Sylvia was more than amenable to some shopping, seeing as her two boys were off with their friends and she desperately wanted to avoid some housework that she had been putting off. Charles and Will set off for the White Star offices after seeing us off, apparently Charles was already being called to some task on the Oceanic. Sylvia was quite happy to show me around though, pointing out grocers, laundries and other stores as we strolled along the streets. After a light lunch we were perusing a ready made store that she knew of, and I watched her handle a shirtwaist. It was a delicate affair, with lace insertions along the neck and sides. "That's lovely, you should get it."

She started folding it back up, "Oh, I couldn't. It's too much."

"I'll pay for it," I took it from her and shook it out. "Consider it a gift." I turned to look at a wall of hats, "In fact, pick whatever you like. I think that yellow silk would go well with it."

She looked over at the yellow hat, the light gold silk accented with a burst of silk sunflowers and white ostrich plumes. "Miss Dalian, I can't ask that."

"Why Mrs. Lightoller, after I had to put up with your husband for a few weeks, you deserve far more for having to live with him all the time." I laughed, handing her the hat. She removed the modest gray one she wore and placed the new hat on her dark curls. It brought out the light in her green eyes, and she fairly glowed. "It suits you."

She considered herself in a mirror, "It is quite lovely." Taking it off, she looked at it in her hands, worrying the brim, "If you're sure that it is not a problem."

"Of course not, Sylvia." I ducked my head a bit, "You don't mind if I call you that, do you?"

"Not at all, Anastasia." She smiled, brushing her curls back into place with the back of her hand as she replaced her gray hat.

A clerk came up to take both the hat and the shirtwaist to keep behind the counter while we continued to browse. Sylvia lifted a pair of buff gloves to consider them more closely. "Could I ask you about something? From Charles' time in New York?" At my nod she continued, "Charles brought back some newspapers, he thought the boys might like to read them one day. But I read them, and some of the things they said, about you, and the officers. Was it, was it accurate?"

I drew a pair of gray leather gloves on, admiring the pearl buttons on them. "There were quite a few articles about us, and not all of them good. I don't suppose you could be a bit more specific?"

"The one about you taking my husband off in a private rail car." She cut her eyes to me over the display, "With the others, of course."

"I did take them to Washington in my private car," I shook my head, "I had told them I would take care of them while they were in America, and that they would be given the use of everything at my disposal. Have no fear though, Mrs. Lightoller, your husband immediately fell asleep in the car while I read a book." I chuckled as I glanced over, "He does snore something terrible."

She laughed at that, "Yes, it took quite some getting used to when we were first married." After selecting a few more items, I directed the clerk to send the invoice to the offices and our purchases to our respective homes. Sylvia and I walked along the streets until we found a small park, green and flowering in the spring air. We claimed a wooden bench set alongside a path, under a shady tree. Sylvia looked over after we had sat, "How long are you staying?"

I sighed, "I don't know, I came to see Will. But I don't know when he'll be able to leave." I took in the park, the blooming beds of flowers and the gravel paths winding their ways through trees and hedges. I found I enjoyed the city, the harbor and the docks, the little streets and alleys that wandered throughout the city. Even the smell, a mix of sea air, coal smoke and the damp scent of the Thames, was quickly becoming familiar and comforting. "It is lovely here, though. I don't mind staying for a little while."

"Charles is heading back out soon, next week actually." Her voice was tight as she watched a young couple pushing a perambulator walk past, "It's been a blessing to have him home for so long, but I can tell he's growing restive." I watched her twist her hands together, before she seemed to think better of it and placed them in her lap.

"You won't miss him, then?"

"Oh I will, but I know that he won't be happy unless he's able to go back out." She sighed, "You'll find out. It hurts to see them leave, but a little less each time. And they are always so happy to return, even if it's only for a few days." Sylvia gave my hand a squeeze, "And you learn to live with them being gone, but this last absence was a test. It was so long, thank God he kept writing. It was the only comfort I had."

"You must have been shocked by the sinking."

"Oh, when word first came I hardly left the Marconi offices. I didn't tell the boys, not until I knew Charles was safe. Then I took them right to church to thank God for his safety."

I leaned back on our bench, feeling a brisk breeze begin to blow in from the coast. "He really was a godsend during that time, he kept our spirits up, although he is a terrible cheat at bridge."

"Oh, he hates it so much that the only way he'll play is by cheating his way through." She glanced at me, "Was it really so terrible, the sinking? That sounds foolish, it must have been ghastly to go through."

"I still have nightmares about it." The shiver that ran through me had little to do with the breeze, "Sometimes I can still hear the screams. But we all must keep moving forward, this is simply a burden to bear."

"I pray it gets lighter then, for all of you." She stood, looking up at the slowly darkening sky. "Oh dear, it looks like rain. Come, I'll see you back to Will's. It's not that I don't want you to meet the boys, but I have no doubt they will come back covered in mud and I would hate to get you dirty." I insisted on hailing a cab, and ordered her driven home after we had stopped at Will's house. The rain had started as a drizzle, but had quickly turned into a torrent and was practically flooding down the streets. Will hadn't taken an umbrella, I hoped he could find one wherever he was. I tried to get a fire started and failed rather quickly, but I found something to occupy myself. Kate had obviously been here, and she had piled the mail on a table by the door. Two yellow telegrams were right on top. One was addressed to Will, and one to me. I quickly unfolded mine and read.

Anastasia,
This is wonderful news. Please settle things there and return as quickly as possible. I wish to hold a party to celebrate, wire when you have book passage so I can begin the arrangements. I will have an announcement placed in the Times the day of your return.
Ruth

An engagement party, it was necessary even if it was rather soon after the sinking. We hadn't given any entertainments since Father's memory had begun to slip, this would be the first one in quite a long time. I'd been to plenty of them, ranging from two old money families, in which everything was slow and proper, to new money families where the main point of the evening was how much money was being spent. One bride's family had sent all the female guests home with golden bracelets, studded with emeralds, while the men had received gold cigarette cases. The most interesting ones were when the two types families were united, not for the gifts given, but for seeing the two groups mix. It usually led to some social chaos that lasted until the wedding, and it made the wedding all the more fun.

I looked outside, noting how the rain was still continuing to pour down. I still couldn't quite get the matches and tinder to full take off into a fire, so I grabbed a blanket from upstairs to throw over myself. I brought a book and my embroidery down as well, to occupy myself until Will returned. My embroidery was almost finished, and I spent a few hours picking out the last stitches before my fingers began to cramp from holding the needle so tightly. It was growing dark too, and I had to turn the lights on before I opened my book. The rain was still pattering off the roof, and I was thankful for my blanket and the fact that the flue was tightly shut. I was almost dozing after awhile, even as I tried to keep my eyes on the book.

I was startled by a sudden knock at the door, the blanket and book sliding off as I started up from the chair. I scrambled over to the window, looking out onto the front step. Charles was standing there, soaked, with Will's arm draped over his shoulder. Will barely had his eyes open, and was leaning heavily on Charles, who gave me a smile when he saw me look out. I unlocked the door, and the two of them stumbled in, Will fairly dragging his feet as he was pulled along. Charles grunted, "Hello Anastasia, had to drag this one back home." He moved over to the settee, depositing Will, before heading right for the door. "Afraid he had a bit too much at the pub, not that I can blame him. He'll be fine in the morning."

Will groaned loudly, half sliding off the settee, and I turned back to Charles, grabbing his sleeve to stop him from leaving immediately. "What happened?"

"What he was expecting, White Star no longer has need of his services so they gave him a lashing and told him to leave." Charles sighed, walking over and lifting Will's legs back onto the settee. "Sacked Moody too, dropped him at his apartment earlier. Poor boy's a wreck."

"Oh God, that's terrible." I tried to sound surprised, but Will had been expecting it for so long it seemed like a forgone conclusion. Poor James though, I had thought he might stay on. He was so young, and had been looking at a career. Now not only Will had had his plans demolished. Getting drunk seemed hardly a problem when compared to what had happened. I shook out my blanket, tossing it over Will. "I can't imagine it was easy on them."

"Not in the slightest, so the two of them drank themselves sick at the pub." Charles roughly pulled Will's head up, sticking a pillow underneath. "He's going to be hurting in the morning."

"My father used to get hungover." I walked over to Will, taking in his flushed face and glassy eyes. He blearily looked at me and reached for my skirt, tugging me closer to him, my progress only stopped by the arm of the settee. "I can handle him in the morning, what about the others?"

"Oh, they're keeping the rest of us on. We'll be alright." Charles leaned down, speaking slowly. "I'll be back in the morning Will, alright?"

He groaned, "Bugger off, Lights." Charles laughed, nodded to me, and headed out. I followed, locking the door before I headed back to Will. I knelt by the settee, he had turned onto his side and was loudly breathing, almost snoring. Will's hand quickly wrapping itself in my hair and pulling me closer. His blue eyes were glazed, his face red where it was pressed to the pillow. "See Ana, I told you it would happen." His accent was more prevalent, but slurred slightly.

I pulled his hand from my hair, holding it close and pressing a kiss to the knuckles. "It will all seem better in the morning."

"Y'know what they said? Said I was a worthless Scotsman, that no line would take me and they'd see to it." Will's voice grew harsh, "I gave them twelve years of my life!" He sat up suddenly, the blanket sliding off as he pulled me harshly against his legs. "I worked for them, slaved for them, and they just throw me out." I could hear a sob wrench out of his chest, "Ada died while I was out at sea, for them! I didn't even know she was sick, and all I got was a telegram." He had started to actually cry now, fat tears escaping. "And she didn't even want to be buried here! She wanted to go back to her family in New Zealand, so I just had to send her off on a ship." I wrapped my arms around his knees, pressing my head to them. It was all the comfort I could offer. I could feel him wrap his fingers in my hair, the weight on his head on mine as he leaned down. "I didn't even get to tell her I loved her one last time."

I stood and sat next to him, and he collapsed onto me, his face in my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him, holding him close and rocking slightly. "Shh, Will. That's all in the past. Ada must have known how much you loved her, and I know how much you love me. And you know I love you."

"I was a terrible husband, always gone." He pressed his face to my neck, "I had thought once I moved up I would get more time with Ada, but it was even more work." He shuddered in my arms, "I'll still be a terrible husband, you should just head home. You'd be better off if I jumped into the ocean." I felt a chill run down my neck, he hadn't been like this since the lifeboat.

"Will, you're drunk." I pressed my lips to his cheek. "This isn't you, it's the worst parts of you brought out by the drink." I felt his own lips find my neck, and I shivered as I felt his tears wet my skin. "It will all seem better in the morning. And listen, Mother wants to throw us a party back in New York. For our engagement, isn't that something?"

"I'm not worth a party." He mumbled, "I'm hardly worth the breath in my lungs."

"Now, Will." I drew his head up, pressing my palms to his cheeks. "You are priceless, and the dearest thing to me in the world. I don't want you to worry, I'll get to work finding you a place with me, you and Moody. It won't be an issue." He leaned forward suddenly, kissing me roughly, our teeth clicking together as I felt his tongue sweep over my lips. He tasted like sour beer and tobacco, and he dropped down to my neck, biting at my skin. I gasped at that, then moaned when he sucked on it. "Will, God."

His lips moved from my neck up to my ear, "Oh, Ana." He groaned, turning us so that I was on his lap, and he was practically nuzzling at my neck. "There's only one place I want to be with you." His hands moved from my waist to my bodice, flicking the buttons between his fingers as he struggled to free them. I let him continue, it seemed far better for him to be amorous than to be morose. It was no great hardship for me either, and I couldn't help but moan as he finally got the bodice open and set to work freeing my breasts. Although as his hands started to run up my skirt I stopped him grabbing his hands but he quickly shook them off.

"Will, you need to get some sleep." I muttered, feeling his fingers graze against my thighs through my stockings. "Come on, let's get to bed." I stood, pulling him upright.

He stumbled into me, sending me back against a wall. He kept kissing, his fingers working at the skirt of my dress still. His hands eventually found their way to my rear, digging his fingers in and pulling me flush to him. "Bed, I'd like to go to bed with you Ana. Bed you like a real man, not that fumbling. Haven't you been wanting that?" Will's voice was husky, and I felt a thrill run through me. His hand slipped inside my bodice, caressing me. "Come on, let's get going." He stepped back, turning for the stairs.

I moved away from the wall, "Will, you're drunk right now."

"Not too drunk that I can't be a real man." He caught his hand on the bannister, using it to steady himself as he climbed after me. I couldn't help but giggle when he lurched forward, almost falling on the steps as he tried to grab for my skirt. He pulled himself back up, "I'll have you doing more than laughing soon. I'll make you scream, that's at least something I know I can do."

"Will, come on then." I had gained the landing, and began walking backward to the bedroom. It would be simple to entice him into the bed, and then get him to sleep. He had practically fallen asleep on the settee earlier. "Follow me."

I had to give him credit, he must not have been as drunk as I had thought because just as I had the door open he practically tackled me to the bed. The sheets billowed around us, and he batted them down. He suddenly seemed to grow a dozen extra hands, rucking my skirt up at the same time as tugging the bodice of it loose. The dress was quickly discarded, and his fingers seemed blazing hot as he grabbed at my shoulders and breasts. His lips hardly left mine, even as he bunched my petticoats around my waist. I tried to push them back down. It was too much, it was all too much too fast. The way Will was suddenly on top of me, his hands dropping to fumble at his trousers even as he began to move between my legs, pushing them apart. And then is tongue was in my mouth again, all beer and tobacco and lust. I could barely breathe, and I pulled away. "Will-"

"Just give me a minute Ana, I swear I can get it open." He sat up, dropping both hands to his trousers.

"Will, stop!" I panted, trying to catch my breath. Will still had his jacket on, his waistcoat unbuttoned and the top of his trousers undone, and he blinked at me, confused. I pulled my arms up, crossing them over my breasts. "Just stop Will, please."

"Ana," He dropped down to sit on the bed, shaking his head heavily. "What, what is it? I thought you wanted this."

I sat up, pulling my petticoats back down to my calves. "I do, but not like this. You said you wanted to do this after we were married."

"But I'm willing now," He reached out, touching where the petticoats covered my knee. "Aren't you?"

"No," I shook my head, "Not now. You're drunk."

"I'm not that drunk." He looked me up and down, comprehension dawning on his face. "Oh God, Ana. What did I do?" He dropped his face into his hands. "I'm sorry, please, please Ana. I'm sorry."

"It's alright," I reached over and touched his shoulder. "You stopped when I said to. That's all that matters."

"You shouldn't have had to say it. I should have been able to tell." He mumbled. I tugged on his shoulder, pulling him up to me. He was still muttering as I stripped off his clothes, leaving him in his shirt and trousers. "I shouldn't have done this, you shouldn't be here. Go back to New York Ana, forget me." He kept up this refrain as I gently laid him back on the pillow.

I pulled the blanket over him, "I could never forget you, Will. And I am only going back with you." I stood, leaning over to kiss the top of his head. His breathing had already begun to slow, and he wrinkled his brow when I pressed my lips to it. "Now, go to sleep. I'll leave a glass of water on the nightstand, you'll want it in the morning. And I'll be downstairs, just call if you need anything."

"I don't want water, Ana." Will grumbled, not even opening his eyes.

"You're not going to want the headache you'll have either, but you're going to get both."