Entry 34: Olga Gets Engaged
Will she EVER knock off that sobbing?
I'd go in there and tell her the truth if I didn't have to worry about being a victim to one of her deathtrap hugs.
Every few months I hear Bob and Miriam act as if a phone call confirming Olga's upcoming visit is a winning lottery ticket.
The Golden Child enters the premises with an award winning smile that can't start spewing out her most recent accomplishments soon enough.
Well, as usual she dazzled Bob with her arrival and kept Miriam sober all through dinner with her fascinating award winning stories (literally).
The wide smile on Bob's face dropped dramatically when he heard Ms. Perfect's next step of favorable achievements would be dropping out of school to marry an actor...or should I say con artist.
"What is this, some kind of a joke?"
"No daddy? Doug's the best thing that ever happened to me?"
"No, you're throwing your life away!"
Of course, their disappointment in her was like music to my ears…
"When can we meet him?!"
When the goof came over the next night, I watched the way the lovesick look in their eyes brought a nauseous look to Bob's face.
Hearing that guy recite one Shakespearean quote after another was like watching Bob stab Olga bit by bit. It was obvious he had never felt such betrayal. Ms. Sunshine was his key to upholding the good name of the Pataki's...which he never felt I was worthy of contributing to. Pttss...cheapskate.
"How long have you known each other?"
"Three weeks and two days."
"So what's the stinkin' rush for? Get married in a year...if you still want to."
Olga's hardest times are when I show her my soft side. Why? Because I know it'll benefit me…
"Daddy, it's not fair to make Olga choose between us and her true love!"
The guilty look this point brought to Bob's face was no match for who was once Ms. Perfect's shattered appearance. I watched her race to her room, while Mr. Faker excused himself from the table to take a seat on the couch. Some fiance.
I paced around The Golden Child's room, insisting for her own happiness, she should elope with the con artist we had the pleasure of meeting. Of course, it was really for 'my' own happiness. With her gone, not to mention looking bad as could be, I'd never have to worry about being seen as second again. I can't guarantee Bob and Miriam would start acknowledging my existence if Olga was forgotten, but at least she wouldn't be around to make me look worse. All I've ever known to expect from her visits is her bringing in another few months worth of accomplishments that make anything good I've ever done seem like a joke.
"Snap out of it!"
"Oh Helga I'm just so upset!"
"Then you've got to do something! Like run away and get married!"
"Helga we can't elope. Mommy and daddy would be furious!"
Based on the enthusiasm that sentence brought to my heart, and my eagerness to encourage her to move along with the idea, I know this sounds like my plan to switch her college grades all over again. That's not what it is though…
"Isn't it worse thinking about life without Doug? Here's the deal. You start packing, I'll sneak a ladder under your window. You guys will be married in no time!"
Oh fine it may have started out like that. How could I NOT take advantage of any opportunity that was thrown my way to get her show off self out of the picture?
As I was putting what I was sure to be my bullet proof plan into action, I couldn't help but notice Bob had decided to join the sap in the living room.
"The proudest day of my life will be when I'm named appliance salesman of the year."
Uhhh...yeah? Mr. Shakespeare's life long dream is to be recognized for customer service? Pttss...please!
Then after he's through kissing up to Bob, the loser finds Miriam to work some of his magic on.
"I was an Olympic class Diver!"
It was just too incredible for Olga to ever care to mention to Bob and Miriam huh?
This ALMOST made me reconsider whose side I was taking. That is, until I realized it was still Olga's decision to marry him. Now with Bob and Miriam on board with the idea, it would make it all the more sweet when they saw what a crappy decision she had made for herself.
"Okay new plan! Doug worked mom and dad over...I mean he won them over."
With The Golden Child feeling back on top of the world, her haughty fiance was more than willing to practice his con artist skills on every face he could get his eyes on.
"Wow Helga! I had no idea Doug use to be a professional race car driver!"
"Wise up Arnold! The guy's a fake!"
Pttss...Arnold...poor diluted fool. One that ALWAYS has to be the voice of reason.
"If he's really as bad as you say he is, you gotta do something Helga."
"No I don't. It serves her right. Olga's always gotta be soooo perfect!"
"It's just that, if you have a sister and she's in trouble, you're supposed to do something about it."
If that's true, where was she all the mornings Miriam forgot to pack my lunch?
I wasn't going to let his soft hearted advice hit me right in the conscience like it always does. I went home that night and enjoyed watching the family be held captive by Mr. Faker's Shakespeare performance.
Each moment spent watching those two together was like picturing The Golden Child being dethroned from her perfect position and me finally being recognized (in general).
Sweet as that night was, the day of the wedding came. Believe it or not, it wasn't football head's words that got to me and my conscience. I saw in Olga's room, listening to her go on about what a perfect life she knew she was about to be starting, until I listened to her say…
"I always thought you were really wise when it comes to judging people. I know we haven't always been very close, but I'm glad you're my sister. I couldn't imagine having a better one."
Can you imagine the guilt and frustration that were tying together inside me at once?! I stormed out only to hear that sorry excuse for a fiance of hers on the phone with who I'm assuming was either his girlfriend or his actual wife. Whoever she was, she was obviously unaware of what he had been up to recently.
You'd think he'd run out of lies eventually? Criminy!
After hearing him end his call, I made it clear I wasn't having any of his lame acts anymore. Of course, he wasn't going to take me seriously. I'm like a decade younger than he is. Then he tries to insist no matter what I say to Bob and Miriam won't do me any good, because no one ever listens to me. Yeah...some brother in law he'd be.
Well, if he wanted to fight dirty, I was up for the challenge...
"Hello Linda, it's Helga, Olga's sister. You don't know Olga, she's Doug's fiance. I guess there's a lot about Doug you don't know. Where do I start?"
Sweat began pouring down his face when he saw my finger drawing nearer towards the redial button. All he could do was keep his cool….which he was no 5 star actor at either.
"Why are you doing this? You don't even like Olga?"
Okay, football head may deserve SOME credit for how this whole thing went down…
"When your sister's in trouble you're supposed to do something about it. It doesn't matter if you like her. You're supposed to do something."
I don't know what wealthy family he's digging his grubby paws into now, but I got him to leave ours. Sadly, I had to come up with an explanation for the runaway groom.
I handed Olga a letter 'Doug' had written about being called away on an important trip. I thought I was going easy on her. It's almost midnight and she doesn't sound any better than she would have if I had just flat out said 'HE WAS A FAKE!'
Excuse me while I go inform her of this and see if it leads to fewer sobs. Not that that's likely to happen.
