Entry 9: Roughin' It

"The great outdoors!"

I don't know who came up with that line, but they must not have taken ten steps outside the parameter of their own front yard.

Pheebs and I were riding in my dad's new RV, on our way to the woods for a camping trip (Bob's excuse for spending quality time with me).

I had planned to do nothing more than hang out inside and watch tv. Flipping through the channels, thinking I'd be lucky just to find a re-run of Wrestlemania, I listened to Pheebs say…

"Did you happen to observe the occupants in the adjacent campsite were none other than Arnold and Gerald?"

"What! Arnold! In the next campsite?!"

So what if I spit my soda all over my dad's tv and dropped the remainder of it on the floor of his precious rv...I was camping within just a few yards of him!

I left Phoebe to be alone a moment. Thinking to myself, if only there was a way to be alone with Arnold.

After prancing around, dreaming I was holding him in my arms, I ran into a sign with the name of what I was sure would be the perfect spot to confess my feelings for him!

"Ofelia's Overlook...what a better place to express my true feelings."

The plan was concocted. It was just a matter of putting it into action. I yelled for Pheebs to join me outside, dragging her over to see the football head moping beside tall hair boy.

The pathetic, exhausted, lifeless faces they were wearing was ALMOST enough to kill my desire to drag him along on that five mile hike.

After being called back to camp, moments after teasing the football head about how lame his way of camping was, I realized that pitiful, petty expression the two of them were wearing would be the perfect way to rope him for my plan.

"Hey dad. Those guys over there are in my class, and not that I really like either of them or anything, but I was thinking, they look kind of hungry. Maybe we should invite them over to eat."

You'd think they hadn't eaten in weeks. Not even ten seconds after Bob scowled for them to join us, they were sitting at our table.

As anxious as they were to start, I was even more anxious to see them finish…

"So dad, I've been thinking. Why don't we all go for a nice hike in the woods?"

Pheebs was no help after he questioned why I would want to do such a thing. Pttss...how could she be that clueless?

It didn't matter though. All I had to do was remind Bob what a great chance this would be for him to show off both his skills and equipment. I swear, the guy's more obsessed with success than Princess.

Once everyone agreed to spend the afternoon marching through bug infested trails, we made it to the top of the hill to find Bob's equipment was as 'successful' as he had thought.

"Uhhh dad? I think something's wrong with our lunch?"

"Well, at least there's one good way to get rid of faulty equipment on the trail…"

Basically, I spent hours lugging a fridge twice my weight with non-edible food, only to watch it be thrown off the cliff I had intended to spend moments alone with my beloved on. Did such a moment end up occuring? Pttss...yeah right.

"Well, let's get back to camp. We've still got some steaks in the freezer."

I stood frustrated on the edge of the cliff, knowing the whole afternoon had been a waste… perhaps even the trip. If I couldn't spend time with Arnold, why WAS it a big deal if he was camping right next door?

That turned out to not be my biggest problem when the sun started going down and I realized we were still nowhere near camp.

Bob, being the big shot that he is, said we'd be nearing it soon. That is, until he had some sense knocked (or should I say shocked) into him. After seeing him try to turn off another piece of him lame camping gear, his stupid mister zapped him against the nearest tree.

"Are you okay Mr. Pataki?"

"Am I okay? Look at me! The food's gone, my neck's burnt, the mister doesn't work. At the top of the loft, we're lost!"

Parent of the year….once again! I can only assume this is why they never bothered to waste their adult supervision skills on me. They can barely keep an eye on themselves.

Despite the hopeless situation we appeared to be in, my beloved came through for us.

"Actually, Gerald and me can get us back. Grandpa taught us how to follow trails."

Letting a nine year old serve as a forest tour guide may not have seemed like the brightest idea, but Bob sure wasn't going to help. What an idiot!

Having made it back an hour or so later, we listened to Arnold TRY to warn my dad not to walk through the poison ivy that laid directly in front of the campsite. Did he listen? Umm….does he ever?!

While his burnt, itchy self spent the remainder of the evening soaking his feet, Pheebs and I joined the guys over at their campsite. I roasted marshmallows and sat by my beloved, listening to him sing songs about… okay fine, the outdoors.

As warm as the fire was, it couldn't compare to the warmth I felt in my heart from the closeness of his presence.