Entry 10: Wheezin' Ed

I just spent the day on some dumb treasure hunt. Why must I continue to allow the torture of depriving myself a chance to be with my beloved to override my dignity?

I marched along the docks past our lame classmates who were finding their own activities to amuse themselves with, until I spotted him sitting alone. No one else near him; the perfect opportunity to open up and be myself with him.

"And yet I can't get a dang blasted minute alone with him!"

These lame brian classmates of mine must be telepathic or something, because they all shared the same idea to meet football head at the edge of the pier when I was about to.

There we heard Geraldo explaining to football head some freak named Wheezin' Ed lives alone on the island football head couldn't take his eyes off of (Elk Island).

According to Mr. Urban Legends, this Wheezin' Ed character is supposed to be some sort of pirate treasure hoarder. Well, guess who just HAD to see it for himself?

Football head got Sheena's crazy uncle Earl to sell (that's right sell) us all a ride out there.

Once we made it to treasure land, we saw the cave had three paths to choose from.

"If we're going to go along with this, let's at least be organized! We'll split up into parties of two!"

Pheebs assumed I would pick her as my partner. Nothing personal, but I wasn't about to blow an opportunity to be near Arnold.

Mr. Goody Two Shoes decided to let me have my way and started leaving jelly beans all over the floor.

"Hey, what's with the jelly beans?"

"I'm leaving a trail we can follow back."

Pttss...leaving a trail. Who carries a full bag of candy around in their pocket like that for such and 'emergency' anyway?

Yet, despite how ridiculous it seemed, it proved once again how reliable my beloved is.

As the two of us moved further along the tunnel, while I did a terrible job of showing him my sensitive side, neither of us saw any signs of a treasure existing.

All that showed was my rage, making it clear how annoyed I was with the whole situation, after he bumped into me.

"Look, why don't I take this tunnel, and you take that one. See ya."

I stood there blurting out my emotional despairs. Why did I have to act that way? Arnold is the sweetest, most understanding person there is. He's the last person I should have to worry about judging me for opening up to him. A tiny light shone inside me at that moment and demanded I march right back and explain my reasons for my actions.

"Arnold! Wait!"

Trying to catch my breath, I was shushed as I listened to the football head ask me if I had heard anything. Before I could think about it, the two of us looked up to see 'Wheezin' Ed' standing before us. When you hear who it is, you'll agree there's no need to change the name.

Pheebs and the rest of the class heard my screams after jumping into Arnold's arms (he's always there to hold me when I'm scared Ohhh ~).

I watched the figure walk into Pheebs' flickering flashlight, only to see Brainy standing boldly there.

"What are you doing here?!"

"Wheeze...Uh...Wheeze...something?"

The group then backed away to see Arnold and I with our arms around one another. The thought of having to act as though it repulsed me, ALMOST made me wish Brainy would have stuck around.

Arnold was ready to admit defeat by that point and suggested we leave. Well, like I said, we'd be lost without my beloved. He fell through a hole that lead us straight to the so called "Treasure of Wheezin' Ed."

Heck, the group was so hungover on it, no one bothered to notice it was just a bunch of crappy counterfeit pennies. The idiots making it could have attempted to take an art class before wasting their time on such a cheap trick.

When the jerks found us, they began to chase us out of the so called "Treasure Room." Geraldo was ready to ask Arnold for his leadership qualities yet again, when my beloved easily said…

"Don't worry Gerald. Just follow the jelly beans."

I guess it's a good thing those crooks chased us out when they dig. Pink boy had decided to help himself to our 'way back' system. Seeing him eat his way half way down the tunnel, we ran past him only to hear the poor slob screaming after us "HELP! MOMMY!" Pttss...oh brother!

Having found our way out of 'treasure planet' the group toppled over on each other, in front of a couple of cops, awaiting the crooks who were chasing us. Justice at last!

After watching those freaks get cuffed and charged, we got a FREE ride back to the docks. The one good deal of the day.