Chapter 11
Cold hands were gripping his shoulders and pressing his body onto the metal stretcher. The smell of disinfectant lingered in the air, paired with the stench of too strong perfume.
"Restrain him, he's moving too much."
"I am, but I can't grip his wings when you need to work on them."
He flapped his wing, knocking a metal tray full of instruments off a nearby table. The crooked but barely attached feathers sent a sharp pain through his spine.
"Fuck!"
There were shuffling feet, and now a new pair of hands were gripping his wings, long nails digging into the sensitive flesh beyond the feathers, tugging on the already hurting ones and making them move under his skin. Instinctively, he hardened the top layer of his wing, keeping the nails from hurting until-
"Motherfucker!" There was a cracking sound, and something small fell onto the floor.
"That's enough, I won't have any more of this bullshit!" The voice, most likely the woman with the blonde hair that had waited for him in the room as his handler had dragged him in, rose in pitch. The sharp nails were now digging into his back, right between the shoulder blades where the most sensitive part of his wings was. A sharp pain made him wince and he wanted to slap the hands away with his wings, but they didn't move. Instead, he felt like a weight was dropped onto his back, red feathers falling to the side and knocking into the table to his left again.
"That's better. Now, get me the scissors and that tweezer over there. No, the big one. Yes."
He couldn't move, couldn't slap the hands away but still felt the blinding pain when one of the barely attached feathers were pulled out with a grunt. Then another one. And another one. Something wet dripped onto the floor, and he still couldn't move. Another one.
"This one doesn't come off. Is it one of those big ones he can use as a sword?"
A whimper escaped his throat when the flight feather on his right wing was jostled. They were more firmly attached than the others, but he could feel it move in a way it wasn't supposed to.
"I don't know. But it doesn't look right. Boss said to pull the crooked ones for the press conference. They apparently grow back, so..."
A shiver ran down his spine. "Wait..."
They couldn't pull it. It was a flight feather. His balance would be off, and it was still attached, so they would pull it out of the fucking bone of his wing and without-
His thoughts were interrupted by a sharp tug and the world around him went white. The scream that escaped his lips didn't even sound like his voice anymore but a primal, guttural screech.
"Keigo! Keigo, wake up! Wake up! Hey!"
There were still hands on his shoulder and Keigo tried to get them off, tried to flap his wings but they still wouldn't move and he tried to get away but the grip was too strong and he-
"Keigo!"
His eyes adjusted to the dark of his own bedroom, blue ones staring back at him in shock. He was still laying on Touya's chest, and his hands had latched onto his shoulders in his sleep, leaving angry red talon marks on the skin beyond the bandages.
Keigo's heart was racing, and he could still feel the ache in his back from when they had pulled his feathers out.
"Keigo, breathe. Everything is okay. You're home..."
His breathing was labored and he could feel tears burning in the corner of his eyes.
"Can I touch you?"
Only then Keigo noticed that Touya had his arms sprawled across the mattress as if in surrender. A tear ran down his cheek and he nodded.
Carefully, Touya brushed his fingers over the nape of his neck, wandered into his hair and made soft, comforting sounds.
"Bad dream?"
Keigo nodded, and the hand in his hair stopped for a second, hesitating.
"I'm sorry..."
"Not... your fault."
Touya's chest vibrated as he chuckled softly.
"Not so sure about that... You were talking in your sleep, you know?"
Shit. What did he say?
Touya registered the question in his eyes, because he averted his and let the hands drop away from Keigo's hair.
"Something about your flight feathers, and that they couldn't be removed..." Keigo tensed. Shit. This was not-
Touya's hands were twitching beside him on the mattress. "Maybe I should leave. It's nearly five, so I got that night's sleep in your bed that you wanted. But it's clearly not helping you recover, and I don't want you to-"
Keigo didn't let him finish, but placed a finger on his lips to shut his totally misplaced reasoning up.
"Not... Your fault." Touya's brows furrowed, but he waited for any explanation Keigo wanted to offer him.
He slowly got up from Touya's chest and reached for the nightstand. The text-to-speech device was laying beside the breathing mask on the nightstand, and Keigo mentally made a note to wear it again the next day. His throat was aching.
His fingers trembled slightly when he typed on the little touchscreen.
"Had a nightmare about a grooming session."
Touya slowly got up into a sitting position as well, eyes fixed on Keigo.
"What do you mean?"
He could see that Touya's thoughts were racing trying to connect the dots.
Keigo cleared his throat and winced. Stray tears were still burning in his eyes, but he refused to wipe them away.
"They used to groom my feathers before big events."
A tear was running down his cheek now, but Keigo fixed his eyes on the device in his hand to avoid the look in Touya's eyes.
"One day I got into a pretty big fight with a villain before an important press event. I'd lost a lot of feathers, and some were crooked, and some were split but still attached. They looked weird, I got that. But the commission officers said I needed to look the part and ordered medical to remove the strays."
"And they did. Even the flight feathers," Touya stated with an unreadable expression.
"Yes, but they were still attached."
Touya's brows furrowed for a second, before his eyes went wide. Keigo trusted his general knowledge on anatomy enough to understand the implication.
"To the bone?! They pulled out the feathers from your bone?!"
Keigo nodded, fingers trembling while he typed:
"Not the only time. Like I said, not your fault. My brain just decided that it's a memory to keep." He smiled through the tears.
"Shit, Keigo... Shit." Warm hands wiped the tears from his cheek. "I... That's torture."
Keigo shrugged. "Can't do it anymore now."
Touya leaned forward and pulled him into a hug, hands carefully placed on the back of his head. "No... They can't."
They stayed like that for a while until Keigo's heart calmed down and his hands weren't shaking as much.
"Do you wanna lay down again?"
Keigo's eyes wandered to the clock. There were still a few hours left until the morning and the appointment. Maybe that was another reason why his subconsciousness decided to pull up that memory again. He needed to tell Touya to leave before the house call... But not yet. They had still time.
He nodded and let himself be pulled down onto the mattress again. Touya was especially gentle with him, and still there was that distance in his behavior, his movements. Keigo was asking himself if it was because he still felt guilty.
When the alarm clock went off, Touya's eyes flew open. He wasn't used to a blaring sound waking him up, but Keigo's fingers found the off switch without even opening his eyes.
They got up and took turns in the bathroom, helping each other get dressed and made breakfast. Touya wasn't used to this level of domesticity. The league didn't actually bother to eat together except for maybe game night or when Twice decided to try out the rundown kitchen for one of his special recipes... His fingers started twitching at the thought of Twice. They'd been close if you counted occasional banter and inside jokes as such. But it had been his decision. Better him than somebody else... It'd been quick. A hero might not have had the mercy. He kept telling himself that.
A steaming cup of coffee was placed in his hand, and he looked up. Keigo was leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping on a latte.
"Thanks..." Touya took a sip and enjoyed the heat traveling down his throat, leaving a warm feeling in his stomach.
"You okay?"
Touya nodded. The pain was not more than a dull ache right now, thanks to the painkillers. But he noticed the way Keigo's fingers were gripping the coffee cup, knuckles white.
"But you're not." He didn't elaborate, letting Keigo the freedom to tell him. But he only got a surprised reaction, badly faked.
"You're stress gripping your latte," he stated matter-of-factly, and Keigo looked down at his hands as if seeing them for the first time. His mouth formed a little o, which Touya might have found cute under different circumstances.
"Still thinking about the nightmare?"
Keigo shook his head and shrugged at the same time, which made both not very convincing.
He winced when Touya laid a hand on his arm. "What's wrong? And don't lie to me," he added for good measure. He knew that look on his face.
"I..." The hand gripping the latte shook lightly, and Touya laid his hand over Keigo's, making sure the hot liquid wouldn't spill.
"You have... to... leave...," his voice wasn't as sore as yesterday, but it was still not more than a whisper.
Touya froze. After last night, he thought that Keigo wanted him here. But maybe he had overstayed his welcome now. After all, he came here out of his own selfish motif. Keigo had tolerated him, helped him even though he had no reason to. He swallowed and slowly removed his hand from the coffee cup.
"Okay... If you want me to leave, I'll go. But promise me to eat something before taking the meds, alright?"
The coffee cup started shaking more, drops of coffee already spilling onto the counter.
"Can I help you put that down?" He guided Keigo's hand downwards, until the cup sat on the counter. Touya knew that he couldn't simply pry open a stress grip, but there were methods to make it relax enough to let go. He laid his hands on Keigo's and let heat flow to his palms. Not enough to burn, but enough to relax the muscles.
After a few seconds, Keigo's fingers relaxed enough to pry the coffee cup from his hand.
"There you go... " Keigo stared at the fingers stroking his hand. "Okay. I'll go now. Sorry for staying so long..."
Touya drew his hand back, but Keigo grabbed his wrist before he could turn away, fingers trembling.
"No... I don't..." He obviously struggled to find words. "...want you to leave."
"But you just told me...?"
Keigo's breath hitched, and Touya got even more concerned. What the hell was going on here?
"Keigo, tell me what's wrong." He took the speaking device and laid it in Keigo's trembling hand. He typed for a few seconds, and when the electronic voice came out of the little speaker, Touya's eyes grew wide:
"They're coming here at 12 with a physiotherapist. You have to leave, they can't see you here."
They obviously couldn't see him here. He looked at the clock on the wall: 11:15. So there was still a little time. But the fact that a physiotherapist appointment let Keigo close to a panic attack was more than concerning.
"Let's sit down for a second, okay?"
They walked over to the beige couch, and Touya pushed Keigo down on the plush pillow.
"Why are you so afraid of the physiotherapist? They may help you with the balance issue you're having... I don't like-"
"No. They're commission people. It's an evaluation."
"What?" Touya's brows furrowed in confusion.
"They want to send me to a rehab facility."
"Wait, what?"
His blood ran cold. Did that mean...?
"What does this mean? Are they taking you away? I thought you were..."
"I don't know. But they still own me." The electronic voice made this statement even more cold than the dead eyes with which Keigo looked down at his hands.
"I can't leave you with them Keigo."
"You need to leave."
"Keigo, no. You can't-"
"Leave."
"Why didn't you tell me?!" Touya shouted, and immediately regretted it when he saw how Keigo winced at the sudden outburst.
"When should I've done that?"
He was right. There had been no conversation about the consequence of all... this. He had cared for him yesterday. It should have been the other way round. He should have asked more questions. Of course this wasn't as easy as they'd imagined. And he had no right to-
"And what would you have done if I'd told you? I've already postponed the appointment once. I cannot do it again."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you."
Despite the talons, Keigo's fingers were soft when they intertwined with Touya's.
"I's okay. I'm afraid, too."
Touya swallowed. "What will they do to you?"
Keigo was silent for a moment, before he typed: "I don't know. Evaluate if I'm still fit for a job with them? Civilian duties? Desk job? Withdrawal from service?"
"Let's hope for the latter, then..."
Touya huffed out a laugh, but Keigo's lips didn't move.
"They still own me, Touya. I've killed. And they'll want me to do it again."
"Maybe they won't... Maybe it has been enough."
Keigo shook his head, and his grip around Touya's hand hardened.
"Not with Shigaraki on the loose. Not with everything that's happened in the last few days. We're at war. They'll take every soldier. Even the crippled ones."
"You're not-"
"Go." The hand around his loosened and Touya wanted to hold him back, but Keigo was faster. He stood up, taking his cane and walked towards the bedroom.
"Keigo, please-"
"You can take some of the meds if you want. They're in the bag by the bathroom door."
"Keigo!" He wasn't as fast as he used to be, so Touya could easily catch up with him. He wouldn't let him push him away like that.
"Wait, please. You can't just- Hey." He grabbed Keigo by the arm before he could reach the bedroom door, turning him around to face him. There were tears threatening to spill from Keigo's eyes, and Touya froze.
"You said you don't want me to leave, and now you're sending me away with a half-assed goodbye?"
Keigo just stared at him.
"What if they'll hurt you?" Like I did.
Keigo took the device and typed for a long time, fingers trembling, and Touya waited.
"I don't want you to leave because I am afraid of what will happen once they notice that I'm useless for them. But you need to leave because if you don't, then I'll never see you again."
The last sentence hovered between them like a curse. I'll never see you again.
Touya had thought he'd never see Keigo again after the Gunga Villa. He'd thought that his own actions would seal his fate and destroy everything. He'd been wrong. But now, the fear started to creep up his spine again, cold and cruel.
"Will I see you again?" He asked quietly, blue eyes searching golden ones.
Keigo smiled, but it was so sad that the fear cut its teeth even deeper into Touya's heart.
He leaned forward and pressed a kiss onto Touya's lips.
"Take care, Touya."
The bedroom door closed behind him, and Touya just stood there, staring at the wood. He didn't understand how Keigo could just send him away like that. Not when these people were coming for him...
He knew he needed to leave, it was the rational thing to do.
The clock in the kitchen showed 11:40 now. He needed to get far enough away, in broad daylight, before the commission people arrived. Or somebody else got suspicious. But still...
He balled his hands into a fist, felt the heat radiating inside of him, down his arms, tingling in his fingers. He needed to breathe. He could hear Keigo's breathing behind the door and the sound of something heavy sliding down the other side of it. He wanted to lay a hand on the wood but was too afraid to leave a mark. So Touya turned on his heels and headed for the balcony.
