My days fell into a pattern for the first few weeks. I would rise early in the morning, a maid bringing me breakfast and helping me dress. Then it was off to the offices in the carriage, to learn whatever Mr. Keller decided to impart to me that day. He had started with more contracts for me to review, and he helped me begin to understand how connected Dalian Shipping was around the world, how our clients spanned the globe and needed our ships to do their business. One day he rode with me to the shipyard, and we walked through the latest ship taking shape. Great steel ribs, half plated with their steel skin, rose high above us as we listened to the designer talk about all that went into building and launching a new ship. It felt like my mind was being continually filled each day, the knowledge absorbing overnight and my head ready to be stuffed again the next morning.

If I was not with Mr. Keller, I was with Mrs. Brown. The woman was a whirlwind of activity, she had scheduled her ball for the last Saturday in May, before everyone began to flee up north to Newport for the summer. A location had been found, but flowers needed to be ordered, invitations written, musicians hired and it seemed a thousand other small tasks. I made myself as available as I could, it helped distract me from missing Will. After his departure, I had tried to make myself seen during my involvement in this cause. It had garnered me some small compliments in the columns, and the undercurrent of connecting the officers and I had begun to settle. It was hard to argue that I had been celebrating the sinking with the men behind it when I had publicly cried at my the funeral of my father who had been lost in it and set myself to helping those who had lost everything. The papers had begun to cast about for other bits of gossip, and I was thankful for it. It was one less thing to worry about at the moment.

I had only just returned from helping Mrs. Brown decide between a massive display of delphiniums or a riot of roses for the ball. She had gone with the delphiniums, but had taken hours to decide. And then it had been off to somewhere for lunch, where my mourning dress had made me stand out like a sore thumb. I had just sat down in my dressing room and removed my gloves, thinking how nice it would be to wear a tea gown and try and relax, when Peggy came in with a calling card. "Senator Smith is here for you, Miss."

I sighed. "See him in Peggy and bring some refreshment." She nodded and hurried off. The inquiry had been proceeding even as more of the crew and survivors departed the city. I had stopped attending every meeting, I had only really been going to support Will and the others. That papers had been keeping me well appraised of its goings on, along with all the various rumors and gossip related to it. Once focus of the reporters lately had been allegations against Lady and Sir Duff Gordon that they bribed the sailors not to go back and rescue people from the water. While I could not say for sure if it was accurate, I could easily see the Reichsters going along with such a scheme. I sighed, flexing my hands. They were sore after so much writing at the office and helping address invitations.

I moved myself down to the parlor, cursing the stairs and thinking how nice it would be to install a elevator, and busied myself by tidying it. It wasn't messy, but I wanted to felt like I needed to do something, even if it was just piling up magazines and placing them out of the way. Soon enough Senator Smith came in with the same nervous aide I had met during the inquiry, followed by Peggy with a large tray holding some simple sandwiches and a pitcher of lemonade. I nodded my thanks to her as she left. The aide settled himself at a table, pulling a sheaf of paper, a pen and a small inkstand from his case. I turned my gaze back to the Senator. He looked tired, but his suit was brushed and pressed. He was still standing, looking down at me. "Miss Dalian."

"Senator Smith."

"I wish to convey my deepest condolences on the loss of your father."

"Thank you Senator, but I have a feeling that is not the true purpose of your business here." I nodded to the settee across from my chair. "Sit."

He did, taking a small sandwich and a plate from the tray. "Thank you, and you are right. I am not here for a social call." He swallowed a bite. "I want to determine if Murdoch's trip to secure your family resulted in anything going wrong."

"But you will not call me up in front of the inquiry?" I had sent a telegram to his offices earlier in the week, offering to testify to the character of the officers if it was needed, but I had been declined.

"I will not call up any woman, I would not want to place such a hardship on those delicate women who survived the tragedy. I will attach your statement to the final report as an affidavit that was taken, perhaps read it off during the session tomorrow." His voice was hoarse, and he gulped down a swallow of lemonade.

Suddenly the cheese sandwich in my hand smelled rotten. I put the sandwich back onto a plate and set it down. "I would gladly take the stand to give my testimony. The fact that you would come here and expect me to answer your questions so that you can use them in the inquiry but not allow me to speak at it is unacceptable."

"Please Miss Dalian, be reasonable. I understand you have been through much and I have only a few questions. My aide, Ryan, will write it as we speak, and all you have to do is sign it to attest that it is accurate."

"Then ask them, and I will answer but do not expect more than that." I poured a glass of lemonade and settled back into my chair, mentally preparing myself for an untold amount of questions about minutia.

"How long did Mr. Murdoch spend alerting your family?"

"No more than a few minutes, most of which was spent by him pulling our life belts out for us."

"You did not offer him anything, money or a promise of payment?"

"No."

"Your parents?"

"No." I couldn't help the harshness that leached into my voice. "We barely spoke to him, he was extremely concerned about informing us and returning to the boats as soon as he could."

Smith nodded, rubbing his temple as he looked at me."After getting your life belts out and alerting you what did he do?"

"He went back up to the boat deck to begin the evacuation."

Ryan scribbled quickly at the table, the stilling of his pen a notice to continue. "You had no further contact with him until you brought forward the women and children for his last boat?"

"No, I ran to alert the staff we were traveling with and to retrieve my mothers jewels from the purser."

"Did you tell those you came across to prepare themselves?"

"Yes, and to proceed to the lounge as Mr. Murdoch instructed."

"Had you heard anything about the order for women and children?"

"At that time, no. Once I had my mother's jewels I returned to the lounge where I found my parents. We were then called up on deck and told to go into the boats and that it would be women and children first."

"Was that the exact wording?"

"That I heard. I know the wording has been given as women and children only too." That had come out during the inquiry, a vague order from Captain Smith that was interpreted differently on either side of the ship.

"Did you see the number one boat loaded and launched?"

"Launched yes, loaded no." It had been hard to see anything beyond the crush of people on the deck, the ocean beyond the only thing that was clear.

"With only 12 passengers, correct?"

"I did not count them but it was not very full."

"Why do you believe that is?"

"Mr. Murdoch was begging people to step forward into the boat but none came forward. If I had to hazard a guess I would say that they did not think the damage was as severe as it was or that they would be safer on the ship."

"I thought you said you did not see him again until later?"

"I could hear him sir, pleading with those near him to go into the boat." I almost rolled my eyes, it was obvious he was trying to catch me in a lie and invalidate some portion of Will's testimony.

"And then?"

"A seaman told us to proceed to the port side, that more boats were being launched. There was a sudden rush of people and I became separated from my family."

"So you were alone?"

I sighed, resisting the urge to rub my temples. "Yes, and I could see that some people were confused on how to proceed. I brought them forward to the boats to be put in."

"Is that what you did until you boarded your boat?"

"Yes, Officer Moody asked me to and I brought as many people forward as I could."

"When did Mr. Murdoch notice you?"

"When I called out to him."

"When he had his weapon out, correct?"

"Yes, he had his gun raised."

"Did you feel he would fire it?"

"Only as a last resort to prevent a rush on the boat, he was aiming high above their heads."

"But he did fire it?"

"Yes, but I saw no one fall or cry out. It must have been above the crowd." I bit my tongue, the papers had been having a field day with the use of weapons on board. I was thankful Will was out of the country and did not have to see the columns being written, calling him a murderer and alleging that he gleefully shot at passengers trying to board boats. That had only lasted for a few days, the public preferring the more tragic tales to the violent.

"Did he use the weapon in any other way?"

"He struck at some of the men who were rushing the boat, trying to keep them away so the boat could be safely lowered."

"Please, continue with how you came across Mr. Murdoch again. When was it?"

"Just before the first collapsible on his side had been launched."

"What time?"

"I do not know."

"Once he saw you what did he do?"

"He grabbed me and took me through the what I later learned to be the officer's quarters to the other side of the ship and ordered me into a boat."

"This would be officer Lowe's boat, correct? The one that he had to fire shots from to deter boarders?"

"Yes, they were trying to drag the boat to side of the ship so they could board."

"Was there room for them?"

"No, the boat was packed."

"Did Mr. Lowe aim his weapon at them?"

I could still hear the gunshots, blasted over my head into the dark. "No, he aimed out towards the water. The shots startled the crowd away from the boat and we were let go into the water."

"Once you were in the water how did you proceed?"

"We rowed away from the ship."

"Did you row?"

"Yes."

"Were you asked to?"

"No, I just started rowing."

"Were you facing the ship?"

"Yes, I was."

"Did you see her sink?"

"I could not see much, once her lights went out. She went down by her bow and her stern rose out of the water. I saw two funnels fall, the first and second. Once the lights went out it was hard to see what happened. There was no light." I cut my eyes back to him, "I did not see if she broke up."

"Did you hear people crying out?"

"Yes, a great many of them."

"And did Officer Lowe order the boat back to pick up survivors?"

"Not immediately, we were full and he asked us to pull for some of the other boats so that we could transfer people from our boat to others."

"How long did that take?"

"To get there and move them, maybe an hour or more."

"And they went back for survivors right after?"

"We did, yes. Mr Lowe asked for volunteers to row back and I agreed to."

"So you rowed back to the wreckage?"

"Yes, I had rowed previously. It seemed no great hardship to go back."

"What did you see?"

I stared at the empty fireplace, trying to forget what I had seen. "Bodies, frozen and floating. We checked those who we thought showed some signs of life and pulled those who were still breathing in."

"How many do you estimate you pulled from the wreckage?"

"Three, maybe four. One died in the boat."

"And then?"

"I heard Officer Lightoller and Officer Murdoch calling out to the boat. We then moved towards them, Officer Lowe raising the sail due to the distance. Once we got close enough we helped the men on those boats into ours." I was trying to emulate Will's answers, keeping them short but true.

"But there was not enough space?"

"Yes, the officers and some of the seamen stayed on their overturned boats once we were full. We tied them to our boat and used oars and sail to tow them."

"Was Mr. Murdoch on one of those boats?"

"Yes."

"And he did not try to come aboard your boat?"

"No, he sent all that he could over first. It was only once we reached the main grouping of boats and moved off some of the other men that he was able to board our boat."

"Did he say anything to you when he entered your boat?"

"He said he was glad to see me, that I had come back."

"And you?"

"I said I was glad that he was alive, and that he had saved others." I didn't need to tell the Senator about everything else that had gone on in the boat, how we had practically clung to each other all night. "He was very cold and I set myself to warming him."

"And once all the boats had been gathered to one area?"

"We waited for the Carpathia to arrive."

"And then?"

"You have Mr. Murdoch's testimony about his activities onboard once we were rescued."

"What did you do?"

"I looked for my parents, and found only my mother. We comforted each other for our loss."

"Did Mr. Murdoch find you again?"

"Yes, and that was when I offered him and the other officers our hospitality in New York."

"For what reason?"

"They led us to safety and did as best they could. My family is very experienced with sailors and the goings on of a ship, I thought to offer them a comfortable and quiet place to recuperate." I stood, brushing down my skirt. "Senator Smith, that is all I will say. Thank you for your visit."

"Miss Dalian, if you give me a moment, my aide will have this written into an affidavit for you to sign." He looked over to his aide, who was scribbling away. "Perhaps you could tell me of your business while we wait? I am given to understand that you have inherited it recently."

I sent up a prayer that Ryan would write quicker. "What is it you want to know?"

"Does your company have Marconi operators on all your ships?" Senator Smith seemed completely at ease now, stretching himself out in the settee. "Do you carry passenger?"

"Yes, and yes." I tried to be civil, but it was hard to stop myself from being curt with him. "We have Marconi operators and we carry a small amount of passengers, nothing on the level of the major liners, usually those who make these trips often and don't care for luxury, or the price that comes with it."

"Have you been on them?"

"Yes," I smiled, remembering my short trips with Father. "Nothing across the pond though, just up and down the coast."

"And are you enjoying running the business?"

"I am, but I will admit that I have much to learn." I looked over as I heard Ryan stand. "Are you finished?"

"Yes Miss, if you would come read through it?" He stepped away from the table, letting my peruse what he had written. I made my way through it line by line, it was accurate and concise and I quickly signed my name to it. The quicker I could get these two out, the better. Ryan quickly slid the affidavit into his case, packing up the rest of his items with it.

Smith made his way to the front door, "Miss Dalian, thank you for your time and your answers."

"Senator Smith," I simply nodded as he left, Ryan following in his wake. I couldn't help the massive sigh and the collapse of my usually impeccable posture. That had been unexpected, and unwelcome. I had been trying to keep to myself, but this would no doubt draw attention. I had promised to go to war for Will, to give interviews, but it was daunting. I would have to be willing to relive the sinking, over and over again. I will admit to avoiding it, convincing myself that I was simply building up my strength to deal with it, but I was scared.

The nightmares had not been too bad for the first days after Will had left, but it had been a week and they were returning. I hadn't begun screaming, I had asked Peggy to tell me when I did, but I had woken up with a start and in a cold sweat last night. I had tried to calm myself, rubbing my clammy hands over my arms as I breathed loudly in the dark. It had done little though, for when I closed my eyes the vision of the sinking had returned. Peggy had found me this morning, a empty brandy snifter by me, sprawled on Father's desk and my cheek stuck to a letter from a client.

"Miss, have they left?" Peggy called out, "I'll have the tray cleared if so, and we should get you into a bath."

I shook myself from my thoughts, "Yes, they have Peggy."

"I'll get your bath ready then," Peggy quickly came over, taking me by my hand as she drew me towards the stairs. "My mother, she would always give me a lavender bath when I had trouble sleeping." I shook my head as we began to climb. Peggy, after finding me this morning, had convinced herself that she could find the solution to my nightmares. As she had been getting me ready to head out, she had rattled off her plan for tonight. A hot bath, dosed with lavender flowers and a large bowl of chicken soup, with more lavender flowers bagged and placed in my pillows to soothe my mind while I slept.

"Mmmm," I hummed quietly to myself as I slipped into the hot water. The scent of lavender was redolent, and I slid even further down, my face just slightly above the edge of the water. It was calming, I had to admit that. There had been little recently that was calming, a rush of activity that had given me little time to breathe. I focused on that now, closing my eyes and breathing in the scent of the flowers floating around me, letting my mind wander.

Mr. Keller's lessons brushed by me, as did Mrs. Brown's preparations. What my mind latched on was Will, I had only received a brief telegram from him telling me he had arrived safe and was heading to a hotel in London, but nothing else. I wondered how he had reacted to the pictures, what he thought of them. I had seen, and felt, his desire when I was half naked in his lap, but I was unsure if pictures could cause a similar reaction.

As for me, I could still remember every inch of him. The short brown hair, with its cowlick in the back above his high forehead, and his clear blue eyes. The strength in his work roughened hands, the muscles I had felt under my touch and his own touch on my bare skin. I had tried to replicate the feeling I had felt in his arms, letting my own hands replace his. While it did feel good, it was not the same. I sat up, the cooling water sloughing off around me as I stood and grabbed a towel to dry myself.

In my dressing gown, I sat down at my vanity and began to brush out my hair. I could see the dark circles starting to show beneath my eyes, the slight strain in them. As my fingers began to skillfully braid my hair down my back, I couldn't help but sigh. I was tired, I wanted to sleep and not have the nightmares that had made themselves known once again. I quickly ate the soup Peggy had left out, curling up under the blankets in my bed and praying that her method would work.

It did help, once I added some whiskey.


AN: So I caught a cold over the weekend, will try and get a second update for this week but no promises. One the plus side, I did just buy a Singer treadle sewing machine from 1910 and have a frock coat from the Royal Navy Reserves circa WW1 on the way. I am slowly becoming an amateur history collector.