Entry 20: Helga's Love Potion

What is an obsession? Something you're passionate about, something you can't live without, or perhaps someone…

I woke up one morning, ready to greet my weekly shrine on Arnold. As I gazed at the beautiful figure, imagining I'd one day be sharing my feelings with the actual person, I began reciting my feelings aloud…

"May today be the day you seeist me as I seeist you, oh flaxen haired angel!"

So what if I start each morning reciting poetry to a stack of fruit or a wad of used gum? My passion has to be released onto something! Doi!

Having done son, I got dressed and ready for school, not bothering to humor myself by checking my usually empty lunchbox.

Once I made it to school, I knew I once again had the opportunity to start fresh with Arnold. Start a clean slate; no pranks or evil tricks. Just show him my true, kind, passionate side.

Did I do it? Pttss...does Miriam remember to pack my lunch?

Finishing up my drink at the fountain, I put on the kind 'act' by offering to let Arnold take his turn. Was it a nice gesture? Only if you consider spraying someone in the face to be on the list of polite traits at this town's polishing academy.

Having watched Geraldo point out how often I do this to him, I began sulking to myself around the corner, not understanding how I could be so terrible to someone who meant so much to me?

Am I really that big of a coward?

Sitting in class, doing my best to forget the tragic event, Simmons once again decides to read my poetry assignment out loud to the class. I don't care if he doesn't say my name out loud. Does that fact that I wrote anonymous on the paper not imply I don't want anyone to hear it at all?!

Of course one of my idiot classmates has to draw attention to the fact that I'm pretending I don't exist…

"Gosh Helga. Your crouching down in your seat like it was your poem or something?"

What an idiot!

It's as shocking as it is relieving to me that Arnold hasn't figured out my secret. I guess the worse I act, the harder it would be for him to believe it. Sadly, my actions didn't exactly soften up as the day continued on…

"There goes the last of the tapioca."

I listened to my beloved sigh. It was as though he had been looking forward to the sweet dessert all day that so suddenly slipped out of his grasp. I looked down in my hands, knowing what the right thing to do was.

"You really want this Arnold?"

"Well yeah if you don't want it?"

"Then...why...don't you have mine?"

It would have been the perfect way to make up for spraying him at the fountain, had I only had the courage to follow through on it.

Holding out the dessert, I let it slip and watched it spill all over his sweater. To top off the fact I had once again failed to make ammends with the boy of my dreams, I mocked him and said…

"Whoops! How clumsy of you!"

Normally Arnold overlooks things. I could see how upset that unkind gesture had made him however. Almost as upset as it made me. I stormed in the opposite direction, trying to find the answer as to why I had to act this way. Why I'm never able to show my kinder, gentler side.

"I've gotta talk to someone about this… so Pheebs, got a minute?"

"Certainly Helga."

"Well not that it's any big deal. Let's just say I'm obsessed with this thing, let's call it ice cream."

Being the intelligent person she is, Pheebs suggested I forget about 'ice cream.'

FORGET ABOUT ICE CREAM?!

How was that even possible? I took her advice, not knowing how I could make it work, and as predicted, wasn't able to forget about my obsession.

The frustration was overbearing. There he was in the sky, the water, every place imaginable!

I was going to give up hope when I read…

"Madam Blanch's Love Potions?"

How a store could sell something to influence one's emotions was beyond me, but I was desperate!

After walking in, telling the strange woman I was sick of my love life, I failed to realize she was charging me ten bucks for a one dollar soda! What a cheap trick!

I was too relieved to ask questions however. Just knowing I would no longer be spending the day pining over the idea of being cursed with unrequited love sounded remarkable!

That night I followed the 'love mastermind's' instructions and drank the potion after exposing of all my loving possessions.

"My Arnold shrine, my poetry books volumes 1 through 14, and finally my locket!"

I'm assuming there was some z-quil mixed in with that grape pop because I past out quicker than Miriam does after her smoothies.

After having this insane dream about my love life melting away, I woke up feeling as though I had been hit by a truck. Sleeping on top of that metal bottle probably didn't help much.

My headache didn't seem important to me however when I remembered what I hoped to feel that morning...nothing.

"The potion! I gotta see if it worked! I gotta give myself a test!"

It's amazing what kinds of things can get inside your head. Knowing I didn't want to love him anymore, I decided everything I had written was crap.

This decision lead to one huge dominoe effect. Me behaving well in school, minding my own business at the drinking fountain, and worst of all...being nice to Arnold.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. How can I say being nice to him was the worst thing ever when that's all I've been wanting to happen?

Well let me ask you something? When you're nice to someone, do you do it because it's the right thing, or because it makes you happy knowing you've made them happy?

I know fifty percent of you chose the first option, which means you possess no passion.

All day I was nice to Arnold, because I couldn't care less about the outcomes of my actions.

I left school seeing everything I had once admired in the sky, the water, all around me...was gone. My life felt meaningless.

Pheebs came to find me sulking at the bridge.

"How are things proceeding?"

"I'm not high; not low. I'm empty of feelings….that's it Phoebe. I'm empty! Something's missing!"

"You mean ice cream; your obsession."

"You're right Phoebe! Maybe I need ice cream to love, to hate, to inspire me!"

I had never realized before how big a part he played in my life. Yes I was clearly obsessed with him DOI!

It was more than that though. The passion I showed through my work, the anger I expressed at school, the hope I felt in the morning...it was all because of him, Arnold, my beloved.

I had to fix things. You can just imagine how 'passionate' I was to find out that woman sold me some over-priced grape pop!

My anger quickly disappeared when I realized there was nothing keeping me from experiencing the love I had always felt for Arnold...which was worth much more than ten dollars.

After happily prancing down the street I once again bumped into him. Yeah, given the chance to once again tell him how I truely felt for him.

I expressed my emotions, just not my loving ones…

"Watch where you're going football head!"

I can honestly say, that was the best I had felt all day.