Chapter 18
When Emma woke up the next day, she was alone in bed again. A glance at her smartphone told her that it was already ten o'clock, which is why she wasn't surprised that Regina was no longer lying next to her, especially since she certainly still had a lot to prepare. Emma stretched and finally got up. Once again, she felt a little dizzy in the first few minutes, but that subsided more quickly than the day before. Freshly showered and dressed in black sweatpants and sweatshirt, she descended the stairs after her bathroom visit and peeked into the living room.
"Good morning, Ma!" it came from Henry, who was sitting on the sofa with a comic book and immediately raised his head when she entered the room.
"Morning, kid. I suppose Regina has already left?!" she speculated, taking a seat next to her son.
"Already hours ago. I've been up since eight, and she was gone by then."
Emma raised her eyebrows and slumped back against the back of the sofa. "She just can't leave it alone. She he can claim as much as she wants that she doesn't care about the festival," she grinned and gave Henry a quick kiss on the cheek. "Sleep well?"
"Sure, you?"
Emma shrugged. "If everything worked out as well as sleeping, I wouldn't have any more problems."
"Are you hungry?", Henry wanted to know further and put his book aside. "I can make you something again if you want."
For a moment she considered, but then shook her head. "I'll just have some tea. I'm assuming there's going to be food at the town fair," she said, standing up. "Shall I make you one, too?"
Shaking his head, Henry rose as well. "No, thanks. I'll go upstairs and change. Mom said we can meet her at the fairgrounds as soon as you're awake and we feel like it. You do feel like it, don't you?"
Emma had to laugh as he literally put the answer in her mouth. "Sure. Just let me get awake first," she said and went into the kitchen while Henry ran upstairs to his room. Somehow she could understand his euphoria, after all, hardly anything worth mentioning happened in a small town like Storybrooke, so a festival of this size was an absolute sensation not to be missed. She herself didn't think much of it, although the memory of the previous year brought another grin to her face. Still, she felt as if she would destroy that memory as soon as she set foot in the square. She had not said lightly to Regina that everything had changed. She wouldn't be able to drink alcohol, and even though she was feeling much better overall, she lacked her previous ease. Every simple movement, every simple step cost her an infinite amount of strength and she could hardly occupy her mind with anything other than how to get her body to hold out for another hour.
"The water has boiled," it suddenly sounded from Henry, who had appeared behind her.
Only now did Emma notice that she had been leaning on the countertop with her hands, lost in thought, and that the kettle in front of her had long since gone silent. "Yeah, sure. I know." Hastily, she filled her cup and swayed the tea bag back and forth in it.
"Did I interrupt anything you were doing?" Henry wanted to know, who was watching her critically.
"No, I was just thinking."
"About what?"
Emma smirked and looked at him. "All sorts of things."
Henry took a seat at the table and propped his head in his hands. "You want to talk about it?"
Emma continued to eye him for a while before finally shaking her head. "No, it's okay."
"You can, though. You don't have to go easy on me if that's what it is," he replied immediately.
"That's sweet of you. But I just have to deal with myself right now, that's all. I appreciate your offer and I'll be sure to take you up on it when I feel like it," she appeased him, taking a seat next to him with her cup after tossing the tea bag in the trash.
"Was Mom still mad about the trip to the sports field later yesterday?" he wanted to know after a while.
Emma blew into her tea to cool it down and shook her head. "No, don't worry. She realized she overreacted."
"You still shouldn't have played. What if you'd gotten hurt?"
Emma shrugged. "Well, I would have gotten hurt then. Stuff happens, with or without cancer."
Henry looked at her with his serious eyes, and it was impossible to guess what he was thinking at that moment.
"I know that look. What's wrong?" She set her cup down, folded her arms in front of her on the table and leaned toward him slightly.
Henry hesitated and briefly ran his hand over the back of his neck, a gesture he had gotten into the habit of doing when he was nervous. "I got myself another glass of water last night," he began slowly.
Emma didn't know what he was getting at, so she remained silent, waiting.
"I heard you guys. I wasn't eavesdropping, but you were hard to miss. Did you really mean what you said? Do you wish you'd never gone to the hospital?"
Emma's heart nearly broke at the look he gave her. It was a mixture of outrage, hurt and fear. "Henry, please forget what I said."
Astonished, he looked at her. "You've been pretty clear."
"I know. It was just a stupid situation at that moment. Of course, it would be absolutely stupid to refuse treatment, but sometimes thoughts like that just come to me. When you feel like you're 100 years old and it's exhausting just getting out of bed, you inevitably think about whether it's really worth it," she tried to explain to him what had caused her to break down emotionally like that.
Henry eyed her and his look seemed less than convinced. "I understand what you're saying. But it's not just silly musings, these things are seriously on your mind. How do I know you won't wake up some morning and decide you don't want to go on?"
Emma bit her lower lip and slowly shook her head while maintaining eye contact with him. "You can't. That's not something I can promise you," she then quietly but honestly returned. "I can promise you it won't be today or tomorrow. But if the chemo doesn't work or I get worse and worse for whatever reason, I'm certainly not going to have poison poured into me until my last breath."
Henry was silent and nodded after a while. "Thank you for being honest." He took a deep breath and stood up. "I'll wait for you in the living room. I just need a moment."
Emma looked after her son and lowered her head into her palm. As brave as he was, she hated that such conversations had become the norm in their daily lives. When her tea mug was empty, she put the cup in the dishwasher and shortly after leaned in the doorway to the living room. "I'm ready," she said softly, at which point Henry stood up. "Could you maybe get my jeans from upstairs? They're hanging in the bathroom." It was going to be a long day and she knew she had to be economical with her energy and avoid unnecessary stair climbing.
"Sure," he nodded and was already on his way up. When he came back down, he tossed the pants to Emma, who deftly caught them.
"I'll change quickly, then we can go," she informed her son.
While Emma was changing her sweatpants for jeans in the living room, Henry was already slipping into his sneakers and pulling on a jacket.
"Can you text your mom that we're on our way?" Emma asked as she rejoined him and in turn slipped into her street clothes. To boots, scarf and anorak, she also put her beanie on her head in addition.
"Done." Henry opened the door and offered her his arm outside so she could link arms with him.
"My gentleman," Emma grinned, putting her arm around his shoulders instead. "I'll tell you one thing: we're having fun today. Conversations like we just had are important, but we're not going to let them ruin our day, you understand?"
Henry grinned wryly at her. "Sure."
"Henry!" Playfully stern, she looked at him.
"Yes, Ma! Got it. I'll be squealing on the merry-go-round, cheering with the five-year-olds," he replied, playfully enthusiastic. "Happy?"
"Don't get sassy, will you?" Smiling, she continued to walk along beside him, glad that at least he hadn't completely lost his sense of humor.
After they had found Regina scurrying wildly around the fairgrounds, and the latter had immediately assigned Emma a chair in the warm, the final preparations were made before the first visitors arrived around three p.m.
"Can I get out of here now, or do I have to sit around here until tonight?" Emma asked Regina, slowly but surely annoyed, as her friend came to check on her for what must have been the tenth time.
"Be glad I shielded you from everything for a while longer. Or did you want to help Snow with the final decorations? She asked about you two hours ago for the first time already," Regina countered bitingly.
"Wow, take it easy, Madam Mayor," Emma commented, looking at her wide-eyed. Slowly she stood up and put her hands on Regina's upper arms, stroking them gently up and down. "It's time you take a breath."
Regina stood stiff and tense in front of her, absolutely caught up in her serious self as she seemingly looked through Emma.
"Hey, relax," Emma whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Regina, breathe." Gently, she pulled her close and stroked her back with her hands.
At last Regina expelled her breath in a heavy gush and let herself sink against her.
"How do you do that?" Emma wanted to know.
"How do I do what?"
"How do you get through being so tense all the time. You wear that masquerade every time you leave the house. Why don't you loosen up a little," she suggested.
"That's easy for you to say, you're not the mayor and you have to prove to everyone out there that you've changed and mean them no harm," she countered gruffly.
Emma shrugged her shoulders. "What's different at home?"
"It's different with you," it came quietly from her. "You've always taken me for who I am. To you I was never the Evil Queen, to you I was always just Regina. You are my family. With you, I can allow myself not to be perfect."
"Then allow yourself to do the same here. Believe me, no one will care if your blouse and hair aren't perfect. It doesn't make you look weak, it makes you look human," it came from her calmly as she stroked her through her dark strands and looked into her eyes. "It's more likely to scare them if you seem like a robot that's infallible."
Regina sighed and leaned her head against Emma's shoulder again. "I just don't feel like it changes anything in their image they have of me. They have their preconceived notions and there's no changing that."
"Prove them wrong. Be casual, have fun," Emma said before turning her head and whispering in her ear, "And if you want, we'll have our kind of fun after."
"Is this going to become an annual tradition now?" she then wanted to know, probably for the first time not reacting irritably to the embarrassing disaster of the previous year.
Emma shrugged and kissed her, "It could become one."
"I'm in."
"Ms. Mills?" The tent tarp was pushed aside and Sidney Glass poked his head in.
Regina's expression froze and her gaze turned cold as ice. "What?" she harangued him before turning to face him almost in slow motion.
"Madam Mayor, I apologize so much, but the photo. We need the opening photo for the Daily Mirror," he reminded her stammering, lowering his head as if her gaze would otherwise turn him to stone if he looked directly at her.
"Let him live," Emma whispered with a grin before letting go of Regina's arm.
Slowly, the brunette beauty came over on her high heels to the reporter quivering with fear and pushed past him into the open. "Well then, what are you waiting for? I don't have all day either."
"Of course not, sorry," Emma heard him stammer before they both walked away.
Alone again in the tent, Emma paced impatiently. She feared that the festival would be even worse than the previous year. Although Regina made no secret of their relationship this time, she still had no time for the two of them and getting drunk was not an option this year either. Sighing, she looked around. She couldn't shake off the suspicion that Regina had set up this tent with the patio heater especially for her. Suddenly, a smile crept onto her lips, since this gesture was somehow meant to be kind.
Suddenly Regina's voice sounded from outside again, before she pushed the tent cover aside.
"That was quick," Emma noted.
Regina, however, just shook her head and held out her hand to her in a prompting gesture that she should take it. "According to a tradition, the incumbent mayor has to be in the photo with her or his partner. Sometimes I wonder if he comes up with that on the spur of the moment, or if he thinks about something like that for a longer time," she said sourly.
Emma put her hand in Regina's and went with her, "What if the partner refuses?"
"Please, don't do this discussion to me!" Regina pleaded.
Smirking, Emma pressed a kiss to her cheek. "No, don't worry. I wouldn't do that."
"Ms. Mills, Ms. Swan." Sidney tilted his head as the two women took their positions in front of the entrance gate entwined with colorful ribbons.
"Now get on with it, you moron," it came gruffly from Regina.
Emma lightly squeezed her arm that her hand was around while she had her other hand around Regina's waist. "He's just doing his job," she reminded her in a whisper. "Relax." Immediately after, she felt the tension leave Regina's body once again.
"Smile, please!"
This request was not even necessary. Neither woman turned her attention to the camera; instead, they looked lovingly into each other's eyes and smiled tenderly at each other.
"Wonderful! The article will appear in tomorrow's special edition!" Sidney stated enthusiastically, although no one took any notice of him. He had long since repacked his photo equipment and disappeared when Emma and Regina were still standing under the archway, holding each other in their arms.
"We're blocking the entrance," Emma whispered.
"I don't care," Regina replied, kissing her.
At that, Emma had to grin and pulled her aside a little. "I'm not really into people ogling me like a zoo animal," she said.
"Now you know how I always feel when I step out in public." She lifted her gaze and looked over Emma's shoulder, whereupon her expression darkened. "Attention, showtime in three...two...one..."
"Emma!" Snow's bell-bright voice was already echoing over to the two of them from a distance.
Emma took another deep breath before turning to her mother who, with Neal on her hip, came waving wildly toward the two, having to make her way through the first visitors. "You're out of the hospital! How wonderful!" She immediately squeezed her daughter in a tight hug.
"Yes, since the day before yesterday," Emma nodded, returning the hug.
Puzzled, Snow eyed her. "Why didn't you call? Hello Regina!"
Regina nodded only briefly and then slid her arm back around Emma. She had only broken contact for a moment during Snow's hug.
"I wanted to arrive in peace first and didn't want visitors," it came truthfully from Emma, who actually had enough of the hustle and bustle around her now.
Snow nodded and set Neal on his feet as he began to fidget restlessly. "But I'm your mother, so this doesn't fall under normal visitation then," she gravely pointed out.
"You can come over for coffee tomorrow if you want," Regina suddenly said.
Emma looked at her girlfriend with widened eyes.
"Oh, that's sweet of you, Regina!" came an immediate enthusiastic response from Snow, who was now hugging Regina as well. "I'll bring a cake."
"Yeah, okay." Awkwardly, Regina patted her former stepdaughter on the back. "It's okay now. I still have work to do, so if you'll excuse me." Rigorously, she pushed her away and looked at Emma. "Are you coming? Henry was looking for you earlier, I think he's back there." With that, she grabbed Emma's hand and pulled her along.
"Well, see you later!", Snow called after the two before the crowd swallowed them.
"What was that all about back there?", Emma wanted to know, making Regina stop by pulling on her arm. "First you invite her to join us, and then you just leave her like that?"
"That seemed like the only way to get rid of her. And I'll get through a quick coffee with her," Regina retorted in response.
Emma rolled her eyes. "She's going to be showing up at our house more often in the near future, you do realize that, don't you?"
"Yes. So I take every opportunity to make that appearance on my terms," she nodded, pulling Emma further behind a booth selling raffle tickets, where she kissed her softly again.
Emma returned the kiss, but then leaned back and looked at her asking. "What's gotten into you all of a sudden? Are you high or something?"
"You told me to relax. And I listen to what my girlfriend wants me to do," she grinned.
"What about Henry? You said he was out looking for me."
"I don't know where he is. That was just an excuse," she said immediately, pulling Emma tightly against her. In deep breaths, she inhaled the smell of her hair, which spilled out from under her beanie and floated down her back.
Emma stroked her back before pushing her slightly away so she could look into her eyes. "Regina... What's really going on?" She looked at her urgently and finally put a hand to her cheek. "Talk to me."
Regina lowered her eyes and took a deep breath. "This day... This cursed day. It could have been a beautiful festival. You, me and Henry. Somehow, it really just started here with us last year."
"Yeah, so? We're all here, aren't we? Still, you're acting strange," Emma repeated, waiting for further explanation.
Regina was silent for a long time and for a while all that could be heard was the music that the wind carried across the fairground. "I just imagined it differently. We should have been happy."
"Aren't you happy?" Emma asked, tilting her head. "Because I am. I'm happy to have you guys. I'm happy to be here with you today. And I'm even happy that my admittedly often stressful mom is here and coming over tomorrow."
"Of course I'm happy to have you!", Regina quickly interrupted her before she could misunderstand her remarks. "But I'd be happier if you were healthy. Why does this have to happen? Why can't you just break your leg, it would have been fine within a few weeks. Why does it have to be leukemia of all things?"
Gently stroking her hair, Emma pressed her lips together for a moment and shrugged. "I can't answer that for you. And I'd really like to say that everything will be better next year, but I can't, because I don't even know if I'll be alive at the town fair next year," it came quietly from her. "But I think it's nice that we're here together and you sneak off with me behind stalls to make out. That's my idea of fun and enjoying life. Fuck tomorrow, fuck the next few weeks. Today counts and today everything's fine."
Regina's lips twisted into a weak smile. "So making out behind stalls is what you want, huh?"
Emma grinned and wrapped her arms around her neck before leaning in and whispering, "Absolutely," into her ear.
