Entry 21: The Big Scoop
When you read, do you do it because you're looking to be entertained or just because you need a quick recap of something?
The school seems to feel an important factor in grade school development is notifying everyone about the events roaming the halls every day. Just one problem...they're duller than afternoon tea with my granny! I mean, who in the right mind would care to read about today's weather when there's been a little invention called the weather channel?
Every week, I have to listen to football head ask…
"Did you check your sources Helga?"
Does it really matter if it's a fact anyway? Unless you're willing to stretch the truth, ya know, juice it up a bit, then who cares where it came from?
Well let me tell you bucko, football head's not the only one who seems to favor facts over fun.
"Now how do you explain this Arnold? Leftover meatloaf served?"
Wartz's dramatic outburst about my opinion on the same meal being served all week didn't sit too well with Arnold. Hey, she said to me every day 'Same old, same old.' How could someone NOT think they were having leftovers served to them?
Between Wartz telling us off and Arnold questioning my sources, I decided I'd had enough of that sorry excuse for an entertainment crew. I'm a writer for crying out loud! I know what pleases people! I wasn't going to stick around and have my work insulted. All I needed was a little help.
"Staff"
"Listening"
"You provide the papers, and I'll provide the stories."
Look up the word reliable in the dictionary, you'll find a picture of Pheebs. Whether she found enough truth to be in my paper or not, she didn't disagree with my plan.
Although I didn't appreciate having my work criticized at 'The Weekly Word', I will admit another of Arnold's admirable qualities is the firm hold he has on his beliefs.
Even after making his and Geraldo's paper look like a joke with my new 'Pataki Press' article (filled with juicy stories), he didn't give into the idea of stretching the truth. Wonders never cease with that kid.
I felt I was on top of the world. I was charging a nickel per paper and the kids were reaching for them like it was the last of the tapioca. It made me feel as though the poor saps would fall for anything. The crazy look in their eyes when they reached for it was more than enough to imply it didn't matter what I wrote. It just needed to be good!
Well I will admit one thing as far as football head's 'source plan' goes; it is helpful to have something that provides you with information. No, I don't mean boring facts. Just something to create an idea from, and man did I get one!
"Walls are going down!"
The moment I heard those words leave Wartz, I turned to my coworker and told her the amazing story idea I had. An amusement park taking the place of the school! Who wouldn't want to read about that?
Well a certain someone stole my story...in a much more honest way. Criminy!
"Didn't you hear me? An amusement park is going up right here!"
"That's not what this says?"
"Give me that! Wartz says I'm a liar?"
Fine, maybe I jumped to conclusions. I was just giving them what all readers want...entertainment!
I guess facts are imperative due to the gullibility (dare I say stupidity) of half this city.
Well, it was back to the not so funny pages for me. Within the next week I was printing football head's weather report. Although my beloved was sweet enough to readmit me into his crew, I had to slip in a few amusing details…
"Today's sunny and 70 degrees. Tomorrow cloudy in the morning with an increase of winds...AND THEN...A METEOR WILL BLOCK OUT THE SUN! CASTING THE EARTH INTO ETERNAL NIGHT! HEAVY SLEET AND HAIL WILL POUR DOWN UPON US...AND ALL WILL BE DOOMED!
Hey, I was just trying to juice it up?
