Entry 43: Love and Cheese
Is love really complicated or just plain unfair?
I was putting away my tray of food in the cafeteria (that I shockingly had money for) when football head decides staring at Little Miss Perfect is more important than keeping his eyes on the road.
ARNOLD!
Sorry Helga.
I mean, why don't you watch where you're going football head?!
I'm just in a hurry because…
Because why?
Because there's something really important I have to take care of.
Important? What could be more important to my beloved than the safety and well being of everyone in this messed up town…
LILA!
What is it with him and Ms Goody Two Shoes? Does he not have enough good inside himself already? Why does he need a sap like her to go along with him?
I sat there on the floor overhearing his sad attempt to invite her to the cheese fair. If the girl didn't want to see a movie with him, why would she want to be alone all night at a festival with him?
Pttss...don't ask me how peoples' minds work.
I suppose it could be fun?
Great! I'll see you tomorrow!
I guess an even bigger question would be, what made me think Arnold would want to be with me if he knew I was behind half the aggressive moves made that night? Ms Goody Two Shoes was the type of thing that attracted him, then I spent the night showing my aggressive side.
Football head's first attempt to impress Ms Perfect was winning her a stuffed animal she insisted was irresistibly adorable.
Well I took care of that. All I had to do was glue the stack of pins together before he had a chance to blow his cash.
After seeing him fail one by one, the pathetic sap at the stand hands him a turtle saying he felt sorry for him. Not that I wasn't happy, but it seems after wasting the money he had, the guy would have handed over the bear if he REALLY felt sorry for him. Sheesh!
Not only that, I hear Little Ms Perfect say
Oh it's a turtle! My absolute favorite! I'm allergic to stuffed animals anyway!
She informs him of that AFTER seeing him blow his money? Yet, football head finds her manipulative side irresistible for crying out loud.
Although they may not have known I was responsible for blowing football head's money at the stand, I didn't exactly act irresistible once the bumper cars came along.
All I wanted to do was make Ms Mary Sunshine look like a drag. Instead I made myself look more evil than I appeared to be to begin with.
Did that change her mind about him? Pttss… what are you kidding?
Sorry about the ride Lila.
Oh it was just fine Arnold.
But we got slammed?
But the important thing is you didn't get into violent temptation like all the other children. I'm so impressed!
Impressed? If his sweet attitude wasn't enough to pry them apart, I was just going to have to do it myself.
After hearing her hesitation about going on the Tilt-A-Whirl, doing to get a little queasy on the big rides, that wasn't hard to fix.
Hey Mister, a lot of the kids are complaining about how slow the ride is. They say you should crank it up.
Apparently it didn't matter if football head was right, all he had to do was be his normal concerned self the moment he saw her getting sick.
The ride never used to go that fast, I don't know what happened?
It's so sweet you don't mind that I threw up on you!
Apparently my love's one final attempt to win her over was The Tunnel Of Love. First Ms Perfect talks about how much she's thought about going on it, then she acts all hesitant about it. What a buffoon!
Well, I fixed her wagon, or should I say boat, good. All I had to do was make a few adjustments in her boat. Before they knew it, Ms Mary Sunshine was getting her first swimming lesson!
In the end, all that did was make my beloved once again look like a hero to her. Especially after seeing the water was only three feet deep.
You were just ever so brave Arnold!
Are you trying to tell me that maybe you're starting to like me - like me?
Well, I guess what I'm saying is before I just liked you, but now I really, really like you!
But you still don't like me - like me?
Well to be just perfectly honest, no.
While I wonder why there will ever be a chance of Arnold liking me if I continue acting the way I do, an even bigger question is, how can that freak NOT like him after seeing what a sweet, loving, generous person he is?
Wonders never cease.
