Hello, everyone!

I would like to explicitly point out the trigger warnings again before this chapter. From now on it will be pretty rough and since I'm not a fan of glossed over scenes, there may be some very detailed descriptions.

Thank you for continuing to read along so loyally! Thanks especially to my reviewers!

Feel free to drop me a line if you continue to enjoy the story!

Happy reading!


Chapter 29

Far too early the next morning, Regina's alarm clock shrilled, eliciting a groan as she pulled her arm out from under Emma to silence the device on her nightstand.

"No," Emma muttered with her eyes still closed, pulling the covers over her head.

Regina levered herself up on her elbow and stroked the spot where she suspected Emma's arm was. "I'm afraid, yes," she whispered, taking a deep breath. It was still very early, she had planned plenty of time, never knowing how her girlfriend would feel in the morning. Gently, she pulled the blanket off Emma's face and placed a kiss on her forehead. "How did you sleep?"

"Sleeping is the only thing I can always do," the blonde said, opening her tired eyes to look at Regina. "And you?"

A wry grin settled on Regina's lips before she shook her head. "Hardly at all." Gently, she stroked the leather bracelet on Emma's wrist and looked up at her questioningly.

Emma's gaze softened as she looked at it. "From Henry for my birthday," she then explained, taking a deep breath. "I almost broke my vow."

"What vow?" Regina's eyebrow shot up questioningly.

"I swore to myself that I would never cry in front of him. Not for my sake," she countered, then shook her head. "Anyway. We have to go, don't we?"

"Not until I give you my present," Regina agreed, pulling open the drawer of her nightstand, from which she pulled out a box similar to the one Henry had given Emma.

"Did you two agree?", Emma wanted to know jokingly and took it, while her face became serious again and she looked deep into her eyes. "Thank you."

"You don't know what's inside yet," Regina pointed out.

Emma smiled slightly and looked at her girlfriend, who looked all the more adorable with her hair tousled from sleep and tired eyes, for a moment longer before she set about opening the box. "This is..."

"...a pendant for your necklace," Regina finished her sentence, nodding toward the silver jewelry Emma never took off.

A plain silver apple with a small crown sitting on it dangled between Emma's thumb and forefinger, and before taking off her necklace to attach the pendant to it, she pressed a kiss to it. "Now I'll always have you with me," she whispered, already feeling those irritating tears burning in her eyes again.

"You don't need a pendant for that," Regina countered, tenderly placing a hand on her chest, right over the spot where her heart was pounding wildly, while her gaze melted into Emma's. "But I'm glad if you like it."

"I do. Thank you," the blonde repeated in a whisper and stretched her face toward Regina to give her a firm kiss on the lips.

With a heavy heart, Regina broke the kiss after a few moments and squeezed Emma's hand. Her gaze dropped as she whispered, "It's time."

Emma braced herself for the day with a deep breath and finally nodded. "You're right. Let's get up." As much as she loathed the thought, she wanted even less to get stressed out and give Regina even more reason to overwork herself.


When Emma entered the kitchen after her bathroom visit, Regina had already set the table and dished up all sorts of food and drinks. "Wow, are you expecting anyone else?", Emma wanted to know in shock.

"No, but I want you to be able to choose at your last breakfast at home for now," the brunette replied, turning to her. "Fancy jacket, is it new? Goes great with your eyes," she noted, noticing the green sweat jacket Emma was wearing with her jeans.

A grin flitted across Emma's face before she turned around.

Regina's eyes widened in horror as she could then see the huge picture of a hand giving everyone the finger which was printed on the back. "What the..."

"A gift from your sister," Emma said, sitting down in her seat with a laugh. "At first I thought this is to let me know what she thinks of me. But then she explained to me that I should give cancer the finger. So, I figured today was the perfect day to wear it."

Regina raised a hand defensively and shook her head, making her look like a lawyer in court in the business suit she was wearing that day. "Don't think I'm letting myself be seen with you like this! You can put that thing on for all I care when you're lying on the couch and the front door is locked!"

"You're telling me what I can wear now?" Emma smirked, tilting her head. "Am I incapacitated?"

Snorting, Regina placed a cup of tea in front of Emma and an extra strong coffee in front of herself.

"Don't worry, I just wanted to see your face. It's impractical for the hospital anyway because the sleeves are so tight," the blonde reassured her immediately after, placing her hand over Regina's.

Regina then looked up at her and shook her head. "Emma, you really can wear whatever you want. I'm sorry." She sighed and ran her hand over her forehead.

"Do you have a headache?", Emma immediately wanted to know seriously again at this gesture.

Slowly, she shook her head and returned Emma's gaze. "I'm just nervous."

"I'm sure there's nothing wrong. You just have a limit after all, just like everyone else," the blonde countered.

"It's not about me," Regina replied, "I just hope so much that you get over this cycle okay."

"Don't worry about me, bad weeds grow tall," she waved it off and put her empty cup in the dishwasher.

"Aren't you eating anything?"

Emma shook her head. "I guess I'll regret the tea already."

Regina didn't retort anything more, but she wondered how she wasn't supposed to worry about her girlfriend after such a statement. "Then let's get going. Maybe we'll get lucky at this hour and not have to wait too long in the emergency room."

"Yeah, fine by me," Emma replied, who went into the foyer and grabbed a loose sweatshirt from the laundry basket in the broom closet, which she swapped with the jacket.

"That's the basket of unironed laundry, Emma," Regina's voice sounded behind her.

"I know," Emma nodded, brushing the hood off her head that had gotten stuck there when she got dressed. "I'll be in bed, it doesn't have to be non-crease for that."

Regina said nothing more, but instead put on her street clothes, just as Emma had.

Emma sensed that she had blindsided Regina with her statement, but she also noticed how her own spirits continued to sink by the minute. She nervously played with the apple pendant on her necklace before slipping it under her top and zipping up her anorak.


The two spent the drive to the hospital in near silence, and while Regina stared stoically at the road ahead and her knuckles turned white on the steering wheel, Emma chewed on her lower lip and watched early walkers on the sidewalks.

Just a few weeks ago she had been among them, working out on her morning jog; now she was so weakened that she didn't even drive herself. "Please don't forget to text me as soon as you find out about your results," Emma demanded as Regina pulled into the hospital parking lot. It didn't escape her notice that she parked extra close to the entrance to minimize the walking distance.

"I won't forget," Regina reassured her, putting her arm around Emma's shoulders as they entered the hospital together, her uninjured hand carrying Emma's bag.

"Good morning, Ms. Mills, Ms. Swan," the nurse behind the reception desk nodded to the two as they signed in.

"Hi," Emma said, who slid her referral to her and desperately tried not to let her anxiety show, which she apparently didn't do too well, because in the very next moment she felt Regina's fingers slide into hers and squeeze them gently.

The nurse reached for the referral and gave it a quick glance. "All right, you can announce yourself directly upstairs at Ward E," she informed her.

"Thank you," Emma replied monosyllabic and reached for her bag, which Regina had set down on the floor.

"I'll take you there," the brunette said, who wanted to take the bag from her.

Emma shook her head. "I'll go by myself. You take care of yourself now, okay?"

"Why don't I come right back down afterwards and..."

"I'll go by myself," Emma repeated, looking her firmly in the eye before her gaze softened and she put a hand to her cheek. She was completely aware of the look on the nurse's face and immediately she had to think again about how everyone seemed to think Regina had a heart of stone and no feelings. "I'll be fine. Just let me do this on my own. Please."

Regina nestled her cheek in Emma's palm and closed her eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath and nodding slowly. "Okay," she whispered, pulling Emma close to her. She didn't care at all that they were standing right in front of the nurse and that the waiting area wasn't completely empty either. "I love you, don't forget about that."

"I never would," Emma nodded and gave her a brief but loving kiss before heading for the elevators, leaving Regina in the ER.

Again, Regina took a deep breath and then turned to the nurse again. "I was supposed to come in today and have my hand looked at," she said, raising her right arm briefly. "And Dr. Whale wanted to discuss the results from the long-term ECG with me."

"I see. Yes, you are noted, Ms. Mills. If you would please take a seat for a moment, you will be called," she nodded, gesturing to the waiting area.

Regina nodded, picked up her purse and settled into one of the plastic chairs. After being forced to spend so much time in waiting rooms and hospital rooms, she didn't even mind sitting uncomfortably. Lost in thought, she stared into space while her fingers played non-stop with the zipper of her bag. She knew Emma wasn't pushing her away with her behavior, she was trying to maintain her independence, but still it gnawed at her that she couldn't be with her, even though she knew exactly how upset she was. Regina got so caught up in her black thoughts that she barely noticed how the waiting room emptied over the next few hours and she was finally called. Hastily, she picked up her bag and the coat she had laid over the chair beside her and entered the exam room of which a nurse held the door open for her.

"Good morning, Madam Mayor," Whale greeted her, sitting on his swivel stool beside the gurney and entering data into the computer. "Have a seat."

The nurse left the room and closed the door behind her, whereupon Regina took a seat on the gurney for lack of a chair. "How's things?" she immediately wanted to know.

"No need to rush," Whale replied, opening Regina's patient file on the PC, which he read for a while before finally turning his attention to her. "How are you doing?"

"Actually, I thought you'd tell me," she returned, raising a brow.

Whale smirked wryly and shrugged. "As I suspected, your symptoms are obviously due to stress. The ECG was unremarkable except for the arrhythmias, though your blood pressure was persistently slightly elevated." A smug grin stole onto his lips. "And there were some minor irregularities in the middle of the night...that you probably don't want to tell me about?!"

Regina appraised him with a murderous look. "I have a private life, Whale. You can only dream of that," she countered, then became more businesslike again. "Now that we've cleared that up, what's next?" Regina wanted to know tensely.

"I'm going to prescribe you a medication called a beta-blocker, which will make your heart beat more rhythmically and lower your blood pressure. However, we will have to adjust the exact dosage over the course of the next few weeks," he explained.

Annoyed, Regina looked at him. "Pills? Isn't there another option?"

"Actually, there is," he countered, running a hand through his bleached hair. "The best treatment would be simple stress reduction. Your heart is basically healthy and would recover on its own. I'd be happy to refer you to Dr. Hopper to teach you some relaxation exercises."

"You want me to go to the cricket? I'm not crazy!" Regina immediately became indignant and slid off the gurney. "Thank you very much, but I'd rather take the pills then."

"That has absolutely nothing to do with you being crazy. Think about it, Regina. We'll start you on the meds, but you should still consider paying Archie a visit."

"Yeah, all right. So that's it?" Regina asked, not really taking him seriously.

"Almost. As soon as I've had a look at your hand, you may go," Whale nodded, pointing promptly to the side table where she was to place her arm.

Since she had no other choice, Regina took her seat again and did as she was told, but without looking at him. She wanted to put distance between herself and the hospital as soon as possible, but since that wasn't possible because of Emma, she wanted to put plenty of distance between herself and Whale, after all.

"Everything looks good," the doctor said after removing the bandage, disinfecting the suture and applying a fresh bandage. "Please come back in five days and we'll decide when we can remove the stitches."

Nodding, Regina reached for her purse. She had only been listening with half an ear and now also rather half-heartedly took the prescription for the drugs and the referral to Archie from him. "Thank you," she mumbled as she left the exam room and then stood somewhat lost in the emergency room. She hadn't realized at all how long she had actually waited and was now surprised to find that it was already almost noon. For a moment she thought about actually texting Emma like she had asked her to, but then preferred to go to the elevators to talk to her in person.

When she arrived at Ward E, she inquired about Emma's room number and knocked a little later. Receiving no answer, she pushed open the door without further ado and peered into the hospital room. The bed was empty, but she heard gagging sounds coming from the bathroom, so she opened that door as well.

Emma knelt in front of the open toilet, one arm draped over the toilet seat, the other wrapped protectively around her middle as if she could calm her stomach that way. The IV stand with the drug pump was next to her.

"Emma, it's me," Regina whispered, trying not to startle her and gently placed a hand on her shoulder.

"What are you doing here?", Emma pressed out between two coughing fits. She had expected a nurse to check her blood pressure, but not her girlfriend. Tears, formed by all the vomiting, stood in her eyes as she looked at Regina out of red-rimmed eyes for a brief moment before turning away abruptly as she threw up again.

Regina returned to the hospital room for a short moment, where she placed her bag and coat on a chair and then crouched down in the tiny bathroom next to her, holding her hair out of her face with one hand and gently stroking her back with the other.

"I'm fine," Emma finally gasped, shaking her hands off lightly. She was more than uncomfortable with Regina seeing her like this. She weakly grabbed the edge of the sink to pull herself to her feet, but she was so wobbly she never would have made it if Regina hadn't supported her with an arm around her waist. Emma rinsed her mouth out, then wordlessly grabbed the IV stand and went in slow motion, Regina at her side, back to her bed, where she dropped down and slipped back under the covers, shivering with cold. "Regina, what are you doing here?" she repeated her question. Her complexion wasn't just pale, but unhealthily gray, and she was trying hard not to look too dead beat. "Sorry I... You know I don't like it when you come here unannounced during chemo," she quietly explained her response, taking a deep breath. While over the first ten days of chemo her condition had steadily worsened, this time she had reached the full extent of side effects after only two hours.

"I'm sorry. But I felt it inappropriate to text you when I'm here anyway," Regina explained, taking a seat next to Emma on the edge of the bed. "Are you as bad as you seem?" she wanted to know with a deeply furrowed brow, reaching out and taking her hand in hers.

"I'm fine," Emma replied wearily, swallowing dryly. "What about you? What did Whale say?" she then immediately wanted to know, hoping she wasn't here because she didn't want to put bad news in a text message.

"Everything's fine," Regina nodded.

With a raised brow, Emma looked at her challengingly.

Regina rolled her eyes and looked away from her. "Whale prescribed me pills for the arrhythmia."

"Then it's not from stress, is it?" she immediately wanted to know in alarm and sat up in bed, which made her instantly contort her face.

Gently, Regina pushed her back into her pillow and stroked her hair. "Stay down, it's all right, like I said." She paused, knowing she couldn't calm Emma down until she told her everything. "It's stress-related," she began, then hesitated again. "He wants me to go to Archie's."

"And you don't want to." It wasn't a question; Emma knew Regina well enough to know she didn't want that kind of help.

"I just don't think it's going to do me any good. I'm not crazy in my head!" she got upset again.

Emma shook her head and squeezed her hand. "No one thinks you're crazy."

"Whale obviously does!"

"No," Emma interrupted her, "he just wants to help you, too. And I'm sure Archie can. After all, Henry was with him too, and he thought of him more as a friend."

Regina hesitated for a while before looking at Emma again. "Maybe I'll reconsider if you talk to Archie sometime, too."

"Why should I?", Emma wanted to know, looking at her in wonder.

The brunette swallowed; Heart had clearly told her not to push Emma and act on her suspicions that she might be depressed, but she didn't want to keep secrets from her. "Heart suspects you of being depressed. And I've also noticed several times that you've changed and sometimes react in ways that are out of character for you."

"Aha," Emma said in the first moment only tonelessly, before she turned away from Regina and vomited into the kidney bowl that had been on her nightstand just a moment before. Coughing, she spat out the bilious remains of her stomach contents and then fell back in her bed, exhausted and shaking.

"What can I do?" Regina excitedly wanted to know, who had jumped up from her seat and was now pacing around Emma's bed, completely startled.

"Nothing," Emma whispered, whose throat and mouth by now felt as if she had drunk acid. "Yeah, it's really surprising that I'm not acting like my usual self," she then said with a wry grin pressing the nurse call button before Regina could protest.

"That's not meant to be an accusation, Emma," Regina stated calmly. "It's just that unfortunately your behavior at times very much fits the symptoms of depression. I'm just trying to help you, that's all."

Before Emma could answer, the nurse she had called came in.

"I'm sorry," Emma said, embarrassed, nodding toward the bowl. "I couldn't have made it to the bathroom."

"Don't be sorry," Maureen assured her again, setting a fresh bowl down for her while she disposed of the old one. "Are you sure you don't want me to let Dr. Heart know? Maybe you'd feel better with a different anti-nausea drug," she suggested.

"No, that's not necessary, thank you very much," Emma replied, squeezing Regina's hand as she noticed her already catching her breath to say something, whereupon she really kept silent. "I've already tried them all," she explained when they were back among themselves. "My body reacts extremely with nausea to chemo and there's no reason to bother the doctor when we've already tried everything. Plus, the condition of my kidneys isn't making it any better."

"You've already tried everything in the past three hours?" Regina asked incredulously.

"This isn't my first chemo," Emma reminded her, closing her eyes in exhaustion. "Listen, I'd really like to be alone for a bit right now... Please don't be mad at me. And this isn't a symptom of depression either, I just want some rest, that's all." It was exhausting to have to justify her feelings now and as much as she liked having Regina around, she just couldn't at the moment. Besides, her attitude hadn't changed and she categorically refused to let Regina see her when her body was on strike and she was feeling as bad as she was at the moment.

"Of course... And please forget that I brought it up," Regina pleaded, brushing her hair back from her face. "If you do want to talk later, just call."

"Sure," Emma nodded, glancing briefly at the syringe of ominous yellowish solution and wishing she hadn't as it reminded her once again of what she faced over the next nine days. "Take care of yourself and don't work anymore today," she begged, looking into Regina's dark eyes.

Regina nodded and stroked Emma's arm briefly before pulling the covers up under her chin and standing up. "See you, love."

"See you." Emma followed Regina with her gaze to the door and then closed her eyes. She wanted nothing more than for all of this to pass and for her to be herself again, not for her own sake, but to give Regina the life she deserved. At that moment she would have liked to just sleep, she was so infinitely tired. But the biting cold that ate at her bones wouldn't let her fall asleep, and so she merely kept her eyes closed while her fingers, trembling with cold, closed around her necklace.