Chapter 26
Bored, Emma stared at the television which was on but muted. She had no interest in the program and preferred to listen to the noises Regina was making in the kitchen. She had been back home for two days and had been taken to dialysis by Regina in the morning and picked up again later. Even though she was always a bit drained and tired after the treatments, Emma didn't feel too bad today, at least physically; she wasn't nauseous or dizzy and judging by the state of her health, she should call that good, but she couldn't shake off the thought of how much she had deteriorated. Even on good days like this one, she was quickly exhausted and barely efficient. The fact that the next day was her birthday and she had to go back to the hospital for ten days just one day after that felt like a bad joke. She would have loved to help Regina with the meal preparations to feel at least a little needed, but her girlfriend had made it clear that it would be better if she took it easy. So she had sat back on the sofa and stared ahead. A little help would definitely have done Regina some good. Emma didn't know if she thought she was a superhero, because despite the fact that she had asked her several times not to take on so much work, she did the exact opposite and, to make things worse, hardly slept at all. The fact that Emma was not completely innocent of this was wearing her down tremendously. When Regina wasn't driving her to various treatments and doctor's appointments, she had to take care of her at home, since her general condition barely allowed her to manage on her own anymore.
Emma's thoughts were cut by a loud clang that made her wince slightly. "Regina? Are you all right?" she called out. The fact that she received no answer increased her nervousness immeasurably. Slowly, Emma rose from the sofa and went to the kitchen, where all color drained from her face. "Regina!"
The brunette was lying on the floor, her eyes were closed and she didn't move. A puddle of blood was forming around her right hand, steadily increasing in size.
"Regina, wake up!" Emma shouted excitedly before she made sure she was breathing normally and then looked at the wound from which the blood was running.
A deep cut stretched across Regina's palm. Judging by the shards, she had collapsed with a plate in her hand and had torn her skin open on the sharp fragments.
Hastily, Emma grabbed the first thing she could catch, the dish towel, and tied it tightly around Regina's hand to reduce the bleeding. "Regina, come on, wake up," she whispered again, stroking her girlfriend's hair back from her forehead. Emma was about to do what she always would have done in this situation: lift Regina up in her arms, carefully put her in the car and drive her to the emergency room. Suddenly, however, she realized that she couldn't do that, that she herself was completely helpless and useless and only this realization made her lose her nerve. Tears welled up in her eyes. "Henry!" she cried in a panic before remembering that her son wasn't there because he was staying over at a friend's house. "Okay, okay, I can handle this," Emma encouraged herself, struggling to take calm breaths and looking around. Without further ado, she pulled up a chair and lifted Regina's feet onto it. She then fished her smartphone from her pants pocket and dialed 911. Emma was so excited that her voice quivered as she answered the questions on the phone.
Just as she was assured that an ambulance was on its way and ended the call, Regina slowly opened her eyes and looked around in confusion. "Emma... what...?" she breathed, trying to get her bearings.
"Regina, thank God!" it escaped Emma, who felt a huge weight fall from her heart when her girlfriend regained consciousness.
"What happened?" Regina asked, trying to sit up, but Emma immediately pushed her back down by the shoulder.
"No, no, no, don't get up," she said, stroking her cheek, into which some color was slowly returning. "You fainted," she then answered her, squeezing her uninjured hand. "Don't worry, help is on the way. I've called an ambulance."
"Emma... No ambulance... I'm fine," Regina groaned, who tried to sit up again, but this time was apparently forced by her dizziness to lie down again. "I'm sorry," she added in a choked voice as she tried to hold back her tears.
"You're sorry? For what?" Emma asked, stroking her.
"I didn't mean for you to worry like that," she replied, looking at the makeshift bandage on her hand, through which blood was already soaking.
"I think you fell into the shards," Emma commented as Regina looked at her with a questioning expression.
The brunette took a deep breath. "I'm sure it's just a scratch, I don't want to go to the hospital," she repeated, as the emergency vehicle's siren could already be heard clearly.
"That's a pretty deep cut, Regina. Besides, you were unconscious for a few minutes," Emma pointed out.
"I can't go to the hospital!" Regina repeated with an urgency that brooked no dissent. "I just can't! I can't leave you here alone!"
Emma's shoulders slumped almost imperceptibly. It had come to that by now. Regina felt that she needed a babysitter around the clock. "I'm a big girl, Regina," she said almost tonelessly before she got up to go open the front door for the paramedics.
Emma leaned in the doorway to the kitchen and watched everything closely while Regina was lifted, under protest, onto the gurney, where they put a venous line in and hooked up an IV to it, checked her blood pressure and hooked her up to a monitor that recorded her ECG.
"I'm fine, you don't have to take me," she said in another feeble attempt as they brought her to their car. "I haven't eaten anything yet today; it was just my circulation."
"That's for the doctors at the hospital to decide, Ms. Mills," one of the paramedics replied.
Emma took a step aside to stay out of their way and then just briefly placed her hand again on the blanket Regina had been wrapped in. "I'll be fine, please stop stressing about it," Emma asked softly, looking her firmly in the eye. "I'll see you around."
Regina, however, looked like she was going to burst into tears at any moment and couldn't manage a reply.
"Thank you," Emma addressed the paramedics before they left the house with Regina in their midst. The blonde remained standing in the front doorway with her arms wrapped tightly around her body for the ten minutes until they left, before moving back inside and taking a seat on the sofa with shaking hands. It took her a few moments to calm down. Seeing Regina like this had been one of the worst experiences she had ever had to go through in her life, even though her teenage years had been anything but easy. Suddenly she understood Regina's constant worry about her all the better; it was not a rational fear that plagued her, for one did not remain rational with the person one loved. After composing herself a bit, she packed a small bag with the most necessary things and then called Zelena.
"You really can't be left alone for five minutes!" Zelena said as she entered the examination room in the emergency room where Regina was lying.
"Zelena!" it escaped Regina with relief. "Can you please check on Emma?" The past hour had nearly driven her insane. Of course, her girlfriend had been fine when they had taken her away, but she knew how quickly that could change.
"I just came from your place. She packed you some things," Zelena explained, setting the bag down. "She's doing fine. She's on the sofa resting while she waits for news."
Regina took a deep breath and let her head sink back on the gurney. After a brief physical examination, her blood had been drawn. Still, the monitor incessantly recorded her heartbeat while she received additional oxygen via nasal cannula. When it had become clear that she was stable, they had stitched her cut under local anesthesia and applied a bandage. "I don't plan to stay here," she said a moment later, looking at the bag.
Zelena raised an eyebrow and eyed her sister. "You should probably let the doctors decide about that. You don't look well at all."
"Thanks for the compliment," the brunette nodded, taking a deep breath. "I just haven't eaten yet and only drank very little."
"Yes, and worked half the night and pretty much didn't sleep in the complete last week. Regina, that's what you get for it. You can't go on like this!" Zelena said in a worried voice.
Before Regina could answer, the door opened and Whale came into the examination room. "Zelena," he nodded briefly to the redhead in greeting. "How are you feeling in the meantime, Regina?"
"Fine, I've been fine all along. Can I go now?" she asked, sitting up on the gurney, which made the monitor beep.
Whale turned off the alarm sound with a simple push of a button and sat on a swivel stool next to the gurney. "There's good news. Based on ECG and labs, we can rule out a heart attack."
"That's what I've been saying all along!" Regina snorted, rolling her eyes.
"Nevertheless," Whale interrupted her, "your ECG is not okay, Regina. You have cardiac arrhythmia, which was probably the cause of the syncope. I would like to hospitalize you for clarification."
Immediately, Regina shook her head. "Absolutely not." With that, she pulled the nasal cannula off her face and swung her legs off the gurney. "I have to go home now, Emma's alone, Henry's with friends," she said jumpy as she single-handedly removed the electrodes from her torso.
Zelena put a hand on her sister's shoulder to prevent her from getting up and looked anxiously at Whale. She hated the guy, but for once she agreed with him.
"I can't keep you here against your will, of course," Whale nodded. "And it's no secret how much you have on your plate right now, so the arrhythmias are most likely stress-related. But the only way to tell for sure is after further examinations."
"I don't have time for further examinations," Regina stated, who was already losing color again from sitting for so long. "I got sick for a moment, I fell over and hurt my hand. You fixed that and now I'm going to go home."
"What will Emma say?" Zelena then asked quickly. "Do you think she'll be okay with it? That you're killing yourself for her?"
"Don't exaggerate," Regina replied, rolling her eyes.
"I'm not exaggerating. Today it may have been just a harmless collapse, but don't you hear what he's saying? You have arrhythmia and it's not just going to go away because you want it to so badly," she said, looking her urgently in the eye. "You need to shift down a gear and you need to do it for Emma and, most importantly, for yourself."
Regina fell silent, shivering as she wrapped her arms around her half-exposed torso, which was no longer covered by the blanket in the sitting position.
"I have a suggestion," Whale said. "You may go home if you assure me that you will rest. And we'll do a long-term ECG and blood pressure measurement to rule out an organic cause for the arrhythmias."
"She'll rest, I'll make sure of that, don't worry," Zelena nodded immediately, from whose mouth the words sounded almost like a threat.
Regina remained silent for a while at first, before finally nodding slowly. "All right. Do what you want to do."
Over the next half hour, while Whale finished the discharge paperwork, a nurse put the wires on Regina for the measurements and then helped her back into her top.
The brunette couldn't remember ever being as exhausted as she was at that moment. Moreover, the local anesthesia was wearing off and her hand was beginning to hurt. While the nurse explained what she should watch out for and gave her painkillers for the next few days, she just nodded now and then let her sister help her into her jacket.
"Here's your papers," Whale finally said as he entered the room one more time. "I'll see you on Monday for a wound check and to evaluate the recorded measurements."
Regina nodded and slid off the gurney. She didn't even have the strength to protest against the wheelchair Zelena placed next to her, but wordlessly let herself sink into it. As her sister pushed her to her car, Regina kept her eyes closed and then dropped weakly into the passenger seat.
"We've been telling you for weeks that this is all going to be too much for you. Why don't you listen to us?" Zelena asked, who slid behind the wheel after taking the wheelchair back to the emergency room.
Regina sighed and turned her head away from her. "Anything but a lecture now," she pleaded.
Zelena fell silent and focused on the road.
"Where's Robin?", Regina then wanted to know abruptly.
"Ruby is watching her," Zelena explained, looking over at her sister. "I'll pick her up in the evening."
"It's just about noon," Regina said, shaking her head. "You don't have to orientate your whole day to me."
"I'll make sure you don't lift another finger today. And before you get upset again: My decision stands and there's nothing you can do about it."
Regina nodded and accepted it without comment. She was just glad they had let her go when her house came into view.
Zelena parked the car and helped her little sister get out, who leaned exhaustedly against her and immediately called for Emma as they entered the entrance hall.
"Regina!" Boundless relief resonated in that one word as the blonde came out of the living room and put her arms around her girlfriend. "Thank you," she whispered to Zelena over her shoulder.
The redhead nodded and took the packed bag upstairs to the bedroom.
"How are you doing? What did they say?", Emma immediately wanted to know when they were alone.
Regina shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. "Everything's okay, don't worry about it."
"That's not an answer, Regina!" Emma complained.
"Can we settle this later?" Regina looked at her pleadingly with tired eyes. "I'll tell you everything later, I promise."
Emma realized abruptly that Regina wasn't feeling well at all and nodded in concern. "Yeah, okay," she agreed and put her arm around Regina's waist to accompany her to the living room. As she helped her girlfriend lie down on the sofa and spread a blanket over her, she really noticed for the first time how much Regina had changed. Her complexion had been pale for days, while dark circles lay under her eyes. She had also lost weight and not just a little, but visibly. Her wrists were barely thicker than her own and that was saying something. With a lump in her throat, Emma stroked her hair.
"You must be hungry. Can you grab some fruit for now? I'll finish cooking right after I've rested for a moment," Regina asked softly, who visibly had to force herself to open her eyes one more time.
Shaking her head, Emma squeezed her hand and returned her gaze. "You're not doing anything today except relaxing. I won't starve," she assured her, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Go to sleep now, okay? Zelena will be there if I need anything, won't she?" She said the last part merely to reassure Regina and fortunately it seemed to reach her.
Slowly she nodded and allowed herself to close her eyes. Only moments later, her slow, steady breaths indicated that she had fallen asleep.
Emma took a deep breath to calm her nerves and then rose. Quietly, she closed the living room door behind her so that her and Zelena's voices, or Henry's if he came home, wouldn't wake Regina. After almost two weeks of Regina barely sleeping, it was no wonder she was in this state now.
"Are you all right?" Zelena wanted to know, who was just coming back down the stairs.
Emma nodded and grabbed her forehead with one hand. "I am now. Zelena, she looks terrible. What's wrong with her?"
"Come on," Zelena only said, who nodded in the direction of the kitchen. After Emma took a seat at the table, she fixed her a cup of tea and pushed it to her.
"Thank you," the blonde said softly, who kept staring at the spot on the floor where she had mopped up Regina's blood and collected the shards less than an hour ago.
"It was a sudden faintness, but her heart isn't beating regularly either. Whale thinks stress-related," Zelena finally informed her succinctly about the results of the examination. "At least she didn't have a heart attack as we feared."
"Is she even well enough to be here? Shouldn't she be monitored in the hospital?", Emma then wanted to know worriedly. This was all her fault. Regina was wearing herself out for her and only a complete breakdown could stop her.
"As long as she rests, yes," Zelena nodded. "Don't worry, I'll stay here and make sure she doesn't overexert herself."
"This is my fault," Emma finally spoke her thoughts aloud. "This never would have happened if I didn't stress her out so much."
"Emma, this is not your fault. Stop telling yourself that," Zelena immediately responded determinedly. "Regina is just like that... She thinks she has to do everything perfectly and gets way too worked up about it. Does she worry about you? Yes, she does, incredibly. Is someone forcing her to take on so much extra work? No, she chose that herself. All I'm saying is, hopefully this was a wake-up call for her. She's only human and right now both of your well-being is paramount, everything else can wait."
Emma didn't reply, but spun her cup back and forth on the table in an agitated manner. "She's wearing herself out for me," she whispered, shaking her head. "I can't let this go on any longer."
For a while, Zelena eyed her sister-in-law wordlessly before wrapping her fingers around Emma's that were nervously toying with the cup, waiting for her to look at her. "I'll take care of her, I promise. Both of you, if necessary. She needs to see for herself that she's taken on too much. If we put pressure on her, it's only more likely she'll think she can handle anything."
"I have my next chemo cycle next week," Emma said quietly. "If that one is half as bad as the previous one, I won't be able to help her one bit. As long as I'm in the hospital, that's fine, but as soon as I'm discharged, I just give her work to do again. And as if that wasn't enough, now I have to go on dialysis every other day."
"Robin likes being with you, she won't mind staying here," Zelena said dryly, squeezing her hand. "I'll be there if you need me, you can be sure of that," she said more seriously again. "And who knows... We do not hope so, but if it does turn out that Regina is seriously ill, things will be different anyway. But until we know for sure, there's no point in dwelling on speculation." She took a deep breath and pushed a curly strand of hair behind her ear. Just the thought that her sister might be sick really was taking her breath away.
Emma felt the same way, for that matter. "That's so not right. I'm the one who's sick. I'm the one who might die. But not Regina!" Her somber thoughts caused her to let her face sink into her hands. She could handle being sick and possibly losing the fight. But she could not deal with possibly losing Regina.
