Chapter 8

"Don't forget to breathe," it came softly from Regina, who had been watching Emma knot her hands in her lap and stare ahead of her for a while. She couldn't remember ever seeing her girlfriend so nervous.

Emma promptly let the air escape her lungs in gushes and looked over at Regina, who had taken a seat in the chair next to her in the waiting room. "I shouldn't have brought you here," it came softly from her. Not only did she not like the fact that Regina found her so agitated; the brunette was clearly not comfortable in her skin, which she could easily tell from Regina's bolt upright back. Emma couldn't say for sure whether it was the hospital in general, her nervousness, or the fact that the waiting room was filled with people of various ages, all in more or less advanced stages of cancer-related decline.

"What are you talking about?" it came from Regina, who took her cramped hands in hers and looked her in the eye. "You didn't force me to come. I wanted to," she reminded her, briefly stroking her hair with her free hand.

Emma closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on the tender touches before nodding. She was grateful that none of the other patients were acquaintances of theirs. Otherwise, she didn't know how else to keep her condition a secret when she was sitting in an oncology consultation. "Do you want to come in for the conversation later?" So far, Emma had already had blood drawn, her vital signs documented, and a brief physical examination, with Regina spending the entire time outside the door. Now all that was left was the doctor's interview, where everything would be evaluated and therapy discussed.

"If it's all right with you," she nodded, then leaned her head against Emma's shoulder. As she did so, she met the gaze of an older woman across from her, clearly marked by the disease, whom she had never consciously seen in Storybrooke and did not know from the Enchanted Forest, but who looked at her kindly from bright blue eyes and nodded at her with an encouraging smile. Regina returned the smile faintly, wondering if it was normal in an oncology anteroom for everyone to give encouragement to everyone else, since they were all in a boat that would either sail around the iceberg at the last minute or head straight for it. She averted her eyes from her and raised her head to look at Emma again.

The latter was surprised when Regina suddenly stared at her so intently. "Yes, it's all right," she said, assuming that Regina was reacting that way because of the lack of response so far. Emma had taken it for granted that she would not object.

"We'll do this together," Regina whispered, even though she wasn't sure at the moment whether she was trying to give Emma or herself more courage with that.

Emma smiled and leaned her forehead against Regina's. "Let's see if you still say that when I'm hanging over the toilet bowl puking," she smirked and gave her a quick kiss, regardless of the people around them. She got the impression that no one cared anyway, and everyone was busy with their own dark thoughts.

"Then especially," Regina replied seriously, returning the kiss and then looking her firmly in the eyes.

Emma smiled briefly and then pulled back from her a little to sit up straight in her chair again. "I won't blame you if you change that opinion someday," it came monotonously from her.

Regina was about to retort, but was interrupted by the opening of the consulting room door, from which stepped a young woman with a child on her hip, shaken by sobs. To somehow suppress the desperate sounds coming from her throat, she pressed a handkerchief in front of her mouth with her free hand and hurried through the waiting area and out into the hallway without looking directly at anyone.

Emma's gaze followed her and she was glad at that moment that when she got her own diagnosis she had succeeded in preventing such an appearance and that the collapse had only taken place in her car. When she was out of sight, her gaze slid to Regina, who was still staring, transfixed, at the doorway through which the woman had just disappeared. "That happens here a lot," she whispered, placing her hand gently on Regina's thigh.

Regina, however, could say nothing at that moment. She imagined how Emma had had to cope with it alone all this time. She was so deep in thought that she was also surprised that Emma suddenly stood up, took her hand, and pulled her along with her. Questioningly, she raised her eyes to her girlfriend.

"I've been called up. But you can wait here," Emma assured her again.

Immediately Regina stood up, shook her head and closed her hand tighter around her girlfriend's. "No, I'll go with you."

Uncertainly, Emma nodded and the two passed the door, which was held open for them by the receptionist before the latter left the room and closed the door again.

"Ms. Swan, Ms. Mills," Heart, who was seated behind her desk, greeted the two and pointed to the chairs in front of them.

Only when they were both seated did they disengage their fingers from each other. "Hello, Dr. Heart," it came from Emma, while Regina only nodded briefly and stared at her tensely.

"How are you feeling?" the doctor inquired of Emma first.

"Pretty good, I guess," Emma replied, lifting one shoulder noncommittally.

Heart looked at her with a knowing look, as if she didn't expect any other answer. "Well, I guess we should get right to the point, then," she began, opening the file that lay on the table in front of her. "According to your lab results, your leukocyte count has continued to rise, while your erythrocyte and platelet counts have dropped even further. Have you noticed any signs of bleeding lately?"

Emma sensed Regina looking at her from the side, but kept her gaze fixed on Heart. "I've had nosebleeds from time to time," she said, "and I bruise easily."

"The examination didn't reveal anything in that regard."

"Regina healed them with magic," she explained right away. As long as she remained honest, there was no reason for her to inquire any further.

As Emma had hoped, she just nodded and made an entry in the file. "Did you notice anything else about you that was different from normal?"

She didn't think she would have such a hard time answering her questions until she realized it was because of Regina's presence. To her, she was always strong and showed no signs of weakness, but with the answers she had to give, it felt like her body was in ruins and she was incapable of anything. "I'm exhausted and tired faster than usual," it finally came from her after a long hesitation. "Sometimes I feel dizzy and have trouble breathing." Her gaze dropped to her hands, which she had placed in her lap, and again she could see Regina's head dart around to her out of the corner of her eye.

This time, however, she also said what she was thinking. "You never said anything about that."

Emma took a deep breath and met her gaze. "Because it wasn't that bad and I was expecting exactly that kind of reaction," she nodded.

"Yesterday she broke down," came a sudden response from Regina directed at Heart.

"Broke down in what way?" the latter wanted to know more precisely.

"She had some kind of sudden feeling of faintness and was unconscious briefly."

The doctor took notes. "How long was she unconscious?"

Regina considered; it had felt like half an eternity, but she realized that this had been due to her panic. "Not long... I think... a minute at most?!"

"Okay, wow, I'm still here too!" it came with raised hands from Emma as suddenly she was no longer the one being spoken to. "I had bent over and after that I was dizzy and everything went black. That's all."

"Then you weren't unconscious?" Dr. Heart wanted her to know now.

"Well... yes. Briefly. But..."

"Ms. Swan, it's important that you are honest with me. We're not here to make you feel like you've done anything wrong. We are creating a final picture of your current condition and adjusting your treatment plan based on that. Now is not the time to be the tough heroine."

Emma rolled her eyes and slumped back in the chair with her arms folded in front of her chest. Even though Regina had insisted that she put on a warmer jacket, she had wrapped herself in her leather jacket. She had known ahead of time that she would desperately need her armor today. "Alright. Yeah, I got sick and collapsed, then I was out for a bit. I was fine again this morning. Satisfied?"

Heart nodded and got to work on her computer. "I've already made a plan for the upcoming chemotherapy treatments that I'd like to go over with you," she explained, and the printer behind her sprang to life, spitting out two sheets that she placed on the table between the three of them. "It is important that we begin treatment as soon as possible. As you already know, you are suffering from a form of blood cancer called Acute Myeloid Leukemia, or AML. The chances of recovery are relatively good, but the acute form is also very aggressive and progresses quickly, which is why we need to act all the more quickly now."

Emma just nodded and stared dully at the two pieces of paper. She already knew all of this. She just wanted to get this conversation over with and get to the hospital as soon as it was required of her. The details interested her very little, since she already knew that all the medical jargon would make her head spin. Besides, it was usually better not to have too much information and think about it in more detail. However, she could tell from Regina's eager gaze that not everyone felt the same way. She clearly wanted to know exactly what Heart was going to do with her. Suddenly, Emma realized she must have missed a question, as they both stared at her expectantly. "Excuse me, what?"

"I wanted to know if you had thought about the possibility of port implantation," Heart repeated patiently.

Emma looked to Regina and then back to her. "I don't care, I'm doing what's recommended."

"It's a minor procedure, but we don't have to do it right away. I'd suggest we do the first chemo cycle, which starts Monday, without a port, and then we'll talk about it again."

"On Monday already?" was all Emma took away from those words.

Regina put a hand around hers and looked at her with concern. "She explained all that in the last few minutes," it came quietly from her.

"Yeah, sure," Emma nodded and withdrew her hand. She hadn't heard a word the doctor had said. Tiredly, she ran her hand over her face, trying hard to regain her concentration. "Okay, so I don't want surgery that isn't absolutely necessary," it finally came from her. "I want this other thing. This hiccup... whatever."

"Hickman catheter," Heart nodded, making a note. "That's possible, of course, but the dressing has to be changed regularly and meticulously. The risk of inflammation is higher than with a port."

"I don't care," it came from Emma, whose concentration was fading more and more. Carefully, she ran her fingers over her throbbing forehead. "Would it be possible for you to be brief on the rest? Just a summary of the plan, that's all I can remember anyway," she finally asked, looking at her.

"But Emma..." Regina interjected.

"I know this is all very important to you. And you have my permission to let her give you all the information. But the approximate version is enough for me," Emma said honestly, hoping not to hurt her with that. She was aware that Regina's overzealousness stemmed from concern for her. Besides, she was generally a perfectionist and wanted to be prepared for any eventuality.

"All right, broadly speaking, the plan is for you to come to the hospital on Monday, where you will have to stay as an inpatient for ten days, undergoing the first cycle of chemo in the form of continuous infusions via a pump. After that, depending on your condition, you can go home. After fourteen days, we will check your parameters and, depending on the results, we will either start the second ten-day cycle immediately or after one more week. This would then complete the so-called induction therapy." As Emma nodded, she wanted to continue, but the blonde interrupted her directly.

"That's all I wanted to know for now. What comes after that, we can discuss when the time comes." She was so tired she didn't know how she could have listened any further.

Regina stiffened beside her, but this time said nothing. Instead, she turned her eyes to the doctor again. "Why the chemo? Don't they usually do a bone marrow transplant for leukemia?"

Sighing, Emma leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.

"It's unusual to go straight to a transplant. Chemotherapy is the drug of choice and actually makes stem cell transplant unnecessary in some cases," Heart explained to her.

"But wouldn't that cure Emma?"

The doctor gave her a gentle smile. "If it were that simple, I don't think there would be so many problems with this disease. You see, it's not exactly easy to find a suitable donor to begin with. And even if there was one, this type of treatment is not without risk. The transplant is preceded by high doses of chemotherapy, which the body has to cope with first, and afterwards there is always the risk of severe infections. In the worst case we have to deal with a rejection reaction. As perfect as stem cell donation sounds, chemotherapy is the better and more correct choice right now."

Regina swallowed hard, but nodded at her. "Thank you for your patience."

"Can we please go home now?", Emma now tried again and straightened up in her chair, her eyes pleadingly fixed on Regina.

The brunette nodded and squeezed her hand briefly. "Of course, sorry."

"Any questions for you now, Ms. Swan?" nevertheless, Heart turned to Emma again, but she shook her head.

"I want to go home, that's all."

"Suit yourself. I've written down all the important information for you. It is important that you keep the appointments exactly. I'll expect you Monday morning at eight o'clock then."

As Heart stood up, the two women did likewise, extending their hands to her one by one. Emma thanked her, and Regina was already turning toward the door when the younger of the two addressed the doctor again. "Before I forget: Does the hospital have first aid classes for teenagers? Our son would love to attend one."

Heart nodded. "Sure. We have offerings for different ages that change every week. Our website is always up to date, and you can sign him up directly there."

Emma nodded, thanked her again, and then linked arms with Regina after they had crossed the waiting area and were on their way to the car. The cold air outside did Emma good and made her feel a little more alert again. Deeply, she breathed in and out.

"Are you okay?" Regina asked, stopping for a moment to turn to her.

Briefly, Emma smiled a little and then rested her head against Regina's chest as she hugged her. "Yeah, everything's fine. I'm just tired. Nothing new," she then replied wryly and a little annoyed with herself.

"Do you think it's so good if you just let Heart run with it?", Regina then wanted to know as she also put her arms around Emma and gently stroked her back. "I'm just saying...it's your body after all."

Emma nodded against her chest and then lifted her head to look at her. "Whatever the treatment involves exactly, it's something you can well do without. But I want to get better, so I don't have a choice, do I? I'd rather be spared the details."

"I kind of understand what you're saying. But... you didn't even tell me about the port, for example," she then said softly.

"Regina, honestly? I didn't think about it at all anymore. I didn't intentionally not tell you. I've now chosen the catheter, but you're welcome to do more research on the pros and cons and prove me wrong. I trust the judgment you will then make afterwards," she smiled and stroked her hair. Regina's sad, serious expression hurt her soul, so she leaned over and kissed her. "I'm afraid you'll always be so serious from now on," she whispered, "It hasn't even really started yet, and already you're looking at me so scared, like I could drop dead at any moment."

Regina blinked away her tears and closed her eyes instead. "After all, I am scared of losing you. I don't know how to turn that off. And ever since that woman came out of the consulting room, the one with the little kid, I can't stop thinking about Henry. He needs you as much as I do."

Again, Emma pulled Regina into a tight hug. "And I'll do everything I can to stay with you. But research is your thing. My seeming lack of interest doesn't mean I'm giving up on me, okay?" She felt more than saw Regina nod, and held her for a while longer before breaking away and taking her hand. "Come on, let's go get something to eat and then we'll get comfortable until Henry gets back from school."

Together they walked hand in hand to Regina's Mercedes and got in.

"Emma!"

Emma's stomach tightened when she heard her mother's voice call her name. She couldn't tell her what was going on, at least not yet. But she also knew she couldn't just ignore her. So she got out of the car again and turned in the direction from which the call had come.

Snow hurried across the path from the park to the hospital parking lot with Neal in the stroller, wrapped warmly in a blanket.

"Hey, Mom," Emma greeted her, giving her a quick hug when they reached her. She then leaned down to her brother and pressed a peck to his forehead before pulling his cap back down lower on his face. Behind her, she heard Regina getting out of her car again.

"Hello, dear. What are you two doing here?", Snow promptly wanted to know.

"We...ran errands and..." Seeking help, she turned to Regina, who was propping her forearms on the roof of the car.

"Henry's been interested in medicine lately, and we asked around the hospital on the way back from shopping to see if they offered classes for teenagers," Regina came to her rescue.

Emma admired her for how calm her voice sounded and how her face revealed nothing of the agitated state she had been in a moment ago. But that was probably what distinguished a good mayor.

"Oh, then he wants to study medicine? How wonderful! I'd always thought he'd be more into literature, but of course that's a great choice too," Snow's immediate enthusiasm kicked in.

"Uh, yeah, we'll see. I don't think that's going to be his final decision yet, and he's still got a few years to go," Emma rebuffed, then quickly changed the subject. "Are you okay, Mom?"

"I can't complain. I love the days with Neal, even though he can be exhausting now and then. I wish I could have experienced that with you, too."

Not only Emma, but Regina looked down at the floor in dismay. "Well, I wish I could have had that too when I was a kid. But meanwhile, it's fine the way it is." She really meant what she said. She was grateful that everything had turned out this way. If it hadn't been for Regina's curse that had separated her from her parents, Regina would never have become the woman she was now, and they would never have had the opportunity to become close. And even more impactful, Henry would never have been born.

"Don't you guys want to come over for dinner this weekend? You haven't visited in so long!"

Emma hesitated, but finally nodded. "Okay, why not." She could see Regina's petrified expression, but ignored it for the moment.

"Tomorrow night? Let's say 7:00?" Snow suggested enthusiastically, and Emma nodded.

"All right, Mom. We'll be there. But now we have to get going, the...uh...the ice cream is melting." She hugged her mother and then sat back in the passenger seat, where she briefly raised her hand again in farewell.

Regina mumbled a goodbye and slid behind the wheel.

"Take care! See you tomorrow!" they heard Snow say before both car doors were closed and Regina pulled out of the parking space and turned onto the main road.

"This is not how I imagined the weekend would go. And now I had to lie for you as well! I certainly hope you'll at least tell them tomorrow," she grumbled.

Emma took a deep breath. "Maybe. I don't know yet." She turned to Regina, noting the vein pulsing with anger and tension on her forehead. "Thank you. And I'm sorry," it came from her honestly in response.

Immediately Regina's face relaxed a bit and her anger faded as quickly as it had come. "I know."