Entry 25: Ms. Perfect
Same old, same old. Same old boring lectures, Pheebs being the only one interested in them, and the day taking forever to end. I sat there wondering when something new would ever happen around there. Be care what you wish for, bucko!
Simmons opened the door to show us what we all soon found to be a flawless student. AKA Little Miss Perfect.
Every morning would start with her oh so impressive funny farm jokes all the guys found to be a real barrel of laughs. Oh brother.
Pheebs then discovered she wasn't the only one who paid attention in class when Simmons gave a pop quiz in history. She doesn't show her jealous side too often, but Miss Perfect's quick answer didn't exactly give her the urge to start a round of applause. Oh by the way, her name is Lila. Lila ~
One by one, she was beginning to show she was better than us. Princess was her next victim, as she showed up the next day in the same (what I considered to be dorky) ensemble as Princess. Only difference was, Miss Perfect had sewed hers herself. She wasn't made of money like Princess.
Being the new girl that she was, I decided to take her under my wing. I told her what to avoid in the lunch line while moving through it with her. Did she listen? Pttss...does anyone ever?
"Stay away from the meat sauce."
"Oh I'm sure it's delicious!"
'I'm sure it's delicious!' Who was she trying to impress? Whoever it was, she earned the rights to an extra dessert any time she wanted.
We were beginning to lose our patience with her. Yeah, it was something new, I'll give you that. We weren't asking for something to make school worse than it was to begin with! Criminy!
It was time to take matters into our own hands. What better way than by dumping twenty pounds of kiwi jello into her locker?
Well, a better question may be is 'Why did I bother to reveal it was ME who did it, after I saw her locker had been re-assigned?'
Big Patty apparently had taken the place of it's ownership. Did I go about my business as if I didn't know anything about it? Ummm...Would I have been dragged into the broom closet after confronting her if I had?
Apparently, being beaten to the point of wearing a neck brace wasn't enough to stop me from getting revenge on Little Miss Perfect. The girls and I decided another great way to mess with her would be to mess with her lunch.
"A bologna sandwich, farm fresh milk, and a Macintosh apple."
Let's see, how could we make a few adjustments here? Oh perhaps rubber meat, pickle juice and wax fruit. Ya know, nothing too evil.
How did it end up? Not with her hurling her brains out in the restroom that's for sure.
Like it wasn't bad enough she was having lunch with the school yard bully, she just HAD to suggest trading with her. Who has to be that nice?
Then again, who has to be as stupid as I am? After seeing Patty about to dig into the fake meal, I just had to be the hero, yet again.
"Wait! Don't eat that!"
"Why not?"
"Because...because it's rubber bologna, pickle juice and wax fruit."
After being dragged into the closet again, I decided we were being too nice. Forget hurting her, it was time to publicly humiliate her!
"Why don't you have a seat here Lila?"
"Why thank you just ever so much?"
Yeah, the girls and I may have gone a bit overboard. We dumped a massive pile of leftover lunch food, only to watch her storm out of the cafeteria in tears.
It felt good to be on top of things again. That is, until we found out what her home life was really like. She and her dad are about as poor as Princess is wealthy. Seeing her in that sorry state of affairs after visiting her the next day was more than my heart could handle.
Hey, I'm not THAT heartless!
Yeah I act tough, but it's all a cover. Be it with Arnold or the rest of the kids. I can't let people get wise to how weak I am on the inside. There are times when I take my self defense mechanisms too far however, and that was obviously one of them.
"So what we came to say is, sorry Lila."
"We didn't mean to hurt you."
"Well actually we did, but afterwards we felt really bad about it."
"Our actions were petty."
"So if you could find it in your heart to forgive us, maybe we could start over and be friends."
Ms. Perfect seems to forgive as easily as she impresses people. Before we knew it, we were hugging each other and she was back at school telling her funny farm jokes. Is it annoying? Of course! It's still a nice feeling knowing we did the right thing however. Football head maybe rubbing off on me after all.
