Chapter 24

After Regina already had a headache from the many calculations and looked at the clock again for the first time, it was already early evening. Henry had retreated to his room hours ago and since there was still no sign of Emma, she couldn't help but check on her. Quietly she climbed the stairs and knocked timidly on the bedroom door. Receiving no answer, she opened it and slipped through the crack. "Emma?" she whispered.

The blonde was still lying in the same position as at noon, her back turned to the door and breathing steadily.

Slowly, Regina circled the bed and took a seat on the edge when she saw that her girlfriend's eyes were open and she was staring into space. "Hey," she said softly, stroking Emma's hair.

"Hey," the latter replied curtly without looking at Regina.

"I know you don't have an appetite. But I'm asking you to at least eat a little something before we get ready for bed."

Emma gave a short mirthless snort and closed her eyes. "I've been in bed for hours anyway."

"I know," Regina nodded, "but you still have your jeans on. I doubt that's very comfortable," she indicated. She paused for a while, thinking. "If it's too much effort for you, I can help you," she finally suggested hesitantly.

"Regina, no, okay? I don't want any help," Emma responded sternly.

Regina swallowed and now closed her own eyes for a moment. She had to be patient and responsive, but in situations like these, when she seemed to just reject everything, she found it especially difficult. "Then you want to sleep in your jeans tonight?" she simply asked.

"No, I..." Emma took a deep breath and finally looked at her girlfriend. "I just want to manage it on my own, without your help."

Emma's look was now more pleading than annoyed and Regina didn't know which of the two was harder for her to take. Seeing her girlfriend so vulnerable or indifferent. "I understand that," she finally nodded. "But I want you to know that there's nothing to be ashamed of."

"It's just hard. Very hard," Emma said tonelessly. "I should be giving you more than that as your girlfriend. I'm just giving you extra work."

Regina didn't see taking care of Emma as work one bit, but she really understood her feelings on the matter. Lately, she often tried to imagine how she would feel in reversed roles, and she knew full well that she also dreaded having to let Emma take care of her. "Would you prefer that we hire a caregiver to help you in the bathroom, at least in the morning and evening?" she thus brought out only cautiously.

Emma eyed her with an inscrutable look. Finally, she shook her head slowly. "I can manage. I can still wash and dress by myself," she stated a little more sharply than intended. After a brief pause, her voice softened. "But thank you for considering it."

Regina did her best not to let on the surprise that followed those words. She had expected immediate rejection, but apparently Emma really did dislike the idea of Regina being the one to take care of her more than anything else. "How about just a bowl of fruit?" she finally returned to the food topic.

Slowly, Emma sat up in bed and sighed. "You're not going to give it a rest until I have something in my stomach anyway," she said, standing up.

"Henry and I have already eaten, so you have free choice and don't have to bear the smell of our food," Regina said, gently putting her arm around Emma as she descended the stairs.

"What did you have?" she inquired.

Regina waved it off. "Nothing special. We had some leftover pasta from yesterday, so I threw it in a pan with some tomatoes."

"Is there any of it left?"

"Yeah, sure," Regina nodded and waited until Emma had taken a seat at the kitchen table.

It took a few moments for the blonde to fully catch her breath; then she looked toward the stove, where the pan of now-cold food still sat. "Can you give me some of that? A very small portion?"

Regina nodded and fetched a plate from the cupboard. Everything in her resisted reheating her food. She had read enough about it to know that because of Emma's weakened immune system she could get seriously ill. But she was so glad to have a little appetite that she pushed her concerns out of her mind. After spooning a few noodles onto the plate, she showed it to Emma.

The latter nodded. "That's enough, thank you." After reheating the food a bit in the microwave, Emma accepted the fork Regina handed her and slowly began to take a few bites into her mouth. "Tastes good," she noted as she did so, even though she lacked any appetite. She was sure that until half a year ago she would have praised this dish to high heaven and at the moment everything just tasted the same, as if it were sawdust that seemed to multiply steadily in her mouth. That evening, however, she felt for the first time again that she could actually perceive the taste of the juicy tomatoes as such on her tongue. In addition, of course, she wanted to please Regina, but if she had continued to have no taste sensation at all, she would not have lied to her.

"I'm glad to hear that. If you're still hungry later, you're welcome to take more," the brunette eagerly said.

Emma smiled slightly wryly and nodded. "Yeah, I know." For a while she chewed her food in silence before looking at Regina again. "Who was that woman you were talking to today? Did you know her?"

Regina shook her head. "I've only seen her once before, when Heart was going over the therapy plan with us. She approached me today. Her name is Loraine."

"Waiting room small talk?" Emma asked with a wry smile.

"Something like that," Regina replied curtly, lowering her eyes. She didn't want to talk to Emma about what the woman had said to her.

Emma's gaze wandered absentmindedly to the door. "How's Henry?"

"Quite well, I think. Although I'm worried about him," she then admitted.

Immediately Emma pricked up her ears and looked at her. "Then there's something wrong with him, is it?"

"No, it's just..." Regina took an audible deep breath and rolled her eyes briefly. "He's worried about me. And you know me, no one has to worry about me, especially not my 15-year-old son."

Emma nodded, but an ironic expression was on her face. "Yeah, because you're indestructible. Why was he worried?"

"He asked if he could help me around the house. He thinks it's all getting too much for me. Actually, I should ground him for that impertinence," she tried to joke, but only managed a wry grin.

"To be honest, I'm afraid it's all getting to be too much for you, too." Sensing Regina already rising to contradict her, Emma raised her hand to stop her. "You know, I was really relieved earlier when you brought up the caregiver thing. Not because I'm so keen on strangers walking through our house and seeing me naked, but because that would mean work being taken away from you. My body is on strike and I couldn't imagine anything worse than that you not only have to suffer mentally from it, but it also makes you sick. Because sooner or later it will. Household, Henry, me, and City Hall. I know you don't want to hear about it, but you take on too much." She took a deep breath and looked Regina firmly in the eye. "What were you doing today while I was upstairs in bed?"

Regina fell silent and looked away from her.

"Did you have a rest, too?", Emma asked.

"I worked on the calculations, then I made dinner for Henry and me, then we ate and then I finished the calculations," Regina answered stoically.

"You need a break, come on!" Emma said, reaching across the table for her girlfriend's hand.

"This is a break after all," Regina said, gently squeezing Emma's fingers. "Sitting here with you and talking to you...this is a break."

"You may be sitting here doing nothing for once, but it isn't relaxing either if you have to watch me force fork after fork into my mouth. You're probably already thinking of ways to cheer me up," Emma indicated, stroking Regina's hand with her thumb while holding her gaze. "Why don't you take a nice long bath tonight, with a glass of cider and some relaxing music if you like," she then suggested.

Regina, however, withdrew her hand and shook her head vehemently before getting up and putting Emma's dishes in the dishwasher. "I still have work to do."

"That's exactly what I mean! What on earth are you going to do tonight?" Emma asked in exasperation, watching her scurry around the kitchen distractedly.

"Not only are the bills due tomorrow, but I have to get back about the estimate for the heating in the library. So far, though, I haven't even had a chance to go over the offer," she explained, dropping back into her chair with a sigh. "You all imagine it to be so easy. I know myself that I hardly take time for myself and work a lot, but who's going to do it if I leave it? The pixies?" Hoping for understanding, she tilted her head and looked at Emma with a pleading expression. "The longer I wait, the more will pile up and then you can really be sure I'll go crazy."

Emma remained silent and just kept looking at her. Finally, she ran a hand through her hair, sighing. "Don't you have a deputy? What if you're ever sick?"

"I'm never sick," Regina replied immediately, "so I don't need one."

"All right, no deputy yet. So how about naming one now?"

"And who? Sidney Glass, maybe?" she spat out, snorting shaking her head. "I can't appoint a temporary mayor overnight, so how do you envision that?"

"It doesn't have to be overnight, but if you don't take care of it, then it's not going to happen on its own," Emma reasoned, standing up. "But anyway, I'm going to bed now," she then announced and headed for the stairs.

Immediately Regina hurried after her. "Wait, I'll walk you up!"

"I can do it on my own, thank you," Emma said, struggling to climb one step at a time, one hand always on the banister.

With a deeply furrowed brow, Regina watched her go and only when Emma had reached the top and was out of danger of falling did she realize that she had been holding her breath and let it escape in a gush. Actually, everything in her urged her to go after Emma and see if she needed any help, but she had made it very clear that she didn't want it, so she held off. Instead, she went back to the kitchen and cleaned the pots and pans that were sitting around. There was nothing she hated more than when there was mess in her kitchen.

Emma barely made it to the bathroom, where she fell weakly to her knees in front of the toilet and vomited, coughing. Shivering, she clung to the cold porcelain with her hands. Neither that nor the tiles beneath her did anything to stop her pathetic shivering. Only when her stomach was empty did she let herself sink exhausted against the wall and allow herself to close her eyes for a few minutes. She was dizzy and had no idea what was wrong with her. Out of nowhere, nausea had assaulted her on the way up, whereas a few moments before she had been fine. When she was sure the dizziness wouldn't send her tumbling to the floor, she quickly brushed her teeth and changed into her pajamas, so that she was already in her bed only moments later.

By the time Regina finished cleaning up and had just wiped off the last of the surface, it had become 8 p.m. Sighing, she trudged upstairs to the bathroom and grabbed the full laundry basket. Laundry was something she had sorely neglected over the past few days. As she arrived in the basement with the basket and sorted through everything, she involuntarily wondered if Henry even had any socks left in his closet, or if they had all been in the basket. Out of a sudden she wondered if she had mutated into a sloppy, bad mother. She suddenly became all the more aware of how little she had cared for Henry lately. He had also preoccupied her less than usual, but she was pretty sure that wasn't because he hadn't needed her, but because he wanted to be considerate towards her and Emma. A sob escaped Regina, whereupon she pressed one hand in front of her mouth and braced herself against the washing machine with the other. What had happened to them? How could they have gone from happy family to this disaster without a transition?

"Mom?" Henry's voice sounded from behind Regina.

Before turning to him, the brunette took a few deep breaths and wiped her eyes, then placed a fake smile on her face and looked to her son coming down the stairs. "What are you doing down here, Henry?"

"I was going to go to bed and say goodnight to you, but I couldn't find neither of you," he explained. Eyeing her closely, his brow furrowed slightly. "Have you been crying?"

"Nonsense," she waved it off and poured washing powder into the machine, which she then turned on. Empty laundry basket in hand, she then came over to Henry so she could go back upstairs with him. "Henry?" she said in the entrance hall.

Questioningly, he stopped and looked at her.

Regina then put the basket down and wrapped her son tightly in her arms. "If there's something on your mind, you can always come to me, okay?"

"I know that, Mom," Henry countered, who had the feeling his mother became more and more meagre.

"I really mean always," she repeated, leaning away from him slightly so she could look him in the eye. "I don't want you to be considerate towards me because you think I have too much on my plate already. You are and always will be the most important thing to me, all right?"

Henry nodded hesitantly and stroked her shoulder slightly for a moment. "Has Emma eaten anything?"

Regina's face brightened a little as she nodded. "She ate some of the noodles." Just a moment later, however, the seriousness returned to her features. "But I can sense that she's just forcing herself to do it to please us. If it were up to her, she wouldn't have gotten out of bed at all."

This time it was Henry who pulled Regina into a tight hug. "When she's physically better, she won't be so sad and pensive either, you'll see," he tried to encourage her.

Regina again had to pull herself together very hard not to allow tears. Her heart seemed to break into many little splinters as her son tried to comfort her, when that should have been her job as his mother.

"Do you think I can go see her for a minute? Or is she already asleep?" Henry wanted to know after a few moments.

"I don't think she's asleep yet. You're welcome to check on her, I'm sure she'll be happy to see a face other than mine for a change." A richly unsuccessful smile appeared on her lips.

"What about you, Mom?" Henry asked in response.

"What about me?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Henry looked into her eyes. "It's late. You should go to bed, too."

Regina smiled sadly and nodded. "Later. I have something to do for work. Won't take long," she assured him. "Go on upstairs already."

Henry hesitated for a very long time, eyeing his mother for quite a while before finally going upstairs and taking a careful look into the bedroom so as not to wake Emma in case she was already asleep after all.

"I don't want to eat anymore and I was already in the bathroom," the blonde monotonously said, who thought Regina had come in.

"I wanted to say good night to you," Henry replied.

Her son's voice made Emma whirl around. "Henry." Immediately her features softened and she sat up in bed. "Come here, I won't bite," she then said as the teenager lingered indecisively near the door.

"I don't want to disturb you," he replied, but took a seat cross-legged on Regina's side of the bed.

"You're not disturbing me," Emma immediately responded, who took her son in her arms. "How are you, Henry?"

"I'm okay." His concern only intensified, however, after feeling Emma's emaciated body under his fingers during the hug.

Emma tilted her head and eyed him with a raised eyebrow as she slowly lowered herself back onto her pillow. "I always know when you're lying. Now, tell me what's wrong."

Henry shrugged and ran his hand over the back of his head in a nervous gesture. "It's just... Well... I'm worried about Mom. She doesn't even let me help. She's saddling herself with too much."

Nodding, Emma closed her eyes for a moment. "That's what I told her, but you know how she is."

"So we're not doing anything?" Henry asked, looking into her tired eyes.

"I don't see what we could do. I can't do more than talk to her and try to talk some sense into her. Either she'll eventually see that we're right, or..."

"Or what?" Henry wanted to know when Emma broke off.

She sighed and brushed her hair back. "Or at some point her body will put her in her place if she overdoes it." Seeing Henry's serious face, Emma nodded. "I know that's the last thing I want, too. But I don't think we have much choice. She's an adult and can do whatever she wants."

Slowly, Henry nodded and stroked Emma's shoulder briefly. "Good night, Ma," he whispered, trying hard to smile.

"Good night," she nodded and squeezed his hand briefly before looking after him as he left her bedroom. Finally, she turned back to her other side and glanced at the alarm clock. 9:43 p.m. Sighing, Emma closed her eyes, and though she hadn't meant to, she fell asleep within a few minutes.


The next time Emma woke up, it was still pitch dark outside, the bedroom only slightly lit by a lone streetlight. Again, she checked the time. 2:11 a.m. Regina's bed was still untouched and since she was once again feeling a little sick to her stomach anyway and felt like she had to go to the bathroom, Emma slowly got up. Choking and with her hands propped up on the edge of the sink, she stood there for a while, but did not vomit again. After leaving the bathroom, she went to the stair railing and glanced down. Soft light was coming from the living room, so she made her way downstairs. She was even more careful than usual, as she didn't want to confront Regina with a fall down the stairs in the middle of the night. Slowly, she toddled barefoot into the living room and finally found her girlfriend there.

Regina was sitting on the sofa, her laptop on her knees and several files opened around her. Her head was resting against the backrest and had slipped slightly to the side as she had fallen asleep.

Slowly, Emma approached, moved one of the files from the sofa to the coffee table so she could sit down and then gently placed a hand on Regina's shoulder.

Immediately, Regina startled out of her light sleep and looked questioningly at Emma before taking in the situation around her and glancing at the digital time display on her laptop. "Emma... Why aren't you in bed?" she asked, meeting the gaze of green eyes.

"I could ask you the same thing," Emma replied, taking the laptop from her lap and folding it shut. "Come to bed, Regina."

"I... Yeah, I'm pretty much done," the brunette nodded, running her hand over her face once to get rid of the tiredness. "Go back upstairs, I'll be there in a minute," she promised her and was about to reach for the laptop again, but Emma held her by the arm in mid-motion.

"We're going to bed together now, Regina. Don't argue," the blonde said calmly but firmly.

"I have to finish this. You don't understand!" Regina blurted out almost angrily now, however.

Emma nodded. "I may not understand. But I understand that you're so tired that you fell asleep in a sitting position. I don't care if someone doesn't have their money tomorrow first thing in the morning, you need to rest now. Come on." Emma stood up and tried to pull Regina with her.

At first she made no effort to comply, but eventually she scrambled to her feet and followed Emma upstairs. After a brief visit to the bathroom, she slipped under her covers and stared silently into the darkness. Her fatigue was blown away; all that was on her mind now were the payments that were still outstanding.

Gently, Emma's hand closed around hers. "Relax, Regina," she whispered, snuggling closer to her. Even at that, she could feel her friend's tension. "I'll help you in the morning, you'll still manage your work without any problems, you'll see."

Regina tried to concentrate on Emma's caressing hands and really became a bit calmer as a result. Before she could fall asleep, however, sleep overtook Emma and so Regina lay awake in bed for several more hours before finally dozing off again lightly in the morning hours.