Entry 24: Monkey Business

If you're smart enough to be a scientist, why would you waste your time 'making up' diseases?

I sat in class, not caring to take an interest in Simmons' 'fascinating' lectures on the absurd connections that may exist between people and animals. Like I was supposed to believe someone with freakishly large ears was an actual rabbit. Does that mean Stinko's enormous nose makes him an elephant?

What was saId to be the most ridiculous (the one thing I agreed with him on), was Monkey Nucleosis. Touching a monkey actually turning you into one. Pttss...oh brother.

After at last being released from the unbearable lecture, I headed for home. On my way there, I past the park to see some weirdo thinking he could earn a few extra dollars by performing with an unleashed monkey.

I guess now I know not to take that route. Sheesh!

You'd think I would have just walked away after realizing the performance wasn't worth a nickel. Instead, I stood there only to have my arm slobbered all over by the disease ridden pet.

"Eww! He slobbered all over me!"

"I'm so sorry little girl! My monkey is very emotional!"

"Yeah, well you ought to keep that thing on a leash!"

I spent the afternoon reading comics in my room, only to notice my arm becoming red and puffy where the filthy animal had welcomed itself to laying its hairy lips.

Then of course, Simmons' bizarre lecture just had to find it's way into my head.

"A mere scratch or touch from a monkey could cause the victim to contract the dreaded disease."

I wasn't going to allow myself to believe it. That is, until I picked up a banana. Eyeing myself in the mirror with the willingly wanted baboon treat was beginning to form second thoughts in my mind.

"Gee, maybe I better check this thing out."

Did I do the sensible thing and see a professional doctor? Pttss...of course not.

I rummaged through every freakin' book in the library until at last I came across a scientific book on rare diseases.

"Itching and puffiness, sweaty palms, loss of appetite, irritibility, expiration."

Yeah, I may have been jumping to conclusions. Hey, can you blame me? One by one I was experiencing everything the book said. Like I was supposed to believe it was some sort of extreme coincidence?! Apparently I was…

After jumping on Pheebs for asking about our math assignment, I decided to prepare myself for the worst…

"Phoebe, as my best friend in the world. There's something I need you to do for me."

They should replace irritability with moping in that symptom list of theirs. I laid in my room calling my friends in one by one to give away my things. Pheebs was a bit skeptical on the matter, being the intelligent person that she is.

"Could you return this book to the library for me? Maybe it'll help some other poor kid, even if it's too late for me."

Arnold was the last one I called in. Nothing was going to stop me from revealing my deepest, darkest secret to him. Dare I say, I was almost grateful for the tragedy that was taking place that morning. I would at last be setting myself free of the torment from all the repressed emotional feelings I had built up over the years.

As he sat there before me, annoyingly waiting for me to get to the point of my bringing up our past indifferences, the moment was ruined when I turned to hear…

"Helga! I know what's going on and you've got everything all wrong!"

While Arnold sat there clueless on the matter, I was filled with relief knowing everything was no more than a coincidence. It truly is amazing what the human mind can do to a person in their most vulnerable state.

After seeing me jump for joy, Arnold still insisted on knowing what I was on the verge of revealing to him. I couldn't give it away! I had made myself look crazy enough by assuming I was on my deathbed from contact with a monkey! What chances would I have of him wanting to be with me after that?

"Nothing, I was delirious. What would I have to say to a football head like you anyway?"

Again, I was blowing it. Maybe I couldn't tell him the truth, but I could at least sympathize (dare I say empathize) with him. After all, I'm not exactly oblivious to how I make him feel when I act that way. I know how much it hurts him. Almost as much as it hurts me.

"Arnold wait."

"Yeah?"

"I wanted to tell you, I think you're okay. That you're an okay guy, and I just think you're okay."

A smile formed on his face that began to warm my heart. It's amazing how the smallest bit of kindness can satisfy him.

"Thanks Helga, you're okay too."

I don't know what made me happier? The sensation that went through me the moment he touched my arm, or just hearing those words release from his lips. Oh Arnold, one day I'll summon the strength to reveal these thoughts and feelings to you!