer made Bandana Dee's skin ripple and his face stretch. "That'll shut 'im up," Dedede thought. Bandana Dee stood there for a few seconds, blinked once, and continued.

"-wer! And what a spoon! Spoons are used to eat ice cream, y'know! But if you were in fact a spoon… well, let's just say that the ice cream would somehow disappear on my spoon, jusrt like magic!"

The room got even colder.

"Then, I'd wonder why my spoon was getting so heavy. Then, I'd remember! It's because this is Dedede the fat, smelly, dumb spoon! While we're talking about smelly…"

Dedede stared at Bandana Dee. Usually fell over and apologized for whatever he'd done wrong after someone hit him with a giant hammer. But he hadn't moved an inch and was still churning out incredibly lame joke after joke. Dedede was practically seething with confusion and anger. He rose his hammer…

"…I mean, did you mug a clown, or is that what you wear every day?"

*WHAM!*

Dedede hit harder. He saw that Bandana Dee a black eye.

Even colder.

"I mean, what is this/ A Christmas movie where A penguin has to pretend to be santa to save-"

*WHAM!*

The black eye now had a brother! How nice.

The room darkened.

"-Christmas or something? I wonder… is it pos-"

*WHAM!*

Dedede heard a crack in Bandana Dee's new jaw that time.

A musty, dusty scent hung in the air.

"-sible to REVERSE nominate a film for an Oscar? I think a film that bad warrants a reverse Oscar."

*WHAM!*

A bit of blood sprayed out of Bandana Dee's mouth. Dedede started sweating.

The shadows grew.

"Jeez, if you wanna hurt me, sire, just stare at me long enough! That face of yours cauld launch a thousand ships… The other way! Nyuck nyuck nyuck!"

*WHAM!*

Dedede started crying.

The world trembled.

Heh! What's the matter, cookie batter? Daddy never tell you how to take a joke before?

"WHAM!"

"Stop talkin'," Dedede said, tears running down his face, looking down at his Lacky, boasting an out of place arm.

The blood on the wall looked like a little hole into an infinite void.

"Oh, comoooon! You honestly can't take a joke? Wow, man. That's kinda sad NGL."

"STOP TALKIN' YA' BONEHEAD!" Dedede yelled, thrusting his hammer towards Bandana Dee's head.

"BAM!"

A hefty crack sounded.

Bandana Dee slumped against the door to the small gamin' chamber. Dedede calmed himself down. He might've hurt him, but he'd be fine! Right/ Even after a concussion… Or long term brain damage…

Bandana Dee suddenly rose up completely healed. His eyes were better, his mouth had no blood coming out of it, his arm wasn't… Oh no wait his arm was still dislocated. His black, glassy eyes stared right into Dedede's…

"…You weren't there, were you?..."

Dedede felt like someone had just punched his entire body. Those five words seemed to travel straight into his heart and right into his mind…

He stood there, no sweating, no crying.

Only fear.

"GET OUT!"

The room drifted towards it's normal temperature. Scent, and light levels.

"Eh?"

"GET OUT! NOW!"

"What, don't wanna treat me like some kind of meat punching bag?"

"NOW! YO' KING DEMANDS YOU LEAVE RIGHT NOW!"

Bandana dee shrugged and left the room. Dedede sat back down. What just happened? When did Bandana Dee get so snarky… and traumatizing? When did he get a mouth? And most of all, how did he know…?

Dedede took a deep breath. He looked at the wall. During… whatever that was, a bit of blood had gotten on the wall. To Dedede's confusion, and possibly the Janitor's relief, the stain was just… gone. The doughnut was gone. Bandana Dee was gone. Dedede checked the time on his computer:

9:25 am.

Not a second had passed. Did all of that just happen? Dedede pushed it all out of his mind. He decided that there was no way he would hurt Bandana Dee that much, no matter how snarky, rude, or psycic he was being. He was fine. Bandana Dee was fine. The wall was fine.

Everything was fine.

Dedede got back to Team Fortress 3.

"Put dis-" "Put dis-" "Put dis-"

Dedede laughed. "Now THIS is funny!"


{|}

\_/


"Was that the right thing to do?..."

"YEAH, KID! TOTALLY!"

"He wasn't laughing…"

"INTERNAL!"

"I think he was crying…"

"FROM LAUGHING, BUDDY!"

"He seemed messed up…"

"OH, HE'LL BLOCK IT OUT OF HIS MEMORY! HE'LL BARELY REMEMBER IT!"

"My face hurts…"

"OH C'MON, KID! CHEER UP! COULD SOMEONE AS HAPPY AS YOU BE IN PAIN?"

"Yeah… That hammer hurt…"

"I THOUGHT IT WAS FUN! I HAVEN'T FELT PAIN IN A WHILE!"

"My arm is broken…"

"WAS BROKEN. WAS. I FIXED IT."

"I'm not so sure about this, G.M…."

"OH, CALM DOWN, KID! AFTER TONIGHT, EVERYONE'LL BE HAPPY!

"Really?"

"YEAH!"

"We won't do any of… THAT… again, right?"

"…"

"Duuuuuude…"

"Promise me, or the deal's off."

"OKAY…"

"FINE."

"LEAST I CAN DO FOR YOU, LETTING ME CHILL IN YOU'RE BOD AND ALL."

"Thanks!"

"NO PROB, KID."

"WHAT'RE FRIENDS FOR?"